


at least hold my hand while you drag me through hell

by multifanwho



Category: Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Enemies to Lovers, F/F, Human AU, Miscommunication, Misunderstandings, OH WAIT THIS IS BASICALLY 'WHAT IS THIS FEELING' FROM WICKED, Teacher AU, bi!yaz, how to describe this one, never mind this is not as slow of a slow burn as i thought it would be, there's nice stuff too i promise, two idiots who are crushing on each other but are mistaking it for hate
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-11
Updated: 2020-10-17
Packaged: 2021-03-02 17:47:49
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 20
Words: 154,609
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24130819
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/multifanwho/pseuds/multifanwho
Summary: Yaz Khan is the new PE teacher at the same school as the aloof, secretive, mad-scientist Doctor Jess Smith. Within a matter of moments of knowing each other Yaz is put on edge by the Doctor especially after everything her colleagues have told her about the unreadable woman. Can the two teachers keep it professional or will their feelings about each other cause issues for students, staff, their jobs and each other?(This work has nothing to do with the actresses that portray these characters on screen, this is based off of descriptions of the characters alone. The actresses are real people with real lives and families that are just doing their jobs, please remember to stay respectful)
Relationships: Thasmin - Relationship, Thirteen/Yaz, Thirteenth Doctor/Yasmin Khan
Comments: 257
Kudos: 393





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> not be doing another au set in an education setting

The atmosphere in the restaurant set Yasmin Khan at ease straight away. She can’t remember the names of the people she’s sitting with even though she’s sure she’ll learn them quickly soon considering they’re her new co-workers. Thanks to her old school mate Ryan Sinclair, who also works at the school, she knew about the job opening before anyone else and got in first. Now she’s here, watching everyone getting a little bit too drunk considering it’s the first day of term tomorrow, listening to them laugh and joke and try to include her as much as possible. They’re sweet people and Yaz can see herself getting along with them, it’s just that a nice meal out isn’t going to make bonds happen straight away.

Danny Pink, the head of the department and the only name Yaz can remember, stands and taps his beer bottle with the spoon he’ll soon use to eat the ice cream he’s ordered.

“Alright, okay everyone. A toast to another year of ‘sir, I’ve forgotten my kit’ and ‘can all three of my friends come to the toilet with me and disappear for half an hour’.” There’s a rumble of laughter at the relatability of his examples; Yaz joining in too as all students, no matter the school, all have the same excuses. “And an extra wish of good luck to Yaz Khan who is starting with us, especially as she’s holding form time in Doctor Smith’s lab.” 

A louder more exclusive round of laughing breaks out that yaz can’t relate to. She pushes down her flush of embarrassment. 

“Should I know something about this?” Yaz says, managing to keep her voice steadier than she feels.

“Now that you’re officially part of the PE department you hate the science department with a vengeance.” Danny informs her.

“Why?” Yaz smiles, still trying to tame her confusion.

“Just an age old tradition. They don’t like us, we don’t like them.”

“They’re annoying and arrogant.” The plump brunette with age lines all around her mouth chimes in. 

“And you have your tutor group in the most frustrating scientists lab.” The six foot black haired man adds, chuckling into his gin and tonic, making Yaz’s heart rate increase. What the hell is she in for?

“Stop, you’re gonna scare her off.” The man sitting next to Yaz with long blonde hair that smells of strong deodorant and seasalt attempts to make his co-workers calm down. “She’s not that bad, love. You just have to get used to her.”

“Science department apologist!” Danny points at him accusingly.

“Ooooooo!” 

Driving home, Yaz is thinking through everything she’s been told tonight. Specifically about Doctor Smith. By the time she pulls up to her house she’s almost convinced herself that they’re just setting her up to think working with her is going to be horrible. Kind of like a reverse psychology in that it’s not going to be as bad as she thinks and therefore she’ll be more relaxed. However there’s still a five percent chance in her mind that this character her whole department has something to say about is going to make her life difficult. 

Entering her semi-detached house Yaz doesn’t bother flicking any lights on since she knows the path to the kitchen so well. She’s been living here since term ended for summer at her last school, having moved straight away out of the city and into the countryside. It’s the furthest she’s ever moved away from home but she’s old enough now not to need the comforts of home close at hand; be it friends, family, or her favourite Chinese take out place. Thanks to her swift move she’s settled comfortably by now and can navigate her way to the cold bottle of water in the fridge waiting for her. She pours a glass, then heads up to bed. 

Tucking herself into her covers, Yaz reaches for her phone to set her alarm for tomorrow since all staff are due early to receive a quick meeting before the students arrive. On her lit up screen she notices a good luck text from her dad and strangely from Ryan. Ignoring her dad’s words of encouragement for the moment she presses on Ryan’s text of well wishes, saying he’s looking forward to seeing her tomorrow and Yaz gets an idea. 

_ ‘Thanks mate. Is there anything you can tell me about Doctor Smith?’  _ Yaz types and sends. Within moments the three little dots telling her he’s typing back appear in the corner. 

_ ‘Bit weird tbh. Don’t call her Jessica or Miss Smith; she'll only take Doctor or Doctor Smith. I don’t really talk to her to be honest.’ _

Yaz frowns, unsatisfied with the information she’s been given.  _ ‘Is that it??’ _

_ ‘It’s hard to describe her. You’ll see. Her brother’s better to get along with if I’m honest.”  _ Ryan tells her. Before Yaz can ask what his significance is, Ryan adds another part to his text.  _ “It’s easier if I just show you tomorrow. Meet me outside the school hall at 7:15.’ _

Yaz acknowledges the plan with a thumbs up and throws her phone onto her bedside table, urging herself to get some sleep in preparation for whatever tomorrow throws at her.

* * *

The next morning Yaz rises a little earlier than she normally would to read over all the first day documents that have been emailed to her personal account. She’s more or less completely prepared for today in theory, but put a prepared adult in a classroom full of teens, or in her case a gym hall, and any plan will soon have to be altered or thrown out the window altogether. However, the structure of the day should remain and that’s enough of a guideline for Yaz. 

She gets herself some breakfast- a healthy bowl of fruit with porridge- brushes her teeth, washes her face and then gets dressed into her new uniform of a branded grey polo shirt and black leggings. Looking at herself in her mirror Yaz thinks for a moment she might just look like one of the students. Especially with her hair in plaited pigtails. It’s significant moments like this when she wishes she lived with someone. Whether it be her sister, her parents, a lover, a partner or just a cat or a dog. Hell, maybe even just a goldfish. Any of them would be nice. Just someone to talk to. Someone to tell her she suits her new work clothes or to wish her luck in person, not over text.

Catching herself yearing into the mirror, Yaz moves on to running over again and again how this new school works. Each school runs differently but something tells Yaz before she’s even started that this is going to be special. It seems too relaxed, which can easily be a gateway to chaos, although the headteacher has been then for ten years so there must be some kind of control. She knows the timings of the days, she knows how they’re going to differ today and she’s just about to refresh on how her department works when her alarm goes off telling her it’s time to leave the house. 

There’s another wave of Yaz wanting someone behind her just to say ‘see you later love’ or ‘I’ll have dinner ready for when you come home’. She pushes past it, telling herself she’s fine on her own, locks the front door behind her and heads off on the fifteen minute drive to work.

She’s been to the school before, many times for different interviews, introductions and a department bonding day, so it’s easy for her to find the school hall, especially with Ryan waiting outside the doors for her. 

“Good to see you Miss Khan.” He grins that grin that Yaz remembers from way back when. He hasn’t changed at all.

“How long has it been?” Yaz smiles back at him, genuinely pleased to see a familiar face. 

“Since we physically last saw each other at primary? About twenty years.” Ryan does the quick maths and suddenly Yaz feels very old. “Ready for your Mean Girls style introduction to notable staff members?”

“You watch mean girls enough to make a reference?” Yaz smirks.

“It’s an iconic film Yaz, don’t lower yourself.” Ryan shakes his head at her, tricking her smirk into a proper smile.

He pushes the glass door open for her but they don’t move into the room much. There are rows of chairs but despite almost every person on the payroll being here not many people are sitting down. Instead there’s hundreds of conversations going on about how everyone’s summers were, how their own kids are and so on and so on. There’s a bubbling sensation to the feeling in the air, like Yaz has stepped into a family reunion. Now it’s just a matter of Ryan pointing out who the strange uncles, cool cousins and the rich lesbian aunts are.

“Doctor Smith is that one there.” Ryan whispers and points to a woman about an inch taller than she is on the other side of the room. 

Even from this far away Yaz can sense she has a certain auror about her. The blonde bob with roots on show, the boots with socks sticking up out the top, the blue trousers, the top with the colourful stripes across it, and her smile spread across her face as she talks to a taller spikey haired man wearing converse and a brown pinstripe suit with a shorter brunette woman. Overall, she looks like a very nice person and Yaz has to wonder why she’s heard such bad things about her.

“Who’s she with?” Yaz asks.

“That’s her older brother John, he’s head of English, and the woman is English teacher Clara Oswald and she is dating…” His finger rolls in circles as he moves his arm to point at Danny Pink. “...your boss.”

“So coworker relationships are on the table.” Yaz whispers. She’s not intending to look for a relationship but it’s good to know what’s going on.

“I mean, they’re common here but she doesn’t really care. She scares me.” Ryan says in reference to head teacher Donna Noble standing at the front chatting to her head leadership team. “Not as much as he scares me though.”

“Who?” 

“The short guy standing next to her with black hair and a beard? Deputy head Omar Retsam. He tries it on with every new teacher that comes here so you’ll meet him soon enough.”

“Gross.” Yaz feels every part of her body recoil.

“We’ve tried to get rid of him but Donna won’t allow it for some reason. Oh and while we’re talking about people to look out for...” Ryan points at the group of women and men at the back to the left of them. “See the blonde one?”

“Yeah.” Yaz identifies her within the crowd. The way they’re all dressed, it looks like they’re part of the canteen team.

“That’s Rose, one of the dinner ladies, she’s the one you want to go for because she gives you extra food if you’re polite to her. She’s also dating Mr Smith. However, Bill, the woman next to her, if she doesn’t like you she’ll give you the shit food.”

“There’s really a whole system to this isn’t there.” Yaz says, amused at how this staff body works. She’s never seen anything like it. 

“Yaz!” Danny spots her from where he’s standing a few rows ahead of where they’re standing and signals her to come over. 

“Your department calls you.” Ryan says, setting her free. “I’ll meet you for lunch, yeah? Unless you have plans.”

Yaz agrees to lunch and walks over to when the rest of the staff from her department are settled together in a cluster. The whole time she’s walking down the middle split between the sections of seats there’s an astonishing feeling following her every step. She could easily blame it on the fact she’s a new and an unfamiliar face bound to attract attention but the feeling burns her skin refusing to leave her alone. Succumbing to the feeling Yaz looks around, her eyes immediately locking on to Doctor Smith who is unashamedly staring at her. A little creeped out, Yaz turns back to her own department and tries to ignore the fact she’s being watched.

“First lesson, we always sit this side during staff meetings because it’s the furthest away from science who sit over there to get away from us.” 

“It’s a proper serious feud you’ve got huh?” Yaz smiles at how ridiculous it is.

“We, Yaz, we have a proper serious feud with them.” Danny corrects her, reminding her that she belongs with them now. “What were you talking to Mr I.T support for?”

“I know him from school.” Yaz says. Danny makes a face of acceptance but doesn’t get a chance to say anything else with Miss Noble taking the stage.

“Okay let’s get started please!” The ginger woman speaks with a smile and waits to make sure everyone is either sat or have found a place around the perimeter of the wall to stand. Yaz opens her notepad along with everyone else to take notes. The act in itself- seeing the indentation of her pen from old notes she made at her last place- reminds her that this isn’t her first rodeo and gives her a burst of confidence. “Welcome back for another year. I hope you all had a good summer.”

“You too Donna!” A man’s voice shouts out from the crowd.

“Thank you Mr Smith, cheerful as always- anyway! You’ll notice a few new faces among you and I’d introduce you all but we already did that bollocks before we broke up for summer.” Donna cracks a joke and everyone laughs. Yaz can’t help but feel that she’s being included in a very specific kind of group. “This year we’ve got lots of events to look forward to. World Book Day, Halloween, new menus in the canteen and of course the event of the year, the Science versus Physical Education football match just after Christmas.” 

The science department on the other side of the room immediately burst into cheering, whooping and throwing their firsts in the air, drawing Yaz’s head around to look at them gloating like there’s no tomorrow. Staff around them laugh and some of the people around Yaz stick up some rude finger gestures in support of the PE department. Yaz feels a little stupid not realising that it’s only a friendly, joky kind of feud. Of course they don’t really hate each other and it must make working here fun, even for the spectating departments.

“They won last year.” Danny tells her over the noise.

“Yes, yes, alright we get it, you hate each other.” Donna says to calm down the rest of the staff. “Back to the present, form time activities will be emailed out the first day of every half term so they should be in your inboxes now along with the rota for break and lunch duties and the passcodes for the gates around the school. New staff, please at the end of this come up and collect your lanyards and sign for the keys to your teaching rooms. There’s going to be a fire drill in three weeks time, if anyone needs refreshing on the procedures there will be…”

Yaz listens carefully to the more serious parts of the head teachers speech, jotting down notes and important things to remember. Starting a new job always has it’s balance of excitement and nerves but as the assembly goes on, Yaz is losing confidence in herself. She can still feel her. Looking. Her eyes boring into the back of her head rather than listening to their boss. Or maybe Yaz is imagining it, she doesn’t know, she doesn’t want to turn around and make eye contact again when they haven’t even met yet. Yaz holds her ground waiting for the meeting to finally finish and collect her keys from the old Scottish janitor.

“Here’s your school ID, please wear it around your neck as much as possible and you have keys to… girls changing rooms, boys changing rooms, sports hall, PE department safe, PE department office, gym, front gates, back gates, sports equipments sheds one, two, three, four and five and- ooh! L13. That should be fun. Anyway, last of all here’s your computer login and password. If you can just sign there Miss Khan.” He says.

Yaz does as she’s told and signs to say she has a key for each of the rooms listed with the Scottish man attaching the keys to her school branded lanyard. She’s not sure which one belongs to which door yet but she reckons she’ll soon figure it out. It’s a considerable weight once it’s resting on her shoulders and she’ll probably decide to clip it to her pocket or her coat or any other of the many clothing items the school has provided for her. 

She strolls over to the science block expecting all of the teachers to be ready to shoot her down the second they see she’s from PE but all she’s greeted with is friendly smiles and a couple of ‘hello’s. It adds a certain confident spring to her step, making her believe whatever happens today or in the next few first weeks she’ll have people behind her to help.

The door to L13 looks older and battered compared to every other door down the corridor. All the others look new and made out of heavy materials and have a plain wood finish whereas the one Yaz is standing in front of now is dark blue, the old school uniform colour, and battered beyond belief. Yaz begins to analyse her crowded keyring, searching for the one that looks like it might fit this lock. 

“It’s this one.” Another northern accent is heavy in her ear along with the close presence at her side. Looking up at the body holding the key Yaz realises Doctor Smith smells of chemicals, copper and fire all at once- each hint of scent hitting Yaz’s nostrils in waves before merging into one. Yaz finds it strangely intoxicating along with how her eyes are both green and brown at the same time. “You’ve got to lift the handle at the same time you turn it.” 

“T-thanks.” Yaz stutters out a smile. Even if her reputation is correct and she is a bit of a bitch Yaz knows she won’t tire from looking at her.

The room is bigger than Yaz thought it would be and somehow smells cleaner than the scientist herself. There’s seats for thirty or so students. Each four tables have a sink and a gas tap in the middle of them for experiments and such that Yaz was never the best at when she was at school. By the side of the door stands a cabinet full of trays labeled ‘safety goggles’, ‘bunsens’, ‘rulers’, ‘paper’ and more. The back wall is made up of two giant pin boards above a counter similar to the desks, covered in informative posters made by students and question answering advice, plus a small section cordoned off and blank with the old tutor group initials on. Yaz will replace them with YKH as soon as possible, claiming her part of the room that very much at the moment looks like it belongs to Doctor Smith and only Doctor Smith.

“You were looking at me. During the meeting.” Yaz brings up the first thing on her mind to get Doctor Smith to talk to her again rather than investigate the way the cleaners have left her room.

“Yeah, I thought it was you. Miss Khan, right?” Doctor Smith doesn’t exactly address the fact she was being a bit creepy but it’s nice to know she already knows who Yaz is. 

“Please, you can call me Yaz.” Yaz smiles politely, rounding the desk at the front to check her login work.

Doctor Smith comes over and holds out her hand for Yaz to shake. Yaz takes it, not wanting to be impolite. “I’m the Doctor- Doctor Smith.”

“I’ve been told. No first names allowed.” Yaz smiles a smile which fades slightly when she realises she’s just openly admitted that people have been talking about her behind her back. Nevertheless, Doctor Smith just shrugs. 

“No point in studying for a doctorate for people to call me Miss. I worked hard for it.” She lets go of Yaz’s hand and it’s only then Yaz realises how strong her grip is.

“Which science?” Yaz asks, tapping in her login and password with only two fingers to make sure she doesn’t hit any extra keys.

“Physics. I like to dabble in chemistry too though.” Doctor Smith shrugs again like it’s nothing. 

“Smart.”

“A lot smarter than what it takes to ‘teach’ PE.” Doctor Smith scoffs to herself as she goes back to unpacking new textbooks and exercise books she’ll probably hand out to students later on in the day. Yaz is offended to say the least. She thought they were getting along. Her silence is noted with Doctor Smith looking over her shoulder back at her. “Just banter.” 

“I can’t tell if this feud is serious or not.” Yaz sighs, starting to stress out over what she can and can’t say in regards to the subject.

“Oh, serious Miss Khan, very serious… In that it entertains the kids and staff and the football match raises money for charity.” Doctor Smith holds her hands on her hips in a wonder woman esc pose. Yaz doesn’t know if she’s trying to convey that she knows more than her about this school or if it’s just a regular pose she does. “I looked at the break duty rota by the way. Looks like we're together for that too. Tuesdays and Thursdays.”

“Cool. More to share.” Yaz says.

“Not really sharing. I think it’s just because you’re new and I’ve been here a long time so I can help you.” Doctor Smith takes the liberty of correcting her. Yaz can sense it grating on his nerves already.

“Okay so...if this isn’t your form-”

“Your tutor group, just in my room. Those kids have nothing to do with me. Unless they’re in one of my classes.” The blonde says rather bluntly.

“Fair enough.” 

Yaz turns back to the computer and at the same time pulls out the time tables for the kids in her tutor group that were printed off and dropped off in her pigeon hole before today. There are about twenty five kids under her care for the first twenty minutes of the day all from varying year groups. Some kind of policy of integration, apparently, to have a bunch of eleven to sixteen year olds in a room together although Yaz strongly suspects that if she doesn’t set up a seating plan all the year groups will sit together with the people they know.

“I do have a couple of rules for here though.” Doctor Smith speaks up again. 

“Here?” Yaz turns around. 

“In the lab.” Doctor Smith comes close over to her again. Yaz stays quiet under her intimidating eyes. “No one can eat in here, touch the equipment, find the pictures of naked people in the biology textbooks in the cupboard and laugh. The door must be locked every time you leave. Don’t let them throw anything, make sure they don’t draw on the tables, and make sure they don’t spray deodorant in here. For one I don’t like the suffocating smell, it’s like walking past the boys changing room, you’ll know about that, but also I don’t want to light a match next period and set the place on fire.”

“Okay.” Yaz says timidly at all the information- or are they demands- that have just been piled on her. Doctor Smith’s body language changes immediately. 

“Cool! Should be fine.” The bell rings. “They’ll be here in about two minutes.” Doctor Smith tells her, proceeding to take down the stools from the tables. 

“I’ll go and wait for them.” Yaz says.

She gets up and walks past Doctor Smith out of the door to wait for the kids to turn up. Seeing them emerge slowly and then all at once makes Yaz realise that she’s joined a school with a student body that is astoundingly caucasion. Some carefully approach her door- yes, her door, not Doctor Smith’s- and she greets them with a kind smile and a ‘hi’ as they line up. She waits until it looks like there’s twenty odd people in line and leads them all inside. 

Doctor Smith seems to still be hanging around fiddling with things that could probably be fiddled with later and Yaz feels like she’s going to be under full scrutiny. Despite the extra pair of eyes on her, Yaz keeps her chin up and tells her group that they can sit wherever they like for today. There’s a nervous quiet coming from them which Yaz knows will disappear once they get to know her. Right now she’s a new face to be wary of. They don’t know her stance on discipline nor do they know whether she’s going to be laid back or not in general. Yaz takes her seat at the teachers computer, getting up the register system ready to log everyone in. 

“We’ll do intros after we’ve registered, yeah?” Yaz says what she's going to do phrased as a question. A nice tactic to make the students feel like they’re on the same level.

“Make sure to lock the door behind you Miss Khan.” Doctor Smith says walking out to probably hang out in another science teachers room without so much as looking behind her.

“I will, Doctor Smith.” Yaz formally replies. 

It’s almost like everyone in the room is holding their breath until they know Doctor Smith has truly disappeared. An older boy with messy hair and a crisp new uniform sticks his head up from the back of the room.

“It’s okay to find her intense, Miss.” He says, his voice cracking almost every other syllable. His words relax Yaz straight away.

“I am so glad you said that.” Yaz sigh-laughs with relief. At least she’s not the only one feeling it. 

Yaz roll calls the register and thankfully it’s a full class. The numbers will definitely dwindle when the mornings get darker and colder and it’s harder to get out of bed on time, but now is the time for Yaz to gain their trust.

“Alright who wants their time table?”

Yaz heads off to the PE office once tutor time is over with. She did one set activity she was meant to do- throwing a ball around to get students to remember each other's names- and then just let them all chat, joining in with them. Yaz doesn’t neglect to lock the door behind her in fear of Doctor Smith coming and finding her as she teaches. She should be teaching this morning, but because it’s the first day basically no one will have their sports kit on them. It should be year eight, and sure enough a load of pubescent twelve to thirteen year olds gather in front of the office in no time. Danny announces that they’re going to move to the sports hall without saying anything else and the pack of kids follow him like he’s a mother duck and they are his chicks.

“Right listen up everyone!” Danny raises his voice as the last few students settle down cross legged on the floor. Only then does Yaz notice that somehow all the staff, including herself, have ended up in a straight line like a group of superheros forming. “Most of you know us from last year but the eagle eyed among you will notice Miss Khan standing beside me. She’s new to the school but she’s certainly not new to PE and she’ll put you through your paces.”

“Fit!” An obvious joker of the pack shouts out as Yaz smiles and waves to introduce herself. 

“Any comments like that and you’ll be in detention for a week!” Danny shouts and the hall goes quiet again- any echoes of laughter dying out. “Boys I will cancel the contact rugby game if you dare talk about any female member of staff like that again or any member of staff for that matter.”

“Sorry sir.” A few voices that laughed apologize. 

“You can apologise to Miss Khan, not me, at break time.”

“You run a tight ship.” Yaz whispers as Mrs Duncan (the plump older woman from last night, Yaz finds out) explains that each teacher will read out their class and the students will have to come over to them. 

“Have to.” Danny winks. “Hormones flying everywhere.” 

Mrs Duncan hands Yaz her list of students. Year seven and eight stay separated by gender during their double periods, and they have their single ‘games’ period once a fortnight with their learning group, which is mixed. The games period stops when the learning groups are mixed up in year nine and some students take it as GCSE.

“You go first Yaz.” Danny says. Yaz has her suspicions that it’s a test to see how she handles pressure but she steps forward with pride, not shaken at all.

“When I call your name, stay seated until I’m finished and then we’re going to go to the school hall.” Yaz says following the instructions written in pencil on top of her sheet. 

Yaz tries to ignore the groups of friends sitting together crossing their fingers and scrunching up their faces hoping to be called together. Of course the department is smart and splits girl groups up so that cliques don’t form and Yaz reads out the names loud and clear. 

The young girls follow her in silence to the school hall. Some of them look quiet in the way they’re holding themselves but others are mellowing in their silence trying to sniff Yaz out. She knows the kind, since they’re the kind of people that used to bully her. The only difference now is that she’s the adult and one of the people that can put them straight before they cause damage. By the time they reach the school hall there’s a low level of chatter amongst the girls that Yaz finds sweet and friendly. Yaz sits herself on the side of the stage since she’s always wanted to do it and asks the girls to sit down again. 

“Like Mr Pink said, I’m Miss Khan. Today’s my first day, obviously, but that doesn’t mean I don’t know what I’m doing. The plan for this term is some hockey, some football, some netball and then I don’t mind doing an activity you choose.” 

Yaz hears herself getting boring and tries to shuffle through the rest of the stuff she has to say about kit and behaviour expectations. She then tells everyone to ask their tutors to see the after school clubs list in case anyone wants to sign up and since Yaz isn’t allowed to get them to exercise in their normal uniforms she gets them to sit in a circle for a ‘bonding’ exercise. 

“Okay so we’re going to say our names, and our favourite sport then roll this ball to the next person- but no one can have the ball twice, okay, so you have to pay attention.” Yaz explains the rules of the game to what she assumes are listening ears. “Then we can just chill, yeah?”

“Can all lessons be like this?” A girl with worse roots than Doctor Smith asks in jest.

“I’d be out of the job if they were.” Yaz chuckles. “Okay. I’m Miss Khan and my favourite sport is football.”

Yaz rolls the small orange ball to the student straight across from her. If she was horrible she’d make each student recite and name the sport of each person before them like she did with her tutor group but they’ve all been nice to her and quite frankly Yaz’s mind is still on how shirty Doctor Smith was with her this morning. It’s not like the Doctor was making an effort to be strict because being strict is what Danny did when that kid shouted out at her. Doctor Smith was just… odd with her.

As if she sensed Yaz thinking about her, Doctor Smith enters the hall with a determined look on her face. Yaz doesn’t know if she always walks that fast and whether she always walks close to the perimeter of the room or if she’s just trying to avoid the- admittedly pathetic looking- class Yaz is holding. Or perhaps she’s just avoiding Yaz. It’s hard to tell.

“Doctor Smith what's your favourite sport?” Yaz asks, just to see if Doctor Smith has even registered that there are other people in the room.

“Reaching for the biscuit tin.” Doctor Smith answers without so much as looking at her, soon disappearing through the stage door. 

Some of the girls laugh and giggle at the scientists aloof behaviour, which gets Yaz thinking. 

“May I ask you a question, girls?” Yaz asks.

“Sure.”

“Yep.”

“Okay.”

“Why not.”

“Who’s your favourite teacher at the school?” Yaz asks; a ploy to make it look like she’s simply trying to get a gauge of student opinion. 

“Mr Smith.” Everyone says at once. Yaz could have guessed, giving the information Ryan told her. 

“And who’s the teacher where you see their name on your timetable and you think ‘oh no’?” 

A few names that are not the one Yaz was expecting to hear trickle out, and others agree once Yaz tells them she isn’t going to snitch or anything like that. Someone from food technology, the old one from music and the over dramatic drama teacher.

“What about Doctor Smith?” Yaz asks the golden question. Is she usually that blunt with everyone or is it just a staff thing? Or a new staff thing? She needs to know to settle her mind.

“She’s funny.”

“Yeah and she loves teaching.”

“Her classes are the best.”

“I heard the teachers take bets every year on how soon she’ll blow up her lab.” 

“Why do you ask?”

Yaz shrugs to avoid suspicion. “Just out of intrigue.”

Yaz gets through the rest of the double period without much struggle and a better bond with her students. She resides in the little PE office to eat her snack during break time and catch up with how the rest of the staff's lessons went- not forgetting the group of boys that were standing ashamed at the door waiting to apologise for their inappropriate call out at the start. Yaz finds it funny but doesn’t let anyone else know that. It’s not the first time it’s happened during her career as a teacher. Of course throughout her break when she’s trying to fill in the digital register everyone else is asking about how meeting Doctor Smith went. Yaz tells them she’s not sure of her yet, not wanting to slag her off since she still doesn’t know the boundaries and limits of this fake but not so fake feud between departments. 

Periods three and four are easier for Yaz since she’s in a computer room with some year tens, talking them through what they’re going to do for their GCSE coursework. There’s no extra kit to have to wear to do that. Before she knows it Yaz gets to meet Ryan for lunch at the canteen, and the inevitable questions about the allusive Doctor Smith start flowing once again.

“Mate I can’t tell if she actually hates me or not.” Yaz says, picking up a pasta pot from under a heated light.

“Told you she was weird.” Ryan says with an ‘I-told-you-so’ voice.

Yaz pauses their conversation while an elderly dinner lady scans her thumb and her forefinger into the system. Cashless payments at this school, so Yaz will put money into her account that can be accessed by her fingers instead. Except for today, where new staff and year sevens get free food to welcome them.

“Can you tolerate her?” Ryan asks as they walk through the seating area of the canteen. 

Yaz thinks. Doctor Smith was probably over defencive this morning because Yaz is new and it’s the first day of the entire academic year. It’s a stress fest for every teacher and yes, it may be affecting her mood and how she is with others. 

“To be confirmed.” Yaz decides.

Ryan giggles to himself, removing the tin foil from his homemade sandwich that his gran made him. “This is going to be fun.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> are we ready for the bastard energy from both of them because there's a lot
> 
> my socials in case you want to scream at me there:  
> tumblr: kiras-money-bum-face  
> twitter: helenasmells


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I haven't figured out an update schedule if you can't tell n e ways enjoy

Yasmin Khan has decided she absolutely, completely, unequivocally hates Doctor Jessica Smith. Two weeks of sharing break duties and a room has done it’s best to drive Yaz up the walls. Doctor Smith is messy and demanding and insistent all the time that she’s right and that’s not to mention how she’s protective over her room. ‘Don’t touch this’, ‘don’t let the students do that’, it’s a struggle every day not to tell her where to shove it. In theory Yaz shouldn’t have to see her at all unless they’re on their break duty and yet every morning Doctor Smith finds some kind of excuse to come in and hang about. With or without a valid reason, she puts Yaz on edge. Every. Single. Time. 

Yaz forgot her lunch today and on Wednesday’s she’s at her busiest- teaching five out of six periods in the day and then helping out with the boxing club after school- so she’s skipped the forming queue and headed straight to Bill. If Yaz has made any friends within the past two weeks it’s Bill, Rose and Ryan. 

“You look stressed.” Bill says.

“Long day.” Yaz sighs, ignoring how the kids at the front of the queue are arguing with the staff on duty as to why Yaz is allowed to jump in and they aren’t. “What should I get?” 

“Depends what you want. Chicken burger as dry as sand or an overpriced mystery meat burger?” She says with a bittersweet smile.

“Wow you are extra miserable today.” Rose laughs, plating up a jacket potato with beans for a young boy Yaz recognises from the form next door to her. 

“Think I’ll just go and get a salad.” Yaz points over her shoulder with her thumb to the fridges on the other side of the room and starts to walk backwards.

“My god, please just eat some cake.” Bill begs her. She’s not keen on Yaz’s ultra healthy diet.

“Nah, too much suga-”

“Watch it!” 

Yaz feels her body almost touch the one behind her. If she had taken one more step backwards they probably would have been a mess on the floor. Yaz is embarrassed anyway but turning around to see the person she doesn’t want to see at all holding a Tupperware of custard creams above her head Yaz feels her face burn more than it should.

“Sorry Doctor Smith.” She apologizes. 

“You’re lucky Miss Khan. I’m grouchy if I don’t have exactly five at lunch and I pack just the right amount.” Doctor Smith takes a custard cream from her pot, shoves it in her mouth in one piece all while looking at Yaz and walks away.

“You’re grouchy with me anyway.” Yaz mutters to herself (when Doctor Smith is far enough away, that is). “Not like you wouldn’t eat them off the floor.”

Yaz chooses her salad and a fruit pot, pays with her finger and heads back to the PE office for a bit of peace and quiet. Her route back takes her past the medical room and a face she hasn’t seen yet appears in the corridor and smiles at her. 

“I wish all the students ate healthy like you.” She says. “I’m Martha Jones, I’m the school nurse.” She introduces herself.

“Oh! Right, yes, I know who you are.” Yaz remembers.

“You do?” Martha smiles and squints inquisitively at her. She seems nice. Kind natured. Has a lot less creepy stare than Doctor Smith.

“Yeah.” Yaz points at the medical room door. “I have your office number trained into my brain in case a kid gets hurt.”

“Ah, you’re the new PE teacher.” The light-bulb switches on in Miss Jones' brain. 

“Yaz Khan.” Yaz raises her free hand that isn’t holding her pots of food in a wave. “Good to meet you.”

“Well, I hope never to receive a call from you, Miss Khan.” Martha walks off to wherever she was going before Yaz stopped her. Yaz likes her. She gets good vibes from the nurse, for sure. 

Yaz makes it back to the PE office to find herself alone with everyone else either on duty or out preparing for their next lesson. It’s nice and quiet in the little office, which Yaz is pretty certain used to be a storage cupboard and has just been extended and converted. All day she’s quite literally had teens running around her and she’s looking forward to a quiet fifty minutes alone to fill in paperwork and plan lessons for next week without disruption. Sitting in the nice chair Yaz is about to tuck into her salad after hunting for a fork when there’s a knock at the office door. Yaz rolls her eyes and gets up, hoping that whoever it is will go away as soon as possible. 

“What can I help you with ladies?” Yaz asks, standing in the doorway being confronted with two year nines with their arms folded across their chests and handbags hanging off their elbows.

“Can we have our phones back now?” The taller blonde one with straightened hair asks, smacking on gum she’s not supposed to be chewing in school anyway.

“Who took them off you?” Yaz crosses her arms across her chest to match the teenage passive aggression. 

“Mrs Duncan.” They answer in unison, the name bitter on their tongues. 

“And when did she say you could have them back?”

“At the end of the day.”

Yaz dramatically turns to look at the clock on the wall behind her. “Is five past one the end of the school day?”

“Come on Miss, if we don’t have it for maths next we’ll get told off for not having a calculator. You’re just getting us into more trouble.”

“You’re not meant to use phones as calculators anyway. Come back at five past three and Mrs Duncan can give them back to you. Don’t try and blame your own disorganization on me- you shouldn’t have had your phones out during lessons.”

The girls turn around, devastated, like a family member has just died. “Bitch.”

“I should give you detention for that but I won’t because I’m tired of this conversation.” Yaz turns away and shuts the door behind her.

“Fucking dyke.” She hears them laugh through the wood. 

If she wasn’t already going to inform Mrs Duncan about it she certainly is now. She picks up a pen and paper and details the conversation with a cool and level head. She’s not even a lesbian, she’s bi, so they got that wrong anyway but she can’t let language like that towards staff fly under the radar. Especially as she’s still new here, she’s got to make an effort to show she’s not a massive pushover. 

By the time Yaz has finished detailing the account, leaving it on top of the safe for Mrs Duncan to find later, her stomach is begging for the food sitting in front of her. The bell went for the end of lunch time five minutes ago so now she’s got to eat and work at the same time which always leaves her less full since her attention is spread between activities. She gets one forkful into her mouth before there’s another knock on the door.

“You ready mate?” Ryan asks.

“For what?”

Whether it be from Ryan’s inability to explain or her empty stomach Yaz is totally confused as to what he’s on about. Until the bell rings. Consistently. 

“Fire drill time.” Ryan says, wiggling his eyebrows. 

Yaz forces herself outside of the office, locking it behind her and reluctantly locking her food inside too. Ryan and Yaz make their way to the field and tennis courts only having to remind a few students that they’re meant to evacuate in silence. Ryan goes and stands with the rest of the staff who don’t have tutor groups to register himself and Yaz retrieves the paper register from the head of house her form is assigned to. 

Her kids do her proud, already in a line waiting for her. She has to switch some around so that they’re in alphabetical order by last name and not with their friends but other than that, they’re quiet, well behaved, and Yaz ignores the funny faces some of her year elevens are throwing at the form next in line to them. 

“Well done everyone. Back to class when your tutors release you.” Donna’s voice floats through a megaphone for everyone to hear. 

Luckily, Yaz’s form is near the edge of the field closest to the buildings so she can dismiss her group as one of the first and get back to her lunch sitting in the office. However, she’s not alone when she gets there.

“This yours Yaz?” Mr Thompson (the blonde one that smells of sea salt) asks.

“Put that salad anywhere near your mouth and I’ll replace it with my fist- you’ll be tasting my knuckles for days.”

Yaz does get to punch something by the end of the day but in a controlled environment. They’ve done their skipping warm up and she’s demonstrating with Mr Thompson the stance and basic punches they’re going to do this afternoon. The after school club is more for the students with trouble controlling their anger in class and Yaz is merely there to help demonstrate with Mr Thompson while Mr Pink leads the class but today Yaz feels no guilt in using it to let out some of her own frustrations.

She later gets paired up with a young boy with bad skin who looks like he’s here more for self defense than behaviour management. She sort of feels sorry for him, until he opens his mouth and apologises again for calling her fit in front of everyone on the first day and she realises who he is. No matter, Yaz treats him with respect anyway, helping him get out his energy in a way that isn’t objectifying staff members for laughs.

Yaz helps him out with his stance, teaching him about how if his legs are too close or too far apart he’s more likely to lose his balance and therefore lose in a fight. She finds out his name is Lewis and the way he punches tells her he’s got a lot of pent up aggression behind those fists. Suddenly she wants to know him more- know what’s running through his head, why he’s in this club. 

“Feel good?” Yaz asks him before she starts moving on to the next part of the activity.

“Really good Miss.” He smiles. 

“Take your gloves off and have a quick drink of water before Mr Pink makes us skip again.” 

Yaz watches him rip off the gloves and run over to the other edge of the hall to the small collection of water bottles. As her eyes float up she notices two other people enter the hall. Two people who really shouldn’t be allowed to are standing just inside of the doorway.

“Care to join us Doctor Smith? Miss Oswald?” Danny calls over to them, his voice softening as he calls for the second woman. 

“Not today Mr Pink, just observing.” Miss Oswald replies on behalf of both of them. 

“Then I’m afraid I’m going to have to ask you to leave.”

“I’ll have a go.” Doctor Smith speaks up. She starts to walk towards Yaz and Yaz is pleading silently with her: _don't come to me don’t come to me don’t come to me._

“Miss Khan, care to teach her a thing or two?”

“Sure.” Yaz replies on autopilot. _Shit._ “If you just, uh, put on the gloves-”

“I’d prefer the pads, actually.”

“O...kay.” Yaz says as she starts to push the pads off her hands. She doesn’t know why she’s bending to her demands so easily, it’s annoying. She hands over the pads, her eyes flick up to look at the door to see Danny talking to Miss Oswald. They’re dating. Of course they are, Ryan told her so. “So what is this? An excuse to let them talk at work.” Yaz whispers to Doctor Smith.

“Kind of.” Doctor Smith shrugs, velcroing up a glove. 

“I thought Donna didn’t like it if the kids knew about staff relationships?” 

“You’re right, she doesn’t.” Doctor Smith stops smiling at her; her tone changing significantly, putting Yaz’s guard up. “I’m the distraction for the kids.”

Doctor Smith swings at Yaz for her to dodge and luckily with her past in the sport Yaz ducks and dodges it by a whisker.

“What the hell is wrong with you?” Yaz hisses at her. 

“Nothing. Aim for the pads.” 

Doctor Smith goes to swipe her again like she’s trying to aggravate her into a proper fight. Determined to put her in her place, Yaz doesn’t give her the time of day to try it again and connects her gloved fist with the mitt. And again and again and again, connecting with every variation Doctor Smith gives her. Uppercuts, hooks, jabs, left handed, right handed, Yaz doesn’t miss one and ends up getting cheered on by the five boys in the club plus Mr Thompson. With all that support and confidence behind her, Yaz steps Doctor Smith backwards until the back of her legs hit one of the benches and the scientist loses her footing. She slips down the wall, unable to grip against the brick of the wall with her hands covered, so Yaz places her arms to catch her just before she falls flat on her arse. She’s heavier than Yaz expected her to be, but it’s still nothing for her.

“I don’t like you.” Yaz whispers. She’s not breathless and she hasn't even broken a sweat. But mentally those words needed to come out of her mouth and they needed to come out now.

“I know you don’t. And for what it’s worth, I don’t like you either.” 

Doctor Smith holds Yaz’s gaze as she gets back up onto her feet. There’s a level of rage and adrenaline pumping through Yaz’s body that’s sending a wild look to her eyes and she’s hoping Doctor Smith is receiving the message loud and clear. The room around her still has the students shouting their support for her but between the two of them it’s a deafening silence. And Yaz can’t stop looking at her.

“Miss Khan.” Doctor Smith nods, removing the boxing pads from her hands without having to look down at her wrists and dropping them at Yaz’s feet, defeated. 

“Doctor Smith.” Yaz nods back and watches her leave the hall.

It’s been one hell of a day and Yaz is happy to be home. The first thing she does is change into some sweatpants. The second thing she does is order pizza. She wouldn’t normally. Pizza is a treat on pay day or when cramps are giving her hell but she’s still so infuriated at Doctor Smith this afternoon and the two girls at lunch time and then Doctor Smith at lunch time as well. She should have ‘accidentally’ punched her in the face earlier. Maybe she wouldn’t be so prominently on her mind tonight if she had. Or perhaps Yaz would be relishing in the sight instead, she’ll never know.

Except after a few seconds of entertaining the idea Yaz reminds herself that she’s a sane, rational person that has never resorted to violence in her life. If she had punched Doctor Smith she’d be sacked, probably, and have to find a new job outside of teaching and she likes teaching. She doesn’t love it some days but most of the time it’s not that much of a chore. 

With her pizza delivered and consumed within fourty minutes, Yaz gets bored downstairs and decides to move up to her bedroom to watch some shitty TV. She catches herself talking out loud to no one, listing her routine of what she needs to do after she’s watched a couple of episodes of whatever can hold her attention for more than half an hour at a time. With nothing taking her fancy on the streaming site she flips through channels and resorts to putting on a television soap so boring she’s flicking through her phone in an instant. It’s been a tough day and she keeps having to remind herself tomorrow will be different. She’s on break and lunch duty with the insufferable Doctor but it’s not going to be hard to ignore her now that they’re on the same page, having admitted they have a dislike for each other. 

Unaware that she’s doing so, Yaz’s thumb hovers over the hook up app installed into the depths of her phone where no one else can find it.

Her house is quiet. Lonely. Just her senses and these four walls to keep her rational and sane. It’s been a long day, hasn’t it? Wouldn’t it be great to have some company? Maybe someone to talk about it with? Or at least make her forget about it for a bit? Guys are easy. She could send the first man she matches with and with an inch of skin and an address and he’d be over in a heartbeat. Although the last time she did that it didn’t last long enough for her to be satisfied and ended with an unfortunate trip to the pharmacy in the morning. 

It’s a school night. She shouldn’t. Thinking about it she’s too tired for that kind of nonsense anyway- too tired to even do it to herself. Nah, she’ll just shower and go to bed. It’s not like anyone she would have chosen would have stayed around after anyway. Especially not to talk and she wouldn’t be able to talk during or before after. ‘Hey this is great but can I tell you about this absolute bitch I work with who’s making my life really hard?’. 

She throws her phone away, discarding the stupid idea with it. She, again, considers touching herself to pass the time and, again, concludes she’s too lazy and would rather someone else do it. She doesn’t want a guy tonight and it’s hard to get a girl to come round at a drop of a hat without discussing marriage, kids and the future with them first so the idea has fully been rejected.

Yaz watches some more TV that Doctor Smith would probably say is rotting her brain and turning her into even more of a mindless fool. Jesus, she wants her out of her head. Why does she aggravate her so much? It’s not healthy and it’s only been two and a half weeks. Will she just be living in her mind rent free by the end of the year?

Frustrated at herself for not being able to let the events of the day go, Yaz showers and gets into bed. It’s only about half eight in the evening but she’s drained and tired and needs to sleep. As she drifts off, she’s still thinking about one thing:

She still wishes she had punched Doctor Smith in the face.

* * *

The next day Yaz has a refreshed mindset and is considerably calmer in herself. She avoids seeing Doctor Smith at the start of the day, keeps her mind busy by organizing equipment shed number three which also earns her brownie points with Miss Noble who stopped to have a chat with her as she was passing. Break duty is a god send since she is at a different end of the canteen to Doctor Smith controlling the flow of the queue of students. The middle two periods of the day she’s teaching double PE with her year eleven non exam group. It’s her favourite class if she’s honest. There’s nothing that needs to be completed and handed it, it’s purely to get these kids moving in between studying for exams and it shows in how the department allows them to choose what sport they want to do.

Lunch break however, Yaz would like to just sit on a bench and eat her greek salad in peace, but the tennis courts aren’t that big and her and Doctor Smith are circling each other every few minutes. It looks like Doctor Smith is daring her to start a conversation with her every time she passes. Luckily when Yaz thinks Doctor Smith is about to close in on her a couple of boys from her year ten class come up to speak to her. Yaz clocks Doctor Smith passing as the boys request changing from her class to Mr Pink’s. She tells them she’ll have a word with Mr Pink but can’t promise them anything and at the same time reminds them she’s just as qualified to teach as he is, if that’s what has prompted this approach. They leave her alone after their questions have been answered and like a lion closing in on it's prey in the wild, Doctor Smith comes and silently stands next to her.

“How did you know?” Yaz asks to get her voice up in the air first. There’s a pause and Yaz thinks she’s not going to get any kind of answer so she keeps eating her lunch like she never said anything.

“Know what?” Doctor Smith sighs.

“That I’m not your biggest fan.” Yaz puts it nicely all the while trying not to roll her eyes at Doctor Smith pretending not to know what she’s on about.

“You should really be careful with who you ask for information from.” Doctor Smith pauses to watch Yaz try and figure out who she possibly could have complained to about Doctor Smith. “Your year eight girls are notorious gossipers.” She lets Yaz in on the secret.

Of course. The suspicious looking year eight girls from her first ever lesson.

“I didn’t say anything bad about you.” Yaz says. Which isn’t a lie, she technically didn’t say anything.

“You insinuated that you thought I would be their least favourite teacher. Plus, it’s not hard to see that you treat me differently.” Doctor Smith smirks at her. Yaz’s jaw drops open at her cheek, implying that Yaz is the one laying down stupid rules all the time when really it’s her- it’s all her- it’s not like Yaz is the one breaking her own rules all the time, leaving biscuit crumbs on the computer keyboard for Doctor Smith to find every morning.

“You treat me-”

“Let’s not start bickering now.” Doctor Smith raises her voice a little, instantly regretting it by the look on her face. “Look, we work together, we have to stay civil, that’s it. For the sake of our jobs and the kids.”

“Fine.” Yaz says. 

“Fine.” Doctor Smith agrees.

They walk separate ways to patrol different ends of the tennis courts without looking back; Yaz feeling as riled up as ever thanks to Doctor know it all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> also I'm dumb and still can't figure out hot to reply to comments but thank you I do see them <3


	3. Chapter 3

“I think I’m going to get a fish.” Yaz announces, pouring the drinks Bill and Rose have asked for; Rose a glass of wine and Bill a cold beer. Some blackcurrant squash for Yaz (no added sugar).

“A fish?” Bill asks. 

“Yeah a fish.” Yaz passes them each their drinks as they stand in her kitchen. It’s not the biggest place to hang out but they’ll move along soon enough. 

“Why?” Bill asks again, looking for some further explanation. 

“I want a pet.” Yaz shrugs.

“So why not get a cat or a dog?” Rose asks.

Yaz shrugs again, determined to keep her attitude around the idea light and not like it's a desperate attempt to make her house less lonely. “Dogs are too much of a tie when I’m at work all day. I can’t afford a dog sitter and cats… I dunno I just want a fish.” 

“Anything specific that’s brought this on?” Rose asks, her confusion rising at the same rate as her suspicion.

“I want something here to relax me. Keep me company.” Yaz says.

“And a fish is better company than a cat or dog?” Bill says, evidently judging Yaz’s choices.

“You could get a boyfriend.” Rose suggests. 

“Or girlfriend.” Bill adds.

Yaz shakes her head and frowns. “Too much hassle and effort.”

“Only because you’re not willing to put in the effort- see how fast you rejected that idea.” Bill says.

“Why don’t we set you up?” Rose asks. 

“No-”

“Oh, come on Yaz!” Bill throws her arms up in defeat. “When was the last time you got any?”

“July.” Yaz tells her, feeling the hairs on the back of her neck stand up.

Bill adds up the months in her head. “Okay, that’s not bad, only last month- two months ago ish.”

“Three years ago.” Yaz corrects her. 

“Uh oh.” Rose mumbles into her drink. Bill pinches the bridge of her nose and sighs. 

“Please tell me that’s because your sex drive is really low.”

Yaz blushes and hides her face in her drink. “It’s a bit high… actually… so…” 

“Don’t you get frustrated?” Rose asks out of intrigue. 

“Not really.” Yaz shrugs again. The only time it bothered her was a few days ago. “I just focus on my work and then the only time I ever get frustrated is over Doctor Smith.”

“Jess?”

“Sexually?”

“Ew! No, gross!” Yaz feels her stomach do a flip at the very thought like she’s going to be sick. “I’d never think of her like- who’s Jess?”

“Doctor Smith.” Rose says. 

“To be fair, you’re only allowed to call her Jess because you’re in a relationship with John.” Bill reminds their blonde friend of her privilege.

“Jess and John.” Yaz muses to herself over the choices their parents would have had to make so that both their kids had names starting with J.

“There’s no chance of setting you up, is there?” Bill sighs.

“Nope.” Yaz shakes her head again and smiles at her friends, leaving the kitchen with the conversation about her love life dying out behind them.

Yaz wanted to cook for them tonight, since they’re around food all the time at work, but Rose protested since it would likely be all her ‘healthy nonsense’ that no one ‘normal’ wants to eat. So instead they’re hanging out trying to decide which pizza they want to order and where to order from. Bill suggests a local restaurant that does take out, while Rose suggests a chain because you can half and half pizzas. Yaz doesn’t want to be the one to decide so lets the two other women fight it out with a game of rock paper scissors. Bill wins, then they look up the restaurant and realise you have to collect the food and with Yaz the host being the only sober one they don’t want her to have to leave. So they order a half vegetable half meat pizza for them to share along with the brownies and ice cream Yaz prepared earlier. 

“What’s so wrong with healthy food anyway?”

“BOOOOOORING!” Bill shouts, taking a bite of her first slice of pizza. 

“Just can’t do it.” Rose says. “Don’t you ever just want chips?”

“Yeah.” Yaz says. “I still eat chips.”

“Fried chips from the chippy, not oven chips.” Bill clarifies.

“Why would I want that, they’re basically just sticks of grease?” Yaz fails to comprehend the idea.

Bill turns to Rose. “See. Boring.” 

“Alright, maybe I am boring, but at least I’m fit.” Yaz admits.

“I bet you’ve got a bloody six pack under there or something.” Rose hypothesizes. Already smug, Yaz puts down her half eaten slice and stands up. “Oop- here we go.” Rose mutters as Yaz lifts her shirt.

“And suddenly I have a crush on you.” Bill says. “Can I poke them?”

“I’d prefer it if you just touched instead of poked but yeah.” Yaz laughs. It’s always fun, showing off the state of her body like this. Makes it worth the maintenance. 

“Tell you what, you could crush Doctor Smith any day with these.”

“Kind of already have.” Yaz says. Rose and Bill look up at her in intrigue as to what she means. “She turned up at boxing club last week and challenged me.” 

“You box?” Rose asks.

“Marry me.” Bill swoons.

“Yes, and no.” Yaz sits back down again, body fully covered and ready to be bloated by bread and cheese. 

“Worth a try.” Bill picks up her food and continues to eat.

“Hope you didn’t go too hard on her Yaz.” Rose says. 

“I gave her what she asked for.” Yaz tries her hardest not to roll her eyes. She won’t mention how Doctor Smith gave her basically no warning before she swung at her first.

“It’s just- they’re both a bit odd if you don’t give them a chance. Both of them, Jess and John.” 

Yaz nods and keeps herself quiet. It’s too late to give Doctor Smith a chance even if she wanted to. Things have been said now. There’s no going back. Bill changes subject and Yaz forgets about Doctor Smith to enjoy the rest of the evening with her friends. 

* * *

Monday afternoon after the school day is over Yaz has a meeting with Mr Pink about her progress. She’s waiting for him to arrive, spinning around in full circles in her desk chair to pass the time. She’s a little nervous but it could be worse. It’s not like the big assessment she’s getting in a couple of weeks from the senior staff team, now that is something to really worry about. When her spinning chair gives her a flash of the door Yaz likes to guess what she’s going to see next. So far she’s had the last few kids leaving the premises until tomorrow, some staff going to fetch items from their cars or going to collect their kids from the local primary school, Danny standing in the doorway, a few more kids, Danny stepping towards her. 

“You okay Yaz?”

“Wh- yep!” Yaz stops the chair mid spin, finally realising she’s not alone. It takes a couple of seconds for the room to stop spinning and Yaz sees the amused smile on her boss’s face. “Sorry.”

“By the end of term I’ll find you dancing on the desks.” He chuckles, taking the seat across from Yaz who smiles politely, feeling like a bit of an idiot. “How do you think you’ve settled in?” 

“Good I think. I know some of them are still wary of me- the students I mean.” 

“That’s natural and to be expected. Is the workload okay with having a tutor group as well?” He asks, scribbling a quick note about her on a piece of paper. 

“Yeah, it’s fine. Makes no difference really.” Yaz says. She’s had form groups before- although never integrated years so this experience is something new to navigate. 

“What about having to share with Doctor Smith? Is that going okay? Not causing you too much distress?”

Yaz pauses for a moment. She’s going to have to be careful with her words.

“Will you snitch to your girlfriend if I say no?” She raises her eyebrows in suspicion. 

“I did notice a bit of tension at boxing club last week.” Danny relaxes as he stops pretending to be naive and admits he’s picked something up between them.

“Honestly, it’s okay. She stays out of my way, I stay out of hers.” Yaz says. Not entirely true but it’s what she chooses to put forward. 

“Doesn’t sound like you’re the best of friends.”

“Do we have to be?” Yaz adjusts how she’s sitting to assert some kind of presence; the kind of position your mother tells you not to do because it’s ‘unladylike’. 

“You know this whole feud thing… you don’t actually have to hate the science department.” Danny says. Yaz gets the impression he might think she’s a little bit stupid.

“I don’t hate the science department.” Yaz insists.

“Just her?” Danny raises an eyebrow.

“Is this an assessment of my work or my relationship with Doctor Smith?” Yaz feels herself close to snapping with her tone becoming increasingly tense.

Danny physically backs off trying to keep this little check in as casual as it started. His next few questions don’t deviate from the obvious list he has to ask from and Yaz isn’t as defensive. Just because they have to see each other every morning doesn’t mean Yaz and Doctor Smith are attached at the hip or even talk every day and it gets Yaz’s back up. If she could, she’d go back in time and tell herself not to pay the Doctor any mind. 

* * *

The next day Doctor Smith is off for reasons Yaz isn’t told, so she’s left to do her break duties alone. The only issue she might not have missed if Doctor Smith was there being a group of lads thinking they’re funny by using a netball post as a spinning obstacle to jump. Donna is called to the scene and Yaz is glad it’s her because she forgives Yaz for not seeing the situation until it was fully developed since she’s out here on her own and is still only in her fourth week of work. 

The day promises some entertainment though, with her period five year eight games class. Now that they’ve all had a few lessons it’s time to put them through their paces. The bleep test. Pacer test. Whatever you call it, it’s hell, and everyone has to go through it. A series of beeps indicating the time you have to run from one side of the course to the other. _Beep_ run to the line, _beep_ run back to the start. The time between beeps shortens with each level and if you’re not on the line by the time a beep is played you’re out. Yaz remembers doing it at school and dreading it so she’s made a point not to tell these kids today. Until now. 

“Who wants to guess what we’re doing today?” Yaz asks once she’s got her group gathered in the sports hall. 

“Dodgeball!” Some kids gasp in hope. Everyone wants to play dodgeball, it’s their answer every time. 

“Nope. Maybe next week.” Yaz shakes her head.

“What does it involve?” One of the more athletic boys asks. 

“Running.” Yaz says. All hell breaks loose then as the penny drops. 

“Oh no.”

“Please miss, don’t say it.”

“You can’t.”

“Bring it on.”

“Are you mad, mate?”

“Oi, listen, the sooner we get it over with the sooner I’ll let you have a quick game of dodgeball at the end as a treat.” Yaz speaks over the consistent muttering. “Warm up by jogging around the hall. Go.” 

With a chorus of grumbles and groans they get to their feet and start jogging. Yaz could lie to herself and say they’re going slow to preserve their energy for the big thing but it’s more likely to be their way of protesting what’s to come. Mrs Duncan appears with a CD player and helps Yaz set it up, plugging it into the wall. A fast paced, strong bass song comes on that Yaz reckons she’s just a bit too old to recognize starts playing. 

“Go the other way round the hall, keep going until the end of the song!” Yaz shouts and they all painfully groan again. She knows they’re just playing. 

As the song goes on some of the students start slacking. To provoke them into keeping it up Yaz runs alongside them. When she was their age she can remember having to run 800m track in preparation for sports day and her teacher just sunbathed on the field. She doesn’t want to be like her. If she wasn’t the only teacher in the room she'd do the whole bloody endurance test with them just to make them feel better about it.

“Everyone in a line between the two blue cones.” Yaz asks of them.

“Miss.” A small voice she doesn’t recognise appears at her side. It’s a new girl who only got a place at the school last week and she isn’t in Yaz’s regular year eight class so she doesn’t know her name yet. 

“Hey, what’s up?” Yaz asks. 

“I don’t want to do it.” The sweet girl retreats into herself, picking nervously at her fingers.

“Why not?” Yaz crouches down so that she’s on the young girls level.

“Because they’ll all laugh at me.” Her bright blue eyes look down at the floor. 

“Why would they do that?” 

“Because I’m not skinny.”

“Hey, don’t speak about yourself like that, okay?” Yaz refrains from giving her a hug like she wants to. She has to settle for words instead. “Just because they’re skinny doesn’t mean they’re fit. If you look up Olympic gold medal discus or shot put throwers they’re not going to be skinny but they’re still gold medalists. Just do your best. And if anyone does anything horrible I’ll kick them out.”

“But-”

“Just do your best okay? I know you’ll do good.”

Yaz’s reassuring words do the trick and she joins the line of other students awaiting instruction. It never goes away, that feeling you get when you’re a teacher. All these kids depend on you to know what to do, how fast to go, to tell them they’re doing good or if they need improvement.

“Alright everyone I want you all to do the best you can with this. I’m not testing you but I do want you to push yourselves. Basketball players can sprint short distances frequently but might not be able to run marathons, okay, so just because you might not be able to reach a high level with this doesn’t mean you’re not good at sport.” Yaz winks subtly at the blue eyed girl. “Ready?”

The robot voice comes out of the speakers explaining the rules of the test, setting them off for Yaz to observe from the sidelines. Yes, she said that she’s not testing them but she knows the national level averages for boys and girls their age. She’s not going to tell them that and they’re not going to get grades for how far they can go, she’s just going to use the information to see who might need extra motivation or help in class.

The one’s she suspects will fall out first do, although they last longer than Yaz thought they would. That’s level six, by level ten the ones who are struggling to keep up drop out, leaving only a couple still going. Yaz encourages them- two lads and a girl- and the rest of the class to make as much noise and cheer them on to keep going, rather than just drop out because they don’t want to do it anymore. The shorter of the lads falls out first with a stitch to his stomach. Yaz high fives him and points him towards his water bottle. No sooner had she looked up and the girl had dropped out too. All eyes and encouragement fall on the last lad, Simon, she thinks his name is going by all his friends shouting his name. A level passes, then another, then one more before he stops and walks over to rest his head against the wall. Everyone is clapping for him but Yaz can sense something wrong in the way he’s holding himself. Yaz approaches him with a quickness to her step.

“Alright mate?” She asks.

“I feel sick, Miss.” He says. There’s blood just about to drip from his nose as he says it.

“Go and sit outside for a minute, I’ll get Miss Jones.” Yaz leads him to the closest set of fire doors and sits him down on the bench. Just across the way Mr Thompson is teaching his class of older students who can easily be left alone for a few minutes. “Sir, could you just watch him for a second?” Yaz calls him over, pulling out her department issued phone and dialing the number for the school nurse. 

_“Medical room, Martha speaking.”_ She picks up within an instant.

“It’s Yaz Khan from PE. I’ve got a year eight who’s gone a bit too hard in my lesson and given himself a nosebleed and feels nauseous.” Yaz explains. 

Yaz hears a sigh hit her ear from the other end of the phone. _“Bleep test?”_

“Yeah.” Yaz says, wondering how Martha could guess.

 _“On my way.”_ Martha sighs again then hangs up.

“Here you go buddy. It’s clean, I promise.” Mr Thompson hands him a crumpled up tissue for his nose. “Check on your class Miss. I’ll tell you when Miss Jones gets here.” 

Yaz walks back into the artificially lit hall. All her students have gathered in a big group, not really bothered about their friend with a nosebleed and just taking the opportunity to chill out for a bit while unsupervised. Yaz diverts course and goes for one of the indoor cupboards, unlocking the heavy door and reaching for the bag full of dodgeballs. She lines about six along the center-line of the court, still undetected by her class.

“Oi!” She shouts to get their attention. It works. “Split into two groups of fifteen on either side of the line, if you’re unable to do it I’m telling your maths teachers.” 

They do as they’re told; friends picking to be with each other rather than against each other on different teams. There’s a scuffle between one group as they're over by a few people and some girls are refusing to get split up. Yaz stays back and doesn’t intervene. When the rest of the class realise that the longer they bicker the less time they have to play everyone shuffles reluctantly into formation. Yaz reminds them of the rules- specifically the one about no hits above the waist- and sets them all off with a blow of her whistle. Martha comes back in, walking directly over to Yaz.

“He’ll be fine but I’ve sent him to get changed early. It’s not the worst I’ve seen and no need for paperwork other than a quick incident report.” Martha reports.

“I had a kid break his arm in my class once.” Yaz tells her.

“Seriously?”

“Yep. Wasn’t the best thing that could have happened but at least it wasn’t anyone’s skull. I’ve had dislocated elbows, knees, shoulders, nosebleeds, the lot.” Yaz smiles, remembering her very first incident and how the adrenaline pumped through her blood as she watched it happen and dealt with it compared to how she reacts now.

“Remind me to never join one of your classes.” Martha says, hiking her first aid pack onto her shoulder. 

“It’s nothing to do with me.” Yaz shrugs. “I just get the reckless kids.”

As if some sick humored God of irony is watching, looking down on Yaz, the sound of a dodgeball hitting skin and bone rings through the room and the game halts as everyone notices. Walking behind one of the teams as a shortcut through to another part of the school are the Smith siblings, and with Yaz’s luck this lesson you can guess who the ball hit in the face. She hasn’t even been in for most of the day. 

“Doctor Smith-”

“Control your class Miss Khan.” Doctor Smith bites at her, rubbing her reddened cheek. 

Her sentiment would have had more of a kick if her brother was trying not to laugh behind her. However, it’s still enough to ruffle her feathers. You’re walking through the sports hall as a shortcut while there’s a load of almost thirteen year olds chucking balls at each other. Mr Smith can’t hold himself together for much longer and ends up laughing at his sister getting a ball to the face which in turn sets Yaz’s class into the giggles. Whether it be because she’s embarrassed or just annoyed at her brother Doctor Smith swiftly takes him in a headlock as they walk, pulling on his ear at the same time.

“Ow no! No, no- no Doctor Sm- Jess Jess Jess Jess _Jess_!” Is all anyone can hear over laughter as the English teacher gets dragged through the door. 

“I better let you ‘control your class’.” Martha sets herself up to leave. 

“Thank you.” Yaz shows her gratitude for the nurse coming out to sort out her student.

“No problem. There’s always one that pushes their body too far. They’re still young and too full of hormones to know their limits yet.” Martha shrugs off her work with an air of humbleness. “See ya later.” 

The interaction confirms the feeling Yaz got when they first crossed paths: Yaz likes Martha Jones. If they went on a night out together Yaz can see themselves getting along just fine in each other’s company. She considers her a fourth addition to her alliance here at work. Bill, Rose, Ryan, Martha and herself. That’s all the backing she needs. 

After work Yaz heads to the pet store in town. She knows the pet shop in town is big thanks to Ryan’s recommendation but it turns out to be massive. Like, super mega sized massive I’m-going-to-be-in-here-for-at-least-half-an-hour big. Sections for dogs, cats, reptiles, rodents, aquariums, birds, a built in veterinary consultation room. It’s a lot, but Yaz likes it. As she’s been researching it she realised that goldfish could last up to fifteen years and maintenance is more than she thought it would be, so she’s here to investigate and decide on what pet she’s going to get. She’s brought Ryan with her to help her out, but also so that they can muck about like kids.

“Oi Yaz.” Ryan calls her over, something having caught his eye in the dog toy aisle. He picks up a long chew toy. “Dog toy or kinky sex toy?”

“Put it back.” Yaz laughs at him.

“What are we looking for.” He jogs a few steps to catch up to her side. 

“Supplies and pets.” Yaz says, heading towards the aquarium sections.

“Any specifics?” Ryan takes a string with a feather attached to the end designed for cats and Yaz pushes it back onto it’s shelf before Ryan can make another sex joke.

“Thinking of a goldfish but… not sure.” She says.

“Wait so you don’t actually know what you’re buying for?”

“That’s why I’m browsing.” Yaz shrugs. 

“Get a guinea pig. Or a rabbit, they’re cute.” Ryan lists a couple of suggestions.

“Rabbits are messy.” Yaz turns her nose up at the idea. She wants something small. Easy to care for.

“What’s so bad about a fish then?” Ryan asks as the wall of tanks appears in front of them both.

Yaz points at the massive shelf full of equipment and tank cleaning supplies. “They take a lot more maintenance than you would think.”

“But you can get really cool stuff for fish!” Ryan ignores the fish equipment and focuses on all the tank trinkets on the top of the shelves. “They have star wars merch dude!” He points excitedly at a death star wreck. 

“Can I help you with anything today?” A bouncy teen who probably only left school a couple of years ago approaches Ryan with a smile and a clearly put on customer service voice.

“My friend doesn’t know what pet to get.” He points at Yaz.

“May I ask for your criteria? Then maybe I could help.”

Yaz explains what she’s looking for. Something that doesn’t really need lots of attention and maintenance but will be a nice addition to her schedule and her life. He guides her to the rodent section and Yaz isn’t quite sure what she’s going to be shown. All three of them stop in front of stacked up small glass cages under the sign hanging from the ceiling that reads ‘Hamsters’.

“Cute. Small. Low maintenance. Cheap. Will sleep in the day when you’re at work and come out to play at night.” Their store guide tells them with confidence in his knowledge.

“I don’t know why I didn’t think of them before.” Yaz says.

“Lots of adults just dismiss them as pets for children. Need a hand picking out resources for it?” The shop assistance smiles. 

“You say that like I’ve already made a decision.”

Twenty minutes later Yaz is packing a tank, shavings, bedding, toys and hamster food in the boot of her car with the promise to come back tomorrow and buy her new pet.

* * *

Wednesdays in the second rotating week of the timetable (week B) are much less stressful than Wednesdays week A for Yaz. She teaches periods three through to six and then the addition of boxing after school but alas her two periods free at the start of the day are much prefered to the one free hour she gets in week A. She’s in the middle of teaching period three year tens outside on the astroturf, far away from any school building when Danny runs up to her. 

“Fire bell Miss Khan!” He says. 

Yaz reiterates the message to her class and they make their way to their respective stations. As they walk further towards the main buildings of the school the ringing bells are heard more clearly and students in their grey uniforms dragging themselves out of class. There’s much more of a buzz among both students and staff this time compared to the planned fire drill that only happened last week. ‘It’s just the system malfunctioning’ Yaz hears a group of older students whisper. ‘If it is a fire do we have to go to other schools to use classrooms?’ a year seven asks his friend as Yaz walks past their forming tutor group. ‘The one time we get to watch a video in class and the fire bell disturbs it’ a year nine girl complains. 

Yaz makes it to her form group who are almost all there together, just missing a few. Their head of house hands Yaz a paper register and again in silence with the rest of the school doing the same Yaz ticks them off her list one by one. She hands the paper back to the head of house, who then passes it to a senior member of staff. 

“Sorry about this everyone, I’m sure you’re searching for a reason for this.” Deputy head Omar Retsam speaks through the megaphone wired up to the speakers this time. He sounds dry and frustrated, leading Yaz and many other members of staff to believe this was caused by a student messing about or someone spraying too much deodorant near a smoke detector. “Doctor Smith has been experimenting again.”

A low muttering of ‘of course’ like laughter shuffles its way through the entire school, including Yaz’s form. She knows she shouldn’t be laughing either and contradicts herself by telling her tutor group to be quiet while she’s smiling. 

“She’s fine, as always, just getting the once over from Miss Jones. And if anything good has come out of it, it’s that a lot of the staff just won a bet.” 

“Told you they take bets.” 

“Girls.” Yaz has to turn around and hush one of the girls in her group. Meanwhile inside her head she’s kicking herself for dismissing the bet as a rumour. She could have earned some money out of Doctor Smith’s scatterbrain. 

“And we get extra fire drill practise.” Everyone watches Donna wrestle the megaphone out of Retsam’s hands before he can say anything else passive aggressive about Doctor Smith. “You’ve all done really well once again and it makes me proud of the school. Please wait until your form tutors dismiss you then back to your classes ASAP.” Miss Noble gives the order. 

Silence is removed gradually with kids laughing and chatting with their friends the second their line gets released back into the wild. Yaz is left to wonder how many times this has happened before and whether it's a yearly- or twice yearly occurrence. Once her line is dismissed back to class Yaz turns and ends up following a bunch of English students chattering about how they want to walk back as slowly as possible because their lesson with Miss Oswald is so boring today. Unfortunately for them what they’re unaware of Mr Smith speeding up behind them ready to tell them to get a shuffle on. The group's pace gets faster and Mr Smith looks incredibly pleased with himself. Considering he’s just found out his sister has essentially blown herself up he’s taking the news well.

“Mr Smith?” Yaz calls out to him. He slows and the puzzle pieces in his mid fit together as to who she is.

“Ah! Dodgeball teacher.” He smiles at her. Mr Smith comes across as much warmer than his sister, Yaz can tell just from a quick glance at his smile. “Call me John, I don’t mind.”

“Yaz.” She swiftly introduces herself properly. “Is she okay? Doctor Smith, I mean.” Yaz asks. She didn’t expect the words to come out with such concern behind them.

“Oh Jess? Yeah, she’ll be fine.” He waves off Yaz’s concern nonchalantly. “You share a room with her right?”

“How do you know?”

John shoves his hands into his pocket, making him look a bit lanky, and sucks air through his teeth. “I get the impression she’s not exactly fond of you from the way she talks. Nor you with her.” 

“Charming.” Yaz mutters to herself.

“Don’t take offence, she's just being a knob.” He says. Yaz feels the muscles flex into a smile of disbelief. “What, you thought I was going to defend her?” John adds, picking up on Yaz’s not so discreet facial expressions.

“A little bit.” Yaz admits.

“Something’s up with her at the moment. She’s just not… Jess. It’s weird. She usually doesn’t blow up her lab until new years.” Mr Smith gets lost in his own thoughts.

“That's… interesting.”

“Sorry-” John snaps out of his internal monologue. “I’d love to stay and chat about my idiot sister but if I leave my year sevens alone for too long they’re going to draw a penis on my cardboard cutout of Emily Dickinson.”

“Don’t let me keep you.” Yaz insists politely. 

“You know what’s funny though Miss Khan?” Mr Smith asks, walking backwards but somehow knowing the layout of the school like it’s the back of his hand so he doesn’t walk into anything Yaz assumes he might.

“What?” Yaz asks. 

“You’re exactly her type.” He smiles and turns around, ending the conversation between them. 

Yaz doesn’t get it. She doesn’t have time to get it. If she doesn’t get a move on half of her class will disappear to bunk off unnoticed and she can’t have that. She jogs back to her class who are standing around needing leadership. No more of her teaching time today is going to be taken by Doctor Smith. 

The second Yaz has helped clear up after boxing club so that weird Scottish janitor doesn’t jump on their backs, she heads home to get changed then goes straight to the pet shop. Yaz drives into town full of excitement that is almost childlike. It’s another addition to her house to make it feel more like hers and settling her in further and overall, it’s just cool. Everyone loves moving out as a grown up and realising they can do whatever and buy whatever they want, including pets. There’s a thrill in the air knowing she’s about to pick out a little companion for the next two to three years that Yaz is going to look after and care for.

Yaz parks right outside the pet shop. It’s a big car park, it’s free and it’s not just for the pet shop but people are too lazy to park here and walk in. With that knowledge Yaz doesn’t feel guilty walking off to quickly buy herself some snacks from the supermarket about a five minute walk away. She has some fruit in mind, maybe some nuts and raisins and some yogurt. As always they’re in stock because no one else eats them and Yaz gets herself a full bag's worth and sets off to the pet store again. Walking out of a backstreet Yaz rounds a corner and undeniably sees Doctor Smith standing outside of a charity clothes shop. Yaz’s good mood pushes her not to cross the street and instead approach the Doctor. The closer she gets the more she sees how the ends of her hair have burnt off and the smell of fire around her is stronger than usual. 

“Hey.” Yaz says to get her attention. Doctor Smith visibly stops daydreaming and locks eyes with her. “You okay?” Yaz asks. 

“What do you mean?” Doctor Smith frowns at her.

“You- your lab incident today. I just wanted to make sure you’re not… you know, damaged or anything.” Yaz is so intimidated by her presence her words come out in a jumble- a wreck. 

“Oh! Yeah I’m fine. Just a quick ball of fire, I mixed the wrong chemicals together that’s all.” Doctor Smith brushes it off. Yaz stares at her in amazement. “Why are you looking at me like that?” Doctor Smith picks up on her change in facial expression straight away.

“I don’t like you but you still intrigue me.” Yaz says honestly. 

It’s true. She’s strange and different and Yaz hasn’t had the chance to properly meet her- although she doesn’t want to now. She can’t see them getting past hating each other so there’s no point wondering what life and work would have been like if they had become friends.

“So I’m a spectacle for your entertainment?” Doctor Smith’s posture turns defensive rather than curious and Yaz remembers: she’s so cold to her no matter how much she smells and plays with fire. 

Yaz holds up her hands in surrender and sighs, not having the time for her passive aggressive nature. “However you want to interpret it, Doctor Smith.”

She walks away not bothering to look back at the mad scientist. Her positivist attitude carries her all the way back to the pet shop, dropping her shopping off in the boot of her car then entering the store. She really does feel like a child, coming to buy herself a hamster like this. If she didn’t know it was the right choice for her, her lifestyle and pet experience at the moment she’d be a little embarrassed walking in and straight over to the glass cages to pick one out. 

There’s a variety of hamsters to choose from and from the personality descriptors on the cages it seems to Yaz that all of these are fairly young and new. Her eyes are immediately drawn past all of the other tiny animals towards a black and white one which Yaz quickly defines as the sweetest, cutest, most beautiful one there. That one. That’s the one Yaz is taking home.

“Come to pick up your baby?” The teen who helped her and Ryan yesterday walks up to her. 

“The black and white one.” Yaz points. 

“Sweet little boy that one.” He smiles. “I’ll get the box and care leaflet.” 

Yaz can’t wipe the smile off her face when the store worker lets her stroke her new pet's head before he puts it in the little cardboard box with air holes, and then into an even bigger box with air holes just in case he nibbles through the first one on the way home. He also includes a bit of his bedding so that when Yaz puts him in his new permanent home he’ll have something that smells familiar. 

It sounds stupid but Yaz even straps the seat belt around the box. It’s better than her driving with one hand with the box on her lap. Eleven pounds, that’s all the actual animal cost her. Eleven quid for a life. Dogs go for thousands, cats go for hundreds but you can get a hamster for just over a ten pound note and get just as much love and entertainment from them.

“Going to be a fun adventure mate.” Yaz says, hearing her internal monologue starting to sound like the weird lonely old woman who lives in the house that kids are scared to trick or treat at. Then she realises she’s talking to a hamster in a box strapped into a car and accepts there is no way to make this not weird. “I don’t have to talk to the air anymore.”

She drives home talking to the animal every now and then in between the sounds of scurrying feet and nibbling teeth. She tells him about her work and how he’ll probably hear a lot about a Doctor Smith but he can just ignore her when she does that. Yaz pulls up at home and has to take a second to figure out how she’s going to carry a live wriggling animal and a bag of snacks inside. She decides to unlock the door and run in with her snacks first, dumping them just inside the door and running back to collect her new friend.

Yaz removes the big box and opens the smaller, half chewed one, and places it in the middle of the glass cage. She watches silently, trying to suppress the childish wonder tickling her brain. Najia let them have mice when Yaz was five, but a much younger Sonya left the cage door open and within a day Hakim had to set up a few traps that weren’t as humane as the ones you can get now to trap mice. The same rush of excitement Yaz got that day she’s experiencing again now but with the knowledge she’s not going to lose her pet this time. Hopefully. If she’s responsible enough. 

The black and white blob scuttles cautiously out of its box to explore. He’s so tiny in there compared to how he looked in the small container in the store. She should be marking a mini essay she set for her year tens but instead she’s pulling out her phone to take a selfie to send to her family back home and then a single picture of her boy to send to her friends. Her friends being just Ryan, since he’s the only one who knows about this.

 _‘Names?’_ Yaz texts Ryan a picture of her new hamster for suggestions.

 _‘Gary.’_ Ryan replies without missing a beat, sending a follow up text with his explanation. _‘Yaz and Gaz.’_

Yaz laughs at her phone screen. It’s a stupid, silly name but she still likes it.

“Gaz it is then.” Yaz tells the newly named hamster. He’s currently digging up the freshly laid shavings and taking some food into his cheek pouches to take and hide. “You are much better than humans.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the hamster has a plotline just roll with it


	4. Chapter 4

“Who wants to see my hamster?” Yaz announces the invitation to her tutor group once she’s registered them all. It’s Friday and Yaz lets them do whatever they want on Fridays, so she only has a short moment to hold their attention.

“You have a hamster Miss?” Alex, one of her year nine boys asks. His enthusiasm does not go unnoticed by his friends.

“Yeah got him Wednesday night.”

Yaz walks over to the small huddle of people who seem to have some kind of interest and pulls out her phone to show them. She’s taken so many photos in the past day and a half it’s ridiculous and she’s pretty sure she’s not got much storage left. The students interested coo over the pictures of her hamster and Yaz feels her heart swell. She let Gaz sniff her hand yesterday after work and he put one of his little paws on her thumb and she counts that as bonding. He’s her first born child now, that’s it.

“Why’d you get a hamster Miss? You’re like- old.”

“Thank you, Samuel, only in my early thirties but thank you.” Yaz says and the students that are paying attention to her laugh as she turns to go back to sitting at the computer. “I got a hamster to keep me company.”

“Do you live alone?” He asks.

“I do.” Yaz says. “Please don’t come to my house and murder me.”

“Are you single Miss?” One of the year eleven girls inappropriately asks. But it’s Friday, Doctor Smith isn’t hanging around to eavesdrop and Yaz doesn’t care. 

“Charlotte I _ just _ told you all I’m a woman in her early thirties who lives alone and has just bought a hamster. What do you think?”

Her group of kids laugh and gently poke fun at Charlotte and even though Yaz finds it funny too, she calls on one of her year eight boys that after just a month back at school has already been put on behaviour report. He sits next to her like he has an answer and excuse for everything. Talking back in class, being physically and verbally disruptive, using bad language, there’s an excuse for each one. Yaz warns him he’s going to end up getting expelled before term is over if he’s not careful and offers him a place at boxing club if he wants it. He tells her he’ll think about it but Yaz knows he probably won’t take her up on the offer. She talks to him for a bit longer to see if she can break him down and maybe get to the underlying cause of the disruptive behaviour.

The bell rings to signify that everyone should start moving along to their first class of the day. Yaz signs the little booklet to let the head of house know she’s talked to Harry about his report. Her other kids wish her a good weekend as they get up and scrape their stools under the tables and head for the door. Doctor Smith rushes in the second she can and before anyone already in the lab has left but in a strange turn of kindness she holds the door open for Yaz’s tutor group to leave.

“Go. Run my children and learn- have a good weekend. If you can’t be good be careful and if you can’t be careful, don’t get caught.” Yaz addresses them and gives them another reason to laugh and be in a good mood this morning. If she can set them up well for the day she’s met her job description for this role. Doctor Smith lets the door shut behind young troublesome Harry, leaving the two of them in the room together shut away from the bustling rush outside to get to class on time.

“Strange motto but okay.” Doctor Smith says. She mutters it, but it’s loud enough for Yaz to know she was meant to hear it.

“What do you mean?” Yaz asks, packing her bag with paperwork as quickly as she can. She doesn’t want to hang around and she’s been asked to cover an English class this morning since the school is low on cover teachers. 

“Don’t you want to encourage them to just work hard and not get in trouble at all?” Doctor Smith raises a perfectly arched eyebrow as she sets out some textbooks on the desks.

“I was only trying to have fun. I’m not their actual teacher.” Yaz shrugs, defending herself.

“You should always teach to make an impact like the rest of us. No offence.”

“Actually yes offence.” Yaz snaps at her. The clear refusal to accept what she’s saying throws Doctor Smith back. Yaz has been passive with her recently and her backlash has obviously come as a shock. “Your brother left a note for you on the whiteboard by the way.” 

“Arsehole.” Doctor Smith mutters as she reads  _ ‘Doctor Smith is stinky!’ _ with a cartoon self portrait of Mr Smith’s face next to it.

“Guess it runs in the family.” Yaz lets herself mutter loud enough for Doctor Smith to hear the jab as she walks past. 

“Childish.” Doctor Smith scoffs after her. 

“Stuck-up.” Yaz doesn’t miss a beat in retaliating, letting the heavy blue door shut dramatically behind her. 

Yaz tries to keep the thought of Doctor Smith’s arrogance out of her head while she attempts to get a year seven English class to follow the instructions and tasks she’s been left to enforce. As a student Yaz was alright at English, better than she was at any of the sciences or maths. God help her the day she gets asked to cover a maths lesson. But English is easy enough, especially year seven English. Currently Yaz is trying to do some of her own work on the class computer while the young kids read a book of their choice and pick out their favourite line to decode.

They’re twenty minutes into the exercise and Yaz can feel the energy in the room becoming restless. Little whispers here and there, pen lids getting thrown around or dropped on the floor so that friends can speak under the table. It was easy to discipline at the start but as the lesson goes on Yaz is losing control. 

“Okay, everyone mark your pages for a second and stand up behind your chairs.” Yaz says, standing up and doing the same. The students are obviously apprehensive and unable to predict what Yaz is about to do. “Are we getting a bit bored?” Yaz asks softly. 

“Yeah.” They all reply in delayed unison.

“Let’s get our brains and bodies going again, yeah? Start with your fingers like this.” Yaz draws circles in the air with her fingers. “Now our wrists.” Yaz says and watches them do it for a bit. “Now our forearms, so only from the elbow.” Yaz sees some students smiling at each other. Some are ‘I’m too cool for this’ looks while others are ‘this is fun’ looks. “Okay so now hold your arms out to the side and make sure you don’t hit anyone circle them like you’re a windmill.”

The room has changed tone completely compared to a minute ago. Everyone is smiling, even the moody kids and the ones that were starting to cause trouble and disturbances. Yaz keeps them moving for a little bit longer to fit the time criteria she knows they need to reactivate the brain in people their age. Just when she’s about to get them to go through the process again, the door opens. 

“Everything o...kay in here Miss Khan?” Mr Smith asks. “Just coming to check in.” 

“Everything’s fine Sir, we were just getting a bit stiff.” Yaz says, trying to keep her cool. A cluster of boys try to suppress some giggles at her choice of words but Yaz ignores it. 

“Very good. I’ll pop back at the end.” Mr Smith nods and disappears as quickly as he turns up out of thin air.

“Now go back through the steps but circle your arms the other way.” Yaz gives her final instructions and sets them back to work straight away, hoping that Mr Smith isn’t secretly intending to tell her off like she’s a student. 

Yaz dismisses the English class that isn’t hers when the bell rings and is almost instantaneously greeted by John and Clara. 

“Thanks for covering for me.” Clara walks in and regains her spot at the teacher's desk. “Only Doctor’s appointment available was this morning.”

Yaz smiles politely. “No problem. I think they did everything they were meant to.”

“With added features. What was up with the...” John sits himself down on top of a desk and waves his arms about. 

“They were getting restless. I read an article once about how kids aren’t really awake until a certain hour in the morning and then when they do properly wake up they’re stuck in a classroom so sometimes it helps just to quickly get them moving.” Yaz explains. “I didn’t have any problems after that.” 

“I might use that, that’s good.” Mr Smith smirks. “You’re a good teacher, caring about their learning like that and it’s not even your subject.” 

He compliments her and Yaz has to laugh to herself. 

“Why’s that so funny?” Clara asks with a confused smile. 

“I- well…” She turns to John. “Your sister has made it very clear she doesn’t think I’m good at teaching so hearing you say th-”

“Oh, God, is she still acting weird?” John sighs with disappointment. 

“What did she say?” Clara leans back in her chair, arms folded across her chest. 

“I-” Yaz stutters under the pressure. “You’re her friend, I can’t-”

“I won’t tell her anything, Yaz. She’s acting out of the ordinary, it’s not just you noticing she’s being bitchy.”

“Well, it is you.” John says, itching his bushy sideburn. “Mostly. But she’s just being odd. Kind of spaced out and no one can figure out why.” 

“I made a joke with my tutor group this morning- you know the ‘if you can’t be good be careful, if you-’”

“Can’t be careful don’t get caught. A classic.” John says like it’s a given. 

“Yeah, I love that one.” Clara agrees. “What’s wrong with that?”

“She didn’t get it. Said I should teach to make an impact like everyone else and discourage them from getting into trouble completely. I dunno… called me childish too.” Yaz gets this morning's events partially off her chest. She’s hoping they don’t react too much to the revelations because the next class is starting to line up outside the door. 

“Jesus Ch- I swear Yaz she’s not- that’s not her.” Clara says, honesty in her eyes.

“I might have a word with her.” John says. Yaz can tell he’s seriously considering it by how he’s staring off into space again.

“No don’t.” Yaz hates the idea off the bat. “That means she’ll know I told you about it and it’s not worth the fuss, trust me.” She puts her bag on her back, once again making her look like one of the students. 

“Thank you Miss Khan. For covering.” Mr Smith says as she starts to leave. Almost ignoring their conversation about Doctor Smith ever happened.

“See you later Yaz.” Clara adds. 

Yaz files paperwork during the second period, plans lessons- one of which will end up being her progress assessment lesson hopefully- during break and sets off to teach her year elevens during period three and four. She’s waiting outside the girls changing room, ready to give them all a two minute warning to hurry them along. It’s always the older kids that try to extend getting dressed so that it eats into lesson time and even though this isn’t her exam class it’s still important that they get enough done as possible. After Christmas, these non-exam year elevens can opt to either use the time to revise or continue lessons. Almost everyone chooses to revise and it’s looking likely already from department meetings that Yaz is going to be the one organizing and supervising the class, so for now Yaz is wanting to push them all as much as possible while she can.

“Miss.” A girl from Mr Pinks class pokes her head out the door. She’s fully dressed and ready to find the rest of her class and yet she’s taking the time to talk to Yaz.

“How much longer are they going to be in-”

“Actually Miss, Ellie and Beth are fighting. It’s causing a bit of a scene.”

Yaz rolls her eyes and guesses she’ll be splitting up a fight before she gets to teach anything today. “Thank you for telling me. Mr Pink’s in the sports hall.” 

Yaz heads in and she’s thankful that that girl came out when she did because the second Yaz enters the changing room she sees Ellie push Beth backwards. 

“Oi oi oi!” Yaz raises her voice to get them to stop and acknowledge that there’s a teacher in the room but the argument continues and the two of them square up.

“You’re insane!”

“I know you fucking did it!”

“No I didn’t you deluded-”

Ellie goes to push Beth backwards again but Yaz stands in the way and takes the blow. Realising she just hit a teacher, Beth steps back and the room goes quiet. Yaz looks at Beth, then Ellie then Beth again. 

“Care to explain?” Yaz asks the question to both of them.

“She’s accusing me-” Beth starts but Ellie, the one with the platinum blonde hair and way more of an attitude, interrupts, starting the whole thing up again.

“I know you did you slag!” 

“I didn’t shag your boyfriend!” 

_ Oh great,  _ Yaz thinks to herself rather than pinching the bridge of her nose,  _ it’s about a boy. _

“Listen- girls- listen, listen, listen!” Yaz has to hold her arms out to stop herself being squished in between the two of them. “Whatever this argument is, it’s not happening during my lesson time. Got it?”

“But-”

“No! This guy you’re arguing over, you’re not going to know him in about five years! I haven't spoken to or seen my boyfriend from when I was in year ten and you won’t know this guy either, I promise you.” Yaz turns to the accuser. “And even if what you’re accusing did happen, he’s  _ your _ boyfriend and  _ he _ would have had to play a part in it too. So please can we all hurry up and get on with our lesson.”

A shameful silence echoes through the changing room. Girls observing scutter past and out the door and anyone else left that needs to change gets their kit on in record speed. Yaz hangs about to make sure Beth doesn’t get shouted at again but leaves when they’re finally separated. Teaching is good. Having to deal with teenage angst and relationships you don’t care about and know won’t last is at the very bottom of Yaz’s to do list. Every teacher has to deal with it at some point and it always causes a spectacle. 

Yaz joins the rest of her waiting class in the gym- which is actually just a mini sports hall off to the side of the changing rooms with an aging wooden floor and one of those climbing frames that folds into the wall that only ever gets used by one class once a year.

“Stressful day, Miss?” One of her boys asks. He wouldn’t have knowledge of the fight in the changing rooms, that kind of news spreads fast but not that fast. It must just show on her face that the day is taking a toll on her. 

“You could say that.” She sighs.

After their lesson, Beth comes up to Yaz to apologise for causing a scene, even though Yaz’s understanding is that she was the one being picked on. They’re alone in the office, which is good since Yaz hasn’t spoken a word of the incident to anyone and isn’t going to bother writing it up. She can tell something up and that the teenager wants to talk about it to someone so Yaz lets her sit in Danny’s comfy ‘boss’ chair and offers her some of her lunch as well to ease the mood. 

“What’s up Beth?” Yaz asks gently. “Why did Ellie start accusing you?”

“Her boyfriend is cheating on her.” Beth mumbles. 

“With who?” Yaz asks, not wanting to make assumptions. 

“I don’t know but it’s not me.” Beth shrugs.

“So why did Ellie start accusing you? She had a real certainty it was you.”

“She saw this.” Beth sits herself up with a better posture. Yaz isn’t entirely sure what she’s about to be shown but Beth unbuttons the top of her school shirt to reveal a significant purple mark on her chest. 

“Oh.” Yaz sits back- the main thought running through her head being _this girl trusts me enough to tell me this_. 

“It wasn’t her boyfriend.” Beth panics. “It really wasn’t Miss, she just jumped to the conclusion.” 

“Why didn’t you tell her who it was if it wasn’t him? Or just pick out a random name to give her?” Yaz asks.

Yaz sits patiently watching Beth tap her knuckles together, gathering up the courage to say whatever it is that’s clearly playing on her mind. 

“Because the person who did this, they… she was in the room.”

“Your girlfriend?” Yaz places her salad lunch down on the desk behind her to give Beth her full attention. 

“Neither of us are out and it would feel wrong to say a boy's name in front of her. I didn’t want to.” The speed she’s tapping her knuckles together quickens. “Please don’t tell anyone.”

“I won’t. Don’t worry.” Yaz sits forward in her chair to get closer to Beth but to also make this next part of the conversation feel safe. “You know I said I had a boyfriend in year ten and that you forget about high school boyfriends after a few months out of school?” 

“Yeah.” Beth recalls.

“A few years after I dumped him I met this girl- Amy. She had bright ginger hair and an attitude on her you wouldn’t believe and somehow it worked for me. We dated and it was so different to what I’d had before. It just felt right and good, and you know what?”

“What?” Beth asks, eyes wide and engrossed in Yaz’s story.

“I haven’t forgotten about her.” Yaz grins as Beth’s face blushes and widens into a smile. “Important relationships stay with you, Ellie’s shitty cheating boyfriend won’t stay with her.” Yaz reaches behind her to pick up her lunch again. 

“I feel better now.” Beth mutters staring at the floor.

“Good.” Yaz continues to grin at her as she reaches for her lunch again. “Next time she says anything to you, walk away. It’s not worth it.” 

“Thanks Miss.” Beth stands, slinging her bag over her shoulder. 

“Beth.” Yaz calls after her as she leaves. She turns around looking a lot happier than she did walking into this impromptu meeting. “You know I’m meant to lecture you about safety and having underage sex, right?” 

“Um…”

Yaz smiles, turning back to her desk. “Go. I’ll pretend you told me it was just an innocent kiss.” She says, promising to turn a blind eye.

Beth shuts the door behind her and Yaz is smug with herself. Despite how the day started, she’s remembering that she is in fact, really fucking good at her job. 

Yaz stays late after school just to finish some stuff up. She’s also taking the time to print and cut out her initials for her tutor groups section on the pinboard. It’s about time she got around to doing it and after today she wants to leave her mark on the lab more than ever. Perhaps that’s why she makes herself wait so late after school: to make sure Doctor Smith has left for the day so that when she goes in there the lab will be empty. 

Approaching the lab door Yaz notices the lights are on, but there’s no sign of anyone inside. She gets her key and fiddles around until it unlocks and she can push inside and gasps, clutching her chest when weird Scottish janitor pops up from nowhere.

“I didn’t mean to make you jump!” He says, accent thick, waving his hands frantically in front of him, reaching out to Yaz. 

“It’s okay. I shouldn’t really be in here.” Yaz says, smiling in relief that she’s not about to get murdered by some random or worse, confronted with Doctor Smith.

“It’s your form room Miss Khan.”

“You remember me?” Yaz asks with gentle surprise.

“I remember everyone I hand out keys to. Jellybaby?” He pulls out a brown paper bag of sweets from his pockets and offers it in Yaz’s direction.

“I try not to eat sweets, sorry.” Yaz automatically denies the offer, making her way over to the board at the back of the room. 

“Suit yourself.” Weird Scottish janitor shrugs, popping a little jelly man in his mouth to chew on. “How are you finding the room?”

“It’s alright if I stick to Doctor Smith’s rules.” Yaz staples the Y onto the wall. Then the K then the H while weird Scottish janitor mops the floor. “And if I can remember how to open the door.”

“The door?” He looks up; bushy eyebrows making the question seem like an interrogation. 

“Yeah, you have to like, twist the handle a certain way and then turn the key and while you do that you have to lift the- my point is it’s an old and very complicated door. Seems to only work for Doctor Smith.” Yaz says. It’s true. It’s almost like the door has a mind of its own.

“I’ll get maintenance to have a look at it.” Weird Scottish janitor makes a mental note by tapping his temple. 

“Thank you...uh…” Yaz stutters, unable to straight up call him ‘weird Scottish janitor’ out loud and to his face.

“My name’s Jon.” He says, not looking up from the patch of floor he’s cleaning.

“Thank you Jon.” Yaz perches herself on the side of the counter.

“The students think I’m an alien you know.” He says, getting his brown paper bag full of sweets out again.

“Really?” Yaz asks.

“Oh totally.” Jon sits up on the counter with her. “The ones that don’t look straight through me that is.”

“I don’t think you’re an alien.” Yaz friendly leans into him to nudge him with her shoulder, taking sympathy in the fact that cleaning and maintenance staff always get overlooked.

“You should.” He says, slowly turning his head to look at her. 

Yaz smiles when she realises he’s joking, helping herself to one of the sweets in his paper bag. One won’t hurt. Unless he’s poisoned them with sonic alien goo or something. 

* * *

On Monday after the weekly staff meeting first thing in the morning Yaz is expecting the day to go normally. She’s not expecting to be greeted by the weird Scottish janitor now named Jon handing her a new key for the new fresh door to L13 that has replaced the old one.

“Wha-”

“Where the hell is my door?” Doctor Smith storms up to the two of them, stopping Yaz from asking what’s happened in a calm manner.

“It’s right there.” Yaz says. It’s not like they’ve taken the old one off and not replaced it leaving just a doorframe.

“No, my door, my proper door.” 

“Jess-” Jon tries to calm her down. It doesn’t work.

“I bet you’ve got something to do with this.” Doctor Smith turns her rage onto Yaz.

“Me?” Yaz asks. 

“Yeah, you.” Doctor Smith takes a step forward towards her and Yaz feels her heart rate increase. 

It is her fault. She told Jon last week that the door was tricky to open which prompted him to tell maintenance and now they’ve replaced the door completely over the course of the weekend. She can’t find out. Doctor Smith can never find out that Yaz was one the one to mention it otherwise their relationship will just deteriorate further. So, Yaz keeps her mouth shut.

“Jess the lock was basically faulty, it was a security threat, you were the only one with an old door left. It was going to go at some point.” Jon hands her her new key, forcing the reluctant woman to admit this is a decision she can’t control. 

“Is it still-”

“In the skip yes but-” Doctor Smith starts running off to where Yaz presumes the skip is. “-I don’t know what you’re intending to do with it!” He shouts after her and swiftly sighs afterwards.

“I didn’t think they would replace the whole door.” Yaz says, handing over her old key. 

“You didn’t do anything wrong.” Jon says. “Enjoy the working lock.” 

The rest of Monday Yaz doesn’t have to see or speak to Doctor Smith. Both of them probably make an unconscious effort to avoid each other's paths knowing that if they so much as make eye contact with each other something will go wrong. They even manage not to acknowledge each other’s existence during Tuesday break, but by Tuesday lunch time they can’t avoid each other anymore. 

They have to stand next to each other in the center of the ‘playground’ since Mrs Duncan didn’t pick up the cones she had set out last lesson since she has a replica lesson after lunch. Yaz is annoyed by it not only because it’s not that hard to pick up and set down a few plastic cones but because it means her and Doctor Smith are having to work together to make sure nothing gets broken, picked up or moved. Despite how they agreed with each other to get along for the sake of their jobs their communication breaks down too easily. 

“Could you just- please just try to prevent them rather than wait until they’re doing it?” Yaz asks of the Doctor. It’s almost like she’s letting them get away with it for her own entertainment. She’s so annoying she probably gets off on watching Yaz get more and more frustrated with her. 

“If your department was more organised-”

“No, your mood is clearly about something else.” Yaz corrects her, not allowing her to place the blame of both of their poor moods on something else. 

“Tell me what I’m mad about then Miss Khan.” Doctor Smith tries to torment her. The tone of her voice screaming ‘I dare you’ at her.

“For someone with a doctorate you don’t half act dumb.” Yaz says. “Academically gifted, intellectually challenged.”

“Right- now this is getting ridiculous.” Doctor Smith takes offence. “You know why I have a problem with you.”

“Yes and I did do it, okay? I mentioned to the weird janitor that the lock was hard to use and-”

“You got my door removed.” Doctor Smith says. The way she can keep her voice so steady irritates Yaz even further. 

“It’s just a door! Why are you getting so hung up about this?” Yaz asks, feeling her temper rise and become harder to control. 

“You don’t know anything about me.” Doctor Smith huffs, shaking her head in dismay. 

“Because you’ve never given me the chance to know you!” Yaz can’t resist getting in her face. 

“Oh yeah?” Doctor Smith raises her eyebrows, not backing off. 

“Yeah.” 

“Really?”

“Miss Khan!” 

“Really.” Yaz stands her ground firm.

“Miss  _ Khan _ !” 

The seconds time her name gets called it registers in her brain and her eyes are drawn away from Doctor Smith. When her eyes land on the group of teenagers surrounding two boys brawling Yaz realises the sheer amount of noise and chanting she just hasn’t been hearing.  She mutters a curse to herself and runs to the situation with Doctor Smith at her side. The other woman disperses the forming crowd so that Yaz can try to gauge how to handle this. They’re boy big strong lads and one of them must at least be six foot tall.

“Boy’s stop now!” Yaz shouts and blows on the whistle draped around her neck as if this is a controlled fight she can stop on her own. 

The two tumble to the ground, one falling on top of the other and Yaz can work with that. As the lad on top lifts his arm back to throw a punch Yaz catches it and drags him up to his feet, restraining his other arm too and walks him away from the crowd and he shouts insults. Yaz feels herself longing for how simple the fight in the changing rooms last week was to sort out compared to this.

“I need staff on duty and people with first aid qualifications to come to the courts please, there’s an incident occurring.” Yaz hears Doctor Smith say into their assigned lunch duty radios. The blonde then sees to the beat down kid as nearby teachers turn up to help- Donna being one of them.

“What’s happened?” Donna asks Yaz, helping her out by taking one of the students arms. 

“There was a fight.” Yaz says plainly. 

“He fucking started it.” The guy shouts over his shoulder.

“Oi, calm down, you’ll get a chance to write down your account. Come on.” 

Yaz thinks she’s done with the situation once she’s written up her account of what happened and dropped the boy off at the headmistress's office. The slip that arrives at the office summoning her to Donna’s office after school tells her otherwise. The issue plays on her mind all the way through the afternoon, wondering why Donna’s asked to talk to her. 

At the end of the day Yaz fights her way through a stream of students leaving school to get to Donna’s office. To her disgust, Doctor Smith is waiting outside too. They stand either side of the door in silence, refusing to look at each other. Yaz can smell the electricity bouncing off of Doctor Smith’s clothes and passes the waiting time by wondering what she smells like to her. Sweat? Maybe whatever the air outside smells like? Dirt- that would be gross. Or maybe she’ll like it and call it ‘earth tones’. 

“Doctor Smith. Miss Khan. Please come in and sit down.” 

Donna unlocks the door and invites them in without so much as looking at them or explaining as to why Mr Retsam is following behind her.

“Obviously you know I’m the head of behaviour at the school.” Omar starts to lecture them as they sit in their seats; Donna on one side of the table with Yaz and Doctor Smith on the other with a chair between them. “And when there’s an incident like this we take statements from the people involved but also witnesses. Want to hear what they said?”

Yaz says yes but her gut is telling her everything about this is about to reflect badly on her.

“So they’ve said, ‘Miss Khan and Doctor Smith were talking’,” He flicks the piece of paper onto the floor and Yaz thinks this is going to happen with every sheet. “‘Doctor Smith and Miss Khan looked like they were, like, in a proper heated conversation Sir’, ‘ the teachers on duty were more concerned with their conversation than watching’, ‘I called for Miss Khan about four times before she heard me all while the crowd was forming’. Care to comment?”

He dramatically drops the last piece of paper and the four of them sit in silence, Omar staring the pair of them down while everyone waits for the paper to hit the floor.

“Omar, pick those up.” Donna says without flinching.

“Sorry.” He scrambles to pick up everything he threw to the ground. Doctor Smith sniggers beside her and Yaz can’t help but smile at him being put in his place.

“But seriously.” Donna continues and Yaz is back to feeling like a kid about to get expelled. “It amazes me that you both were unable to pick up on this within a suitable time. I don’t want to know what you were talking about- that’s between you two- but this cannot happen again. It puts students in danger and also other staff members.”

“It was an honest mistake. Today’s been stressful.” Doctor Smith speaks for the pair of them.

“Considering we haven’t even hit October half term that’s not exactly-”

“This time it’s excusable.” Donna interrupts her inferior. “But it can’t happen again. We’ll be reconsidering putting you two on duty together in the same place if even a sniff of something like this happens again in the next few weeks. Understood.”

“Yes.” Doctor Smith says.

“Sorry.” Yaz adds. “It won’t happen again.”

“Go home. Both of you. Get some sleep and rejuvenate if you’re stressed.” Donna says. 

“Wait, the other kid, is he okay?” Yaz asks. She can't shake that part of this is her fault. 

“Just some bruises.” Donna says. “But neither of them have given up who started it so they’ve both been given a day of external exclusion and isolation for the rest of this week.”

Yaz nods, although disagreeing with how the school is handling it by keeping them out of class. Her and Doctor Smith stand up to leave at the same time, both of them undoubtedly clocking the deputy head standing behind Donna making very little attempts to dumb down his smug attitude and the smile on his face. They both had to take a moment once the office door is shut behind them to breathe out and remember they’re not students, they’re staff. At the same time, not knowing they're doing it together, they end up looking over at each other. Just the sight of Doctor Smith makes Yaz roll her eyes in disgust. Doctor Smith sees and huffs as she walks off, Yaz deciding to walk the long way around to the staff car park so as to not bump into her. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> not me not realising ellie and beth are names from broadchurch until after I write the interaction- ooop


	5. Chapter 5

Yaz successfully manages not to cross paths with Doctor Smith for two weeks, excluding being forced to work with her on Tuesdays and Thursdays. She’s never had two weeks of such peace in her working life like it before. The only proper contact they have is Doctor Smith’s leftover biscuit crumbs clinging to Yaz’s fingertips as she types, but even then she can brush off the crumbs and their irritating nature like it’s nothing and forget about them the second she’s walked out the room.

It’s early October and the weather is starting to turn, leaving Yaz and the rest of the PE department with a lot more strategically forgotten kits and notes from mums not wanting their baby boy catching a cold since they’re still holding lessons outside. Yaz takes it upon herself to remind every one of her classes there are spare clothes for everyone who forgets kit and there are school PE jumpers if they need them. They have a tally chart on the PE office whiteboard to see who has the most student excuses under them and whoever has the least at the end of winter gets a gift from the teacher with the most. Yaz is determined to keep her students in line. 

The week ahead of her is busy already without the addition of parents evening on Thursday evening and now, as she’s been informed just this morning via email, she’s having her teaching assessment. To make it even worse, it’s the deputy head assessing her and Yaz wants to rip her eyeballs out thanks to the fact. Surely Omar doesn’t know anything about teaching PE, plus Yaz is sure he’s still got it out for her after the break duty incident a couple of weeks ago. Either way she manages to speak to her year ten class to ask them to be on their best behaviour for her and they’ll all get a house point before he turns up, standing at the astroturf gate with clipboard in hand. 

Yaz gets them all started on a warm up, making them do a running exercise to get the blood pumping around their bodies as well as warm them up. She works as normal, doing some of the warm up with her students to keep them motivated and everything seems to be going well. But at the same time she calls them into a circle to do some stretches, the voices of thirty over-excited younger students distract her and Yaz looks over her shoulder at the field behind her. With them is Doctor Smith carrying a contraption under both her arms looking like she’s going to conduct an experiment and behind her is a young girl carrying a bottle of fizzy pop and a packet of mints.

“Oh this has got to be a joke.” Yaz whispers to herself. 

“Sorry Miss Khan. Forgot to mention she does these experiments on this day every year.” Omar says and Yaz realises this is part of her test. He’s planned this distraction, of course he has. Who else has their six week assessment in the ninth week? The week before half term when students and staff alike are tired and grouchy and needing a break.

Yaz keeps her chin up, not letting him know she’s onto his plan or that she’s affected by it in any way shape or form. She leads her class through her stretches and tries to explain the first proper exercise for the lesson over Doctor Smith’s voice echoing through the air. Why does she have to shout everything? Can’t she control her class just by talking calmly? And it isn’t just Yaz getting distracted.

“Guys.” Yaz says to get all eyes on her. “If you really want to watch Doctor Smith’s experiments I’m sure she'll be happy to do another demonstration after school for you but now it’s my lesson.” 

“Sorry Miss.” A couple of them mumble.

“It's okay, just focus on me." Yaz smiles. She doesn't want to come across too harsh.

Yaz must use up a days worth of concentration on that half hour Omar observes her, trying not to get sidetracked by Doctor Smith explaining what will happen when she puts a mint into the bottle of fizzy drink or how the pressure from pumping air into this water bottle rocket will make it fly up into the sky. Yaz can practically feel her class muttering with anticipation while Yaz is trying to get hers to learn how to run holding a hockey ball properly. She doesn't let herself get distracted by the cheers from the field and as if the morning couldn't get any more frustrating she feels droplets of water falling over her head.

"Head's up!" Doctor Smith's class shouts but it's too late. The plastic bottle hits Yaz right in the eye making her stumble backwards.

The first thing she feels is pain, the second thing is anger. She removes her hand from her eye and blinks a few times to get her vision back to normal but once everything becomes less blurry she would have rather kept her eyes shut because all she sees is Doctor Smith running towards her.

"Are you okay?" The blonde asks, her hand lightly brushing against Yaz's face. The simple touch makes Yaz's stomach flip and her whole body flinch, pushing the Doctor away. 

"I don't want you to touch me." Yaz says. 

"I honestly didn't realise it would come this way."

"You don't-" Yaz starts to get on the defensive but stops herself, seeing Omar and his clipboard out of the corner of her eye. She sucks it up and pretends she doesn't want to wrestle Doctor Smith to the ground. "You don't have to apologize, Doctor Smith. No one can control the wind." 

Doctor Smith picks up her flying rocket from the floor. "I am truly sorry Miss Khan."

"I think it's best we both get back to our lessons now." Yaz says.

"I'm off too." Omar says. "I think I've seen enough."

Yaz nods to acknowledge her assessment is over but she can’t help but feel helpless about it. She doesn’t feel like she’s done well at all and there’s a high chance she could be put on review. And he was here for such a short time, what’s that about? He might have already made his mind up on what he was going to write about her before he watched her do anything. 

"Should've hit him in the head." Doctor Smith tries to joke as their superior walks off and yes, Yaz agrees with her, but she's still mad about getting hit in the eye, so her silent glare wipes the smile off the Doctor's face. "I'll see you later Miss Khan."

"I hope not." Yaz mumbles.

* * *

Parents evenings as a PE teacher are stranger than most. There's a mix of year eleven students who only come because it's their best subject and year sevens because parents armed with notepads want to know what their children are being made to do. In the past Yaz has had parents shouting at her, accusing her of calling kids fat, bullying them into exercising, even false accusations of sexual misconduct when some at her last school found out she dates women as well as men and all of this because some bratty teenager doesn't like her. However, Yaz has never quite experienced anything like this before.

She's set up in the sports hall and has been non stop seeing parents for the past hour and a half, only now getting a break. She assumed more than usual would want to come and see her since she's new but she didn't expect every member of her year eleven and year nine classes turning up. It's more stressful than usual too with parents of students that she doesn't teach staring at the bruise just under her eye. She gets up from her horribly uncomfortable seat (she doesn't understand how kids can sit and take exams in these for days on end) to stretch her legs and mosey over to Mr Pinks desk where he's unwrapping a bar of dark chocolate alongside peeling an orange.

"How's it going?" She asks to disguise the fact she's stealing a segment of orange from him.

"Not bad. Haven't got another one until half six now." He says.

"Lucky." Yaz says. From the looks of her schedule she's going to be here until the end of the night. 

"It's not that fun just hanging around doing nothing." Danny smiles.

"Aren't you going to visit Miss Oswald in the library?" Yaz teases.

"I dunno, are you going to go and visit Doctor Smith?"

"What's that supposed to mean?" Yaz asks, confused.

"You know. Go and torment her or something. Whatever it is you two do."

"Avoid each other, that's what we do." Yaz corrects him, stealing another orange segment.

Danny laughs to himself then changes the subject. "You know how the first day back after half term is Halloween."

"Yeah." Yaz says. "Why?"

"Are you going to dress up?" Danny asks.

"What do you mean?" Yaz answers his question with a question.

"Everyone dresses up as either something funny or a historical figure from their subject." Danny explains.

"Who are you coming as?" Yaz asks so she can take ideas and inspiration. 

"John McEnroe."

"The arrogant tennis player that swore a lot?"

"Yeah. Gives me a pass to swear at the kids." Danny grins. Yaz is just about to start brainstorming for herself but she spots her next student wandering over to her desk and has to drag herself away. 

The next hour makes her hungry. The hour after that makes her agitated. By the end of the night Yaz just wants to sit on her sofa with her hamster and a nice berry smoothie but she’s got to get there first. At the start of the evening maintenance were working on repainting the PE office so Yaz had to find somewhere else safe to leave her bag and paperwork that has yet to be filed electronically. That somewhere else safe is her form room with the new and improved door and lock. She walks there at a slow but steady pace and enters the room easily, not noticing that the lights are already on.

Yaz pauses. There’s a woman standing over by the stack of draws that she doesn’t recognise, dressed in a crisp white office shirt accompanied by a black pencil skirt hugging every curve in existence, and it confuses Yaz as she doesn’t know who else other than her and Doctor Smith have keys. Plus, she reckons she wouldn’t forget meeting a woman who looks like  _ that _ .

“Sorry I- oh.” The other woman turns around with a blank expression and the mystery woman isn’t a mystery at all. Yaz feels herself blush and her heart skips a beat. “Doctor Smith?”

“I know I look different, don’t mention it.” Doctor Smith returns to placing exercise books back in the drawers she’s pulled out.

“Why?” Yaz asks, moving to retrieve her belongings from under the teachers desk where she left them.

Doctor Smith scoffs, not at Yaz but at the situation, that much is clear. “Parents don’t take you seriously when they see a blonde woman in weird clothes sitting behind the desk. They don’t see me as an experienced teacher of a difficult subject with a doctorate so I dress like a proper teacher. They still call me ‘miss’ either way but...”

“And looking like a proper teacher has the desired effect?” Yaz says, her body walking itself over to the other teacher instead of the door to leave.

“The mums listen to me and the dads drool over me.” Doctor Smith laughs, moving to her own bag to retrieve clothes that look like what she usually wears. Again, Yaz follows her, staying a few steps behind.

“So not good.” Yaz says.

“One parent listening is better than two refusing to believe anything I say.” Doctor Smith shrugs.

“It shouldn’t have to be like that.” Yaz sympathizes with her. 

“I know but...could you- could you just help with- I can’t-” Yaz notices Doctor Smith struggling to unzip the back of her skirt.

“Sure.” Yaz agrees to help without thinking.

She walks the three steps separating them leaving her bag behind but Yaz hesitates once she gets into her personal space. Doctor Smith has asked her to do this so she must trust her somehow. Yaz rests her left hand on the small of her back and uses her right to tug on the zip until it comes free. Not knowing when would be appropriate to stop essentially undressing her, Yaz just keeps unzipping slowly until it feels inappropriate.

“I hate wearing this stuff.” Doctor Smith reaches behind her to brush Yaz’s hand away before she pulls the zip down totally. “Thank you Miss Khan.” She coughs to bring back some level of professionalism.

“No problem Doctor Smith.” Yaz moves away, turning her back so that the other woman can get changed into something more comfortable with a bit of privacy.

“How’d yours go?” The Doctor asks, most likely to keep Yaz from feeling awkward.

“Busy. Probably because I’m new.” Yaz says. “Half my form turned up too.”

“Were they trying to scope you out?” Doctor Smith asks. Yaz can hear her placing each leg into their designated trouser leg. 

“Wouldn’t doubt it.” Yaz leans her back against one of the desks at the front to let herself yawn. 

“Tired?”

Yaz’s eyes open to see Doctor Smith approaching her, tucking her white shirt into her regular blue trousers, her mustard braces hanging by her sides and Yaz curses herself for finding her attractive when she really shouldn’t. It’s Doctor Smith. She hates Doctor Smith.

“Just a long day.” Yaz says.

“Do you want a lift home? I don’t want you falling asleep at the wheel or anything.” The Doctor offers, rummaging around in her backpack for something. 

“I think I’ll be fine. Thanks.” Yaz politely denies. Doctor Smith comes and leans her back on the desk next to Yaz, pushing a tub of biscuits under her nose.

“Here.” She offers.

“I don’t eat-”

“Don’t give me any of that healthy lifestyle bullshit and have a bit of sugar to keep you awake.” Doctor Smith takes a custard cream for herself to encourage Yaz to take part in this makeshift picnic. 

It works though. The biscuit tastes good and Yaz knows she'll probably have enough energy to get home. Doctor Smith is eating hers strangely- taking off the top and eating it then licking the cream off the other half. Yaz would call her out on the strange behaviour if they weren’t both so exhausted and too tired for an argument. Maybe that’s the trick to getting along with each other, to interact only when they’re too tired to fight. 

“I am really sorry about this by the way.” Doctor Smith ever so gently runs her thumb over the bruised part of her eye socket. It’s not as bad as it was when it first formed but it’s still visible and hurts when touched, but Doctor Smith is using her thumb with an equal amount of tenderness so it doesn’t hurt. In fact it makes Yaz feel warm and calm and she certainly blames it on being so touch starved.

“Only an accident.” Yaz says. It comes out as more of a whisper. “You’re not going out with the rest of the staff then?” She asks to change subjects. She doesn’t want to talk about the incident anymore and she wants her to stop touching her face. 

“Nope.” Doctor Smith withdraws her hand. “You?”

“I don’t want to. I hear these nights can get messy.” Yaz says. She doesn’t fancy going out at all let alone to the pub with the rest of the staff until the early hours of the morning.

“Donna buys everyone maccies after.” Doctor Smith chuckles, helping herself to another biscuit. Yaz takes another one too. 

“Seriously?” Yaz smiles, taking interest in what Doctor Smith has to say.

“Yep. Gotta be sober for work in the morning.”

“I don’t drink anyway so that wouldn’t be a problem.” Yaz tells her. There’s a little voice in the back of her mind telling her she’s revealing too much about herself but it’s not loud enough to cause Yaz to listen to it. 

“You teach teenagers every day and you don’t even have a cheeky glass of wine in the evening?” Doctor Smith asks like she’s wondering how Yaz is still standing.

Yaz shakes her head. “Do you?”

“No. Tastes funny. I prefer fruit juice.” Doctor Smith says and then immediately retracts into herself. “I should get going.”

“Gotta get home to someone?” Yaz asks. 

“Pfft. I wish.” Doctor Smith smiles and puts her bag on her back, turning towards the door and not looking at Yaz again. “Goodnight, Miss Khan.” She says as she leaves.

“Goodnight, Doctor Smith.” Yaz replies. 

It’s the most gentle, non aggressive departure from each other they’ve ever had.

* * *

Half term is a blissful escape from everything, even if Yaz does have a few first drafts of written coursework to mark. Yaz knows she’s lucky with her subject and she’s got a  _ lot _ more free time than other staff in subjects like English and Science. She finds herself wondering a lot as to whether Doctor Smith meets up with her brother to get some work done together and if maybe this week will sort out whatever bee Doctor Smith has in her bonnet. She can’t ask and she won’t know if the week off will do her colleague any good until Monday so she tries to stop herself from thinking about it every two seconds she does some work. 

In her spare time in the evenings when she’s not marking or planning out lessons for next time Yaz takes to training her hamster in the evening and calling her mum up for a chat in the day. By the end of the week Gaz has learnt to sit on Yaz’s shoulder to travel around the house with her and if he’s lucky, he might get a treat for it. Something so small is just as capable of developing a personality as bigger pets and Yaz loves the calm and timid nature of him. 

It’s the Sunday before everyone returns back to work and school and Yaz still doesn’t have a costume. So she’s making a ghost out of an old bedsheet. It’ll be so shit it’s funny and that’s her argument about her outfit fitting the brief. She’s cutting out the holes she’s outlined while she sits in front of the TV, Gaz on her shoulder, with Yaz snacking on dried banana chips. She finishes cutting out the final eye hole and reaches for a snack, snapping it in half and then one of the halves in half again so that she can give the little pieces to Gaz to take into his cheek pouches. Sonya always tells her she eats rabbit food but this doesn’t count. It’s hamster food. 

“It’s my bedtime now bud.” Yaz scoops him up off her shoulder. “I’ll clean out your house tomorrow, I promise.”

She places the black and white blob back in his cage and he immediately runs off to eat the stored banana chips in secret. Yaz heads up to her own bedroom- already showered and dressed for bed she slips under the covers and like normal plays around on her phone. She checks her emails. There are the regular ones including the outline for the staff meeting tomorrow but there’s an extra one telling her she’ll be on the first bus pass check of the school year tomorrow. It means staying a few minutes late after school hours which she doesn’t mind. It’s not like she has anything else to do. Hopefully though it’s not just another set up test from the deputy head or a ploy to get her and Doctor Smith working together- an opportunity to catch them bickering and penalize them for it.

But would working with Doctor Smith be so bad? The last time they spoke it wasn’t that bad. Maybe that trend will continue? Part of Yaz doubts it but part of her can’t help but hope. 

The next day Yaz doesn’t see Doctor Smith until she’s dismissing her tutor group. Again, as per usual, it doesn’t take long for Yaz to realise all her fantasies about Doctor Smith coming back as a nicer person will purely stay as a fantasy. 

“What the hell are you wearing a sheet with holes in for?” Doctor Smith asks.

Yep. Still irritatingly blunt. 

“I’m a ghost.” Yaz quickly takes off the sheet to avoid ridicule. It was getting a bit hot under there anyway. “Who are you?” She asks, not recognising who the Doctor has dressed up as.

“I’m Nikola Tesla.” 

Doctor Smith lifts her arms up with a beaming smile exposing more of her outfit. Very late 1800s early 1900s with a waistcoat, tie, pocketwatch, blazer, trousers, still her normal boots but somehow it works.

“Who’s that?” Yaz asks, still ignorant as to who the scientist is. 

“Oh- Miss Khan please tell me you are joking.” Her arms flap down to her sides in defeat, her face looking purely offended. 

“I never really paid attention in science.” Yaz shrugs, logging out of the register system.

“Yeah, it shows.” Doctor Smith rolls her eyes with arrogance. “Not knowing who Tesla is oh my-”

“You know I have had to study some human biology to become a PE teacher, right? I do have qualifications and I went to university.” Yaz says. It comes out harsher than she intended and Yaz remembers how exasperating Doctor Smith can be. Their conversation before half term feels like lightyears ago.

“Alright. I know.” Doctor Smith holds her hands up. Yaz can’t take her seriously with that fake mustache stuck to her top lip. “Just saying he’s a pretty important guy.”

Doctor Smith’s air of egotism follows Yaz all day despite not seeing her again. It’s annoying how she can have such an effect on her just over a moments interaction and it’s visible to everyone. Her students pick up on it, her department picks up on it and her friends pick up on it.

“Hey.” Yaz sighs as she reaches Ryan, Bill and Rose all huddled around one of the serving counters in the canteen.

“You guys hear anything?” Ryan looks around. 

“Not really.” Bill says.

“Sounded like a ghost.” Rose adds.

“Very funny.” Yaz takes off her ghost sheet so they stop taking the mickey out of her. She should have gone for a more simple costume like Bill’s hair net that looks like Frankenstein's monster or Rose’s pumpkin glasses. 

“Cheer up mate it’s halloween!” Ryan nudges her with his elbow. 

“Guys do you know who the scientist Nikola Tesla is?” Yaz asks.

“No.” Bill says.

“Nope.” Ryan shakes his head.

“Bold to assume I paid attention in school.” Rose says. “Why?”

“Nothing.” Yaz mumbles. It’s good to know that she wasn’t just being dumb for Doctor Smith to make fun of her.

“That means Doctor Smith.” Bill says. 

“Wha-”

“Hm, yeah that’s your Doctor Smith problem voice.” Ryan agrees.

“I do  _ not _ have a voice dedicated to Doctor Smith.” Yaz denies the accusation. She rejects the idea of Doctor Smith being attached to her. 

“Yeah you do.” All three of them say at the same time. 

“What does it sound like?” Yaz asks out of curiosity. 

“Post orgasm.” Bill says. Ryan and Rose giggle to themselves. Yaz just sticks her middle finger up at her. “Seriously though, stop letting her affect you like this.”

“You’re not the one that has to see her every day.” Yaz frowns. 

“Just keep hanging around me. She doesn’t hate me.” Rose says, taking a tray of chips and placing it under the pass. 

“I don’t think she hates me either just…” Yaz says. Then she realises what she just said doesn’t even want to entertain the idea that one day Doctor know-it-all and her could be friends. “I dunno. I’d rather she just stay out of my way, then I don’t have to feel anything about her at all.” 

Yaz is so wrapped up in her own mood she doesn’t notice her friends share looks of ‘told you’ and ‘oh boy’. 

“What…  _ do _ you fee-”

“Rose! Burgers!” One of the chefs from the back calls. Yaz assumes today is burger and chips day. 

“Yep I’m coming!” Rose says, disappearing and the conversation moves away with her. Bill gets back to work too, placing out some hot paninis and chicken burgers in her snack section. 

“Stop winding yourself up over the woman.” Ryan repeats. “She’s not worth it.”

“Actually she is quite cool when you-”

“Not helping Rose.” Bill jumps in. 

The staff on lunch duty today open the doors at the back of the canteen allowing a flood of humans in, all hungry to get the first choice of food. 

“ANYONE FOR A BAGUETTE!” Bill shouts, wasting no time trying to attract the kids to her station. It makes Yaz’s ears ring and pushes her away more than the undesirable probability of being trampled by a herd of teens.

Yaz takes her friends advice and lightens up for her last lessons of the day. She teaches them all in her ghost costume to make her students laugh, even if she does get a bit cold every now and then. But she does take it off as she stands outside one of the buses with a clipboard and a list of students to tick off so that they can all see her face. The school pays for local coach companies to do the routes, picking up and dropping off students, all so that families don’t have to spend money on bus passes and the school doesn’t receive any complaints from the council. 

“Yasmin Khan, well I never.” The older cockney bus driver walks towards her and Yaz doesn’t quite recognise him. “I’m Ryan’s-”

“Oh, Graham! Hi.” Yaz smiles. She’s only ever heard stories of him from Ryan and this is the first time she’s ever met him in the flesh. 

“You keeping him under control?” Graham asks, unlocking the door of his bus manually. Yaz assumes he’s talking about Ryan. 

“I like to think so.” Yaz says even though it feels like Ryan’s the one keeping her under control and in line. A boy tries to step onto the bus and thanks to Yaz’s quick reflexes she puts her arm across the door and pushes him back. “Bus pass please.”

He shows her his and she ticks him off the list. Everyone else floods into the bus lanes and Yaz ticks off all the appropriate ones and turns away a couple of people trying to sneak friends in for Halloween sleepovers. She guesses that’s why the school chose to do it today. Most of these buses are full to capacity and if someone brings a friend on one person with an actual seat won’t have a lift home. Yaz then waits the ten minutes allowed from the end of lesson to when the buses depart to see if any late out students turn up. The bus departure bell leaves and instead of leaving all the staff walk onto their assigned buses to make sure everyone is wearing seatbelts. A few older kids near the back scramble to put them on but Yaz doesn’t have to do much else but look at them to get them to do what they know is expected of them. 

“Oi, ain’t it your birthday tomorrow?” Graham asks when Yaz reaches the front of the coach again.

“Yeah, it is.” Yaz says. It’s a little bit weird that he knows that but Ryan might have mentioned it in the same room or maybe Grace remembered who she is and when it’s her birthday.

“Brilliant, doing anything fun?” He asks with kindness. 

“Teaching.” Yaz shrugs. Come to think of it, she doesn’t have any plans at all for her birthday. That’s a bit sad, isn’t it? Turning thirty-two with no friends coming round, no party, no going out and just a face time with her family. She’s not even thought about what she’s going to have for dinner. 

“Have a goodn’ sweetheart. I hope the kids don’t cause you too much hassle.” Graham passes on his well wishes. 

“Cheers Graham.”  _ It’s not the kids I have to worry about, _ Yaz thinks to herself.

“All aboard and off we go ladies and ghouls. Please keep your hands and feet inside the ride through the duration of the journey as a precaution for zombie bites. Unfortunately the undead do not have bus passes so they can’t ride with us this afternoon.” Graham speaks into his little microphone attached to the speaker system on the coach. His Halloween themed jokes make a few of the younger students laugh and Yaz steps off the coach and watches as the army of them drives away. 

Yaz spends her evening alone, watching spooky movies on TV and handing out sweets to the local kids that pop by trick or treating. If any of them go to the school they pretend not to know Yaz and Yaz doesn’t recognise them under their costumes anyway. By ten she tries to settle down in front of a repeat of a TV show she’s seen before many times and by eleven she’s bored as hell but still not tired. She puts her TV on standby and runs through her options. She could batch cook some pasta for her lunches this week or maybe make some sandwiches. Again, like she always does when she’s bored she considers taking herself upstairs for some alone time- slip her fingers between her legs for a bit to pass the time. Again, after a couple of seconds of consideration she remembers how unsatisfying it is when she does that by herself. Maybe that’s what she should do for her birthday. Buy herself a vibrator so she doesn’t have to do anything with much effort. 

Still lost for ideas as to how to occupy herself, the squeak of Gaz on his exercise wheel reminds her she said she would clean out his terrarium tonight. She’s not mad and she knows the animal wouldn’t know that’s exactly what she said but now is a better time than ever to do it. She gets up and gets everything she needs and works around Gaz as much as she can and she manages to clear a good amount of shavings before having to disturb him.

“Come on buddy.” Yaz moves Gaz into his hamster ball for him to roll around on the floor, out of the way.

She’s just about to get the pet safe disinfectant to clean the glass when her phone vibrates on the coffee table. The text is from her mum, prompting her to check the time. It’s past midnight. Her birthday. She doesn’t need to read the text that ends in ‘call me in the morning’ because she’s essentially received the same text from her mum every year at midnight since she moved out. So, knowing her mum will still be awake, Yaz calls her number to see if she can speak to her now.

"Hi mum." Yaz says when Najia inevitably picks up. 

_ "What are you still doing awake?"  _ Najia asks quietly. Everyone else at home must be asleep. 

"Could ask the same to you."

_ "I'm seeing in the day I gave birth to you." _

"Funny, me too." Yaz smiles, holding her phone between her shoulder and her chin so that she can clean properly. 

_ “You should be asleep Yaz, especially if you have plans for after work afternoon.” _

“I’m not doing anything in the afternoon. Or the evening or anything. I’m just staying at home.” Yaz says.

_ “Oh, Yasmin…”  _ Najia takes pity on her and Yaz knows she’s doing it.

“You know I don’t like going out mum.” She reminds her.

_ “But it’s your birthday! Your first one at your new place, surely you have someone special to invite over for the night.”  _

“Mum I’m not dating anyone.” Yaz sighs. For her past few birthdays the subject has come up earlier and earlier in the day but this is a new record. 

_ “Are you searching for someone?” _

“No.” Yaz says.

_ “Why not Yaz-” _

“Mum I just don’t want to date anyone at the moment. I’m fine on my own and I have enough to keep me occupied at work.” Yaz pauses her cleaning to put all her efforts into forcing her mum to accept she’s just not that interested in dating at the moment.

_ “So you’re hooking up with someone at work?” _

“No, mum-”

_ “Is it that Ryan boy?” _

“I’m not hooking up with anyone at work! Since when did this birthday call turn into an interrogation?” Yaz asks. She should have known not to call her mum about this without her dad around to stop her from asking stupid questions. 

_ “I’m sorry sweetheart.”  _ Najia apologises.  _ “I just want to make sure you’re having fun before you’re too old.” _

“Ugh- god- mum-”

_ “Not like that!” _

“Then what did you mean?” Yaz asks, crossing her arm not holding her phone across her chest to wait for an answer. A few beats of silence follow her question. 

_ “Happy birthday Yaz.”  _ Is all her mum says in response. 

“Thanks mum. I’ll call you after work tonight, yeah?” Yaz offers a different time to talk when she knows her mother won’t start picking at her love life.

_ “Yeah, once everyone’s home. Night night sweetheart.”  _

Yaz, despite how going to bed late made her tired, stops off at the supermarket on the way to work in the morning and buys a large chocolate cake. Once at the school she sneaks into the PE department office before anyone else and uses the one knife big enough from the kitchen to cut it up into enough slices to accommodate her tutor group. She hasn’t alluded to the fact it’s her birthday today at all, so there’s a pleasant round of well wishes when she eventually mentions it to them when they’re all sat at their desks. 

“Right, listen! Oi!” Yaz shouts over the excitement her tutor group is expelling through their mouths as she pulls out the chocolate cake. “One slice each, either eat it now before your classes or save it for break or lunch- I do  _ not _ want any emails from staff about you eating cake in their lessons.” 

“You’re a PE teacher Miss, shouldn’t you teach us healthy eating?” One of her kids tries to joke with her. 

“Calories don’t count on birthdays.” Yaz says. They do though. That’s why she hasn’t cut herself a slice. 

“Miss, are there seven billion birthdays a year or 365 birthdays?”

“That… I would say… is a question for Doctor Smith.” Yaz says, unable to come up with an answer. 

Yaz stays chilled out during form time, not doing anything she’s supposed to do but it’s not the end of the world missing one morning of activities. Plus, she turns a blind eye to every student scribbling down homework answers that should have been finished before now. Everyone is grateful for the time and all of them wish her a happy birthday as they leave through the door being opened by Doctor Smith.

“What’s that?” Doctor Smith points at the remains of the cake packaging Yaz is clearing up.

“My Birthday cake.” Yaz says.

“Why is there only one slice left?” Doctor Smith asks.

“Because I gave some to my form.” Yaz says. Her defensive attitude springs up out of her like it’s a sixth sense before Doctor Smith even says anything.

“I’ve told you they can’t eat-”

“Oh! Happy birthday Miss Khan, hope you’re treating yourself today Miss Khan, have a good rest of the day Miss Khan.” Yaz says, imitating what any other normal member of staff would say. “You eat in here all the time. Get off your high horse.”

“They can’t eat in here because there’s a probability of chemicals being left on the desks- I can eat in here because I know nothing comes into contact with my desk except you.”

“Are you calling me a chemical?” Yaz asks, placing her bag on her shoulder.

“Yes and I can’t for the life of me get you off my skin.” Doctor Smith bites.

“Request for me to move then.” Yaz shrugs. Her voice is calm, much calmer than she’s feeling inside. She’s over this. All of it. “Move the entire form group into another room if you can’t stand me. Or take those kids on yourself and free up my mornings.”

Yaz turns to leave without a second thought; silently praising herself for saying all that without stuttering or getting over emotional like she usually does in arguments.

“Wait, Miss-”

“I’ll see you at break time Doctor Smith.” 

* * *

Two weeks since her birthday nothing seems to be looking up for Yaz but for once it’s not because of Doctor Smith. Calling her a chemical she can’t scrub off did actually get under Yaz’s skin so now even if Doctor Smith does make an effort to be some degree of kind Yaz ignores her completely. She doesn’t want to hear it and she doesn’t know when she eventually will. No, the issues grinding on Yaz’s soul are to do with the increasingly bad weather. There’s a storm coming in. The past couple of days the temperature has dropped and the winds have picked up making it horrible to teach hockey lessons outside. Students are grumpy and backlashing against her every day and she’s just about had enough of it. 

Today is the day of the storm and Mr Pink has made the executive decision to merge all year group classes together to either play table tennis in the gym and school hall or badminton in the sports hall and then halfway through the lesson they’ll switch around so that they get to do both. She’s currently got a load of year nines playing badminton to control. You would be amazed at the amount of kids that don’t bother playing and just use the rackets as air guitar props or something to pick at until the tape around the handle comes off. 

She can hear the rain getting heavier on the corrugated roof of the sports hall as the lesson runs on to the point where it’s almost deafening in addition to the wind outside. If she’s honest, it’s a little bit frightening. A clap of thunder overhead doesn’t help keep the students concentrated on their tasks either and Yaz knows she’s going to need to take action. 

“Time for a tournament!” Yaz shouts so that her voice can be heard. “This half of the room versus this side of the room. Here’s how we’re going to-” Yaz stops as the lights of the hall flicker and take everyone’s attention away from her. “We’re going to do it so that-”

The lights fail and the class screams as they’re plunged into darkness- the only light coming from the green glow of the emergency exit signs above the door. Yaz shouts out for everyone to calm down and heads to open the door she knows leads out to the corridor that holds the changing rooms. No light there either and she can see through the window that the maths building isn’t having much luck with power either. She pins the door open so what little light is coming through the window lights up the hall a little bit. It doesn’t do much but it’s her attempting to take back control of the situation. 

“Seriously you are not all five year olds and it’s only a power cut! Calm down!” Yaz has to shout into the room again. 

As soon as she says it maintenance must have started the back up generator as the emergency lights come on. It’s still not much but at least it will stop her students from messing around in the dark. Yaz goes to explain how they’re going to play the game again but gets no further than she did before when the back up generator fails and everyone is left in the dark again. 

Instead of screams this time the students whisper to each other the classic things students whisper when there’s a power cut. ‘By law if they can’t get it back in an hour they have to send us home’, ‘if the heating cuts out and it’s below freezing they have to send us home too.’, ‘what if the buses can’t get here because of fallen trees in the road?’ and so on and so on. Not knowing what else to do- making the class continue in the dark being a health and safety nightmare- Yaz just lets them talk and conspire. A few minutes later Danny brings his class and Mr Thompson brings his group into the sports hall by the light of their phone torches. Yaz gets hers on too and the three of them huddle together to figure out what they’re going to do. 

“It’s not up to us whether they close the school or not but we can’t keep teaching them.” Danny says.

“Someone’s going to end up with a broken leg.” Mr Thompson says and Yaz and Danny jump on him without missing a beat. 

“Sssh!”

“Don’t jinx it man!” 

“I reckon the school’s going to close. The storm isn’t going to let up anytime soon.” Mr Thompson moves the attention away from his rookie mistake. 

“So do we get them changed?” Yaz asks, bringing them back on topic. Danny takes a moment to think.

“Not until we get the official notice of school closure. We keep them in here for now.” He says. Yaz takes his word for it and settles in for however long it’s going to take to hear the news by sitting on the floor with her back to the wall. If anything she’ll be glad if the school closes so she can go home and take a nap.

“Keep them herded up like sheep.” Yaz says not particularly to anyone specific but Danny takes a seat next to her. 

“Not like you to be defeatist.” He says. 

“I’m just tired.” Yaz says with little enthusiasm and a monotonous tone that anyone could mistake for her being miserable. 

“Not sleeping well or is it the job?”

“Both.” Yaz says. “And since my birthday my mother won’t stop badgering me about finding someone to settle down with.” 

“Hmm. Mothers.” Danny nods in agreement. “You’re not dating anyone then?”

“You’re starting to sound like her.”

“Okay.” Danny shuts up. “Do you have any dietary requirements?”

“Huh?” Yaz turns to question him with her eyes although she can’t see much but the outline of his face in the dark. Why would he need to ask her that?

“Every year the prefects put on a Christmas show for the lower school and every year there’s a contest in it where two teachers that the students voted for compete in an eating competition. Last year it was lemons, the year before was onions.”

“And you need my dietary requirements because…”

“Because the vote opened at the beginning of this week and you’re one of the favourites to compete.”

“Against who?” Yaz sits up with interest. No, not interest- fear. Because she knows exactly who else the students could possibly want to see her compete against.

Danny smirks. “Who do you think?” 

* * *

On one of the last days of November Yaz invites Ryan and Bill over for dinner and to show them how to look after Gaz for when she visits home for the holidays. Since the evenings are darker Gaz is already awake and sits him on her shoulder and lets him walk across her and through her hands. He’s so small and cute Yaz can’t think she can love him much more than she does already and yes, even though he doesn’t wake up until it’s dark he still makes her house feel less lonely. When the doorbell rings Yaz places him on her shoulder again to open it.

“Hey!” Yaz answers the door enthusiastically. 

“There’s a rodent on your shoulder.” Bill says.

“Don’t speak about her son like that!” Ryan sucks his teeth in disappointment at Bill, letting himself inside. Bill steps in too, almost with her back to the wall of the hallway to keep herself far away from Gaz.

“Careful, he’ll jump on your face if he doesn’t like you.” Yaz says. 

“Seriously?” Bill freezes in fear.

“No, I’m taking the piss. Come on.” 

Yaz places Gaz back into his house for him to play in there instead, and once she places him down she gets straight to pointing out what her friends are going to need to do when she’s away. She explains how to test that the water is coming out of his bottle, how much food he should have in his bowl and where the food is stored. She’s only visiting home for a few days and she’s going to clean his cage out again before that so they don’t have to worry about hamster droppings. 

“And if you put him in his ball make sure to watch him in case the lid comes off and he escapes.” Yaz says. “I think that’s everything.” 

“Ryan you can do that.” Bill passes off playtime duty.

“Are you seriously scared of that cute little thing? Look at his face!” Ryan says, pointing over to the glass cage. 

“You don’t have to get him out at all if you don’t want to, just make sure he’s fed and watered and basically not dead.” Yaz says. 

“What I want to know is why you’re not staying with your family until new years.” Ryan says.

Yaz sits herself inbetween them both on the sofa. “Because new years means new years kisses and my mother is expecting me to try and find one here.”

“Tell her you’re kissing me. Simple.” Bill suggests.

“I’m not kissing you Bill.” Yaz says. 

“I’m not saying you should actually do it I’m just saying you should tell her you are.” Bill corrects her. 

“Yeah or just tell her you’re kissing me.” Ryan says. “Either one of us would work.”

“Not you Ry, she already thinks there’s potential for a relationship.”

“I don’t like that.” He says. 

“Me neither.” Yaz agrees.

“Could be worse though. You could be dating Doctor Smith.” Ryan says. Bill snorts. But something about the way they easily make fun of her doesn’t sit well with Yaz. 

“Guys… don’t.” She says. They both look at her like she’s mad and she might be mad by defending her like this but it won't stop her from doing it. “Doctor Smith might be shitty to me but everyone deserves to be loved.” 

“Okay.”

“Alright.”

Bill and Ryan say at the same time sharing a similar look they did on Halloween- and exactly like on Halloween Yaz doesn’t realise what it is. Her timer ringing from the kitchen is the only thing that stops her from asking what it’s all about.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yaz in the early hours of her birthday morning after choosing not to masturbate: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oWbr7_7gKs0


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (This work has nothing to do with the actresses that portray these characters on screen, this is based off of descriptions of the characters alone. The actresses are real people with real lives and families that are just doing their jobs, please remember to stay respectful)

When Danny told her about this Christmas show the prefects put on, she didn’t expect it to be this much of a big deal. She thought it would be in the school hall on the stage but a fake stage has been made in the sports hall so the whole school can fit in and watch. It’s probably a safety or fire hazard with all of them packed into one space but the buzz in the room suggests no one is really thinking about that. The drama department has rigged up special lighting and there are year eleven media studies students at the back with a camera filming the whole thing to upload to the schools website. 

It starts with a performance from the staff band, then Mr Thompson does some kind of dance spoof on stage looking like a greased up sleazeball and after that the staff choir sings a song. A few of the prefects perform in their band a song they wrote about the school at Christmas and Yaz picks up a line jokingly pointing out her and Doctor Smith feud. She wasn’t really paying attention and can’t recall it once the song is over but it got a few laughs from the audience so it must have been true to life. Next up she knows is her eating challenge.

“Please welcome to the stage, the new PE teacher on the block, Miss Khan everybody!” Omar introduces her. 

Yaz steps up onto the stage with the school clapping and cheering at her. Omar leads her behind an exam desk that’s been placed next to another with a paper plate on top of it covered with a sheet of kitchen towel.

“And in the blue corner we have the cause for all our unplanned fire alarms- Doctor Smith!”

It’s evident who the hall is rooting for more and it’s not Yaz. The clapping and screaming for her is almost deafening and she eats it up, encouraging them to be louder, cupping her hands behind her ears and they all respond like she’s God. 

“GO ON DOCTOR SMITH!” Ryan’s voice booms through the sports hall.

“Ryan!” Yaz shouts back at him and then mouths the word ‘traitor’ across the room.

“Come on Jess!” Yaz hears John shout his support.

“You have one minute to eat half a bulb of garlic.” Omar rips off the sheets of tissue to reveal the plates with six cloves of garlic each on the plates. The kids all grimace and laugh in disbelief at the challenge they’ve voted for the two teachers to take part in. “You’re not allowed to swallow the cloves whole, you have to chew them. You can tap out whenever but you’ll lose by default and there’s a sick bucket either side of you if you need it but that counts as a disqualification as well. Ready?”

Yaz nods. So does Doctor Smith and Omar counts down from three. Yaz thinks it’s not going to be that bad but after taking just one bite of the first clove her throat burns, her nose is stinging and her gag reflex is already playing up. She tries to focus on chewing and the chanting of her name that’s started rather than the foul sharp taste in her mouth. She forces herself to swallow and puts another clove in her mouth. Yaz grips onto the side of the desk as she tries so hard to power through, turning her head to check on Doctor Smith and she’s not doing that great either. Unless she’s playing up to the audience. However, Yaz steals Doctor Smith’s trick of pinching her nose to dull the taste. By two and a half cloves Yaz’s eyes are starting to water now too and she has to take a second to gather herself, losing valuable moments and letting Doctor Smith take the lead. The chants for her name get overshadowed by the hall screaming _‘Doc-tor Smith! Doc-tor Smith! Doc-tor Smith’._ There’s a clear fan favourite but Yaz will be damned if she lets her win by default. She just manages to swallow the next half of the fourth clove when the media studies students play and alarm tone marking the end of the minute. 

“We have a winner.” Omar picks up Doctor Smith’s hand and raises it in the air like she’s just won a boxing match. Yaz over dramatically slumps over the exam desk to go along with the show. A prefect passes her a bottle and she’s grateful for it. If she doesn’t hydrate herself now she’s going to wake up in the middle of the night with dry mouth for days.

“They’re not going to be able to kiss anyone for weeks. So much for a new year's kiss ladies and gentlemen.” Omar laughs to entertain the crowd. He takes the microphone away from his mouth and drapes his arms over both of their shoulders. “Unless you kiss each other, you know, you can’t tell if you’re both on it.” 

Yaz shuffles herself out of his grip, a little bit disgusted at what he’s insinuating.

“Miss Khan.” Doctor Smith holds out her hand for Yaz to shake. 

Like a fool Yaz goes to shake it and it’s swiftly taken away from her- Doctor Smith’s fingers forming an L shape on her forehead. The entire school laughs again and Yaz feels so embarrassed. It’s clear they’re laughing with Doctor Smith and at the same time at her. 

They leave the stage with Yaz leaving the room just behind Doctor Smith; the school still laughing behind them as Omar swiftly moves on the proceedings. At first Yaz doesn’t realise she’s following Doctor Smith to the staff toilets but when she does realises she starts to run through what she wants to say to her through her head. 

“Are you following me?” Doctor Smith asks over her shoulder. 

“No.” Yaz says. She knows she is. She waits outside the staff toilets until she hears a toilet flush- she’s got to give Doctor Smith a little bit of privacy- before barging in, still very upset about what just happened.

“You didn’t have to humiliate me like that.” Yaz folds her arms across her chest. 

“I thought it was quite funny.” Doctor Smith says, drying her hands with paper towels.

“Well it wasn’t.” Yaz resists the urge to stamp her foot like a toddler. 

“It was just a joke, chill out.” Doctor Smith scoffs so Yaz does the only thing she knows how in these situations and pushes her backwards against the sinks. Yaz feels like a schoolgirl having a pathetic fight in the toilets but it feels good to let out some anger. She’s never had to resort to doing this before with anyone and it feels wrong. She regrets it. But she doesn’t regret the look of shock and offence on Doctor Smith’s face. “Push me again Miss Khan and you’ll have a lawsuit on your hands.” 

Yaz listens to her and instead of pushing her she pulls on her braces, making them both invade each other’s personal space so that Yaz can whisper.

“In January the break duty rotas will change. After that don’t come anywhere fucking near me or I’ll do more than just push you.” Yaz says.

“Fighting talk.” Doctor Smith has the audacity to smirk and raise an eyebrow.

“I could take you down so easily.” Yaz’s voice filters through her gritted teeth. Sharp. Biting like the cold winter wind.

“Do it then Miss Khan.” Doctor Smith dares her. “Give me everything you’ve got.” 

Yaz holds her gaze like a lion tracking its prey. She could do it. She could get in a physical brawl with this woman, lose her job and never have to talk to her again. Or maybe she would just do enough so that Doctor Smith wouldn’t snitch but she would receive her warning loud and clear. Yaz lets go of Doctor Smith’s braces and takes a step back from her as well as a deep breath. She’s not worth it. 

“You wouldn’t be able to handle it.” Yaz says. 

“Oh, you’d be amazed at what I could handle.” Doctor Smith steps forward and gives a breathy laugh that lands right on Yaz’s lips. She hates it. She hates her so much it boils inside her stomach making it painful. Or maybe that’s just the garlic.

“Everything okay? You’re not about to throw up or anything?” Donna comes in to check up on her staff and Yaz sees her as her knight in shining armour, coming to save her from this whole situation.

“Everything’s fine.” Doctor Smith puts on a very convincing smile. “Just teaching Miss Khan not to be a sore loser.”

“Very funny.” Yaz smiles back. “I was getting some tissue for my nose.” She lies. She takes some tissue from a stall anyway since the garlic did make her nose run on stage.

“Well done to both of you. Everyone loved it.” Donna gives a big toothy grin and sticks up both of her thumbs to congratulate them. “Come on, it’s almost over and then we can all go home for Christmas.” 

* * *

“Yaz!” Najia basically jumps into Yaz’s arms when Yaz arrives home on the morning of Christmas Eve.

“Hi mum.” Yaz hugs her back tightly. With all her adventures that happen in her life and her career her mum is the constant that brings her back down to Earth every time. “Happy Christmas.”

“Happy Christmas sweetheart- wha-” Najia Pushes Yaz back by her shoulders. “Why do you smell of garlic?”

“It’s a long story but there’s video evidence to explain.” Yaz sighs. She’s used to basically sweating out garlic by now and didn’t realise she still smelt of it.

Yaz greets the rest of her family then swiftly gets up the video of her and Doctor Smith choking on garlic on the TV for everyone to watch. She hasn’t watched the footage back until now and the first thing she notices is Doctor Smith constantly focusing on her while she chews and spits. The images of the event set Yaz’s blood alight and also at the same time disgusts her as Doctor Smith shovels in the garlic like they’re candied sweets.

“She’s such a nasty woman.” Yaz shakes her head as she relives the moment Doctor Smith was announced the winner.

“Really?” Najia asks.

“Well,” Yaz points her hand at the television screen. “Yeah!” 

“It just looks like she’s playing up for the students.” Sonya shrugs at her. Of course she would be the one to take Doctor Smith’s side.

“She’s always that full of herself, trust me.” Yaz says. 

“If you hate her so much why do you know so much about her?” Sonya asks. 

“Because… I have to share- we just have to spend time with each other at work.” Yaz says. She doesn’t mention that her hatred for her is slowly consuming every waking moment of her days, sometimes nights.

“You’ve got a crush.” Sonya tries to tease. Yaz doesn’t find it funny.

“I do not! She repulses me.” 

“Are you sure?”

Yaz throws a pillow at her sister to get her to shut up. 

The next morning everyone in the Khan household wakes up early to enjoy each other’s presence and help Hakim start cooking their feast for later on. The tradition is to eat some cereal or toast for breakfast, maybe a pastry if you’re feeling fancy, get dressed and ready for the day, exchange gifts and then just chill out until it’s time to eat- helping cook when you can. They’ve just got past the exchanging gifts part when Yaz’s phone starts pinging left right and center. It’s a message from a new work group chat with the school's name and then Christmas emojis next to it as the name of the group.

 _“Happy festivities to you all!”_ The first text reads with an attached image of Donna holding a glass of bubbly. 

Several other messages and a few selfies are sent and Yaz scrolls through them deciding whether she wants to send a picture or not. She drafts up a message of well wishes and chooses to just send that instead. There’s a hundred odd staff at the school and Yaz will only be a few words out of all of them. No one wants to see her mug on their phone screens on Christmas. Some more images pour in of older staff with their kids and their thumbs up, younger staff with their babies, and unsurprisingly a picture of John and Jess in their onesies chilling on their sofa by their tree together. She can’t even have a Christmas without it being tainted by Doctor Smith. 

“Yaz.”

“Hm?” Yaz looks up from her phone screen to see her mum holding a rectangle shaped gift wrapped box, everyone else having left to place their received gifts in their rooms. 

“Anyone interesting?” Najia asks.

“No, just work.” Yaz shrugs and throws her phone to the side. “What’s that?” 

“Don’t let your sister or your dad know I got you an extra gift. Count it as a late birthday present.”

Yaz accepts it with a smile and gently unwraps it to reveal the box underneath. It’s plain white with no clues as to what’s inside so Yaz delves deeper. She doesn’t know what she was expecting, but it certainly wasn’t a phallic object with a switch Yaz assumes makes it vibrate.

“Mum!” Yaz slams the lid of the box closed and pushes back into her mother’s hands.

“Listen-”

“Why would you even think to get me-!”

“I don’t mind if you turn out to be a spinster or a lonely crazy old… hamster lady but if you’re going solo I need you to be taking care of yourself.” Najia explains her reasoning for getting Yaz...that but it’s not a good enough reason for Yaz. In fact she thinks it’s stupid. 

“Mum I’m thirty-two, I am not that old!” Yaz strains her voice into a whine in preference to shouting. 

“Yes but most people your age are planning weddings or engagement parties.” Najia tries to hand the cursed box back to Yaz but Yaz refuses to accept the gift of a vibrator from her own birth giver. 

“I don’t want it mum- just. Leave it.” Yaz says. She can’t even bring herself to look at the box.

“Okay.” Najia agrees. “I’ll leave it on the coffee table and I’ll leave the room. Then you just… dispose of it how you wish. I’ll neve know where it went.” 

“Ugh- God- mum!” 

“I’ll be approximately five minutes.” Najia says as she leaves. 

Yaz flops back down on the sofa for a face off with that damn box. What the hell has her life come to if her mum is getting her a sex toy for Christmas because she’s worried about her being lonely? She could just chuck it down the rubbish chute but it looks expensive and she can’t just chuck away a sex toy in a communal bin. But at the same time she can’t just leave it out on the coffee table of her family's flat for her dad or god forbid her sister to find. She would never hear the end of it. Ever. Yaz groans as she realises she only has one choice and that’s to take it. So she does, and hides it under her pillow. 

Najia doesn’t mention it again or that it’s missing from the coffee table or even throws Yaz a funny look. They sit and eat at two in the afternoon after nibbling on snacks all day and lazing around watching Christmas themed TV. It's a delicious meal they’ve all managed to make. If her dad had been left alone it might not have turned out so good but the Khan women keep that fact under their hats to appease him. Yaz feels that warm feeling in her chest when she looks at her family around the table. She loves them so much it’s hard to process the feelings, even her idiot annoying sister. All Yaz can hope for is for Sonya to be happy and for her parents to live comfortably as they grow older. Yaz stays up and watches a film with said parents once the day has successfully passed until she can’t keep her eyes open anymore. Ryan sent a picture of him after feeding Gaz and it triggered something in Yaz’s body that tells her it’s time to go to bed. 

Yaz lays her head down on her pillow and she feels a lump under her skull. The box. Now alone and over the shock of her mum handing it to her Yaz pulls it out from under her pillow to investigate it. She only caught a glimpse of the contents earlier and she wants to know more, to find out what her mum thinks her tastes are for starters. It’s a decent size. Feels nice. Smooth, but that’s just against her fingertips. 

Knowing it’s a risky move Yaz checks to see she’s closed her door. She has. Purely for experimental purposes Yaz lifts her top up to expose her stomach, her abs less prominent due to how much she’s eaten today, and drags the tip of her toy down it. Still feels nice. She lifts the elastic of her bed shorts with one hand and pushes the toy down just to rest against her most intimate area. Yeah. Still good. Her thumb explores the other end near the palm of her hand, searching for a switch she knows is somewhere and when she finds it, she presses it. 

Nothing.

Yaz pulls it back up and untwists the cap where she assumes the power source would be. There’s nothing in there and Yaz just places it back into its box where it belongs.

“Could’ve at least included batteries.” Yaz grumbles, pulling the sheets closer around her. 

* * *

The first day back after Christmas and new years. Everyone’s had a rest, eaten too much food and are now supposed to be totally refreshed and ready for a new term. Of course there’s a lag of a few days before everyone has that refreshed feeling about them but it’s nice. A brand new year, a year of new opportunities. For Yaz, a year of new challenges. Starting with a visit from one of the school’s welfare officers telling her that one of her year elevens is going to be pulled out of tutor time because she sent sexual photos to a boy over the holidays. It’s not how Yaz would have chosen to start the year but that’s the way it’s turned out.

Yaz remains as cheerful as possible to keep spirits up, cracking jokes and making conversation with the rest of her form to distract from the fact that one of their loudest members isn’t in the room with them. It’s Charlotte, the one that asked her if she was single, and Yaz can hear whispers of her name circling around the year tens and elevens of the room. Luckily she only turns up when Yaz dismisses the rest of her class and Doctor Smith starts faffing around her. They haven't spoken. Haven’t even looked at each other.

“Can I talk to you for a second Miss?” The young girl asks. She doesn’t have the same bravado as she usually does.

“Sure. Do you mind Doctor Smith hanging around? Technically this is her room now.” Yaz checks. 

“It’s fine, I’m just pissed off.” 

There it is. There’s the usual teenager Yaz knows. 

“Tell me exactly what happened because I don’t know the details.” Yaz says. 

“Over Christmas I admit, yeah, that I like, sent some pictures to my boyfriend yeah and then like on new years I saw him kissing that slag from year ten on snapchat so I asked him about it and he said I was speaking shit when I wasn’t it was clear as day filmed and he told me to stop chatting shite or he’ll leak my pictures but I didn’t Miss because I stand my ground.”

Somewhere within her one sentence speech Doctor Smith has joined Yaz at their shared desk and listened in. Both of them are so confused as to what’s just been laid in front of them they’re not bothered by each other’s presence.

“So basically… you sent nudes to your boyfriend, you had an argument, and then he spread them around?” Yaz tries to clarify.

“Yeah.” Charlotte nods.

“Oh, kid…” Doctor Smith says. 

“Why did you even send them in the first place Charlotte?” Yaz asks. 

“Because I wanted to. I’m of age, I know what sex is.” 

“Thing is though- which I’m sure you’ve been told- you are not an adult.” Yaz says to knock down the girls defensive wall. “In the eyes of the law you’re still a child so not only could your ex be charged with possession of indecent images of a minor you could be charged with distributing indecent images of a minor as well.”

“How’d you know all that?” Doctor Smith asks her. 

“I was in the police cadets when I was younger.” Yaz explains. 

“Hm.” Doctor Smith makes a noise and face of approval.

“Did you just admit to being impressed by me?” Yaz smirks, pleased with herself. 

“Maybe.” Doctor Smith tries not to smile. “Anyway back to the point, you shouldn’t be sending nudes to anyone at your age let alone to cheating douchebags.”

“But…” Charlotte starts but she doesn’t finish. She knows she doesn’t have an argument against the two older and wiser women.

“Listen, I understand getting and sending nudes can be hot and yes, you’re right, you are of age for sex but at least wait until you’re eighteen for nudes and send them to someone who isn’t a dick.”

“Yeah your body is precious, don’t just let anyone see it.” Yaz backs up Doctor Smith’s point. She can’t believe she _is_ backing her up but strange things are happening this morning.

“They’ve put me in isolation for it.” Charlotte grumbles. “Can you get me out of it Miss?”

“I can have a word with the head of house but I can’t promise anything.” Yaz says. She knows she’s not going to get anywhere with an appeal since isolation is the procedure to ‘protect’ the students from ridicule from their peers after an incident like this. It’s a stupid policy as it just draws more attention to the situation but it’s better than a police charge. 

“I’ll try too if you want but you need to get going to the isolation room now or you’ll get in more trouble.” Doctor Smith offers. 

“Uuuuugh.”

“Go on and get it over with. I can’t do anything about it if you’re still standing here.” Yaz shoos her away from behind the desk. 

Charlotte begrudgingly walks out of the door giving Yaz a few moments alone to question Doctor Smith before she really must get going to teach herself.

“‘Getting an sending nudes can be hot’. You have a thing for nudes, Doctor Smith?” Yaz smirks at her again as she packs up her bag ready to leave her year eight class.

“Wouldn’t you like to know?” Doctor Smith takes big strides away from Yaz to continue setting up for her lesson. 

“Why aren’t you a form tutor?” Yaz asks out of intrigue. “You dealt with that really well.”

“Now who’s paying the accidental compliments?” Doctor Smith says, pulling out a heavy tray of what look like bunsen burners. “Look, Miss Khan… it’s a new year and talking to my brother over the holiday made me realise-”

“What’s happening?” Yaz asks, wide eyed, as Doctor Smith moves towards her again with a new kind of timidness to her walk.

“- I’ve been a right dick. I’m not saying I want to be best of friends but I don’t want to keep arguing. It’s too stressful and… I just want to start again.”

“It might take more than a few words, Doctor Smith.” Yaz says. Some of the stuff that’s been said and done is irreversible. 

“Understandable.” Doctor Smith gives a swift nod of her head and turns to walk away again. Yaz places her hand lightly on the Doctor’s elbow to get her to turn around mid turn, making her do a whole 360 spin on the spot.

“I didn’t say we couldn’t try.” Yaz says. Starting again with Doctor Smith would mean a lot less hassle for her. All anyone really wants is an easy life, right?

Doctor Smith smiles wide and extends her arm to shake hands on their new promise. Yaz tries to be a positivist most of the time, but she can’t help wondering how long this promise is going to last. 

* * *

Yaz was right to doubt not trusting Doctor Smith’s change of heart. It’s Thursday periods five and six and Yaz has booked the computers in the library for her year eleven non exam class to do some revision- except when Yaz turns up there Doctor Smith has already sat her class down. 

“I think there’s been a mistake.” Yaz says, approaching the Doctor convinced that she’s the one in the right.

“No mistake Miss Khan.” Doctor Smith pouts and shakes her head.

“Um. I think there is. I have a whole class wanting to revise for exams.” Yaz points behind her to the class all standing in the doorway not knowing whether to take off their bags or not. 

“And as you can see my class is about to take part in an online experiment.” Doctor Smith gestures to her year eight class behind her. 

“How can you possibly teach physics experiments on a computer?” Yaz sighs exasperatedly.

“How can you possibly teach physical education in a library?”

“Shush!” 

Yaz and Doctor Smith are both shunned by the librarian, Ruth, giving them death stares over her glasses on the tip of her nose, from behind the circular counter in the middle of the room, positioned so that she can watch everyone and everything. Now aware of her presence Doctor Smith and Yaz race towards her to get her to check on the system who rightfully booked their class in first to use the facilities. It’s a tense moment between them as Ruth pulls up the log. 

“Doctor Smith did book the computers before you Miss Khan, there must have been a fault in the system.”

“See?” Doctor Smith torments her as she gets back to her class.

“You two are worse than the kids, honestly.” Ruth mutters, typing away to see what other computer rooms are free. “The maths computer room.” She says, handing Yaz a key with the room number etched into it from the Technology department.

“Thank you.” Yaz says, taking the key for herself. 

“I’m looking forward to the football match tomorrow.” Ruth says. 

Yaz looks over at Doctor Smith, leaning over a desk with her tongue sticking out her mouth trying to stick a wire into the back of a computer. 

“I can’t wait either.” She says. The idea of thrashing Doctor Smith at a sport she’s good out sounds right up her street. 

After school Yaz joins the rest of the PE department in the sports hall for a last minute kick about. There aren’t enough PE staff to have an entire team plus subs, so some of the support staff are joining them who have an interest in sport. Yaz has been assigned center forward after Danny saw the power behind her kicks and Yaz is fine with it- it’s the position she used to always have on the school playground when she was having a game with the boys. But that means tonight the defenders on their team are trying to tackle her like it’s nobody's business. Yaz hopes no one in the science department tomorrow is as tall as her colleagues barreling towards her right now. 

At the end of their final training session Danny gathers them all together for a pep talk. It’s a bit cringey that they’re even doing it, but the school takes this fundraising event so seriously Yaz suspects she wouldn’t be looked favourably on by anyone if she says ‘it’s only a game’. 

“Tomorrow we’re waiting on the weather to see if we can play outside. It’s not looking likely so we’ll probably be in here so we’ll have to open up the storage cupboards so that everyone can fit in. It’s being filmed so most students will just watch it live online. Please remember it is just a game. No need to go after specific staff members.” Danny says. Everyone’s eyes flicker over to Yaz.

“Don’t look at me.” She grumbles. 

“My point is that yes they won last year, and the year before, and the year before that but it’s just a bit of fun to raise money and it’s entertainment for everyone.” Danny grins at everyone. “Go home. Eat good food. Don’t let the impending adrenaline and pressure keep you up at night.”

The next day Yaz greets her tutor group by reminding them to put all their support into the PE department after school today and they all leave the pound they’ve been asked to bring in in the charity bucket labelled PE. Of course all the money raised is going to be added up together but not before it’s revealed which department raised the most. Yaz makes the charity bucket disappear before Doctor Smith can see that she’s brought it into her department. 

Through all of her lessons today Yaz notices a significant buzz around the students. Whispers and bets being held on who’s going to score, who’s going to win and who’s going to be fouled most on the pitch. It’s almost a blessing that the weather takes a turn in the middle of the day. Since everyone has been packed into the sports hall or are in their tutor rooms Yaz has many helping hands willing to empty out the cupboards to make room for spectators later on. The last two periods of the day are basically non existent with students too excited to concentrate on anything else around the school and Yaz is starting to feel the pressure. 

It’s funny. She’s never worked in a school with this much community spirit before. 

Although the school has a big community spirit, it doesn’t have a lot of funding. Or at least not enough for football kits for the staff. Yaz places her bag with spare clothes in the women's changing rooms anyway, simply slips a yellow coloured bib over her work clothes and heads out to find the rest of her department to do some stretches on their side of the indoor pitch. The music department has done it again and set up speakers in one of the doorways to play cheesy motivational music to pump up the atmosphere even more. They’re halfway through Seven Nation Army when the Science department appears in their red bibs. Together all of them look like a scene out of Harry Potter. 

They keep warming up until the music fades out and the sound of Donna’s voice comes through the speakers giving them a minute to gather themselves and,- to quote- “get in whatever positions you need to, I don’t know anything about footie”.

Danny wins the coin toss between him and the head of science and the match gets underway. It’s a slow start. Always is. Mr Thompson scores twenty minutes in and Yaz is personally determined to score at least once to make up for how the school didn’t cheer for her during the eating contest. She loses the ball a couple of times and is saved by the rest of her department from giving it away to science completely but soon enough Yaz is dribbling down the pitch, leaving her position to drive it down the side but is suddenly faced with an attempted tackle from Doctor Smith. Yaz tries to keep the ball safe under her foot and turns her back to Doctor Smith, refusing to let it go over the line and let science get a free throw in. Doctor Smith keeps her hands up to prove she’s not pushing Yaz but her front is pushed up against her back, making Yaz realise how much she’s sweating. 

“Hi.” Doctor Smith whispers.

“Hello.” Yaz whispers back, not allowing herself to get distracted and lose her possession of the ball for the sake of small talk or the feeling of her body pressed against her back.

Somehow (she doesn’t know how) Yaz breaks free and runs as fast as her feet can carry her to the point where she can score easily without the pressure of anyone being behind her. It must have been impressive considering the cheers that erupt around the hall. Danny gives her a high five that stings and the game continues on. Yaz has one more successful goal alongside her other one and Mr Thompson’s goal leaves them 3-1 by half time. 

“I’ve never been happier to have hired you.” Danny says between gulping down water on the sidelines. 

Yaz is convinced when the second half is going to be just as good as the first but within five minutes the science department scores and Yaz realises she’s cursed herself by being complacent. The next time she gets possession she gets pushed to dribbling down the side of the pitch again and gets tripped up by someone she doesn’t see. She falls onto the floor with the people around her gasping. The first thing she sees that isn’t the floor is Doctor Smith holding out her hand to help her up. Assuming that she’s the one that tripped her up, Yaz swats her arm away and gets up by herself. Of course lots of people see her do it and make cautionary noises but no one calls for a foul or some kind of other repercussion. 

“Play nice ladies.” Omar says from where he’s watching from the side. He’s standing exactly where Yaz got tripped up. 

Getting more and more pissed off the next time Yaz gains possession of the ball she’s determined not to let it out of her sight. She doesn’t check to see if any of her tem are beside her to pass to and keeps her eyes on the ball and the floor space in front of her. When she knows she’s getting close to the goal, Yaz lifts her head up to check how far away she is and when she can start planning whether to pass or try and score herself. 

She raises her head, and she smacks heads with Doctor Smith making them both shout out and fall to the floor. Yaz’s eye throbs and she can’t believe this is the second time Doctor Smith has given her a bruise by mistake, meanwhile Doctor Smith sits up pinching her nose and holding her forehead. Somewhere in the distance a whistle blows and Yaz sees Martha running towards her and Doctor Smith. 

“You need an ice pack and you need a tissue and an ice pack.” She says as her diagnosis. Yaz guesses she’s given Doctor Smith a nosebleed. 

“I’m fine.” Yaz says, desperate to continue and not look like an idiot. She stands but the room spins around her and Martha has to catch her to keep her upright. Her game is over for sure. 

Her and Doctor Smith leave the sports hall to a round of applause and get dragged to the changing room by Martha. They’re sat on the benches not looking at each other, blood still dripping from Doctor Smith’s nose and Martha snapping quick action cold packs on the floor. She passes the first one to Yaz who gratefully places it where it hurts. She can almost feel a lump forming under the skin already.

“Should’ve guessed it was going to be you two.” Martha mumbles, handing Doctor Smith her ice pack and a handful of tissue. “Don’t start beating each other up, I’m going to get my proper first aid kit.”

Yaz sits still and silent while Martha leaves. The only noise in the room is Doctor Smith breathing from her mouth and grunting every time she moves the tissue under her nose. 

“So… this is frustrating.” Yaz says, trying to lighten the mood between them. 

“Wouldn’t be here if you had just looked up sooner.” Doctor Smith grumbles under her breath, taking her tissue and ice pack away from her face so she can take off her top.

“Yeah. Of course.” Yaz takes the ice pack away from her head, smiling in disbelief. “Because everything’s my fault.”

“It is, actually.” Doctor Smith stiffly gets herself up and starts rummaging around in her bag with one hand. 

“How? How is _you_ being so mardy all the time _my_ fault?” Yaz’s voice raises without her actively commanding it to; her body standing to give herself more height. Wanting to get out of there as soon as possible, discharge from Martha or not, Yaz begins to undress herself as well.

“Because I wasn’t like this before you came here!” Doctor Smith shouts at her. Yaz finds her a bit scary and she’s glad she’s a few bodies away from her- but at the same time the bash to the head must be making her crazy because after she takes off her leggings she steps forward to confront the Doctor in all her rage. 

“So what did I do to you? Huh? What exactly have I done?” Yaz keeps her voice firm but calm, not rising to shout or getting distracted by the scientist stripping down to her underwear. 

“You make me…” Doctor Smith crumples all of her clothing into a ball in her hands. “God, I don’t know.” 

“Well it’s obviously something!” Yaz scoffs at her and waits as still as anything for Doctor Smith to say something- _do_ something. But she doesn’t. Doctor Smith turns away from Yaz and fumbles with her white shirt within a shirt trying to get it so that she can pull it over her head. Sensing Doctor Smith isn’t going to give her anything in return, Yaz reaches for her sweatpants to dress herself, but she realises that even if Doctor Smith is done with the conversation, Yaz isn’t. “And you know what, actually I was-”

Yaz doesn’t realise what’s happening until her back hits the cold tiles of the wall behind her, making her skin outbreak with goosebumps or maybe it’s just Doctor Smith, who is kissing her with a force Yaz has never felt before and to her own surprise Yaz is opening her mouth and moving along with her to let her in. Something clicks. All those times her stomach has flipped with rage and hatred: it might have been the wrong diagnosis all along.

Yaz makes no attempt to push Doctor Smith away. She’s good at kissing her- ridiculously, infuriatingly good- and her tongue pushes past Yaz’s lips at just the right moments to make her grasp against her skin. She tastes of sugar and blood from her remains of her bleeding nose and everything Yaz has ever denied herself of. It feels so right and so wrong at the same time Yaz doesn’t know what to do. Her hands are flailing everywhere, unable to keep still like Doctor Smith’s hands that are stuck to her waist. Yaz is gripping onto her like she’s trying to cling onto her senses, her brain is only just managing to keep up with the Doctor’s mouth let alone able to think about what to do with her own limbs but even through all the entangled mess there’s always enough room for her to push the Doctor away if she needs.

Right before she feels like she’s about to suffocate from lack of air, Doctor Smith captures Yaz’s right hand and drags it down the front of her stomach. Their mouths move away from each other as Yaz looks down, noticing that she’s not stopping at the waistband of her boxers. The changing room is filled with heavy breathing and Yaz’s heart thrumming in her ears. Is this real? Is she dreaming? If she is dreaming, why isn’t she considering it a nightmare? With Doctor Smith still guiding her hands she feels her fingertips fall through a forest of hair, pausing just before Yaz can touch the source of the heat she can feel radiating against her hand. Doctor Smith’s other slender hand cups Yaz’s cheek bringing their eyes to the same level again. Yaz doesn’t know if her pupils are blown out but Doctor Smith’s are and she can feel how uneven her breathing is on her lips. They just stand there. Staring. Each of them holding their breath but trying to steady themselves at the same time.

“Make me come Miss Khan.” She whispers through trembling lips, her hand removing itself from guiding Yaz's in an unfamiliar gesture that says 'I trust you'.

Yaz kisses her again to give herself some thinking time. It’s been so long since she’s been with a woman- been with anyone for that matter and she’s itching to show her what she can do. Prove to this woman that she’s not useless- not the cause of everything wrong in her life and her work. Without considering the other options Yaz lets her hand dip lower. She’s so wet with arousal Yaz’s fingers slide through her easily, Doctor Smith gasping, tilting her head back when Yaz runs over her clit, tormenting her like they’ve been driving each other up the walls for months. Her aim is to make the Doctor beg. Make her squirm until the demand to make her orgasm turns into a pleading request.

“Please.” Doctor Smith rests her forehead against Yaz’s- her hands now not knowing how to stay still either jumping from her shoulders to her waist to her sports bra and anywhere else she can think of to put them. “I want- I need- you- I- I want to- to you- I-”

“You’re not making any sense.” Yaz’s voice rattles with how hard she’s trying to comprehend the fact her fingers are covered in Doctor Smith and probing at her entrance. 

Instead of using words since they seem to be failing her, Doctor Smith tilts her head so that she can attach her lips to the pulse point in Yaz’s neck. Yaz loses her grip on time and space. How long has it been since _she’d_ been touched again? Doctor Smith’s hands finally find their places, one on Yaz’s shoulder and the other… oh well the other is falling down the front of her stomach. _This is it. No going back._ Yaz pushes Doctor Smith’s head back from her neck to face her. She needs to see her. She needs to see what she looks like and her eyes are just as pleading as her words. Doctor Smith’s hand waits at the top of Yaz’s underwear. Yaz can feel her fingers trembling.

“Please.” Doctor Smith whispers again. 

She’s not begging for her own release, she’s begging for Yaz to let her touch her. _All or nothing._ Her heart is racing. Her body aches. Yaz tilts her head forward and then-

As if the universe is telling them doing this is wrong, the sound of the door creaking open leaves Yaz pushing the Doctor away after exploring her for probably only a minute and reaching for her discarded sweatpants; Doctor Smith similarly reaches for her t-shirts. Yaz has no choice but to wipe her fingers across her stomach, refusing to put them anywhere near her mouth or taint her clothes. She hates her. She’s supposed to hate Doctor Smith. 

Martha returns. She checks Doctor Smith’s nose first and deduces that it’s not broken and has just taken a bash.

“Head alright Yaz?” Martha asks. Her voice sounds so loud in a room now too quiet for what was just happening. 

“Yeah. I’m fine.” Yaz tries to push out a smile as she puts a fresh shirt on over her head.

“Can I just check your-”

“I’d rather just go home, thanks.” Yaz shovels her clothes into her bag and places it on her back fully prepared to just walk out. 

“You’re not dizzy, seeing double or anything? The match is still going on, you could still go and watch.”

“I’m fine. Seriously.” Yaz says firmly. “I just want to go home.” 

“Okay well if you get dizzy or feel sick go to a&e or call an ambulance.” Martha goes to hold Yaz’s shoulder but in a swift turn of events Martha tricks her and holds two fingers against her pulse point. Yaz has to prevent the thought of how Doctor Smith’s mouth there felt so much better. 

“I will.” Yaz says. 

“I’m serious Yaz. Your heart rate has gone up.” _Of course it has._

Yaz turns around to back out of the door but as she passes Doctor Smith she feels their arms rub together and she feels positively repulsed. Would she have let her do the same as she was doing to her?

“I know you’re serious.” Yaz nods her head to convince her even if it does hurt a little bit. 

“Miss Khan, your top is on inside out.” Doctor Smith says. 

“Yaz I don’t think I can let you go yet. Please.”

Yaz is too overwhelmed to think and lets herself get pulled back into the room and sat down on the bench right next to Doctor Smith. She can’t look at her. Jesus she can’t look at her but just seconds ago her hand was-

“Yaz.”

“What?” Yaz asks. Both Martha and Doctor Smith are staring at her with a decent level of concern.

“You’re not filling me with confidence right now.” Martha says softly. 

“I’m fine.” Yaz tries to smile. She knows it looks forced. 

“Do you want me to stay Miss Khan?” Doctor Smith asks. Except it’s a question within a question. 

Yaz gathers herself enough to look up at her and Doctor Smith’s hazel-green eyes are asking the real question. ‘ _If you’re uncomfortable I can leave’_ is the main sentiment but she’s also asking ‘ _am I really making you this uncomfortable?’_ like it hurts her _._ Like Yaz has hurt her.

“It might help if you stay Jess-”

“Honestly Doctor Smith.” Yaz finds her voice. “I’m just a bit dizzy. You can go if- if you want.” 

Doctor Smith shares a look with Martha then very openly physically gathers herself. Martha continues to prod at Yaz to check her pupil dilation all the while Doctor Smith is gathering up her belongings and placing the ice pack back on her head. Yaz watches Doctor Smith leave out the corner of her eye and even though she’s still in the presence of the school nurse she lets out a heavy sigh.

“Did she force herself on you?” Martha asks gently. The accusation shocks Yaz for many reasons it’s hard for her to focus on just one. 

“What- no. No! She wouldn’t- we both-”

“Are you trying to say it wasn’t one sided?” Martha takes a step away from her and couches down to be at the same eye level as Yaz. Probably a technique she uses to see if a kid is lying or not about being ill. 

Yaz gulps down her pride. “Yeah.” Her eyes drop straight to the floor. Fuck, this is so embarrassing. "I wanted her. A lot, clearly."

"Yaz-"

"Please I don't... these are all very new feeling when it comes to her and I haven't figured them out yet but I know she didn't force me to do anything." Yaz says. It's all she can say.

“Then I didn’t see anything.” Martha stands up again. “Just- calm down a bit so I can actually see if you’re concussed or not. I’ll give you a couple of minutes.” 

She leaves. Leaving Yaz alone to hold her head in her hands and audibly groan.

Christ, this is bad. This is really bad. Fuck the fact that it happened in school, with staff and students down the corridor that could have easily walked in, that _did_ walk in. They could have lost their jobs, both of them. But the thought isn’t as bad as the fact she got intimate with Doctor Smith, almost naked due to circumstance, and can still smell her on her fingers. She’ll scrub them to the bone when she gets home.

Her phone pings in her bag and wanting a distraction Yaz happily searches for it. It’s from Ryan, who is overseeing that the match gets broadcast across the school, and there’s a video attached.

 _‘These kids work fast.’_ Ryan’s text says.

The video attached in question is an edit of the football match live stream on the schools website, specifically of Yaz and Doctor Smith headbutting edited to match the start of Hollaback Girl. None of them have any idea of what that headbutt just led to.

Yaz lets the back of her head hit the tile of the wall behind her. She gets a flashback to how Doctor Smith moved her across the room so easily and took charge of her body while still giving her room to say no and deny her. It would be so much easier now if Yaz had just denied her. But still, that feeling of being wanted, that feeling that rushed through her when Doctor Smith was pleading- begging for Yaz to let her touch her. There is no denying that she liked that. The state of her underwear can prove it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> well


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (This work has nothing to do with the actresses that portray these characters on screen, this is based off of descriptions of the characters alone. The actresses are real people with real lives and families that are just doing their jobs, please remember to stay respectful)

The PE department won the match. Yaz did not go to the after party. Instead, the second Martha said she could go Yaz went straight home and she hasn’t stepped out of her door since. She’s sitting inside her house with her hamster watching comfort cartoons, wearing hoodies and pyjamas and eating so much food she shouldn’t and she’s been doing it all weekend. 

She can’t stop thinking about it. She can’t stop thinking about how she felt on her fingers. How she felt in her mouth, how she felt on her neck and it’s freaking her out because Yaz didn’t hate it. She knows for certain she would have let the Doctor finger her in that changing room all the way to climax if they had had the time because she’s dreamt about it. Her mind has played it out for her already for her. By Sunday evening she needs to tell someone about what happened in the changing room to save herself from going mad. So she texts Bill asking her to come over when she can and use the key under the mat to let herself in. 

Currently Yaz is sitting in bed under her covers with a hot dish of nachos filled with cheese, sour cream, guacamole, black olives, salsa all smothered in the chilli she spent all afternoon cooking. Food gives her something to concentrate on other than the thought of her and Doctor Smith alone in a changing room. 

“What the hell is this?” Bill asks. Yaz didn’t even hear her enter the house.

“I’m comfort eating.” Yaz says, mouth half full.

“Why?” Bill drops her bag on the floor so she can climb on her bed and cuddle up to Yaz. “What’s happened? Other than the black eye, that looks bad by the way.”

“You can’t laugh at me when I say it.” Yaz says. 

“Try me.” Bill takes a triangle shaped crisp and uses it to scoop up every element of the dish. 

Yaz feels the words tickle behind her lips and she gets nervous. She hasn’t even said it out loud to herself yet and it might break her when she does.

“On Friday in the changing rooms, once I’d been sent off, I started having sex with Doctor Smith.” Yaz goes ahead and says it- helping herself to some more of her food to ease the blow. 

“Oh. My God.” Bill stops chewing to digest the news. She puts back her half eaten crisp and moves to sit up on her knees, sending warning signs to Yaz that she’s going to be getting hell handed to her. 

“Bill…”

“How? Why? What- wait oh my God does she say something really nerdy when she climaxes like ‘ _to infinity and beyond!’_?”

“I don’t know.” Yaz says. “I said we started. We didn’t… I didn’t… we got caught.” She says. She feels so ashamed at the fact they got caught- probably because she was on track to the receiving end. 

“You’ve kept this from me for _two days_?” Bill almost shouts

“What am I going to do?” Yaz hopelessly helps herself to some more cheese infused chili.

“Who initiated it?” Bill continues her crusade of questions. 

“She did.” Yaz mutters. 

“And who… what was… who was...” 

“I’m not telling you that.” Yaz says when she realises what Bill is insinuating with the way she’s looking at her hands.

“Yaz!”

“Bill!” Yaz shouts back her name with the same tone.

“Why invite me over if you’re not going to tell me anything?” Bill slumps back.

“I’m freaking out because it’s not like it was just a quick kiss or a declaration of… whatever. It just happened. We were arguing and then she jumped me and I let her.”

“Oh so it was like a hate sex thing.” Bill picks up her abandoned serving again. “This is really tasty by the way.”

“Not really.” Yaz shrugs. She dips the point of her crisp into the blob of guacamole closest to her. “Is it hate sex if you can’t tell if you hate it?”

“Oh no.” Bill sighs. “Now I understand the comfort food.” 

“I don’t know what to do.” Yaz grumbles. 

“I think talking to her might help.”

“Yes because all of our conversations go down well.”

“What are you actually afraid of Yaz?” Bill asks. "That the schools going to find out you had almost-sex in a changing room or the fact you might want to do that stuff again with Doctor Smith?"

“That I might want to do it again.” The words slip out her mouth without warning and Yaz is taken by surprise by her own certainty. “Don’t.” She says, shifting the tray on her lap so that she can eat the rest of it for herself. 

* * *

Yaz holds off as long as possible before entering the weekly staff meeting on Monday morning. She doesn’t want to go in. She doesn’t want to speak to her department and have to lie about where she went Friday night. She doesn’t want anyone to look at her and see the bruising just above her eye that will connect her to Doctor Smith. She doesn’t want anyone to talk to her about Doctor Smith. It’s only when Donna steps up on stage Yaz steps inside. She can’t make it to where her department is sitting so she stands at the side with her back against the wall, hoping it will almost make her invisible. 

“Okay, good morning everyone.” Donna says. The room falls silent. “Not much to say today. The Science versus P.E football match raised £478 which is brilliant. Fantastic display of sportsmanship on Friday even if it did result in a couple of black eyes.”

There’s a shuffling motion on the other side of the room that draws Yaz’s eyes towards it. Members of her department are pushing and poking Doctor Smith teasingly with her smiling as she stands there. She still has her bruise too. Their eyes lock together and the smile falls off Doctor Smith’s face. Yaz feels Bill slide up next to her for support. Or maybe just to stop her from doing something stupid.

“New break duty rotas have been sent out- any problems please email the appropriate staff.” I think that’s it for today.” 

Everyone in the room takes that as an informal dismissal and since they’ve finished literally so early everyone is using the opportunity to have a casual chat. Yaz would go to her form room, but Doctor Smith would turn up there at one point or another. So, she tries to start a conversation with Bill. Her mouth is open for a fraction of a second when she hears her name being called. She knows exactly who it is.

“Miss Khan.” 

Yaz turns to leave but Bill blocks her way. “I can’t-”

“Miss Khan.” Doctor Smith calls again.

“Yes you can.” Bill says and she almost pushes Yaz towards Doctor Smith as she does. 

Yaz stands sheepishly while Bill disappears and she waits for Doctor Smith to take the last few steps towards her. She can feel the nerves rattling around her body and her thoughts equally doing the same inside her skull. 

“Hi.” Doctor Smith says. 

“Hi.” Yaz says back. A common courtesy. 

“Can we…” Doctor Smith nods to the glass doors at the back of the school hall and Yaz blindly follows her out away from their boss and the rest of their colleagues. It feels like so many of them are staring at them leaving together. They get just outside the hall when Doctor Smith corners her. “We need to talk about this.” 

“No we don’t.” Yaz refuses as a way of defending her own emotions. 

“We do.” 

“You’re the one that kissed me.” Yaz senses herself getting her back up in an action of defense. _Stop,_ she tries to calm herself down. Now isn’t the time.

“You kissed me back.” Doctor Smith says. Her voice is too loud for Yaz’s liking.

“We can’t talk about this here. We could get fired.” Yaz hisses. 

“What for just a kiss?” 

“We both know that what happened was not just a kiss.” Yaz says. 

“And I feel bad about it. I should have stopped I- I should have made sure you were okay I should’ve-.”

“Yaz!” The glass door behind them squeaks open and Mr Smith bounces up to the two of them, imposing himself on their conversation. Yaz throws Doctor Smith a look that says ‘we’re not finished’ then acknowledges that her brother is there. 

“Hi… John.” Yaz says, unsure of how she’s meant to make herself sound. 

“How are you? Interesting game on Friday, right?” He grins. 

“You could say that.” Yaz exhales a shaky laugh, refusing to let her eyes drift over to Doctor Smith.

“Hope you celebrated the win. Jess just sulked all weekend, almost like she was having a crisis.”

“Shut up!” Doctor Smith goes to stomp on his foot but Mr Smith is smart enough to know it’s coming and steps sideways like it’s nothing. 

“What? You were- ow!” He doesn’t manage to jump out of the way of Doctor Smith’s fingers pinching the skin on his neck. 

“Doctor Smith, can I have a word with you in your lab please.” Yaz says. If she lets the two of them continue to bicker like children, she and Doctor Smith will never get the chance to address the elephant in the room today and it _has_ to be today. The conversation has started now and Yaz needs it to finish it in one go to be able to live with herself. 

At the speed Yaz is walking it only takes them two minutes to get to L13, Yaz opening the door since she’s ahead, leading Doctor Smith like a dog handler taking her dog back to its kennel. 

“Did you tell him?” Yaz asks once they’re inside and alone. She doesn’t even bother to wait until the door is shut. 

“I-”

“Did you tell him?” Yaz repeats her question with a matter of urgency.

“Yes.” Doctor Smith admits and Yaz feels the stress levels in her body rise. 

“Great that makes three.” She sighs.

“ _Three?”_ Doctor Smith leans towards her in shock with wide eyes that are asking who the other two people are. 

“I told Bill.” Yaz says. 

“You told someone else and yet you want to have a go at me for telling my own brot-”

“Martha knows too.” Yaz says. She doesn’t care that Doctor Smith was just attempting to start yet another argument with her. 

Doctor Smith goes quiet as she tries to figure out how the nurse could possibly know. “You mean-”

“She saw.” Yaz nods, making a nervous fist in front of her mouth. “I don’t know how much but she saw.”

“Oh… shit.” Doctor Smith groans and crosses her arms in front of her forehead so that she can comfortably rest her head against one of the student desks. Yaz really _really_ should not be intrigued by how her body looks bent over a table but everything is so messed up in her head anyway she doesn’t have time to unpack all that. Doctor Smith lifts herself up again looking totally and utterly defeated. Yaz watches as she lifts her arms in a kind of shrugging motion and opens her mouth to speak again. “I can’t say I regret it.”

Her unfiltered honesty makes blood flush hot in Yaz’s cheeks. 

“I can’t talk about this with you while we’re at work.” Yaz decides. Her form will be here in a minute. She needs to start up the computer and get ready and act like everything in her life is normal today when it’s not. 

“Wait!” Doctor Smith manages to take Yaz’s hand, preventing her from moving any further away. Yaz stares at it. Both their hands together. In some ways it freaks her out more than the initial reason why they’re having this conversation. “Yaz.” 

Yaz looks up. Doctor Smith’s face is soft and vulnerable in front of her. This is new. 

“Jess.” Yaz says. Her name. Her proper name feels fuzzy on her tongue like the centre of a lemon sherbet exploding. Looking at her with the addition of her hand in hers words rise up in her throat and Yaz doesn't push them back down. She lets them fall out in a whisper. “I want to kiss you again.”

Jess holds Yaz’s hand a little bit tighter. “Me t-”

The door to the lab flies open and Mr Smith tumbles in with it. He stomps his feet as he catches himself from going arse over tit and clears his throat as he stands up straight. Yaz lets go of Doctor Smith’s hand out of fear of being seen and equally Doctor Smith jumps back away from her. Mr Smith steadies himself, his eye jumping from his sister to Yaz his sister to Yaz his sister to the door.

“That’s a- that’s a very good new door. Nice handle very… very solid. Robust.” He coughs again and shoves his hands in his pockets. “I’m gonna go collect some money from Miss Oswald.” 

He wanders off not looking at either of them again, whistling a tune as he goes. 

“I’ll kill him one day.” Doctor Smith says once the door shuts again. “Can we talk somewhere people we know aren’t going to listen in at the door? Or interrupt- or anything?” 

“My house.” Yaz says. It’s not neutral territory but it’s where Yaz would feel most safe talking to her. 

“You- your house?” Doctor Smith does a double take at the offer. 

Yaz reaches over to the teachers desk and steals a sticky note and a pen to scribble down her address. 

“Come at five.” Yaz says, holding the note out in front of her for Doctor Smith to take if she wishes. Doctor Smith takes the note and nods like she can’t believe it. 

“Until then Miss Khan.” She says, trying to compose herself. 

They’re stuck. Both of them standing and staring at each other not knowing what else to say. Still very much alone with each other. Yaz can see Doctor Smith refraining from looking at Yaz’s lips. Yaz herself isn’t as controlled and ends up searching the body in front of her for signs of what to do. _Do it now,_ the little voice in her head makes an appearance. _Kiss her._ _Look at her face, she wants you to kiss her._ _Kiss her. Do it. Do. It._

Overwhelmed by the pressure her thoughts are putting on her Yaz crumbles under their demands. Doctor Smith, clearly on the same wavelength, holds out her arms ready to catch her. But she never gets there.

The bell rings.

“Doctor Smith.” Yaz steps away and nods. _Why did I just do that?_

“Miss Khan.” Doctor Smith does the same, leaving the room entirely. 

* * *

Yaz finds herself making absolutely no effort to dress up for Doctor Smith’s visit. She wears the sweatpants she spent all of the weekend in and her hoodie. No tshirt, no bra, hell she would have put on her PJs if she could. It’s just what she’s comfortable wearing and she needs that comfort right now. It’s her house, but similarly, it’s her problem that she’s going to have to deal with. 

The knock on the door comes at five to five. Early, but Yaz doesn’t mind. It just means it’ll be over with sooner. Yaz opens the door to find Doctor Smith smiling awkwardly and holding a box.

“I brought Capri Suns.” Doctor Smith says.

“You remembered?” Yaz smiles and steps aside to let Doctor Smith in. She closes the door behind her guest while she kicks off her boots. 

“Yeah. I don’t drink either so I thought-”

“This isn’t a date, Doctor.” Yaz feels the need to remind her. 

“Your tongue has been in my mouth, please just call me Jess.” Jess mumbles. 

“Okay.” Yaz nods- flushed and embarrassed already.

“And I know it’s not a date.” Jess hands her the box of squash. “They should still be cold-ish.” 

Yaz welcomes her to her home as graciously as she can, considering, and leaves Doctor- _Jess_ in her living room while she goes and puts the box of drinks in her fridge. 

“You have a hamster?” Jess asks.

“Yeah.” Yaz hands her a juice packet. 

“I’d’ve got a fish.” Jess says. 

Yaz lets her lips form a small smile at the coincidence as she moves over to the sofa, sitting with her legs tucked underneath her and one of her arms draped across the back. Jess comes and sits on the other side, mirroring Yaz’s sitting position but letting her legs dangle over the side rather than sit on them. Both of them punch the foil seal with their straws and silently take a sip. 

“So-”

“How do we-”

They speak at the same time and both laugh quietly, turning their head back to their drinks and taking another long sip through the straw during the awkward silence. Yaz doesn’t know how to start a conversation like this let alone pick it up from where they left it this morning. It should be easier to talk about than this. Yaz looks up from the space between them on the sofa to find Jess with the orange straw between her lips, just looking at her. 

“You’re looking at me funny.” Yaz says. 

“Am I?” Jess’s brow knots into a frown. Yaz reckons she can probably make a second face out of how doughy it is. 

“Yeah you’re kind of… staring.” Yaz shifts where she sits. She can’t tell if she’s uncomfortable or just afraid to talk to her. 

“Sorry I just- I don’t think I’ve ever seen you out of work attire before.”

Yaz chokes on her drink and places the packet down on the coffee table. “I mean, you have.”

“Oh! No I mean-” Jess abandoned her drink as well so that she can speak with her hands. Does she teach like this? Is she seeing a whole new side to her? “you just- you’re um- you’re really beautiful.” 

“Jess how have we gone from shouting at each other in toilets to this? I honestly can’t figure it out.” Yaz cuts out all the crap, deciding they can’t keep going on like nothing else has happened the last few months. “You said you weren’t like this before I came to the school. What did that mean?”

Now Jess shuffles uncomfortably. Yaz finds it weird to watch her. It’s still weird to refer to her as ‘Jess’ and not Doctor Smith. It’s weird that she’s sitting in her front room and it’s weirder that Yaz doesn’t mind it as much as she thought she would.

“I started to feel… I feel… you make me feel a lot of things and I don’t know what to do with them.” Jess says. She can’t keep eye contact for more than two words at a time. 

“So you were just miserable towards me, for what? Fun?”

“No I…” Jess tries to think of the right words and it shows on her face. “I… am… very _very_ attracted to you physically but mentally I’ve convinced myself I have to hate you because I thought you hate me. If that makes sense.” 

“I think I’m the same.” Yaz says straight away, not letting herself overthink it. She moves closer, intrigued as to how Jess will respond and where the conversation will go from here. “You don’t really hate me, you were just so attracted to me you didn’t know what to do?”

“I mean, don’t flatter yourself too much but yes.” Jess says.

“I’ve always wanted to know you properly but you’ve just been so defensive it was easier to decide to hate you and now we’re stuck.” Yaz hopelessly laughs at how ridiculous they’ve been. 

“So what do we do about it?” Jess asks. 

Yaz raises her eyes devilishly.

 _Do it,_ the voice from this morning reappears. Not as urgent, but still there. She doesn’t rush this time when their lips touch. It’s soft and sweet but when Yaz cups her cheek with her hand and Jess gasps she can’t resist gently slipping her tongue slip past her lips. She tastes exactly the same, just more sugar and less blood, and Yaz wants more. She switches sides just to move their lips together that bit longer before she remembers this is Doctor Smith and she really shouldn’t be enjoying it. Yaz pulls back, just to check she’s okay. From the delayed reopening of her eyes Yaz reckons she’s pretty okay.

“Okay, that works.” Jess whispers. She bites her own lip and Yaz knows what’s coming next. “I haven’t stopped thinking about Fri-”

“Do something then.” Yaz demands. 

She thought it would take a lot more than a few firm words to get Jess to do what she wants but it works. Yaz’s leg gets tugged so that it’s resting between Jess’s thighs and they kiss and grope and pull at each other like they’re each other’s water source in a desert. Any outsider would think it looks like they’re trying to murder each other rather than take part in foreplay. Yaz shoves off the braces and pulls on Jess’s shirts wanting nothing more than to see her almost naked again and maybe a little bit more. Jess’s warm hands equally find their way under Yaz’s hoodie and it isn’t until her hands touch the underside of her boobs her eyes snap open as she realises what it feels like. 

“For me?” Jess raises her eyebrows, looking pleased with herself.

“No. I didn’t- I wasn’t- I hadn’t planned that we would- I just-”

Jess attaches her mouth to Yaz’s throat making her whine in addition to her hands massaging her boobs. Handsy. That’s her new way to describe her. Handsy and so far very good with her mouth. 

“Wait wait wait wait wait-” Jess breathlessly pushes Yaz away from her and Yaz can’t figure out what’s going to come out of her mouth next. “Before I kissed you- the first time- you started saying something. What was it?”

“You’re asking me that now?”

“Yes, your answer might change my mind.” Jess stands behind her question.

“I was going to say I’m actually starting to not mind being around you. At times.” Yaz reveals.

Yaz chooses to ignore the implications of that statement and lets her bodily needs take over completely. She reaches out and feels hard nipples through fabric, urging her on to awkwardly remove Jess’s bra over her head. Yaz knows exactly where she’s going after that, dipping her head down to take a dusky pink nub between her lips eliciting a deep reaction from inside the both of them. 

“Where’s your bedroom?” Jess asks. Yaz notices the other woman is finding it harder and harder to keep her voice steady. 

“No.” Yaz shakes her head deciding they don’t have time to waste.

“Here?” Jess squeaks.

“Uh-huh.” Yaz nods, pulling back to take off her hoodie that’s not making her sweat more than the idea of having Doctor Smith at her mercy. 

“Holy...”

Yaz lets Jess marvel at her body and say her little prayer of thanks to give herself time to figure out how her trousers unclip and shuffle them and her underwear down bright white thighs until they can fall to the floor on their own. Her heart is in her throat as she places her knee between Jess’s legs again to keep them open and part of her questions if she can remember how to do this at all. The second a solitary finger flutters over her clit and Jess releases a moan like Yaz has never heard before her confidence comes flooding back. She takes it one step further and pushes her finger into her with ease. Jess is hot against her finger tip as well as against her ear, softly panting as Yaz pulls her finger almost out and fills her again with a second addition. She moans properly then and Yaz can feel it triggering heat to flush between her own legs. She picks up the pace, letting her thumb bash clumsily against her clit like it’s nothing. 

“I knew you’d be good.” Jess mumbles. 

“You really don’t have to try and flatter me, this is happening.” 

“I know but-”

“Oh my god just shut up.”

Yaz kisses her again to make sure she has no choice but to swallow her words. She grinds her own hips down onto Jess’s leg to chase some kind of release of her own- her remaining clothes are in the way but it’s something for now. Yaz keeps her hand moving fast and consistent, reaching deep enough a few times to make Jess groan from the pit of her guts. All the while Jess remains to be handsy, stroking the curve of Yaz’s backside, her hips, her stomach, her tits, everything to wind her up and get ready for her turn because it is so damn obvious Jess isn’t going to let her just walk away like last time. 

“Slow down.” Jess says all of a sudden, gripping onto Yaz’s shoulder. “Yaz- slow down- I’ll- too soon- I can’t- I’ll-”

“Isn’t that what you wanted me to do in the first place?” Yaz teases by whispering against her earlobe. Jess stays quiet, trying to control herself, so Yaz leaves kisses from the joint of her jaw all around to her chin, bringing her face up to let her see her mouth form the magic command word. “Come.”

Jess can’t hold herself together any longer and Yaz herself moans at the sensation of her inner walls gripping tight to the rhythm of her heart against her fingers. Removing her hand from where heat burns hottest Yaz cleans her wet fingers by letting her tongue and mouth lap over them. Yaz doesn’t note how she tastes as her only motive is to try and get her hand clean to remove the rest of her clothes but the action must have sent the scientist feral as her body is soon being lifted and laid down on the sofa. 

“You’re so fucking sexy.” Jess rids of Yaz’s joggers in a blink of an eye and hooks one of her legs up on her hip. “Please.”

“Don’t think I’m not taking notice of the fact you like to beg.” Yaz warns. She thinks if Jess says please one more time she’ll have to give her something she _really_ has to beg for. 

Jess takes the hint to keep her mouth busy and heads down Yaz’s body, leaving a trail of kisses on her way. Yaz can only watch as Jess covers the whole of her vulva with her mouth and uses her teeth to pinch her underwear and drag it down her legs right to the very end. Suddenly very naked and exposed Yaz realises how much trust she’s actually putting into this woman but she has no more than a millisecond to think about it before she feels the tip of Jess’s tongue flick against her clit. She hisses, oversensitive from not being touched anywhere else down there yet. Jess works so beautifully around her Yaz’s hand flies over her mouth to repress her moan when She swirls over her nerves again. Just as quickly as her arm gets there, Jess’s hand is pulling it away, gripping on her wrist to stop her from ever denying herself from making sounds again.

“Jess.” Yaz says. She doesn’t have anything else to say. Just her name. Just as an encouragement. 

Jess’s hand removes itself from Yaz’s wrist and a finger goes straight into her core so that her mouth can focus on stimulating her clit. Yaz thinks she might explode- she might shout or cry or scream at how good it feels to have someone between her legs paying attention to her needs. If Jess thinks she was quick to finish Yaz is set to be quicker. She can feel it coiling around her entire body like she’s being strangled by barbed wire and Jess is the only one with wire cutters strong enough to cut through. And she snaps, rocking her body against Jess’s face to keep the orgasm rolling through her and to keep Jess’s finger in her for as long as possible. When Jess is finally set free she moves up and lays silently on Yaz’s chest.

“I guess this changes some things.” Jess says. 

“Don’t get smart.” Yaz mumbles.

“Okay.” 

“What are we calling this?” Jess asks as Yaz follows her into the hallway, fully dressed but with a bad case of post-coitus hair. 

“Nothing because no one’s going to know.” Yaz folds her arms to let her know she’s serious. Not a single soul is going to know about their little arrangement. 

“Bang buddies? Friends with benefits?” Jess suggests while she slips on her boots. 

“We are not friends.” Yaz snorts. 

“Okay fine, what about-”

“Jess, we're just two people that find each other attractive and can’t get it anywhere else.” Yaz cuts her short. It sounds harsh but the truth is often always harsh. 

“So you admit this is going to happen again.” Jess smirks. 

“If you don’t piss me off too much.” Yaz threatens. She knows she’ll probably give in to her anyway but she’s not going to let her know that. 

“Challenge accepted.” Jess smiles as she slips her coat on her shoulders. She’s kind of cute when she smiles.

Yaz opens the door to let her out and in a twist of surprise Jess kisses her again with one hand on her cheek and another on her waist. Yaz’s brain is still mush and she lets her kiss her like it’s nothing before kicking her out with a small wave. 

***

“You’re in a good mood today.” Bill says. Yaz let herself sleep in so she’s in the canteen to buy some food.

“Am I?” Yaz leans against the counter as far as she can without her head getting burnt by the heat light. 

“Yeah. Miles better than yesterday.” Bill continues to insist that Yaz’s mood has improved greatly. 

“I don’t know what you mean.” Yaz says, placing her finger on the scanner so that Bill can charge her. “Can I have a croissant please.”

“Eating sugar at work? Now I know something’s up.” Bill teases but punches in the cost on screen anyway and hands Yaz the pastry in a napkin.

“Nothing’s up I just-”

Bill coughs suspiciously causing Yaz to stop talking and look behind her. Doctor Smith is striding towards her with a cartoon of juice in her hand that she must have got from the refrigerated section. Yaz gets flashbacks to the night before as she gets closer, thinking about how close they got, how she took off her clothes, how Doctor Smith _specifically_ took her underwear off. She has a certain spring to her step too and Yaz hopes Bill isn’t picking up on it. 

Instead of asking Yaz to move so that she can get to the finger scanner she grabs a bacon butty as well and leans in towards Yaz. her scent fills all of Yaz’s senses and it’s hard to keep her poker face. Once her finger is scanned and Bill has said she’s paid Doctor Smith stabs her drink with a straw. Only now does Yaz notice: it’s a Capri Sun. 

“Good morning Miss Khan.” She says, sipping on her juice. 

“Doctor Smith.” Yaz finds it impossible to hide a slight smile at how brazen the other is being. 

Doctor Smith walks off like nothing happened, leaving Yaz to fall under the cursed stare of her friend on the other side of the counter. 

“So.” Bill says. 

“So?” Yaz asks. 

“So.” Bill repeats. 

“What?” Yaz bites into her croissant so that whatever Bill asks next she’ll have a reason to have a delayed response. 

“What’s up with that?” Bill asks. Yaz chews until she can’t anymore, swallows, and is unable to think of any kind of acceptable answer so she takes another bite. Bill stares at her with a look of shock and at the same time disappointment. “Tell me you didn’t.”

“It’s just sex.” Yaz shrugs, keeping her voice low. 

“Just sex?” Bill raises her eyebrows, obviously not believing her. 

“Just sex.” Yaz nods. 

“Are you sure?”

“Yes!” Yaz opens her eyes and her arms wide to drive home her point. It’s not like she can shout it in the middle of a canteen already starting to accommodate a few of the teenage students. 

“Bet that’s what you sounded like last night.” Bill teases, collecting a new bun to cut in half and make another bacon sandwich. 

“I will throw these cornflakes at you.” Yaz says, grabbing the small single potion box in front of her. 

“Careful mate don’t get too close to the cornflakes, you might lose your appetite for her.”

Yaz grins and her friend taking the piss and throws it just hard enough to hit Bill in the chest. 

“What’s up? Why are you throwing my cereals?” Rose arrives to help Bill start serving more kids as the buses are starting to turn up. 

“Yaz had sex with-”

“Ssssh! We’re in a school!” Yaz tries to hush her into silence but silence is wishful thinking.

“That didn’t stop you the first time.” Bill says. 

“Whoa hold on I’m- I don’t understand what we’re talking about?” Rose asks. Yaz would be just as lost if she had entered this conversation at the same stage. 

“Yaz slept with Doctor Smith.” Bill says. Yaz just bites down into her breakfast again.

“Well shit.” Rose says, not looking very shocked or taken back at all. “I owe John money.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gaz watching them have sex in front if him from his cage: seriously? right in front of my salad


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> weed gets mentioned in this one  
> (This work has nothing to do with the actresses that portray these characters on screen, this is based off of descriptions of the characters alone. The actresses are real people with real lives and families that are just doing their jobs, please remember to stay respectful)

“I’m sorry.” Yaz apologises as they lay in bed only just having recovered. In the heat of the moment ripping off shirts is fun and sexy but when your hookup has to get dressed again and her shirt is almost ripped beyond repair it really isn’t as fun and sexy, it just creates a predicament.

Their situation together has worked out quite well this week. The second time they had sex together it got rid off all of their residual nerves and the rest of the time has meant absolutely no arguments at work. Not even one bad look. 

“You really hated me today, didn’t you.” Jess smirks, running the torn fabric through her hands, assessing whether she can send it to the textiles department for them to fix. 

“You shouldn’t have tormented me while I was trying to speak to our boss.” Yaz says. 

“But that was fun.” Jess rasps in an attempt to flirt.

“Not for me.” Yaz shakes her head lightly. 

“Really? Didn’t seem like it at the time.” Jess tries to act innocent, running her fingers up and down Yaz’s thigh in a similar fashion to what happened this morning. 

“You hid under the desk and tried to touch me up.” Yaz removes her hand. Not because she doesn’t like it but because she’s trying to make a point.

“Lead to good sex though.” Jess pouts.

“I always give you good sex.” Yaz repositions herself so that she can rest on her head on its side right next to the blonde. She smells of blown plug sockets, electricity and sweat today and Yaz wonders what kind of experiment went wrong to make the natural perfume. “Seriously though Jess, don’t do that again. Not at school.”

“Okay.” Jess nods seriously. Respectfully. “I’ll just have to come round here more often.” The seriousness in her face disappears and is replaced by a suggestive grin.

“You come enough.” Yaz rasps, raising her hand from her waist up to her closest breast, rolling her palm over her until she feels her nipple grow hard underneath her touch. She smiles, biting her lip slightly as she watches Jess go from playful to stone cold serious. 

“Don’t start me up again.” Jess threatens. 

“Or what?” Yaz grins now knowing she has the upper hand. 

Or maybe she doesn't, because Jess swings her legs out of bed and retrieves her clothes that aren’t ridiculously ripped to shreds.

“Yaz I don’t have time to play games.” Jess says. The funs over. 

“Borrow one of my shirts, bottom draw.” Yaz says.

“Thank you. I’ll wash it over the weekend.” 

With her saying that Yaz realises they haven’t discussed if they’re allowed to contact each other over the weekends for a bit of fun. They’ve only been doing this for a week and they haven’t had a day yet when they’ve not seen each other ‘after school’ if you want to put it that way. Would it be weird to do that? They should probably take a break anyway and seeing each other at work five days a week used to be enough anyway. Yaz thinks it over as she dresses herself. She’ll have a shower once Jess is dressed but it feels strange to stay nude while the other is slowly regaining their clothing. 

“Yaz.” Jess calls her.

“Yeah?”

“What the fuck is this?” Jess asks. 

Yaz turns to see her holding the toy she got for Christmas. If she’s honest she forgot she put it in there. Out of sight, out of mind, she guesses. 

“There’s a story to it.” Yaz says, getting up to take it away from her lover, fully aware that everything below her waist is still on show. 

“No batteries?” Jess kinks an eyebrow as she checks. 

“Because I haven’t used it.”

“So why do you have it?” Jess pokes Yaz’s shoulder with it like a child would poke their parent with a stick they were proud of finding. 

“My mum got it for me.”

“Your mother brought you a vibrating dildo.” Jess says. Yaz understands that there's a lot to unpack in that sentence.

“She was concerned that I was too alone for my age and I wasn’t being ‘taken care of’.”

“I should send her a letter to thank her for her concern but it’s not needed.” Jess continues to analyse the shape and functions of the mechanical length in her hands. 

“No.” Yaz snatches it away from her and throws it onto tousled sheets.

“You’re saying I don’t take care of you?” Jess asks. Yaz slides her hands over her collarbones, her shoulders, then lets them dangle behind Jess’ back. 

“You’re the reason I get so frustrated in the first place.” 

Yaz kisses Jess again in the hopes that maybe she can stay a bit longer. The deeper she kisses the more she hopes and the harder her illusion of success is shattered when Jess pulls away. 

“No, seriously, I need to go.” Jess collects her phone from the floor and shoves it in her pocket. She then finds her braces and clips them back on. 

“Where are you rushing off to anyway?” Yaz asks. 

“What’s it to you?” Jess asks, tucking in her shirt. Yaz shouldn’t find it attractive but she does. 

“Nothing. Just wondering.” She shrugs. Her voice isn’t very convincing and she knows it isn’t from the look of Jess’ face- her lips falling into a tiny smirk at Yaz’s intrigue at her whereabouts. 

“I’m going home to make dinner. I’m hungry.” Jess says. 

“You should have told me I could have made dinner.” Yaz argues. 

“I don’t come here to eat your health foods, I come here to eat you out.” 

“You’re right, you're right." Yaz folds her arms having to check herself. When they’re in bed together they’re Yaz and Jess. Any other time they’re Miss Khan and Doctor Smith and they can’t stand each other, let alone sit down in Yaz’s house and eat food together. 

“I’ll show myself out.” Jess steals another kiss from Yaz and she lets her hand stroke a bare bum cheek. “You’re brilliant.”

“I know.” Yaz stands smugly watching Jess leave her room without looking back.

* * *

Monday morning Yaz can’t get the class computer to start up. She’s tried everything she knows and everything her form group suggests to her. There’s nothing else she can think of to do other than call for Ryan, but Doctor Smith enters the room to set up for her class around Yaz’s tutor group and it gives Yaz someone else to ask. She’s in this room more than Yaz is so she should know how to fix it.

“Jess can you help-” Yaz starts but as soon as she says it every soul in the room freezes and stares at her. Yaz doesn’t get it until she locks eyes with Doctor Smith and sees her frowning. “Sorry, Doctor Smith.” Yaz corrects herself.

“What’s wrong Miss Khan?” She asks, her coat flowing behind her as she strides over to the computer. Yaz knows what she’s doing. Acting all confident to throw the students off the fact Yaz is suddenly allowed to call her by her first name. 

“I can’t get it to work.” Yaz huffs. 

“Sometimes you have to jiggle the wires.” Doctor Smith says. “Let me just hack the mainframe.”

“What?” Yaz frowns confused. 

“Just a joke.” Doctor Smith says.

Doctor Smith leans beside her like an annoying itch she can’t scratch otherwise she won’t get what she wants which at this moment, is a working computer to register these students. 

“Talk among yourselves.” Yaz tells her class, very away that eyes are still on her after her slip up. She personally doesn’t see it as a big deal but she has to read the room. 

“Move away.” Doctor Smith whispers. Yaz can barely hear her. She's speaking so quietly. 

“Why?” Yaz asks.

“That’s what you’d usually do. You can't stand me, remember?” Doctor Smith says without looking at her. Like she’s refusing to look at her to back up her own point. 

“They might just think we’re getting along for once.”

“You said yourself we’re not friends.” Doctor Smith huffs and in order to keep herself from starting an argument, Yaz moves like she suggests.

Just jiggling and wiggling a few wires takes longer and longer than Yaz expects so just in case she sends a square of paper around the room for everyone to sign and she’ll fill in the electronic register when she gets a chance in the PE office. Her students are quite grateful that the computer doesn’t work because Yaz can’t force them to make teams and partake in the weekly quiz. She can’t help but note, however, that her misuse of Doctor Smith’s name is the cause of a few whispers and all she can think is that these students are bold to have the nerve to talk about it when the two people they’re talking about are still in the room. Yaz holds out until everyone under the age of eighteen has left to start her own conversation about it. 

“You didn’t have to be a dick.” Yaz says when form time is over and they’re finally alone with each other.

“I wasn’t being a dick.” Doctor Smith says. She spent all of tutor time trying to fix the computer she’s now having to rush to set up her lesson that’s happening in a matter of minutes. 

“We’re allowed to be normal at work Jess.” Yaz says.

“I literally said you moving away _would_ be normal.” Doctor Smith stops faffing to get her point across.

“No, the normal you I’ve been getting to know.” Yaz pushes back against her.

“That’ll just fuel the rumor mill.” Doctor Smith rolls her eyes. She’s turning from an itch to an intense bug bite on her backside she could never scratch in public.

“Let them have their rumours! It won’t do any harm, every school has a handful of teachers that every kid thinks are a-” _Couple._ “-thing. All I did was ask another teacher for help.”

“You called me Jess in front of them!”

“Oh I’m sorry for the inconvenience of people knowing the sensitive public information that is your name, Doctor Smith.”

Yaz curses herself for getting so annoyed at such a simple indiscretion. Why did she even bother bringing it up again? Now she’s just mad with unsteady breathing and not knowing what else to say next. 

“Your house at eight?” Doctor Smith suggests.

“Be there.”

* * *

The next day Yaz and Doctor Smith don’t bicker at all. They don’t even cross paths really, nor do they Wednesday morning. Having sex together sure does bring them a new boost of calmness around each other and Yaz wonders how long this boost will last before they need each others services again. However, Yaz gets a text not one hour into the school day from Doctor Smith requesting to meet up after Yaz is done with the boxing club today. _'Shit morning, day looks shittier.'_ It says. But it's not the bit that makes it hard for Yaz not to laugh. _'Need to stroke your pet.'_

That last line keeps her returning to her phone at break time to smile at her screen. What a stupid yet clever thing to say at the same time. 

“Hey.” Ryan knocks at the PE office door. “Just to let you know the L13 computer is being replaced. Are there any files you need to save or restore?”

“No. That’s more J- Doctor Smith’s problem.” Yaz says, her heart racing at her almost repeating her mistake from a few days ago. They’ve been ‘together’ a week and a half now and Ryan still doesn’t know. 

“Okay. Also I’m going into town after work for a few things, do you need anything?” He asks. 

“I don’t thin- OH hamster food, I need more hamster food.” Yaz says. “Please.” She adds for good measure. The pet store is probably further out than Ryan intended to go.

“Fine but you owe me a video game night or something. You’ve been so busy since Christmas.” Ryan says. 

“Thank you.” Yaz can’t tell if her cheeks are pink because he’s letting all the cold into the office or because she knows she’s been with Doctor Smith all those times he's referencing. 

“I’ll drop it at your house when I’ve got it.” 

“You’re my favourite.” Yaz smiles at him. 

“Yeah, yeah, yeah.” 

Ryan leaves and shuts the door behind him, Yaz shuffles the mini heater towards her more to heat up in time for her next lesson. The air is cold and it’s hard to get students to want to do anything at all outside but unfortunately Yaz has drawn the short straw today and is working outside for each lesson. If Jess hadn’t of text earlier Yaz probably would have by the end of the day, just to use her body heat to warm up her bones again. 

Yaz registers her class and opens up the girls changing room for them to all shuffle inside and start spraying obscene amounts of deodorant that could probably suffocate a few people if they stayed in there too long. She’s setting out different coloured, half ripped and torn, plastic cones for her group warm up when her phone starts ringing.

“Hello.” She answers once she’s dug the device out of all of her thermal layers.

 _“Miss Khan can you come to the boys changing room please.”_ The male voice says and then hangs up. Only when Yaz looks down at the caller ID does she realise it’s Danny that called.

“Hoo boy.” Yaz whistles to herself. She doubts this is going to be good. 

She can smell the problem before she can see it. She smelt it all the time when she was at uni and the smell of weed is worse mixed with boys spray deodorant. The issue in question that Yaz has been called to is leaning against the wall outside the changing room smiling into nothingness. 

“Is this one of your students?” Danny checks with her. 

Yaz sighs. “Yeah.”

“He’s high as shit but still insisting on partaking in your lesson.” Danny whispers.

“I’m not high Miss I’m sure!” He says, giggling through the whole sentence. 

“Let me see your eyes.” Yaz requests firmly. 

“No, you don’t have to see my eyes Miss.” He refuses. Unfortunately for him Yaz can see that the whites of his eyes are tinged pink and his pupils are blown.

“If you’re high you can’t come to my lesson. You need to go and see Miss Jones and your head of house.” 

“But Miss, Miss, Miss Miss Miss Miss Miss they all want me to ask you.”

“Ask me what?” Yaz asks. She prides herself on being patient with kids and even if they’ve done something stupid like smoke weed in school she’ll always give them a chance to speak. 

“Are you and Doctor Smith a thing, Miss?” He asks. 

Yaz regrets her stance on giving all students a chance to speak. 

“Absolutely not.” Yaz says, trying not to let the shock of the question read on her face.

“Do you do teacher kink stuff together?”

The crowd now surrounding them burst into fits of giggling too, half in disbelief that their friend actually asked her that and the other half just enjoying the show. 

“Boys!” Danny shouts. 

“I am not in a relationship with Doctor Smith, I do not have sex with Doctor Smith, Doctor Smith does not have sex with me. I work with Doctor Smith and that’s it. You need to remember where you are and who you’re talking to because questions like that to any member of staff are unacceptable.” Yaz lies through her teeth flawlessly. Everyone around her is left speechless and remains silent. 

“Everyone to your lessons. Now.” Danny instructs. He waits until the majority are gone to place his hand on yaz’s shoulder and talk to her directly. “He won’t go unpunished, don’t worry.” 

“I’ll take him to Miss Jones.” Yaz says, prompting the young lad to stand up straight and huff.

“I’ll tell your class you’ll be a bit late.” He offers to cover her back.

“I swear I’m not high Miss.” The boy who can’t hold his tongue repeats again. 

“Then you won’t mind if Miss Jones takes a swab of your mouth for a drugs test.” 

By the time Yaz gets home from boxing club she has just enough time to pour herself a glass of water before there’s a knock at her door. She can tell who it is by the urgency her knuckles hit the wood. Jess just as urgently jumps on Yaz the second the door is opened wide enough to let her in.

"First of all, don't bring my son into this with your texts. He’s innocent." Yaz says holding a finger against Jess’ lips before they can meet hers.

"I was trying to be discreet, we were on school wifi." Jess kicks off her boots and immediately holds Yaz’s body in her arms, her lips going towards her jaw and her neck with no hesitation. 

"We need a code then." Yaz says to try and keep her on topic. 

Jess groans with annoyance that Yaz is trying to continue a conversation while she’s clearly trying to get on with something else. 

"Easy. Hamster." 

Yaz just rolls her eyes and tugs on her braces to get on with what she’s come here for, trying to get her undressed as they walk. Although Jess' urgency to get things moving resorts to Yaz pinning her against the wall and not making it anywhere near the bedroom.

"That kid today said something to me." Yaz says as they break apart for the soul purpose of getting rid of Jess’ coat. 

"The high one?" Jess asks. It was hot news around the staff rooms at lunch time. 

"Yeah. Asked me if you and I are a thing." Yaz keeps still for them both to focus on the conversation without distractions. 

"Shit.” Jess frowns. “That's not good. Can we talk about it later though, I'm kind of really…"

"Right- sorry."

Yaz drops to her knees to Jess's delight and uses her hands to unclip her trousers. To warm up her mouth Yaz untucks and lifts Jess's shirts to expose her midriff, giving her access to press her lips against her skin- the lower she goes the more tongue she uses to tease her skin into goosebumps. She's turned on, Yaz knew that already before she even stepped into the house, but she didn't expect her to respond so fondly to her touch so quickly. Yaz drags it out as long as possible, unclipping her braces one by one rather than just pushing them down her arms. Blue trousers get shuffled down her thighs, boxers too. Jess's back hits the wall while her bottom half stays pointing in Yaz's direction begging for her mouth. Yaz cups her arse to help keep her in that position, smiling to herself as she can watch her practically drip before her eyes. 

"You're a sight and a half on your knees, you know that?" Jess mumbles. Yaz strokes her tongue the length of her up to her clit just once as a thank you for the compliment.

"You taste good." Yaz mumbles back making sure to keep her lips touching the nub in front of her- the vibrations obviously causing more trouble than Yaz thought they would.

"Mphf." Jess exhales as she lets her head thud back on Yaz's wall. Her hand sits patiently on the top of Yaz's head, ready to take command of her movements if she needs to but Yaz rarely moves her attention away from her clit. If Yaz has learnt one thing about Jess from their whole situation it's that Jess is more than capable of a quick recovery time.

"Keep going- shit, that's it." Jess is so tightly wound Yaz barely has to put any effort in to have her brimming on the edge. Even without her words Yaz can tell; the way her back slides down the wall a little, the way her breathing is becoming strained, the way her muscles are tense against Yaz's forehead, and the way the grip on her head has tightened. "Yaz I'm close. I'm close- I'm- Yaz..."

Jess' voice trails off into silence and then a harsh grunt accompanied by her crotch thrusting further into Yaz's face. Yaz moans a little herself as she eats the woman above her out until the grinding and moaning stops and Jess finishes completely.

"Better?" Yaz asks, getting up from her knees, licking her lips clean and catching the remainder of Jess with the pad of her thumb.

"Loads." 

Jess cups Yaz over her clothes pushing pressure and fabric up against her cunt and rubs slowly. Yaz had expected something in return, but she hadn't thought of this so soon. So this is how it's going to be. Yaz rests her hands on Jess's shoulders to keep her steady and so that she can spread her legs a step each side. She can feel something building inside her, being stimulated by tight damp underwear.

"Want more?" Jess teases.

Yaz nods. Jess kisses her deeply as her fingers move from fabric to folds, making Yaz moan lightly into her mouth. Jess covers her fingers a few times by doing the same action then uses two of them to enter her easily. Yaz sucks air through her teeth with pleasure and grinds herself down until she can feel the palm of her hand hit her where she needs it. Jess dips her head, sucking on Yaz’s neck hard enough to make her give up control but not with enough force to leave a mark for colleagues and students to see. She hits deep inside her making Yaz fall into her body, Jess catching her with her lips.

"Yaz I brought the-" 

Ryan walks in, spare key in his hand, and it’s too late for Yaz and Jess to do anything but freeze and turn their heads slowly, as if that's going to make him disappear. Yaz can see it’s obvious to him what’s happening; Doctor Smith’s hand is down Yaz’s front, Yaz’s arms are clinging onto her shoulders, Doctor Smith’s trousers are still halfway down her thighs- her decency hidden from view by Yaz’s leg, thank god. Although it’s not like this situation can get any more uncomfortable. 

"Aw hell no fuck this man." Ryan mutters to himself, turning to leave again and freeing himself from this freeze frame. Jess takes her hand away and wipes it on her underwear as she pulls it back up to cover herself. Yaz panics and tries to follow Ryan before he’s too far away and she’ll be shouting her explanation in the street. 

"Wait- Ryan!" 

"Nope." Ryan shakes his head, too scared to turn around and see Yaz chasing him. 

"Ryan.” Yaz reaches out and holds his elbow and he finally stops and turns around. “Please let us explain." 

Ryan’s jaw drops open. " _Us?_ "

All three of them sit silently on Yaz’s sofa sipping leftover tropical flavour Capri Suns. Jess on one side, Yaz in the middle and Ryan next to her. None of them know what to say, so they just sip- Jess and Yaz exchanging side glances asking each other to say something- until there’s no juice left to drink and they’re just sucking at a foil wrapper. 

“How long have you been…”

“Just over a week.” Yaz answers Ryan’s question before he’s finished it.

“Okay.” Ryan nods a couple of times. “Does anyone else know?”

“My brother.” Jess says. 

“Bill.” Yaz admits.

“Martha.” Jess adds to the list.

“Rose.”

“Wait- Rose?” Jess sits up in surprise. Yaz just shrugs at her. 

“And Clara Oswald.” 

_“Clara?”_

Yaz puts her hand on Jess’ shoulder to calm her down. “John said she owed him money, remember?” She daren’t mention right now that John had a bet with Rose too. Or that he won both.

“So basically everyone but me.” Ryan says. “Okay, okay, okay, okay, okay. Cool. And it’s just-” 

“Sex.” Jess says.

“Yeah.” Yaz backs her up. 

“Cool. Cool.” Ryan nods again. Silence falls over them again. "Does Donna know?"

"Why would she?" Jess asks.

"Well… you know...you're a thing."

Yaz laughs. "Oh, no, mate, we're not a _thing_ thing we just-"

"Have sex, yeah, I know, don't have to say it again. Doctor Smith and Yaz Khan having sex." Ryan stands to take his leave. He places his hand on the top of Gaz’s cage. “Gaz my man, you’re the only soul in this house I respect.” 

“Ryan…”

“You named your hamster Gaz?” Jess asks in a sort of mocking way.

“I left his feed that you asked for… well I kind of dropped it when…it’s in the hall.” 

Ryan lets himself out and the two women breath out a sigh of not quite relief, but something. Yaz gets up to collect the dried food packet Ryan dropped and Jess follows her. 

"Maybe we should slow down a bit with how much of this we do." Jess suggests. Yaz chucks the packet through the living room and onto where they were just sitting. 

"Are you saying maybe, or we should?" Yaz asks for some clarification.

"We should slow it down a bit." Jess says for definite. “Almost everyday is nice but… I think people are starting to notice.”

“Okay.” Yaz agrees. Reluctantly. But she agrees. "Are you… gonna, um… do you think you could…"

"What?"

"Finish what you started?” Yaz asks. Now that they’re both alone again and Ryan has learnt to knock and not just use his spare key, her body is back to aching for Jess to do something to her. Anything, just to give her what her fingers were promising before. Jess just continues to look at her like she’s placed a difficult maths question in front of her to answer without a calculator. 

"I'm not asking to finish what we're doing here Yaz I'm just saying we should take a-"

"Are you going to get me off or what?" Yaz says plainly. Sometimes it’s the only way to get through to her. It finally clicks for Jess.

"I- I thought the mood had passed." Yaz shakes her head, looking up at Jess seductively through her eyelashes. "Yaz I'm kind of still recovering from the whole intrusion thing I'm not really…it's gone."

"Okay." In a bold move Yaz takes her hand and starts to touch herself while she stands in front of Jess. She breathes light and shallow when she feels how wet with arousal she still is, resisting the urge to just rub herself frantically and come in front of her in mere seconds to get the job done and let Jess go home. Instead within the restrictions of her clothing, she inserts a finger into herself, teases how she feels by parting her lips and focuses on the look on Jess' face. Her jaw has dropped to the floor and her tongue is pushing on the back of her teeth not knowing what to say. "I'll just go and sort myself out. Maybe make sure those batteries work. The ones you got for my-" 

"Mood's back now." Jess grips onto Yaz’s wrist and rips her hand out of her pants, then moves to pick Yaz up so she can carry her in one swift movement that makes Yaz gasp happily.

"Thought so." Yaz mumbles into her neck as she gets carried away, happy that Jess will be staying in her company for a bit longer, even if it’s only a matter of a few minutes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi, I'm really struggling with *gestures at the state of the world* mentally and I'm not getting any better with the uk government slackening the rules regarding a certain miss rona so I'm going to be taking a break. I have some chapters in the bank but I don't know if I'll be any better by the time they run out and I just want to sit in the garden with my favourite book and my cats so


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (This work has nothing to do with the actresses that portray these characters on screen, this is based off of descriptions of the characters alone. The actresses are real people with real lives and families that are just doing their jobs, please remember to stay respectful)
> 
> they'll stop being horny bastards soon I swear

“You’re late.” Yaz drags Jess into her house before she even has time to knock. She’s two hours late. Two hours late when she knows Yaz has had a really tough week. The audacity. The nerve.

“I was marking. The job still comes first.” Jess tries to wrestle Yaz for control and fails as Yaz’s body screams at her while her mouth stays silent.

“Bring your marking here to cut down on travel time.” 

“Jesus, rough week?” Jess laughs and withdraws her hands to let Yaz grasp and grope at her as much as she wants. It’s nice to have the option there but Yaz would rather get her naked in bed sooner rather than later.

“Very.” 

Yaz grips onto one of Jess’s braces and pulls her upstairs not caring how desperate she’s coming across. Jess trips up on the last step and Yaz picks her up, dragging her into her bedroom and moving quickly to take off her shirts. 

“I am still a human with feelings Yaz.” Jess says. “I’m not your walking talking dildo.”

“I know. I’m sorry I’m just…” Yaz pauses as her hands feel something hard against her hand. She gives Jess a teasing smile. 

“You said we could.” Jess shrugs. She’s right. Yaz did say they could but she wasn’t expecting her to come prepared nor did she expect her to come prepared tonight. In fact it’s a little bit thoughtful of her to do it. 

“You’re hard for me already?” Yaz smirks and strokes the detachable length in her hand up and down, making sure the base gets pushed against Jess to place pressure against her clit. 

“Always.” Jess breathes shallow and shaky, winding Yaz up even further into madness as her breath hits her lips.

“You know, I’m usually the one that wears these.” Yaz tells her, leaning in to mold their bodies into one. 

“Even with men?” Jess asks. 

“I’ve had some very open minded boyfriends.” Yaz giggles, her voice low, trying to be seductive to get her away, pushing noses together. Jess mimics her laugh.

“I’m not taking it off.” She shakes her head. Defiant. 

“I can’t tempt you?” Yaz kinks an eyebrow, her fingers starting to fiddle with the buckle that’s keeping the harness in place around Jess’ hips. "I've had good reviews."

“Absolutely not.” Jess firmly pushes away Yaz’s wrist from her hip. “You booty called me, I’m wearing it for your sake.” 

"You sound confident." Yaz says- her voice still trying to keep up the facade of control while her heart already knows she’s lost it. She’s at the scientists' mercy for any experiment she likes.

"Just you wait I’m gonna-"

“Don’t describe it, just do it.” Yaz interrupts. 

“Okay.”

Jess has become unnaturally skilled at removing Yaz’s clothes without much fumbling. It’s unnaturally easy for her to get Yaz naked on her hands and knees, legs spread so that Jess can lay underneath her and eat her out for a couple of precious moments before dragging her lips across her thighs and her bum. Yaz’s thoughts are all fuzzy as Jess kneels behind her, her cock sliding over her core to tease and make sure Yaz is ready. Yaz falls to her elbows when she feels simply the tip push against her entrance but she doesn’t get any more because Jess leans over and straightens her arm out again. When Jess finally gives Yaz what she’s been aching for for hours they both groan, especially when Jess comes to rest to give with no length left to give her to give her time to adjust. 

“The Doctor is in.” Jess sighs. Yaz pinches her tongue with her teeth to stop her laugh from escaping and turns her head over her shoulder. 

“Jess please do not ever repeat that again or I'm…” Yaz tails off as Jess slowly moves back and forth, her head sinking between her shoulders unable to keep itself up to look back at Jess. “I’ll… I will… uhhm...”

“You were saying?” Jess asks, her voice high pitched and patronizing. 

“Shut up.” 

Yaz pushes herself back against Jess encouraging her to get on with it and fuck her. She needs her to make her forget the hell the last week has thrown her through and give her something else to think about, or perhaps make her not think at all if she’s lucky. With her hands on her waist Jess complies and picks up the pace, pushing herself all the way in then pulling almost all the way out making Yaz feel every stroke like it’s the first ever. It’s not even just the sensation of Jess inside her that’s thrilling but also the sound of her thighs slapping against her buttocks, her hands gripping onto her waist so hard to keep her still Yaz feels like she might be left with marks, the moans that are slipping out of Yaz’s mouth with so little resistance. Jess slips one of her hands down to stroke Yaz’s stomach, her other squeezing her backside, and her body bends to hit a deeper angle and allow her to kiss the middle of Yaz’s spine. Now she’s closer Yaz can hear how hard she’s panting, how hard she’s working to try and make Yaz come, how hard she’s trying to keep her own pleasure from showing. When a hand escapes its post to pinch stiff nipple Yaz’s hand flies to keep it there and massage her. Jess leans fully against her back, her hips snapping into her arse still in long hard hitting strokes, making Yaz openly moan and letting Jess kiss her neck- Jess groaning herself a few times. 

“Jess-” 

“Lay on your back.” Jess huffs, pulling out. 

Yaz whines as her body clenches around nothing but she does as she says and lets Jess position her body how she wants. Yaz knows Jess came here with the mentality that she’s going to be the one giving but Yaz knows she’s getting at least some kind of pleasure out of it. Jess leans down and kisses her harshly. Yaz is hardly able to keep up with her mouth, too distracted by the toy covered in silky arousal resting against the skin of her pelvis. She wants her back inside feverishly. 

Reading her mind, Jess sits back on her legs and lines herself up. She pushes in, just the tip, but before Yaz can complain Jess shunts Yaz’s legs towards her, wrapping them around her hips and pulling her down on her length. 

“Could’ve warned me.” Yaz laughs deliriously, gripping onto the sheets. 

“You’re wet enough.” Jess shrugs it off. Her hands rest on her waist again to hold her down and start moving again. It’s good, but it’s not enough. She’s not hitting her in the right places and Jess can tell by how quiet she’s being. 

“What do you need?” Jess asks. Her voice is so strained Yaz doesn’t know now much longer she’ll last.

“Touch me.” Yaz breathes shallow and desperate. 

“Where?”

“You fucking know where!” Yaz shouts, her patience running thin.

“Alright! Jeez.”

The second Jess’ thumb brushes against her clit she’s glad the older woman is holding her down, otherwise she would have gone flying through the ceiling. Instead Yaz moans so much she has to remind herself to breathe and watches Jess watch her lose her mind. Jess circles her clumsily but with enough efficiency for Yaz to reach out for her, want for her body to be closer, and somehow she manages it. Yaz pulls Jess down so that they’re face to face, smothering each other with hot pants and changing the angle she’s penetrating Yaz to make it feel better. Breast to breast, mouth to mouth, Yaz’s hands on her back and in her blonde hair, connected in all ways they can be, Yaz can feel herself getting wound up tight.

“God- Jess.” Yaz whimpers, wrapping her arms around Jess’ middle and holding onto her for dear life.

“Come on.” Jess grunts onto Yaz’s lips. “Come with m-”

Too late. Yaz feels her inside clench around the toy Jess is still thrusting into her frantically, chasing her own orgasm against its base. Her vision blurs and Jess is above her repeating her name like it's a prayer is the only thing keeping Yaz in this plane of existence. Her body pulses and quivers and rises up against Jess as she clings to her, leaving nail marks in her back. As Yaz comes down Jess reaches her peak- voice shaking, hips rolling, eyes screwed shut, Yaz’s name even though it’s only one syllable falls through her lips broken and quivering. Then she falls, her body collapsing onto Yaz and her face hiding itself in the crook of Yaz’s neck. 

“It’s okay.” Yaz mutters, moving her hand so she can stroke sweat clad hair. 

Jess just moans with relief onto her skin until she runs out of puff. Still laying ontop of Yaz she unbuckles the harness then accidentally hits Yaz’s clit as she pulls out- making Yaz suck air through her teeth from overstimulation and Jess apologise for it. Yaz misses their welcome weight of her lover's body as she rolls off of her, both of them still trying to regulate their breathing in the silence. 

“Feel my heart.” Jess lazily reaches for Yaz’s wrist and brings it over to rest on her chest. 

“Holy shit.” Yaz grins at the feeling of the fast paced thumping under her palm. It’s almost like she’s got two in there. 

Yaz reclaims her hand and compares Jess’ heartbeat to hers. It’s a bit slower but she's not far off. She doesn’t like to compare partners but bloody hell no one has ever fucked her like that before and she doesn’t want to let Jess know in case it feeds her ego. 

“Hey.” Jess says to grab her attention. 

Yaz turns her head on her pillow to see Jess staring at her. “Hey.”

“Are you okay?” Jess asks. 

Yaz smiles and raises an eyebrow, blissed out and not reading the tone of the question right. “You gave it to me good.”

“No, Yaz, I wasn’t asking about… you said you’d had a rough week earlier, I was just wondering.” Jess says with a sense of timidness. 

“I’m better now.” Yaz says, technically avoiding the question but technically still telling the truth. 

“Okay.” Jess lets it go.

They go back to laying next to each other, staring up at the ceiling. The more she cools down in all senses of the word the more Yaz feels sticky and sweaty and uncomfortable. Listening to Jess beside her soothes all her muscles and for the first time ever Yaz thanks the stars that she ever ended up meeting her. She trusts her more than she ever thought she would; enough to lay nude and vulnerable next to her. 

“Jess.” Yaz says.

“Yeah?” Jess mumbles. 

“Do you ever think about what the students think of you?” Yaz asks of her. She knows she said to Jess she needed the sex to forget about all of this but who better to talk to about it than someone who works in the same environment, sometimes with the same people. 

“All the time.” Jess says. “Why? Did someone say something to you?”

“Not specifically. A few kids have just been giving me shit, I feel like they’re all just… ganging up on me recently.” Yaz turns her whole body to lay on her side so that she can look at Jess while she speaks to her. “Like... I’m not considered new anymore, am I?”

“You could be considered new for the whole year.” Jess says. It’s not what Yaz wants to hear and it obviously shows on her face. “It’s fine Yaz, the staff love you.” 

“Do you love me?” Yaz asks. Jess’ cheeks are pink anyway after all the physical activity but now they blush hot pink and Yaz realises what she’s asked. “Wait, not like-”

“You’re an excellent teacher Miss Khan.” Jess says, as calm as anything. She lays back, breaking eye contact, and holds her hands behind her head. “Pretty good shag too.”

Yaz picks up her pillow from behind her and throws it at Jess, both of them breaking into smiles and post sex laughter. 

“I’m going to shower.” Yaz announces. She can’t wait for Jess to leave to wash herself so she might as well give the Doctor some privacy for a few minutes to get changed. 

The water feels good against her skin. Warm. Refreshing. Rejuvenating. Clean. Not that she wants to wash Jess off of her but sex is messy at the best of times. It’s worse when it’s under the covers. At least Yaz can tuck herself into bed and the sheets are relatively fresh. While she dries herself off, she wonders how Jess is going to get her strap out of the house. Yaz knows she drives here but she’ll still have to walk from the front door to her car without anyone seeing. Everyone on her street knows she works at the school and equally everyone on the street knows Jess does too. Would it be polite to suggest she can leave it here? Would that be too suggestive? Soon enough she’ll find out.

Or not. 

Towel wrapped around her body Yaz re enters her room to find Jess has tucked herself into bed and fallen asleep. Yaz smiles gently to herself, telling herself Jess is an idiot and can’t handle a bit of sex without considering it’s the end of the work week and she didn’t even get here until ten because she was marking. Or maybe she does recognise that, as Yaz tells herself she’ll wake her up once she’s moisturized and gets dressed for bed to give her a few minutes' kip but does all that and then doesn’t keep her word. Jess just looks… peaceful. Totally out of it and on the brink of snoring and drooling on Yaz's pillow case but peaceful. Yaz makes her decision then. She’s going to let the naked lady in her bed stay. She’ll probably sneak out in the middle of the night anyway and Yaz will see her again on Monday morning with nothing more said about it. Yaz turns out the light and gets into bed without so much as a second thought to it. 

She wakes up tangled with Jess’ body. She can’t move. Like, at _all_. She’s stuck being hugged and hugging her back and this goes against everything they’ve set up and she doesn’t know how to react and she doesn’t know how Jess is going to react when she wakes up and oh boy this is a mess. Her panic must register somewhere in Jess’ conscious because her eyelids begin to flutter and open. Jess frowns when she sees Yaz and her eyes dart around trying to figure out where she is.

“Did I…” Jess grumbles. Yaz wants to say that her sleepy voice is sexy but if anything it’s arguably adorable. 

“Yeah.” Yaz whispers. “Out cold, I couldn’t wake you.”

What Yaz should have said is ‘I didn’t choose to wake you up’ because she didn’t try to wake her up at all, she just let her sleep. But of course she won’t let herself admit that. 

“Shit.” Jess rubs her eyes. She sounds sort of impressed with herself. “That’s never happened before.”

Jess’ calm manner rubs off on Yaz. She’s no longer freaking out about waking up with her still in her bed, under her roof. In fact she kind of doesn’t really mind it at all. Perhaps if it was someone different, someone Yaz has a better relationship with this situation might be the cure to her lonely house. But it’s Jess, so obviously it isn’t.

“Hey, what kind of cereal do you have?” Jess asks, untangling their limbs to give each other room to breathe. 

“Seriously?” Yaz asks. She thought she would just leave and go home.

Jess shrugs. “I’m hungry. I can’t drive when I’m hungry.” 

“Shredded wheat.” Yaz says. “That or toast, it’s all I have in the cupboards.”

“Is that it?” Jess has never looked so unimpressed with her.

“Or fruit.” Yaz says, but that’s mainly her breakfast in the summer. 

“No coco pops?” Jess asks. 

“Nope.”

“Chocolate shreddies?”

“No.”

“Frosted flakes?”

“No.”

“Honey and nut flakes?”

“No.”

“Do you ever have fun food? Ever?” Jess looks at her with pity. 

“Sometimes I eat pizza.” Yaz shuffles under her scrutinizing gaze.

“Alright, I guess I’m crashing my car today.” Jess springs up out of bed and immediately starts dressing herself.

“You’ve only just woken up and you’re already starting on me?” Yaz sits up.

“Consider yourself my murderer Yasmin Khan.” Jess steps into her boxers and her trousers at the same time. 

“Don’t be so dramatic.” Yaz brushes her off. It’s too early to fight.

“One day I’ll get you to come with me to that place in town where you can get pancakes and ice cream for breakfast.” 

Yaz registers the words Jess is saying but she doesn’t register that they would be worthy for a response. Anyway, she’s too busy staring at how flawless Jess looks standing topless with such confidence; her hands never having looked so attractive zipping up the fly of her trousers and fiddling to reattach her braces. When the hands she’s staring at slide into the blue pockets Yaz looks up and with Jess equally staring at her waiting for a response, Yaz’s cheeks flush hot and she snaps out of it. 

“Sounds disgusting.” Yaz says at last.

“It’s everything but disgusting.” Jess argues, picking up her shirts. 

“I don’t believe you.”

“Come with me then.” Jess’ voice is muffled by her dressing herself. Her head pops through the hole and all Yaz can think about is her hair. How can she go to bed with sex hair and wake up with it perfectly wavy. “Let’s go now.” 

Yaz rolls out of bed and crosses her arms across her front to give herself some power as she rounds over to Jess. “Are you asking me out on a breakfast date?” She asks. 

“No, I’m just trying to culture your taste buds. So what do you say?”

“You’re serious?” Yaz checks. She’s showered but Jess hasn’t and she’s the one that did most of the work last night. Surely she must feel gross or at least a little bit uncomfortable. Or maybe that’s what gives her her distinct smell Yaz enjoys so much.

“Deadly.”

The deadliest thing about this outing together is not the fact most students live in this town or the fact they’ve somehow ended up hanging out on a Saturday but the pile of sugar on Jess' plate in front of her. She chose waffles with sprinkles, bacon and bright blue bubblegum flavoured ice cream accompanied with chocolate sauce. It looks like the circus came to town at the same time as pride and shat all over the blonde’s plate. Yaz is glad she fought with her to just have a plate of pancakes with bananas and chocolate sauce otherwise she would have ended up with something similar. 

“How can you eat all that and not throw up?” Yaz has to ask. 

“Practise.” Jess says, putting a spoonful of everything into her mouth and chewing on it. “I kiss you with this mouth.” 

“I question why I let you every day.” Yaz teases her. 

“Because I’m hot.” Jess teases back. A few months ago Yaz would have considered it conceited and brash but she can’t disagree. They’ve already concluded they find each other attractive, even when one of them has chocolate sauce and melted blue food colouring covering their lips.

“How often do you come here?” Yaz asks.

“You sound like you’re trying to pick me up in the pub.” Jess chuckles. “Is this the equivalent to meeting you in a bar? Instead of getting drunk with each other we just give ourselves sugar rushes.”

“You know what I mean.” Yaz shakes her head at Jess’ ridiculousness and keeps eating her food. Jess is right, this place is good but Yaz wouldn’t want to make it a habit to keep coming here too often.

“Every other week or so.” Jess answers Yaz’s question properly. Yaz has to do a double take to believe it.

“You eat so much sugar I worry for you.” Yaz says. 

“You don’t eat enough.” Jess counters. “Look, how about this: You eat a spoonful of this-”

“Nope!”

“-let me finish you idiot! If you eat a spoonful of this you can cook me one of your fancy healthy meals one night.”

“That seems like a lot more work for me than it is for you.” Yaz squints. She has to eat a spoonful of sugar and additives _and_ cook a whole meal while all Jess has to do is eat the meal she slaved over. Jess doesn’t listen and builds up a pile of food on her spoon intended for Yaz. “Jess, that's too much!”

“Please, like you’ve ever gagged on anything I’ve put in your mouth.” 

“Keep your voice down!” Yaz hisses, holding onto Jess’ wrist. “Just because I’ve come here with you doesn’t mean you can start shouting about what we do in bed- which is still supposed to be a secret, by the way.” 

“I’m sorry.” Jess mumbles, unable to look Yaz in the eye. Yaz lets go of her wrist and takes her spoon and brings it to her mouth. She cringes, having to mentally prepare herself, then puts the whole spoonful in her mouth. 

It’s not as bad as having to eat garlic cloves but it’s a close second. The waffle is alright, the chocolate sauce is okay, there is no bacon which is nice of Jess to consider but she reckons it would have balanced out the sweetness, the sprinkles are just sugar and the blue bubblegum ice cream makes her feel sick the second she swallows it. If it was just the waffles, sauce and maybe salted caramel ice cream she would have found it okay but the sprinkles and the bubblegum ice cream makes it horrible. 

“You know what,” Yaz says, helping herself to a scoop of her preferred ingredients to Jess’ surprise. “I might actually like that if it had a different ice cream.” 

“I told you it’s good!” Jess lights up like a child being told they can have seconds.

“Why do you like proving me wrong so much?” Yaz asks as she finishes off her own food.

“I don’t do that.” Jess’ childish delight turns into a very adult frown.

Yaz tilts her head and smiles, unimpressed with her denial. “Don’t lie.”

“I’m not lying, I just…” Yaz feels Jess’ hand rest on her knee under the table and suddenly she feels like she’s fifteen again. “I like to have discussions with you and most of the time my point wins, that’s all.” Jess smiles. 

If they were dating Yaz would wet her thumb and wipe the chocolate sauce off the corner of Jess’ lips right now. Hold her hand on her knee under the table in secret, play with her fingertips and draw patterns and words into her palms and they would smile together in their own little world where no one else knows her business. Instead she just smiles and hands Jess back her spoon.

“Oooh! Are we sharing?” A chair scrapes along the floor. John Smith sits himself down at their table rubbing his hands together greedily and throwing his toothy grin back and forth between the two women. Yaz has no idea what to do or say and she can feel herself struggling to find a way to grasp control of this. “I love this place but it’s a bit expensive you know?”

“Haven’t you won enough bets in the past month to be able to afford your own order?” Jess removes her hand from Yaz’s knee to protectively bring her food closer to her. “Why are you here? You’re annoying me.”

“Oi, I’ve only been here less than a minute!” John turns to Yaz. “You don’t mind, do you Miss Khan?”

Yaz becomes more flustered than she’s ever felt before in public. “Um-”

“your faces! I’m just messing with you both- Ow!” Jess pinches her brother’s arm to get him to shut up and stop making fun of them. “What was that for?”

“I’ll pay.” Jess says.

“Are you sure?” Yaz wants to check. As they agreed, this is not a date and both of them should be paying for their own food. 

“Yeah.” Jess stands. “I’ll meet you outside.”

Sensing that if she doesn’t do what Jess says she’ll be stuck in the middle of a conversation only siblings can have together, Yaz gets up and leaves, preventing herself from looking back until the glass door shuts behind her and she’s standing out on the street. 

“That doesn’t look like just sex.” Rose appears out of nowhere.

“Jesus!” Yaz jumps. “I didn’t know you were here too.”

“How many times has she slept over in your bed Yaz?” Rose asks. 

“Is this an interrogation now?” Yaz straightens her back up defensively. “She didn’t stay over. She invited me here this morning to talk.” Yaz lies through her teeth. Unless Jess tells them otherwise it’ll look just like what Yaz has said, especially considering they both drove here in their own cars so they can go to their own homes after. 

Rose stays quiet, looking unimpressed, and Yaz turns around to peer through the glass door again. Jess is positively red with anger and steam coming out of her ears with her brother equally having a heated but hushed discussion with her at the till. 

“What’s he saying to her?” Yaz asks, suspecting that Rose might have an idea. 

“He’s worried about her.”

“Why?” Yaz frowns, confused. 

Rose sighs, preparing herself to give up information. “He thinks she’s falling for you and not telling you so you’ll keep sleeping with her with no strings attached.” 

“He’s wrong.” Yaz says without thinking. Yaz is good at reading people, she would know if Jess is acting differently or hiding something from her. 

“He hasn’t been wrong about anything else he’s said about you and her.” Rose shrugs.

Yaz doesn’t have time to properly listen to that fact she’s thrown on her because the door swings open, John shooting out in one direction and Jess storming out the other. 

“Bye John.”

“Bye Jess.” 

They snap at each other. There’s something fulfilling for Yaz hearing her act like that with people other than her and she’s so preoccupied with it she lets Jess almost walk out of her sight. She has to run a few paces to catch up with her, not caring that John and Rose might have turned back around and seen her rushing to get to her side.

“What did he say?” Yaz asks. Jess just keeps walking in the direction of the car park and Yaz doesn’t waste her breath calling after her. Not until she’s slipping between cars and unlocking her own which is parked a couple of bays away from Yaz’s. “Jess-”

“Do you think I’m taking advantage of you? Sleeping with you and then not asking you out on dates or anything?” Jess asks. She smiles, but it’s insecure and sad. 

“No. We agreed, just sex.” Yaz reminds her. “Jess, whatever your brother said, I don’t care and you shouldn’t either.”

“So you’re not developing any feelings for me?” Jess asks.

“No. Are you for me?” Yaz asks.

“No.” Jess says, shaking her head. “I mean you’re a bit more tolerable now but-”

“Jess.”

“I shouldn’t say that.” Jess bites her tongue.

“No, you shouldn’t.” Yaz agrees. 

“I’ll see you on Monday then Miss Khan.” Doctor Smith says. “I might need to see you after school too because I have a lot of angry energy in me right now and you’re good at dealing with that.”

“You could just come back to mine now Jess.” Yaz offers. 

Jess laughs, nervous and unsure at where they stand. “No, no we should… it’s the weekend.” 

“Okay.” Yaz throws her hands up in surrender, walking backwards towards her car but maintaining a fair amount of eye contact with Jess. “I’ll leave the door unlocked.”

* * *

Monday morning Yaz walks into Jess’ lab to discover a new cartoon drawn by John left for them both to see. Much bigger than the last, covering half the board, depicting a blossoming tree with a branch sticking out and on that branch sits cartoon Yaz and cartoon Doctor Smith sitting next to each other holding hands. If Yaz hadn't seen them arguing at the weekend she would have thought Mr Smith drew this as a joke but now it comes across as more tormenting than anything. Why can’t he just leave his sister alone? Does he have something against Yaz in particular?

“An interesting take on your relationship.” Weird Scottish janitor Jon says. He doesn’t make Yaz jump anymore with how often he just appears out of the blue. “Jessica and Yasmin sitting in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G.”

Jon hums the rest of the nursery rhyme as he leaves, Doctor Smith passing him in the hallways just outside the door. She smiles at him politely but Yaz can tell by the look on the rest of her face she’s a little freaked out by his humming. 

“What’s he doin- oh for fucks sake.” Doctor Smith stops dead in her tracks at Yaz’s side. “Wipe it off.”

“Your brother.” Yaz hands Jess the cloth to clean up the mess. Well, it’s not really a mess actually. It’s quite a good cartoon without the background context if she’s honest but it can’t stay up for the world to see. 

Doctor Smith takes the raggedy cloth and cleans from the top down. The way she’s scrubbing so hard makes Yaz worry that it might be drawn in permanent marker but the way she’s puffed out her cheeks just shows her she’s pissed off. Yaz gets on with firing up the brand new computer that everyone else in the school is jealous of.

“Have you done your hair differently?” Doctor Smith asks.

“Not really.” Yaz says. All she’s done is straighten it and tie it back. “Why?”

“Looks really cute.” Doctor Smith says. Her voice is tense so her compliment sounds like a threat.

“Thank you." Yaz kisses Doctor Smith’s cheek without a second thought- her lips meeting the corner of Doctor Smith’s leaving both of them to consider what to do next. 

“We’re at work Miss Khan.” Doctor Smith exhales. It’s not a warning or a rejection. More of a simple reminder. 

“I know.” Yaz nods.

Doctor Smith gives herself up too easily, letting Yaz push her back against the whiteboard and hold her waist while they kiss. Jess hums against her beautifully, encouraging Yaz to move her lips to her neck to nip and tease her skin. 

“No marks.” Jess reminds her. 

Yaz would repeat her ‘I know’ but that would waste time. The bell is going to ring any second, not to mention the massive windows that look out onto the road at the back of the school. They’re tinted, but still outside is in the grey mists of late January and the lights are on inside. But blimey the thrill. The intensity of having Jess at her mercy at work because Jess _needs_ her to calm her down, to kiss her until all the anger has disappeared even though a superior or student can walk in and see them at any second; it sets her heart racing beyond belief. Yaz moves again to taste her lips and softness, her hand sliding around to the back of Jess’ neck, messing up her hair, probably, but she can’t resist. 

The bell rings and despite it’s warning they both ignore it, indulging in each other those few seconds together before the door opens. The door does open. Students do start coming in. Yaz lets go of Doctor Smith ensuring to take a couple of steps away from each other- Doctor Smith patting down her hair and Yaz turning to greet her students arriving like waiting is all she’s been doing.

“Good morning, good morning good morning!” Yaz chirps. “Good weekends everyone?” 

“Good.”

“Boring.”

“Too much homework.”

“I saw my aunt.”

“Doctor Smith there’s whiteboard ink on your back.”

The first four voices are expected- the fifth isn’t. Yaz along with everyone else in the room sends their eyes across to Doctor Smith who is trying to look at her own back like a cat tries to catch its tail. There is a mark on her coat from the black ink John used to draw the trunk of the tree that had been rubbing on her back when Yaz had her held against the wall just moments ago. Yaz stops herself from smiling and awaits an excuse from Doctor Smith. 

“Is it whiteboard ink or was I fighting a squid?” She asks, addressing the group of mixed aged students. The younger ones giggle at her stupidity but the others look at her with suspicion. “I tripped and landed on the board, don’t worry there’s no squid. Or is there…?”

The room stays silent. 

“Doctor Smith-”

“I’ll let you get on with whatever you do Miss Khan.” Doctor Smith interrupts. 

“Actually, Doctor Smith…” Yaz follows her with her eyes as she walks towards the door. When the blonde stops Yaz looks around the room that belongs to her for the next twenty minutes and all the students that are watching turn away and busy themselves by chatting to each other. “I’m having an issue with the way I find the lab on Tuesday mornings, I think it’s something we should discuss after school.” 

Yaz fears for a moment that Doctor Smith isn’t understanding her insinuation with the way she’s looking at her. She can’t say it any other way or come up with a different excuse because it's obvious every single student is pointing an ear towards them.

“Of course Miss Khan, I’ve noticed it too. Anything I can do to help.” Doctor Smith gives confirmation that she understands.

“OoooOOOOooo!”

The class reaction triggers a defensive response in both Yaz and Doctor Smith with the two of them standing upright in a power stance with their arms crossed against their fronts. Seeing that they’ve made a massive mistake by making a childish teasing noise the group of kids stop giggling in phases and before long they’re cowering in their seats, holding their breath and waiting for either of the two authority figures to say something.

“What’s that about?” Yaz asks, simply and plainly.

The teens stay silent. If Yaz was dealing with this on her own she would stand in front of them all like she is now, just as quiet, and she would wait for some of them to crack. But she isn’t alone, and Doctor Smith being the teacher with a longer history at the school speaks up.

“Anyone going to say anything? Anything at all?” Doctor Smith adds. God she’s sexy when she takes control of situations. “Look we know what you all think but it’s purely teenage imagination. And I cannot fathom as to how you all think it’s okay to even comment on it in front of us- in front of any staff. Do you do the same with Mr Smith and Miss Tyler? No, you don’t. Keep your mouths shut about mine and my colleagues business and learn some respect.”

“Thank you Doctor Smith.” Yaz mutters. 

“Miss Khan I’ll see what I can do about the issue and get back to you tonight.”

Doctor Smith leaves and Yaz makes her tutor group do the weekly quiz in silence. Between changing the slides Yaz pretends to fill in paperwork while she instead twiddles her thumbs in her lap, thinking about how Jess looks when she’s naked. How she feels behind, on top, under and inside her and how easily she denies it all in front of critics.

* * *

They don’t see each other again until Friday. It’s a cruel trick from the universe, forcing them together for a whole term when they don’t want to be and then when they can’t keep their hands off of each other they’re busy and barely have enough time to say hello in the morning. As promised, Jess brings round her stack of marking and the two of them have been working away at Yaz’s kitchen table for a couple of hours now. There’s something in the way Doctor Smith works that attracts Yaz to her even more. When she’s stressed she does it with elegance and grace, never faltering or getting mad at herself. 

Both of them needing a break after a good while- Jess for the sake of her hand hurting and Yaz for the sake of her eyes that keep drifting up from her papers to look at Jess working- Yaz gets Gaz out for their formal introduction. She places him on her shoulder and walks the couple of steps over to the scientist.

“He sits on your shoulder?” Jess asks. Yaz nods, proud of her little friend's skill.

“Let him sniff you.” Jess sticks out a finger and Yaz has to gently push her away. “Back of your hand Jess or he’ll think you’re a snack.”

“I am a snack.” Jess mumbles, lips ridden with a smirk.

Yaz laughs a breathy laugh with her. Her self centered humor is starting to grow on Yaz immensely as the days go by. “How come you don’t have a girlfriend?” She asks. 

“Huh?” Jess laughs nervously, unsure of where this is going and she’s right to be unsure, because Yaz doesn’t know where this conversation is going either. She doesn't even know where it came from in the first place.

“You’re funny and at times if I catch you in the right mood you can be sweet.” Yaz says. She has had the passing thought a couple of times now: why does this woman keep hanging around her if she clearly has what it takes to charm any woman she wants into bed?

“Just busy. I don’t really have a social life outside of work and you.” Jess shrugs, using the tips of her fingers to stroke the fur on Gaz’s back. “Why don’t you have a partner? Surely you’re fighting off attention left right and center.” 

Yaz laughs, not knowing what to say with awkwardness seeping in and tying up her tongue. “Is that your way of calling me a hot piece of ass?”

“Stop deflecting and answer the question.” Jess smiles at her ever so softly.

“I haven’t really found anyone yet.” Yaz mumbles. She takes Gaz off her shoulder so he can walk over her hands like a treadmill and also serve as a reason to not look Jess in the eye. 

“You will.” Jess insists, tilting her head and continuing to stroke the hamster in her hands so that Yaz is forced to look at her. It makes Yaz’s heart move up to her throat.

“We don’t usually have this kind of conversation, it's making me feel weird.” Yaz forces herself to put Gaz back where he can run free.

“Would you rather we didn’t talk at all?” Jess asks, twisting her body from side to side like a child who knows they’re about to get what they want.

“Jess I know the whole point of you coming here is to- for us to…” Jess stands and waits for her so patiently, looking at her so attentively it gives her the courage to just come out with it. “I just don’t really want to have sex tonight, I’m sorry.”

“You don’t have to apologise. It’s okay.” Jess insists. 

“You can leave if you-”

“Do you think we could just make out for a bit instead?” Jess suggests. Yaz chews her lip as she tries to think of a response to such a teenage request. “Aren’t you meant to be cooking me dinner anyway?” Jess smirks, winding her arms around Yaz’s waist.

Yaz nods. The muscles in her face gently swing into a smile. “In a bit though.” She whispers.

“In a bit.”

Jess kisses her first making sure to pull back after a couple of seconds to let Yaz have the chance to change her mind and kick her out of her house if she wishes. She doesn’t. She could never with the way her lips treat her. Instead Yaz guides Jess to lay her down on the sofa, an echo of their first time but with switched places, and takes the lead determined to keep everything soft. It’s relaxing and different to the whirlwind of lust and bodily fluids. For once Yaz wants Jess’ hands to stay over her clothes on the top half of her body and that’s exactly what they do. A little voice in her head pokes at her consciousness reminding her that Jess is not permanent. One day the feeling of her lips will just be the ghost of a memory and someone else will be here on her sofa and the thought just makes her kiss Jess deeper. 

“What’s wrong?” Jess asks, sensing the change in how she’s being kissed.

“Nothin’.” Yaz shakes her head in a way that lets her get access to Jess’ neck. Nothing too heavy or seductive, just something that feels nice for the both of them.

“Yaz he’s looking at me.” Jess taps Yaz’s shoulder until she’s forced to look.

Gaz is standing on his back legs near the glass of his cage. What Jess has defined as him watching is actually just him taking a break from washing himself. 

“So?” 

“Those beady little black eyes are staring into my soul.” Jess hisses, whispering like Gaz is about to break through the glass and put a gun to her head for touching his human mum.

“We have done much worse things in front of him.” Yaz reminds her. She didn’t care then, why is she caring now?

“Oh my god I am so sorry Mr Khan.” Jess apologises to the hamster in his cage. 

Yaz finds herself smiling because of the stupid woman. Again.

“Jess.” Yaz says, breaking Jess’ staring match with Gaz. 

“Yeah?”

“Can we just order pizza?” Yaz asks. 

“You don’t want to torture me with health foods that taste like and have the consistency of cardboard?” Jess shuffles, surprised that Yaz isn’t jumping at the opportunity. 

“It’s not…” Yaz starts to defend her diet choices but at the same time Jess brushes a couple of loose strands of hair out of her eyes for her and it makes her stop. “No. I don’t. Not tonight at least.”

“This is weird.” Jess frowns. A few quiet moments pass between them.

“Wanna feel my tits while you kiss me?” Yaz asks. It’s the only thing she can think of that would make this evening together feel like their normal.

“Yeah, go on.” Jess agrees. Yaz smiles, glad they’re back on a familiar page and attempts to close the gap between them again. Jess pushes her back by her shoulders. “Wait- do you share one pizza between a group of people or do you let people have their own whole pizza like everyone else who aren’t fit freaks?” 

“Share.” Yaz tells her.

“Yeah, I’m going to feel your butt too to make up for that.” 

“Jess!”

“I’m joking! I’m joking, I’ll share a-”

Yaz kisses her again to shut her up. It also shuts up the feeling in her gut telling her the boundaries her and Jess set for themselves are slowly disintegrating before her very own eyes- her own warnings becoming more and more neglected for the sake of silencing that feeling of loneliness that’s still hanging around.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yaz pegged danny biswas


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> mention of teenage pregnancy

“Yaz, people who _just_ have sex together do _not_ kiss that much man.” Ryan says. He and Bill have come over to spend the evening with Yaz and chill out eating chips and catching up. They both know the reason why Yaz has been ‘so busy’ in the evenings and wouldn't leave her alone until she promised a date she would set aside for them. No Doctor Smith, just the guy from IT support and the lunch lady.

“Really?” Yaz questions it.

“I mean… maybe a quick smooch for foreplay but they usually just get on with what they came for not sit around on the sofa making out for hours on end with no sex.” Ryan shrugs. “I mean- that’s what I see on TV, I don’t have a… whatever Doctor Smith is to you.”

“And you’re kissing more at work.” Bill says.

Now that is true. Neither her or Jess have made any complaints or concerns about kissing during stolen moments at work. They still won’t take it any further than lips on lips or on anything above collarbones, cautious of being respectful of their jobs and the fact that schools are a safe haven for just as many kids as those who think school is hell and they should respect that place for the kids.

“We’re careful.” Yaz says.

“Then why have half the lunch staff seen you doing it?” Bill asks, pursing her lips politely and waiting for an answer. 

“Do you mean you and Rose because that’s not quite half.” Yaz quips back.

“At least you haven’t seen them actually doing it.” Ryan says, traumatized still.

“I’ve apologised for that.” Yaz points at him, threatening him to not bring the incident up yet again.

“Better you than me buddy.” Bill sympathetically pats his shoulder. “I’m surprised she’s not here tonight.” 

“She doesn’t come here as much now.” Yaz lies. She sits herself down on her sofa with her plate of chips expecting her friends to join her but all they do is stand with confrontational energy surrounding them in front of her. “What?”

“Then why is there a pile of Physics mock exam papers on your table?” Bill asks. 

“Uuuuuuhm…” Yaz attempts to stall for an excuse that doesn’t come.

“Tell us the truth Yaz, we’re your mates.” Ryan gives in and sits down, leaving Bill with no choice but to join them or be the odd one out. 

“It just makes it easier. I don’t have to wait for her to finish marking. She can do it here and not have to travel.” Yaz says. 

“She literally only lives on the other side of town.” Ryan says, clearly not seeing the initiative of it. 

“Is the sex really that good that you have to have her here for hours before you do it?” Bill asks. 

“Shut up.” Yaz shoves a golden chip in her mouth.

“I still don’t get it.” Bill says. 

“Get what?” Yaz asks.

“Why you’re tapping that?”

“I would.” Ryan says. Bill and Yaz look at him disapprovingly. “What? If she was into guys I would.”

“But she was horrible to you Yaz. I don’t understand how hate sex can last this long.” Bill reiterates her point. 

“It’s just regular hanky panky now.” Ryan says. “Trust me, I’ve seen it.”

“Would you-” Yaz pushes Ryan’s arm to get him to shut up. “Look, I know what you’re all thinking, there’s nothing else going on, no feelings, we’ve talked about that.”

“That’s the thing Yaz, you’re talking and kissing a lot more than normal hookups do.” Bill says.

“Whatever.” Yaz mumbles, refusing to listen to her friends warnings. 

Sensing they’re not getting anywhere with it, Bill and Ryan change the topic of conversation to regular work and life that doesn’t involve Doctor Smith. They have a good evening together, the three of them, and the chippy down the road provides a good meal for them to talk over too. There’s a moment when Yaz is watching Ryan play with Gaz and torment Bill with him where she considers that she might be neglecting her friendships for the sake of spending time with Doctor Smith, and she wishes all of them could get along and all hang out together. However she reminds herself that that’s something that people in relationships do, and suddenly she’s turned off by the idea.

She watches her friends walk off into the night towards the bus stop, then gets out her phone. 

_'They’re gone.’_ Yaz sends the text she knows Jess has been waiting for. 

Yaz thinks she might have time to freshen herself up- maybe put on some perfume or nicer clothes to only have them taken off again by different hands- but she doesn’t. She barely makes it to the top of her stairs with a freshly poured glass of water when there’s a frantic knock at the door.

“That was quick.” Yaz says as she answers and sees Jess standing there. 

“I’ve literally been parked up the street for an hour, why did they have to come over tonight and not the weekend?” Jess asks, her hands already probing at the buttons on Yaz’s shirt. 

“It’s the only night we could all do.” Yaz answers, letting her continue to unbutton her clothes. 

“Can you do me now?” Jess smirks. 

Yaz nods, smiling just as wide, and lets Jess start to kiss her lips, jaw, neck and chest. She sets her skin on fire even with the simplest of touches.

“Wait- wait Jess I have to ask you something.” Yaz places her hands on her shoulders to stop her from guiding her upstairs to her bedroom backwards. 

“What?” Jess asks, breathless with hair in her face.

“Do you think we kiss too much for a casual hookup relationship?” Yaz asks. 

“Right now we’re not kissing enough, c’mere.” 

Jess guides her up, fluent in the floor plans of Yaz’s house by now, and the two of them get to doing what they know makes each other feel good. 

When Yaz wakes up, she realises Jess has fallen asleep with her again. She doesn’t mind. Or at least she doesn’t mind until she looks over at her window and sees light coming from underneath her blinds.

“Jess?” Yaz mumbles, shaking her awake. 

“Hm?” Jess stirs. 

"What day is it today?"

"Thursday." Jess mumbles.

“What time is sunrise?” Yaz asks.

“About half seven, quarter to eight ish.” Jess opens her eyes and sees what Yaz sees; light flooding through sides of her blinds. She reaches for her coat on the floor and pulls out her phone. “Shit, we’re late!”

“This is bad, this is _bad_ bad.” Yaz mutters as they both get out of bed faster than lighting, hearts in their throats.

“Why didn’t your fucking alarm go off?” Jess asks. Yaz checks her phone but the screen stays black.

“It’s dead.” She sighs. 

“Fat lot of good you are.”

“Oi, you didn’t give me a chance to put it on charge! Don’t make me remind you how desperate you were!” Yaz throws her trousers at her out of anger and frustration.

“I’d’ve thought someone as organised as you would have a back up alarm or at least a body clock!” Jess shouts.

“Why don’t you have any alarms set? Huh? I bet you just get up, get dressed and leave since you can never do anything wrong!” Yaz shouts back.

“God you’re sexy when you’re angry.” Jess compliments her.

“Don’t try it, this is the worse day this could have happened.” Yaz grumbles.

“You’re telling me, I have a meeting with Donna first thing! I can’t be late, I’ll get in trouble!” Jess whines.

“Wait-”

“Do I have time to go home and change or not?” Jess sniffs herself and her top within a top. “I still smell of-” 

“You have a meeting first thing?” Yaz asks firmly to get her attention. 

“Yeah. With Donna.”

“I do too.” Yaz says.

Jess pauses. The two of them stare at each other. The two of them, who are coincidentally invited to the same meeting together without being told. 

“Do you think we’ve been caught or something?” Jess asks.

“Don’t say that.” Yaz doesn’t let herself entertain the idea and instead hurries to get on some appropriate clothes for work. 

“If it’s only us it won’t matter if we’re both a bit late.” Jess tries to look on the upside.

“I still wouldn’t take a trip home though.” Yaz advises. There’s barely enough time to make it to work a couple of minutes late, she wouldn’t want to expand on that.

“Yaz this is going to sound really weird but…”

“What?” Yaz snaps, ready to lose her temper again.

“May I borrow some underwear?” Jess blushes holding the blue and white checked boxers she was wearing last night. Safe to say they got a bit damp and to put them on now will probably be uncomfortable. 

“I think you should go commando.” Yaz teases. “It’d be a big turn-on for me.” 

“Not funny.” Jess sweeps past her and rummages through Yaz’s dresser drawers to search for herself. “I still want to use this on you sometime soon too.” Jess throws the still unused sex toy onto the bed.

“You can use that on me if you go commando at work at some point.” 

“Deal, now come on we really have to leave.” Jess rushes past her again.

“You still haven't chosen any underwear.” Yaz questions her empty hands.

“You don’t own any nice boxers, I’ll just wear mine inside out.”

“You’re gross.” Yaz cringes.

“I’ll go home at break time and change, chill out, now come _on_!” Jess urges. Yaz has gotten so used to her dragging her into this room that hearing her trying to drag her out feels wrong.

Turns out both of them were incorrect in their assumptions about the nature of this meeting. They rush into Donna’s conference room opposite her office to find at least twenty people already sitting at the massive conference table. From her quick deductions Yaz spots that there are members of the pastoral care team and then the head of each department with one member of staff sitting next to them. Danny sits with a chair left empty beside him, Jess’s head of department has saved a seat for her but the worst part is John and Clara smirking at them both running in out of breath and panicked. 

“Sorry we-”

“Overslept.” Doctor Smith jumps in.

“Traffic was bad.” Yaz says. They look at each other; both of their replies sounding too desperate and made up on the spot to be true. 

“I… overslept, Miss Khan was just stuck in traffic.” Doctor Smith tries to cover them both. John and Clara look like they’re about to explode from holding in laughter, Danny is looking at her with eyebrows raised and a smile but overall he looks like he has his own interview for Yaz set up for the next time they’re in their own department office.

“You can explain your real excuses to me once this meeting is over.” Donna says, gesturing for them to sit down. 

Yaz and Doctor Smith alike keep their eyes to the floor as they walk over to the seats saved for them. It feels like walking miles for Yaz, everyone watching her and Jess. 

“Why didn’t you reply to my text?” Danny whispers. 

“Forgot to charge my phone last night.” 

“Busy night?”

Yaz kicks him under the table. Now is not the time.

“To catch you both up- Yaz, Ella in your year eleven exam PE class can’t do any extreme practical work anymore.” Donna says.

“Why not?” Yaz asks. “Is she sick? Broken something?”

“She’s four and a half months pregnant.” Donna says. 

“Wow.” Doctor Smith leans back in her chair in surprise.

“As I was saying.” Donna pauses, flicking her eyes between Yaz and Doctor Smith silently shaming them. “You’re all here because you’re a head of department or you teach the student in question. All of you are going to need to be sensitive around this including controlling classes because as of today the likelihood is that the whole school is going to know. We have a duty of care towards her and her parents have requested that we look out for her.”

“Does the father of the baby go to the school?” John asks. “Should we know about him?”

“Halloween fling, apparently.” Omar speaks up. Yaz has never seen him so quiet in a meeting before. He’s probably been told to stay on his best behaviour due to the sensitivity of the subject.

“Her sixteenth birthday.” Yaz recalls, sighing. Ella had talked to her about it in their lesson before the half term break and she was so excited for her big sweet sixteenth party she’d been planning.

“That’s a bit shit isn’t it?” Doctor Smith speaks up. “You can finally get it on legally and someone gets you pregnant.” 

There’s a mumble of laughter that says ‘we shouldn’t be laughing but she’s right’ that gently tails off when Donna starts speaking again.

“Well, either way, she’s decided to keep the baby. Our priority is to get her through exams since the timings are quite close. She’ll be eight and a bit months by the time she’s sitting down for exams but we’re trying to bring hers forward or do whatever we can. Everything with this pregnancy is subjective.”

The meeting continues with Yaz listening and Doctor Smith in the corner of her vision helping herself to the biscuits in the middle of the conference table. How can she do that? Eat so many biscuits so early in the morning? Then she remembers that she’s seen what Doctor Smith eats for breakfast at the weekend and she's no longer horrified. As promised, Donna keeps them both behind. Doctor Smith moves from the other side of the table to sit next to Yaz as if it might help their case. 

“So what’s the deal?” Donna asks them both, perching herself on the edge of the table like she’s hip and cool. 

“I overslept and Miss-”

“Nope!” Donna stops Doctor’s Smith from repeating her excuse. “None of that crap missus. We’ve all heard the rumors, what’s going on? Dating? Friends with benefits? Cheeky shag every now and then?” Donna grins and wiggles her shoulders.

“It’s-”

“Cheeky shag.” Yaz says. She’s not going to let Jess try and come up with some elongated explanation as to what they’re doing to make it sound better or more dignified. Doctor Smith looks at her, betrayed, hurt. “What? That’s literally all we do.” 

“Not on the premises I hope.” Donna suddenly gets serious.

“No.”

“Never.” 

They both deny, ignoring the fact that this whole thing started in the changing rooms and now their habits are slowly creeping into work with kisses here and there. 

“You’d be the first not to.” Donna scoffs and her demeanor changes. “So what’s the real reason you were late?”

“Late night.” Yaz steps in before Doctor Smith can. “Slept in by mistake.” 

“It won’t happen again.” Doctor Smith says. “I don’t have a habit of… staying.” 

Yaz wants to bury herself. She wants the ground to open up and swallow her whole to save her from the embarrassment of her boss realising that it really is just a physical thing between her and the scientist. The revelation leaves nothing to the imagination and yet so much at the same time. 

“I see.” Donna says. “I trust it won’t get in the way of work then.”

“It won’t.” Yaz and Doctor Smith say together. Donna looks at their synchronization suspiciously and thankfully the bell for the start of form time rings and the pair of them have an excuse to leave. 

“Will I see you again tonight?” Jess asks quietly as they both weave through the hallways to get to the same destination. 

“I don’t know…” Yaz cautiously replies. 

“Come on Yaz, it’s not like now she knows she’s going to be keeping tabs on us.”

“Not outside work but she might while we’re here.” Yaz airs her worries. “I wouldn’t doubt that everything’s already on CCTV.”

“So you’re saying I should just stay away from you while we’re at work?”

“Well it shouldn’t be hard for you considering you don’t make a habit of staying around.” Yaz huffs.

“Is that what this is really about? You’re just mad that I said that?” Doctor Smith asks. 

“A little bit yeah!” Yaz finds herself snapping at her again. While Jess looks at her in shock Yaz reminds herself to keep this conversation hushed and not have it echo through the corridor, then continues. “You’re in my bed almost every night, at my kitchen table marking work and you call that not hanging around.” 

“Hm it’s almost just as irritating at you saying I’m just a quick shag whenever you want.” Jess spits. 

“Because you are! This is always what we’ve been!” Yaz hisses. 

“Well it hurts, actually.” Jess mumbles. “You really do only see me as a human sex toy.” 

“Then we can stop.” Yaz stops walking. If they keep walking through the upcoming double doors they’ll meet with Yaz’s tutor group standing outside the lab door waiting for it to be unlocked. “Is that what you want? If it’s hurting you so much that I only want sex from you we can stop- although you were literally just asking to come over tonight.”

“You know what, forget it Miss Khan.” 

Doctor Smith storms off and Yaz awkwardly follows a few paces behind. The tension between them gets picked up on by the line of students awaiting her and at least three of them look like they have something to say about it. 

“Any wise-arse comments and all of you are getting lunch detention.” Yaz threatens before anything can happen. 

The entire group stays silent, not even daring to mutter a word.

Yaz avoids the PE department office all of break time in fear of getting interrogated by Danny. She just works through it in the computer room booked for her year eleven class next period. Her class that when they arrive seems to be more interested in chatting outside rather than coming in, actually, and Yaz has to force herself out of the comfy teacher computer chair and swing the door open to encourage them in to do work.

“Come on, I’m sure you’ve all got some mock exam results to work on.” Yaz says, escorting them inside. 

They grumble about it but they do as she says. The best thing about this kind of lesson is that if Yaz is on top of her work she doesn’t have to do anything, just sit and help students if she can. One of the perks is also being able to watch what every single one of the students is doing without moving using a programme installed on all teacher accounts that allows her to see all the screens in real time. Ten minutes into the lesson something catches her eye. 

Two computers next to each other are playing around on the notes app discussing the rumor that Doctor Smith and Miss Khan were spotted turning up late together for a meeting this morning. Yaz checks the user information and identifies the two people as Tom and Dan who are reading each other’s notes off their screens and typing on their own to make it look like they’re working not talking. Yaz closes the notes app on both their computers the second they start discussing something unsavoury that if continued will get them in big trouble. The two boys notice and look up at Yaz. She keeps her face unreadable and simply shakes her head at them as a warning. 

Aware that the teacher is now watching their every move, the class keeps their heads down and works. The peace lasts another ten minutes before the next challenge of the day appears in the form of the school bell going off. 

The bell rings and as usual everyone waits a few seconds to determine whether it’s malfunctioning or a proper fire drill. It continues and continues and Yaz makes the executive decision to shift her class out the fire doors and onto the field. It’s the start of February and somehow February weather is worse than January. Everything’s wet and cold and squishy underfoot to everyone's disliking. There’s an extra layer of mumbling because of it that staff are having to settle down into silence. It’s probably not a fire but Donna expects the drill to be followed all in good practice and she’s right to want that. 

When Yaz gets to her gathering form group however, there’s a genuine air of concern around the teaching body. Senior staff members are huddled around in conversation with the head of the science department and other staff have stern looks on their faces. Lewis, the year eight from boxing club, passes her on his way to his form with a group of his friends and Yaz calls after him rather than rattling her own form group.

“Hey, hey Lewis.” Yaz catches his attention. “What are they saying has happened?” She whispers. 

“I don’t know but we heard a bang come from science.” He grins. The excitement of the situation clearly muffles the more adult fear that this is actually quite bad. “Are you worried about your girlfriend, Miss?”

“She’s not my-” Yaz starts defensively but stops herself. If she answers, it shows she’s assumed he means Doctor Smith. “Yes I’m worried but she’s not-”

“Your register Miss Khan. Run along Lewis.”

Her head of house hands her the slip of paper and she has to suck it up and get on with her job. She’s not going to be the only one worried about her. Miss Oswald, Mr Smith, Rose, all of her department are going to be just as concerned. Yaz takes the register- all students accounted for- and hands it back. She wishes the other form tutors would hurry up and do their’s so that Omar can make an announcement on his stupid megaphone. Meanwhile Yaz just scans the school hoping to see a glimpse of poorly dyed blonde hair. 

She said such horrible things to her and now she might be hurt. Only a psychopath wouldn’t let that play on their conscience. 

“Well done everyone.” Omar brings the megaphone to his lips. His voice sounds different. Less annoyed, more concerned. “Please stay silent while we assess the situation. There has been an incident but it’s more smoke damage than fire. Thank you.” 

Of course no one remains silent. Speculation over what exactly has happened gets muttered and whispered between lines of students all across the field and playgrounds. Yaz tries to convince herself that she’s not as worried as she actually is because other than her being a colleague there shouldn’t be any other need to care about her safety. She talks to her form to keep herself busy, keeping her voice hushed, but her eyes are always scanning around for any sight of Doctor Smith. She’s probably with Martha anyway if this is her problem she’s caused. 

Yaz’s theory is proved right seconds later. The back door to the building that the medical room is situated in opens and out steps a local fireman, Martha and then Doctor Smith looking windswept with a bottle of water in her hands and her entire front is black with… well whatever the hell it is she’s blown up in her face. Even from this far away Yaz can see the mark around her eyes from where her safety goggles were. Yaz wants to go and see her. Now. But she can’t, she has a responsibility for these kids and no one else is allowed to go over. Plus, she’s keeping track of the fireman walking down towards Donna and Omar, along with the rest of the school. He gives Omar an update and Omar stands up on the steps again. 

“Okay, Science classes please find your teachers over here when your form group has been dismissed. Everyone else please return to your lessons in the same calm manner you came out here and await further instruction.”

Yaz dismisses her tutor group the second she can and does not walk in the direction as where she should be going. One of her students sees her and even calls her name but she doesn’t answer, she doesn’t even really listen. She’s fast walking towards Doctor Smith, trying to move as quickly as possible without looking like she’s running but her walk does in fact soon shift into a run with her heart beating harder against her ribs the closer she gets. 

Without thinking when she reaches her, Yaz throws her arms around Doctor Smith with her body feeling like it’s moving in slow motion. Jess hugs her back and Yaz squeezes her tight, even indulging in closing her eyes in relief that she’s okay. She survived blowing up her lab. Again. The smell of smoke clinging to her is overwhelming and Yaz can’t place it as the usual smell of fire that defines her. No chemicals, no copper smell, nothing for her to tell it’s Jess, just smoke and it scares her into holding her closer.

“I’m sorry.” Yaz whispers her apology for sour words exchanged this morning. At the same time, she promises herself never to leave any conversation with anyone on a bad note ever again. 

“You’re not helping with the breathing thing.” Doctor Smith wheezes. 

“Sorry.” Yaz forces herself away from her. She doesn’t want to make her worse. “Sorry I just…You idiot, what did you do?” Yaz pushes her shoulder, demanding an answer. 

“I’ll tell you later.” Doctor Smith says, taking a sip of her water. “You’ve never hugged me before.” 

“But you’re okay though?” Yaz says. She can’t take her eyes away from her.

“I’m fine. The lab’s not fine but I’m fine.”

Yaz wants to kiss her. She wants to hug her again. Hold her body against hers and let her relief flood through them both. But she can’t. Half the school is still yet to walk past them and their bosses could see too. So they’re stuck staring at each other imagining what they wish they could do. 

“Miss Khan, your class will be waiting for you.” Martha reminds her, stepping between the two of them. “She’ll be checked over by an ambulance crew but she’s fine, honestly.”

“Of course.” Yaz drags her eyes away from Doctor Smith- the action heavy and hard to do for many reasons. “Of course.” She repeats and sets off to where she’s supposed to be.

The school closes for the rest of the day. Logistically it wouldn’t work to stay open. The smell of smoke inhabits the science department so no classes can continue there and all those students would have to take over the sports hall, which the PE department is using a lot at the moment thanks to poor weather. In addition to that the thrill of such a scandal makes it hard to get everyone else to pay attention to their relative classes. It would have been a waste of a day to keep students in. However, staff still have to stay to listen to an emergency meeting about how the school is going to run for the next few days. Yaz can’t really concentrate and goes home intending to read the summarized email instead. 

Jess knocks on her door after about four hours and the second she’s inside Yaz selfishly pulls her into a hug again. Her clothes have been changed, she smells like Jess again but a bit more fruity and Yaz can feel her hair is still damp from her shower. Yaz indulges in holding her close, feeling her working body mould into hers and listening to her breathing against her neck. Jess’s hands creep up under Yaz’s shirt to hold the small of her back, skin on skin. Yaz pulls her head back to kiss her, cupping her cheek as she does. 

"Remind me I'm alive." Jess mumbles, holding Yaz's body with a firm grip. 

"Jess-"

"Talk after, I promise."

Yaz trusts her. She kisses her again then takes her hands, intertwining their fingers, and takes her upstairs with an idea of exactly what she can do to relax her.

“You’re so tight.” Yaz sighs, setting her hands to work. 

“Feels good.” Jess moans into the sheets. “When did you get a masseuse qualification?” 

“Sports massage. It’s a bit different. I just thought it would be fun to do a course over a summer.” Yaz says. 

She’s straddling Jess’s waist and putting her not-so-useless qualification to work. Her back is full of knots and things that should be putting the woman in significant daily pain but Yaz is determined to get them out. Besides, she somehow has the most attractive back she’s ever seen- freckles moles and all.

“You do extra educational courses for fun when you’re already a teacher and spend all your time in school?” Jess torments. 

“Says the woman with a doctorate.” Yaz says. 

Jess goes quiet again. Yaz keeps massaging her. She wonders how long she’ll be sitting here doing this. Whether she’ll get the chance to do her legs at all or if all her energy is going to be spent on fixing her back; if she should have used all the proper oils or if her hands will do the trick just fine. She moves slowly down her back admiring her muscles and her general bone configuration. Why is that attractive? Why? The lower Yaz goes the more noises slip out of Jess’ mouth. By the time she’s reached the small of her back Jess is outright moaning. 

“Stop making those noises.” Yaz warns. “They’re distracting me.”

“Am I turning you on?” Jess rasps.

“Stop it, I’m trying to do something nice for you.” Yaz laughs gently to put her at ease. 

Jess starts to shuffle and Yaz relaxes her grip on her to let her turn around. Yaz doesn’t understand why she’s frowning. 

“Is that what we do now? Be nice to each other?” Jess asks, her hands planting themselves on her thighs. 

“Would you rather I spanked you and called you a whore?” Yaz asks, drawing patterns with her fingertips on Jess’ bare stomach leaving goosebumps in her path.

“You know I’m not into that.” Jess says softly. 

“Yeah, I know.” Yaz nods and waits for Jess to say something else. 

“You’re not going to ask what happened?” Jess asks. 

“The school already told us.” Yaz tells her. Guessing that Jess probably doesn’t like people talking about her mishaps behind her back, Yaz holds one of her hands on her thigh in an attempt to comfort and ground her. “Big fireball. Lots of smoke.”

“Hm.” Jess grumbles. 

“You don’t have to talk about anything you don’t want to.” Yaz reminds her. 

“There is something I want to talk about.” Jess mumbles, removing eye contact as well as Yaz’s grip on her hand. 

“What?” Yaz asks politely, trying to reattach their eyes. 

“I…” She starts and Yaz clings onto the single letter like her life depends on it. She wants to listen to her, she wants to hear her speak her mind, she wants to understand what goes on inside her head. “Never mind, take your top off.” Jess changes her mind.

They have lazy sex for hours together. Mainly Yaz giving Jess what she needs to ‘remind her she’s alive’ with Jess thanking her with her mouth in intervals. Like almost everything today it feels different; like they’re more appreciative of each other for being there and letting this happen. Yaz uses her fingers and her mouth and her face and every part of her body she can to make her feel good until she’s come so many times she can’t help but fall asleep. 

Yaz showers and does her best to not disturb Jess as she gets back into bed. If she hadn't almost blown herself up today Yaz would have woken her up and kicked her out and she _is_ still pissed at how she spoke to her this morning. But she did almost blow herself up and Yaz settles down beside her under the covers without protest.

Doctor Jessica Smith is still a mystery to her. She looks like a totally different person when she sleeps; soft, sweet, no hard edges, peaceful and oh so kissable. Yaz resists, instead making sure her phone is plugged in and charging and her alarms are set to loud. Turning back to her Yaz can’t take her mind, her eyes or her hands off of Jess. She rests her hand on her waist, her eyes on her lips and her thoughts slowly trickle from her mind out of her mouth. 

“What did you want to talk about?” Yaz whispers softly, her hand experimentally moving to tuck loose strands of hair behind her ear. Jess still doesn’t react or move. “I want to know what you want to talk about.” She whispers again.

Jess shuffles into Yaz but doesn’t wake. Unsure of what she should do- having to weigh up whether to wake her or to just make herself comfortable against her body. Jess starts to lightly snore and Yaz’s mind is made up for her. She readjusts herself to feel comfortable and lets herself hold Jess as she drifts off deeper and deeper into sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> me, writing this: damn please just talk to each other you idiots


	11. Chapter 11

The morning is cold and wet- the sound of the rain hitting Yaz’s window having woken her up and done her alarms job for her. She doesn’t deactivate her alarm though, just in case the rain's gentle melody sends her off to sleep again. Rolling over so that her head can rest against the cool side of her pillow Yaz senses that Jess is already laying awake next to her. It’s the third time Jess has stayed over and despite what she insists, Yaz is starting to realise she  _ is _ developing a habit of sticking around. 

“Hey.” Yaz greets her warmly. She’s not sure if the incident from yesterday let her have enough sleep. 

“Work called.” Jess says. Her eyes stay on the ceiling, unblinking. “They’ve shut the school for today so they can clean up my mess over the weekend.”

Yaz shuffles closer to her on her side so that she can press her lips against her cheek and put her hand over her soft stomach. Yaz noted last night that in Jess’ backpack she did bring a set of pyjamas but Yaz had got her so tired Jess didn’t bother to change into them. 

“It was an accident.” Yaz reminds her. 

“An accident that was my fault.” 

“Stop it.” Yaz grumbles at her negativity. Jess moves her arm behind Yaz’s back and Yaz can’t tell if she’s trying to hug her or make herself more comfortable but she likes it either way. “At least now we have the day off.” 

In a selfish attempt to keep her where she is, Yaz brushes the tip of her nose along Jess’ jawline, kissing the corner of her jaw when she gets there then moves to the sensitive spot on her neck just under her ear where she knows Jess likes. While her lips slowly work at the skin on her neck Yaz lets her hand wander up Jess’ stomach until fingertips brush lightly against the tender curve of her breast. Jess whimpers as Yaz starts to use teeth and then soothe her skin with her tongue- an action that’s never been allowed before thanks to work but with three days off Yaz reckons she can get away with a three day temporary mark. The hand resting against her back starts to grip at her skin when Yaz massages supple peaks with her hand in addition to the work of her mouth. Jess squeaks when Yaz pinches her nipple between two fingers and Yaz tries her damned hardest to try and turn that noise into a moan. Whimpers and squeaks are not what Yaz wants and she doesn’t understand why she’s being so reserved.

“I can’t do this anymore.” Jess sighs through her nose. 

Yaz stops and lifts her head away from her to give her the space she needs. That sigh is not the sound she wanted to make her make. Jess looks tired. Finished. Like she can’t fight anymore but Yaz can’t see and doesn’t know what she’s fighting. 

“Can’t do what?” Yaz asks, concerned by the out of place look taking over her face. 

“I can’t have sex with you anymore.” Jess says. She bites her lips and shakes her head before rubbing her face with her hands and Yaz gets that overwhelming need to know what’s going on inside her head again.

“Why?” Yaz asks as she watches her. Jess closes her eyes to avoid her. “Jess?”

“I just can’t.” She shakes her head again. 

“Is that it? Is that all you’re going to say to me?” Yaz sits up on her knees not knowing whether it’s going to help her case but it makes her feel in power. In control to stop herself from getting hurt. “Jess talk to me.” She tries to plead.

“I don’t know what to say!” Jess shouts, voice strained. “I don’t know- I don’t…”

“You’ve slept with me for weeks and now you don’t even have the decency tell me why we’re stopping?” Yaz hears her own voice rising along with the intensity of her emotions. 

"Because it's you! You with your perfect body and your perfect hair and your perfect face and your perfect lifestyle and I love you!" Jess covers her mouth with her hand in an instant as if skin and bone can stop the words from coming out but it's too late. Yaz, stunned into silence herself by the declaration, watches her go through the motions of deciding whether to pretend she never said those fateful three words or accept that she's said them and deal with it and then finally: defeat. Her hand falls away from her mouth and their eyes lock onto each other like it might be the last time they ever do. “I love you.” 

“What…?” Yaz doesn’t have the brainpower to come up with a full question. If she’s feeling lost she can’t comprehend how the woman laying next to her is feeling.

“I’m not saying it again.” Yaz spots Jess rolling her eyes.

“Since when?” She asks. 

Jess just shrugs- her body having more of an ability than her mouth to speak. “I can’t just… casually keep being intimate with…” Jess pauses to look her in the eye. “I want all of you or nothing.” 

“I don’t know how to feel.” Yaz says. She can’t lie and say ‘I love you too’ or ‘get out of my house’ because she simply does not know if either of them are what she truly wants to say. So then where does she stand?

“Let me take you out on a date.” Jess says although it sounds more like a beg and looks like a beg with how she’s matching Yaz’s sitting position.

“A date?” Yaz mutters, distracted by her comfortable Jess is, sitting naked in front of her.

“A proper date with just me and you. No sex- not even talk of sex, no talk of work, just us.”

“Jess…” 

Yaz does not know what to say. She’s grown to like Jess. She thinks she’s hot, funny at times, but overall she knows she cares for her to some extent, and seeing her with those lost puppy dog eyes and soft features full of equal amounts of hope and concern leaves her not wanting to break her heart. So she just stays silent. Jess nods once accepting that Yaz might stay silent and removes herself from Yaz’s bed, reaching for her clothes to dress herself and most likely leave. 

In the short amount of time it takes for Jess to dress the bottom half of her body Yaz realises that this is it. If she lets her leave now it’s over, all of it, this whole situation they have is finished. But she doesn’t want it to end, at least not like this. Yaz gets out of bed and lightly taps Jess’ shoulder.

“When?” Yaz asks. If she agrees to go on this date with her at least it will give them the chance to talk properly about what this means for the two of them.

“Tonight?” Jess suggests. 

“Okay.” Yaz agrees quietly. Jess smiles at her and Yaz hates to do it but she has to remind her that this doesn’t mean anything serious. “I haven’t figured out if I love you too, you know that right?” 

Jess nods, her smile fading.

“And I don’t know if I will.” Yaz adds. Jesus it pains her to say it. She might as well be sticking a knife through her chest. 

Jess nods again. “I’ll pick you up at seven?” 

“Do I have to dress fancy?” Yaz asks. She has an inkling that Jess has daydreamed about Yaz agreeing to go on a date with her for a while. She can’t tell if it makes her feel uncomfortable or not considering how long they’ve been doing stuff together. 

“You look nice in whatever you wear.” Jess mumbles. 

Yeah. That makes her uncomfortable. Unsteady in her chest.

“Just a statement, don’t get your knickers in a twist.” Jess says. She sounds more like the Jess that Yaz knows. “I’ll see you at seven.”

As she does with literally any date she’s ever been on Yaz overthinks what tonight is going to be like. She doesn’t know what to expect and somehow it’s worse that they’ve already been to bed together. Normally she would use that to advantage; drag her date along by showing little bits of skin and tormenting their imagination to get them to stick around but Jess knows all those details. Jess knows everything in that department leaving Yaz with no choice but to do tonight properly. Like an adult. And of course like an adult Yaz invites Bill over to help her because she can’t get ready on her own. 

“Why exactly am I here?” Bill asks, stepping inside. It’s the only detail Yaz has neglected to tell her: exactly the reason she needs her here so desperately. 

“I have a date and I need your help.” Yaz takes her hand and leads her into the living room. 

“Wha- with who?” 

“Doctor Smith.” 

“Oh my God finally, Ryan owes me a tenner.” Bill flops onto the sofa and Yaz is left to stare begrudgingly at her. Are her and Jess something people just take bets on now? “I mean… congrats but why am I needed?”

“I need you to help me choose what to wear.”

“Will I get to feel up your abs?” Bill asks. 

“What? No!”

“Then I’m not interested.” Bill stands up to leave but Yaz pushes her back down again by her shoulders. 

“No, I need you! I need to get this date right and I need you to stay here and wait for me to come home so that I don’t end up having sex with her.” 

“Isn’t that how your nights together always end? Like, it’s the whole point of you two?” Bill raises her eyebrows and plucks Yaz’s fingers from her shoulders one by one. 

“I told you this is different.” Yaz flops down next to her friend. 

“Care to tell me how?” Bill asks, becoming increasingly irritated with Yaz’s lack of information with her instructions.

“She told me she loves me this morning.” Yaz says. 

“Pussy whipped.” Bill snorts after a few seconds of silence.

“Bill!” 

“Okay! Okay! I’ll help you.” Bill throws her hands up in surrender and Yaz is so relieved that she’s agreed to help. “Take me to your wardrobe.”

Yaz does. Pretty soon though she realises she must have only ever had dates in the summer in the past because there’s nothing suitable for a date in the winter. She can see herself freezing to death in half of them and the other half of the outfits are either too casual or too seductive. 

“Yaz I will literally pay you to see you in this.” Bill says. Yaz turns around to see what she’s talking about only to find her underwear draw open and her friend holding up her long since redundant black lace lingerie set. 

“You’re meant to be helping me choose an outfit.” Yaz rolls her eyes so far into the back of her head she swears she can see the back of her skull.

“I am and I choose this. I can already see her tiny little nerd brain exploding over it.”

“We’re not having sex tonight. She won’t see it.” Yaz reiterates, snatching the set out of her hands. 

“Wait - you’re serious? This isn’t some kind of joke, you really do want to try with her?” Bill asks. 

Yaz has to take a moment. She agreed to see her tonight to try and figure out if she then wants to try with her. It’s almost like a pre-date date to figure out what she wants but she also knows Jess already knows what she wants. Is she being unfair dragging her along like this? Dangling the carrot right in front of the donkey not knowing if she’ll ever let her have it? Maybe she should call it off. Maybe she should just sit in her feelings and figure them out and then go to Jess and talk to her. But will Jess want to talk to her again if Yaz ditches her tonight? She simply doesn’t know what to do.

“Yaz if you’re unsure-”

“I’m sure I want to at least give her one date.” Yaz nods to reassure herself. “I want to know what she’s going to do.”

“Mate if this goes wrong you’re still going to have to work with her.” Bill reminds her. This isn’t just some random Yaz can ghost afterwards.

“I know.” Yaz says. It’s a risk she’s willing to take.

With Bill to help and distract her seven o’clock comes around fast. In the end she chooses her blue jumpsuit with white flowers on and her leather jacket. Bill even helps her do her hair up nice and Yaz hopes she’s made enough effort. When the doorbell rings and Yaz opens it to see Jess standing there in essentially her finest black suit she feels severely under-dressed. 

“Wow- I, you’re… wow.” Jess laughs like the air has been taken out of her lungs. 

“You’ve dressed smarter than me.” Yaz shrugs suddenly feeling out of place and insecure. 

“Honestly Yaz you look amazin’.” Jess grins. “Wait- hold on.” 

Seeing that Yaz is a little uncomfortable Jess removes her blazer jacket and chucks it onto the bonnet of her car. Next she pulls a face while she undoes her bowtie and throws that away too. She uncuffs her sleeves, rolls them up three quarters of the way up her arms, then gives herself a minimum of fifteen chins as she undoes the top two buttons of her white shirt.

“Better?” She asks. 

“Better.” Yaz agrees. She looks more casual. Less like she’s just come from a big meeting and more like they’re going out for a meal.

“Are you two going to leave anytime soon or-” Bill starts, making her way into the hallway but she stops dead in her tracks when she sees Jess standing there with her hands in her pockets. She pauses.

“Hi.” Jess greets her with a little tilt of her chin.

“I get it now. I get why you’re sleeping with that. Good luck.” Bill pats Yaz’s shoulder twice and then returns to the sofa where she’ll probably stay for the next few hours. 

“Come on.” Yaz says to Jess.

Jess’ car looks old and battered on the outside but it’s comfy enough on the inside. Sitting in the passenger seat waiting for Jess to put her blazer jacket and bowtie in the back Yaz notices how the air inside the shell of metal smells of her. She’s got what must be every single air freshener she’s ever used hanging from her rearview mirror but either way the mix still smells good. Jess joins her in the driver's seat and pulls away from the curb. 

“You told her.” Jess sighs over Bill’s presence.

“I needed her help.” Yaz says. “Stop us from falling into habit and having sex when you drop me back.” She mumbles her addition. 

“Fair enough.” Jess nods, keeping her eyes on the road. “I’ve booked a table at a restaurant in the next town over. Just in case you think I’m kidnapping you or something.”

“Why the next town over?” Yaz asks.

“I don’t want any students seeing us.” Jess says. 

“Fairs.”

Silence between them. Just the hum of the car engine and Jess’ squeaky brakes. Yaz is okay sitting in the quiet. She’s alright with just the two of them sitting together, however it’s obvious that Jess isn’t.

“I’m sorry, this is more awkward than it should be because of my big mouth this morning.” Jess says, thoroughly disappointed in herself. 

“It’s okay Jess.”

“But it’s not, I should have just asked you out like a normal person without saying… you know.” Jess shrugs. 

“Then pretend you never said it.” Yaz says. “Pretend that we are just… I don’t know.”

Jess is quiet for the rest of the drive, both of them listening to the radio instead. Bill asks Yaz through a text how it’s going and even though it’s premature in the evening to ask that Yaz replies telling her how they’re driving in silence and how she’s feeling. Once they have something to talk about- not sex or work like agreed- the night will probably go a lot more smoothly.

They park a couple of streets away in the car park that’s free. Even though Yaz offers to pay for closer parking Jess refuses to let her and insists that it’ll be nice to walk together. The main difference between this town and the one Yaz and Jess live in is that it is clearly a wealthier place. Posher shops, fancier looking cafes and restaurants lining the approaching highstreet, supermarket stores that Yaz could only dream to be able to afford to do weekly food shops at. As they walk Jess gives her a verbal walking history tour of the town and even though Yaz doesn’t really care about it she’s enamoured by her enthusiasm and asks questions and entertains her knowledgeable speech. They pass several pubs that Yaz guesses they might go into and then a nandos which she definitely wouldn’t doubt Jess bringing her to but they cross the street and Jess gestures at the fancy looking restaurant in front of them.

“Here?” Yaz asks.

“Yeah.” Jess’ smile gets knocked off her lips. “Is there a problem with it, did I choose the wrong place?”

“No, it’s great Jess, it just looks expensive.” 

“I’m paying for your meal, you don’t have to worry about that.” Jess opens the door and with her hand on the small of her back Yaz doesn’t have the chance to argue against it. 

They get sat by the waiter at a table for two hidden away in a corner of the dimly lit restaurant and handed fancy menus bound in a leather casing. They get asked if they want to hear the wine specials but Jess orders an apple juice and Yaz orders water which quite frankly takes the suited waiter by surprise. They probably make half their profits from pushing overpriced alcohol. 

“Why’d you choose this place?” Yaz asks once they’re left alone. 

“Recommendation.” Jess shrugs and leans back in her chair and Yaz has to stop herself from getting turned on by the simple action and how she looks doing it. “And apparently even though it’s posh they don’t serve up those tiny portions.”

“I hate it when they do that.” Yaz grimaces.

“I know right! Tiny portion for a big price, I’d rather go to a fast food joint.” 

“Why didn’t you take me to a fast food joint?” Yaz asks.

“First of all I knew you’d protest it being healthy ‘n all that.” Jess smiles. “Secondly you deserve more than shitty fast food.” 

“So this is where the flattery begins?” Yaz teases. 

“I- I can stop if I’m making you uncomfortable.” Jess becomes small and insecure in where she sits and Yaz takes pity on her. How can she not when she looks like that?

“I like it when you flatter me.” Yaz says, leaning forward and unintentionally letting the tealight candle light her facial features. “More than when you shout at me.”

Their conversation is paused as the waiter places their drinks in front of a blushing Jess and easily amused Yaz. They thank the man- probably a bit older than Yaz but not as old as Jess- and ask for a few more minutes to choose their food. 

“If I could meet you all over again I would do it differently.” Jess says. 

“Differently how?” Yaz asks, picking up the menu again.

“I wouldn’t be such a dick. I wish I could just...” Jess adjusts her posture and extends her arm over the table. “Hi, I’m Doctor Smith but you can call me Jess.” 

Yaz gently pushes Jess’ arm hand away. “You’ve seen me naked Jess. I think we're past the point of being able to do that.”

“Are you a starter girl or a dessert girl.” Jess asks, but then instantly looks up from the page she’s looking at. “I take that back, you don’t eat sugar.” 

“I’d share one with you but then you don’t share food.” Yaz says. “Maybe we should both break the status quo for once.”

“Good song that.” 

“Huh?” Yaz smiles to cover up that she’s lost to what her date is talking about. 

“Stick to the Status Quo, it’s a song from High School Musical.” 

“I’ve never seen it.” Yaz says. 

“You’ve never-!” Jess rolls her whole body back like she’s about to faint. “Oh my god, order and then I’ll enlighten you.” 

Yaz orders a fancy sounding risotto from the wide selection of dishes and Jess goes for a ‘gourmet burger’ which Yaz guesses is just going to be a regular burger but made with fancier ingredients, and then the next story for Jess’ mouth comes out.

Through their entire main course and the wait for it Jess outlines the plot and the songs for the first High School Musical film. If the way she explains it is the same way she teaches Yaz can see how students fall in love with her. She sits, eats, asks questions, laughs until their plates are being cleared and they’re being handed the menus again to pick out a desert. 

“And that’s why Gabriella and Troy are actually the villains of the series, not Sharpay and Ryan.” Jess concludes with a matter of pride behind her voice. Yaz just sits and smiles at her, wondering if she's realised a whole chunk of their evening has passed them by. “Oh- shit have I done that thing again?”

“What thing?” Yaz asks. 

“I have, haven’t I, I start talking about meaningless things when I’m nervous.” Jess holds her head in her hands.

“Why are you so nervous around me Jess?” Yaz asks, reaching over and making sure her sleeve doesn’t fall into the little candle and burn while she rips Jess’ hands away from her face. “You confident when your dick’s ins-”

“No sex talk, you’re breaking the rules.” Jess doesn’t let her finish her sentence. “It’s because I know what I’m doing in bed with you whereas I’ve never felt…”

“I know.” Yaz nods sympathetically. “Concentrate on what you want for pudding.”

They order the hot brownie with ice cream and two spoons. No matter how up market a restaurant is they will always have a brownie on the dessert menu, even if they do make it try and sound posher. Yaz realises while they’re eating off the same plate that she hasn’t acknowledged how she’s been feeling this entire evening, and that actually that’s because deep down she knows she feels content. Obviously she won’t properly note right now that she’s comfortable and at ease with the Doctor because it will most certainly freak herself out and the rest of the evening will be ruined by her overthinking it. But it’s there for her to face when she gets home.

“You know whoever gets handed the bill is the top.” Yaz teases as they wait for the requested bill to come over. 

“No sex talk.” Jess reminds her of the rule for the second time tonight. The waiter arrives with the bill on a tiny tray accompanied by a couple of mints and places it in front of Jess, who asks for the card machine then looks up at Yaz as smug as anything. “Actually, you were saying?”

“Just a theory anyway, it’s not been proven.” Yaz says. 

Jess continues to look smug as she pays and asks the server how to add a tip and only when she steps out into the cold night air does the look get wiped off her face. It is cold and everyone else who’s out tonight has clearly had the sense to book a taxi to pick them up right outside the door.

“Freezin’ out here.” Jess says, her lips already starting to turn blue. 

“Should’ve brought your jacket.” Yaz says, leaning into her side and not pulling back away, making sure they’re walking in close proximity to each other. She can almost feel Jess’ heart pounding through her shirt.

“You sound like my mum.” Jess laughs through her nose. 

“What’s your mum’s name?” Yaz asks. In some ways she can’t believe they’ve got this far on a first date without talking about personal lives. 

“Sarah Jane.” Jess smiles absently to herself. “She was a journalist.”

“Is she the one who covered the-”

“Astronomy section with Professor Brian Cox, yeah. She was.” Jess takes another moment for herself. “Um, she’s gone now. Just me and John left.” 

“I’m sorry.” Yaz says, feeling her features soften and blush against the cold air.

“Not your fault.” Jess smiles again. “What’s your mum’s name?”

“Najia.” Yaz says. “She’s a hotel manager.”

“Yaz’s mum the hotel manager.” Jess grins. “I’d like to meet her one day.”

“Why, so you can find out where she bought that dildo?”

“Absolutely.” Jess laughs. 

Yaz decides she likes her laugh. It’s joyful, sweet and honest and tickles her eardrums beautifully, warming the pit of her stomach as well. They walk quietly side by side through the highstreet lit by street lamps and the glow from inside restaurants they pass. Knuckles brush knuckles and soon enough Yaz takes the initiative and loosely holds Jess' hand. Once again, it feels different. All the other times she’s held her hand like this she’s either in the midst of her own orgasm or with her head stuck between blushing thighs but now they’re just walking together, happy in the quiet. 

“Do you think it might rain again?” Jess asks, tilting her head up. Yaz follows suit looking up at the grey starless sky; the glow of the moon barely pushing through the clouds.

“Probably.” Yaz sighs wistfully. “Better get me home Doctor Smith.”

“I don’t want Bill to lecture me.” Jess sighs in a similar manner. At the same time she holds Yaz’s hand tighter. Yaz leans into her again, sharing a little bit of body warmth as they walk back to the car park perhaps a little slower than a normal pair of colleagues would.

Jess drives back with Yaz’s hand on her thigh and the two of them chatting away about the annoying similarities John and Sonya have between them. In their quiet pauses for Jess to deal with idiots on the road and roundabouts Yaz takes the time to acknowledge how at ease she feels. She’s spending time with Jess and for once she doesn’t want to drag her up to bed after. She’s at peace with having to leave her on the road outside her house and see her again on Monday. However, by the end of the ride home Jess gets out with Yaz and walks her up to the door. To ‘make sure she’s safe’ she claims, although Bill can probably see her from the window and Jess can certainly watch from the road. 

“So…” Jess shuffles on her feet on the doorstep.

“I enjoyed spending time with you.” Yaz says. Both of them keep their voices quiet to not be overheard by neighbours or a prying lunch lady.

“Me too.” Jess tries to hide her smile by looking down at her boots.

“Thank you for a great evening.” Yaz says. It sounds too polite, too formal. Like something you’d tell your boss after a staff night out and her own words embarrass her. “Forget I said-”

Jess kisses Yaz’s cheek. Yaz takes Jess’ blushing face in her hands when she pulls away and makes her kiss her properly on the lips. Nothing too long, nothing too deep but something. A dangerous move overall as Jess gets a little excited and tries to make it more than what it is, but Yaz is able to stop. She curls the little baby hairs at the back of her neck around her finger to let Jess recover her brain cells. 

“I’ll see you on Monday, Doctor Smith.” Yaz lets her go.

“Goodnight, Miss Khan.” Jess smiles politely and nods.

Yaz starts to close the door as her date walks away but pauses when she sees Jess punch the air and grin to herself. 

“I can still see you Jess.” Yaz says. 

“‘Kay.” Jess coughs, shoving her hands in her pockets to stop herself from doing another performance of elation.

Yaz watches a few seconds longer then forces herself to close the door on her date. The moment she does, the dulcet tones of ‘Careless Whisper’ start floating through from her living room.

“Stop it.” Yaz says. Bill just comes out into the hallway using her phone as the base of an invisible saxophone. “You’re annoying.”

“That looked like it went well.” Bill laughs, giving up her free performance and switching off the music. 

“It did.” Yaz unknowingly bites her lip and she shrugs off her jacket. 

“You’ve got it bad girl.” Bill crosses her arms across her chest- smug.

“What? No I don’t.” She kicks off her boots. 

“You’re falling in love with Doctor Arrogance.”

“She’s not arrogant.” Yaz leaps to Jess’ defense.

“See.” Her friend smirks. “Never would have said that a few months ago.”

“She was nice to me.” Yaz smiles and shrugs. “She paid for my food too and she entertained me. Conversation didn’t run dry once.” 

“She’s trying to buy your love.” Bill attempts to contradict her. 

“No she’s not she’s just… trying.” 

“And is it working?” Bill says.

Yaz rolls her eyes and sighs, unwilling to fight anymore, and heads upstairs to bed. “Goodnight Bill.” 

“I ate all your snacks that weren’t rodent food by the way!” Bill shouts after her. 

“You can replace them with the ten quid Ryan owes you!”

* * *

Yaz’s good mood that Jess has left her in carries her through the weekend and into Monday morning. The smell of smoke hasn’t quite left L13 yet, as she and the rest of the staff are informed in the Monday briefing, and her tutor group get shuffled into the empty lab next door instead. Everyone, and she means  _ everyone _ , is talking about the fire. Walking through the school you can’t go more than five steps without hearing a different conversation about it so it makes sense that her tutor group doesn’t want to talk about anything else. Yaz lets them indulge in it, her theory being that if they talk about it now they won’t talk about it in lessons and consequently be disruptive. Doctor Smith enters with just as much cheer carrying a plastic tray full of exercise books. Yaz has already forewarned her group of teenagers not to mention the incident to Doctor Smith since it ‘might still be a touchy subject’. Of course Yaz knows it is a touchy subject, but she wouldn’t let that on.

“Good weekend Miss Khan?” Doctor Smith asks, resting the big plastic box on the teachers desk and leaning on it with her arms folded. 

“Yeah really good.” Yaz smiles at her then turns to the computer to pretend to busy herself. “I went on a date.”

“You went on a date?” Even though she’s looking at the screen, Yaz can see Doctor Smith raise an eyebrow.

“Really handsome guy.” Yaz turns back to her, scraping her teeth against her bottom lip to tease without the students knowing. “Wore a nice suit, took me out to dinner, didn’t try anything- you know. A proper gentleman.” 

“Good for you.” Doctor Smith smiles as the bell for next period rings through the school. Yaz gives her group the nod to leave but so enthralled in listening in on the conversation they’re very slow to move. “Will you see him again?”

“I think so. I’m just waiting for him to give me details.” 

The two of them watch the last few stragglers leave the classroom wishing them a good day and waiting for the door to close behind the last child.

“You meant me right?” Doctor Smith asks hurriedly.

“Yes- I thought that was obvious.” Yaz laughs. 

“But you used male pronouns?” Doctor Smith scowls at her.

“So the students think I’m dating literally anyone but you.” Yaz says softly, leaning into Doctor Smith’s personal space over the desk just to be double sure that she hears. 

“We’re dating now?” Doctor Smith’s eyebrows fly up into her hairline. 

“I want to give it a go.” Yaz admits, softly nodding.

“With the handsome stranger?” 

“With you, you idiot.” Yaz pokes her in the shoulder. To drag out the time Jess has to cover up her excitement Yaz gathers up everything she needs for the day and gently strolls around the teachers desk. “Have a good day.” She pecks Jess’ cheek.

“Don’t do that.” The Doctor grabs her wrist firmly to keep her in place. Her voice is low and on the verge of recklessness. 

“Why not?” Yaz asks (her voice not as controlled).

“Don’t do that when I’m trying so hard to respect you and not to kiss you back.” 

“You can kiss me whenever you like.” Yaz kinks her eyebrow. Immediately she feels bad as she reminds herself that this woman has laid out her true feelings and by teasing her she’s stamping all over them.

But with the way Jess assertively kisses her, Yaz doesn’t think she’s done any harm at all. Her back hits a desk when she tries to balance herself and one of Jess’ legs sits comfortable between her thighs. 

“I’ve missed your body.” Jess mumbles. 

“It’s been three days.” Yaz breathes out the words while she can. 

“Three too many.”

Jess is on her again like a shot wanting to create an imprint of Yaz’s lips on her own to place in her memory bank until the next time they get a chance to go on a date. Yaz doesn’t mind because even though she’s firm and needy she’s also moving so intensely it feels like every second lasts a minute. Hands hold onto sides, both pairs forcing themselves to stay at a respectable height and Yaz makes the mistake of humming against her lovers lips and Jess gasps against her in response, making a lightning strike of heat shoot straight between her legs. It also makes the situation look dirtier than it is when an elderly supply teacher walks in without warning.

“Oh! Dear, that’s, uh, I’m so sorry I’ll just…” 

He scuttles off, obviously not having got the memo about Doctor Smith taking over this room for a couple of days. Doctor Smith who is currently pacing back and forth blowing out her cheeks with her hands on her own hips. 

“I need to get to my year eights.” Yaz excuses herself, ignoring how they’ve just been caught. Thank the stars above it was just a kiss. 

“Yup.” Jess nods, her voice taut.

“And you should check to see… see if you just gave that poor old man a heart attack.” Yaz adds. 

“Me? If he dies in the next few days it’s on both of us!” 

“Calm down Jess.” Yaz is forced to take her by the shoulders. 

“I can’t calm down when you’re in front of me.” Jess shakes her head. “I can’t-”

“Okay, I’ll leave! I’ll leave.” Yaz backs away, not knowing whether to find this situation funny or concerning. Jess stands looking sorry for herself. “Just make sure he knows it’s not… that I’m- we’re…”

“A thing?” Jess asks. Yaz feels her voice get stuck in her throat. She doesn’t want to say yes yet, but it’s obvious to the both of them now that it isn’t just sex like first believed. “I’ll sort it.” Jess speaks for her instead, letting Yaz leave. 

* * *

Their second date is not as extravagant as their first. It simply involves Jess sitting in the PE department office with Yaz eating their lunch together while they have the time. Everyone else in the department is busy or on break duty and apparently Jess eats lunch on her own otherwise so no one is going to be asking where she is. Yaz finds it a little bit sad when she hears that. 

“Crisp?” Jess offers up her packet. If they were simply salted Yaz might have taken one but they look and smell like they’re smothered in an artificial flavoring dust. 

“You know there’s usually more oil in a packet of those than actual potatoes, right?” Yaz denies her offer.

“Alright, spoil sport.” Jess rolls her eyes at her but doesn’t force her to share food.

“What do you have next lesson?” Yaz asks. 

“Double year ten. Practical.” Jess says, trying hard not to spit food at Yaz. 

“Should I be worried for your safety?”

“Not this time, I promise.” Jess smiles at her brightly. “What do you have?”

“Free then a games period- might just let them run around and do what they want, and then boxing club.”

“Can I come to boxing club?” Jess asks. 

“No. You’ll distract me.” Yaz says. Jess looks very not-so-secretly pleased with that reason. “Hey, what do you think of valentine's day?” Yaz changes the subject.

“In general or the idea of spending it with you?”

“Both.” Yaz clarifies. It’s a bold move to request both answers but she’s intrigued to know. 

“In general it’s just a way for businesses to make money by capitalizing off of a beautiful and vulnerable human emotion so I hate it.” Jess shrugs and takes a bite of her hot panini she got from the canteen. “But a valentine's day with you? I suppose it could be bearable.”

“Are you sure you want to use the word bearable when I’m asking you out?” Yaz reveals her real intentions of asking. Maybe she should have been more straightforward since Jess is scrunching every muscle in her face up at her. 

“Wait, that was you asking me out on a date on valentine’s day?” Jess chokes on her food. “I did not- I didn’t think- I wasn’t-”

“Doctor Smith.” Yaz says firmly. 

“Yeah?” Jess gulps. 

“What do you want to do for valentines day with me?” Yaz asks. 

“I…” Jess continues to frown at her as she sits back in Mr Pink’s chair. “I want to know what your invitation means.”

“I just told you.” Yaz starts to frown herself, using all her willpower to not start an argument since they’ve managed almost a week without one.

“No, I want to know what it means about us.” Jess says. Judging by her tone and body language, it’s actually a demand. 

Yaz shuffles her wheeled chair a couple of steps across the little office until their knees bash together. She makes sure Jess is looking her dead in the eye before saying the next part. 

“I want to spend more time with you Jess.” Yaz says. She’s never felt herself be so honest before, not even when she came out to her parents. 

“So you can make up your mind? Yaz you either like me or you don’t.”

“I really like you.” Yaz says. “I really do and I’m sure of that much.”

Her answer seems to pacify the other woman into silence again, giving her the chance to chomp down on her panini and evade eye contact for a bit to gather her own thoughts. . 

“So if you don’t like material gifts, what would you like?” Yaz asks. 

“You don’t have to get me anything Yaz.”

“I know, that’s why I’m asking.” Yaz says. Once again Jess looks at her with pure confusion. Yaz resists rolling her eyes at her and tries to be patient as she explains. “I want to cook you dinner, I want to chill out on my sofa and watch a film with you. I want to do whatever you want as a gift to you. Kind of. I dunno I feel kind of stupid now.” 

Once the ever bright Doctor Smith realises what Yaz is getting on about she only needs to take a couple of seconds to come to a conclusion. Yaz can see that she knows what she wants on her face but her lips stay tightly sealed with not so much of an inkling of a suggestion 

“...dance.”

“Huh?” Yaz has to ask her to speak up.

“Lap dance.” Jess says timidly.

Yaz’s automatic response is to scoff. “I think you’re overestimating my physical abilities Jess.” 

“I’ve thought about it.” Jess admits. Her confidence is slowly coming back to her and soon enough Yaz wouldn’t doubt it to turn into cockiness. 

“You have?” Yaz raises an eyebrow in surprise. 

“Dreamt it once and I couldn’t shake it.” Jess says. Yaz was right. She’s gone all cocky.

“You dream about me?” Yaz places her hand on her knee to see if she can make her flinch. She doesn’t.

“All the time.” Jess smirks. “Makes it very hard to get out of bed in the morning.” 

The moment Jess says the word ‘hard’ Yaz shakes her head in disbelief of her brazenness and lunges forward to kiss her. Thankfully the creak of the old door who’s hinges have been rusted for years gives away that they’re not alone anymore, and Yaz diverts to finding something on the desk behind Jess to reach for. It makes Yaz wish she never ended up getting the lab's old door replaced. 

“No scissoring in the PE office ladies. Keep that business in the science department.” Danny says. 

“Shut up Danny we’re just having lunch.” Yaz says, reaching into Jess’ open packet of crisps and forcing herself to eat it while she pushes her chair back to the opposite desk. 

“Why’s there a science teacher here anyway, this is sacred land?” Danny asks, partially teasing and fetching his bagel from the mini fridge. 

“We’re planning.” Jess says. 

“Planning what?” Danny asks. Yaz says a little prayer that Jess might have the brains not to tell him they’re planning their valentines evening together. 

“Our next publicity stunt.” Jess says. Yaz lets out a little inaudible sigh of relief. “I think Yaz deserves a good thrashing.” The Doctor moves her eyes to Yaz, all innocent on the outside but Yaz understands what she really means. 

“You wish.” Yaz snaps back. “You won’t beat me again.” She adds to go along with the lie. 

“We’re one all, someone’s got to come out on top.” Jess says.

Yaz shakes her head at her blatant euphemisms that are lost on Danny, the poor man. 

“It’s cross country Thursday next week. Why don’t you compete in that.” Danny suggests. He’s making his way to the door again and in an attempt to get just her and Doctor Smith alone again Yaz agrees to it and suddenly, the two of them are signed up to race each other next Thursday.

“I guess we’re running cross country now.” Yaz shrugs now that they’re alone. 

“Bring it on.” Jess says, sensing that her lunch time with Yaz is coming to a natural close. “I have good stamina for long distances.”

“You’re ridiculous.” Yaz scoffs lightheartedly. 

“You’re going down.” Jess says as she gets up to leave.

“You wish I was.” Yaz makes her voice go low and raspy. 

“You know it babe.” Jess winks then pauses- both of them carefully considering her choice of words. “Sorry I… I didn’t think I was going to say that, that’s… odd.” Jess runs her tongue over her teeth as if the word has a bad taste to it. 

“I kind of like it.” Yaz stands to recklessly leave a small kiss on Jess’ cheekbone. Somehow despite the entire hidden conversation they had right in front of Yaz’s department boss, this is what makes Jess blush bright red. “I’ll see you later.” 

“Yaz what I said about what I wanted to do-”

“It’s okay Jess.”

“-you don’t actually have to do it.” Jess says. “I don’t want to push you into anything you don’t want to do because of what you know about me feeling…” 

“You’re not the best with words are you?” Yaz can’t help but grin at her. She doesn’t mean to tease or take the piss out of her but the way she can go from knowing what she wants to backtracking the second she thinks Yaz might be uncomfortable flatters her more than she ever thought someone could. “I think you’re more stuck up on the fact you said it than I am.” 

“I don’t want to end up arguing with you again.” Jess mumbles. 

“We’re doing alright so far.” Yaz drapes her arms over her shoulders and nudges their noses together. Something so intimate in a setting it should never be in. 

“Yeah?” Jess whispers with her lips curling into a gentle smile. 

“Yeah. I think so.” Yaz nods. 

She kisses her then with her hands stroking the back of her neck. Going cold turkey could never be an option and they learnt that on Monday but every day gets more and more difficult to keep their hands off of each other. Even the way Jess hesitantly cups her cheek makes her heart flutter like it never has before and in this moment, Yaz lets herself fall a little for Jessica Smith. 

“Forgot my-” Danny gets cut short halfway through the door. Still wrapped up in their moment and the emotions that come with it Jess attempts to keep her forehead pressed against Yaz’s head as the latter turns to face her boss and remove how her arms are holding the scientist. Even though he only made a joke about it a couple of minutes ago Danny genuinely looks surprised to catch the two of them like this. “You weren’t talking about cross country running were you?”

“Mention this to anyone and I’ll get Clara to chop off your balls while you sleep.” Jess threatens. 

Danny takes his previously forgotten water bottle from the side and turns away. “I didn’t see anything.” 


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (This work has nothing to do with the actresses that portray these characters on screen, this is based off of descriptions of the characters alone. The actresses are real people with real lives and families that are just doing their jobs, please remember to stay respectful)

Instead of calling it a school they should call it a gossip factory. Thanks to whoever it was that spilled the beans Yaz can’t be seen around Doctor Smith anymore and Doctor Smith can’t be anywhere near Yaz. Students don’t openly tease, they whisper and whispering distracts from learning. The two of them are also under the watchful eye of their superiors, so even if they could steal a moment in an empty classroom or staff office it’s not worth the risk of being caught again. Their abstinence of each other is taking its toll with the two women clearly missing each other, but Jess is still unable to bring herself to have casual sex with Yaz. Her emotional welfare comes before any other needs so it’s safe to say Yaz has had to resort to a lot of ‘me, myself and I’ time for the sake of not upsetting Jess.

Still, not being around Jess has had an undeniable effect on Yaz’s moods and it’s starting to seep into how she teaches. She’s distracted and her students are taking advantage of her inability to keep her lessons under control. Right now she’s attempting to teach some basketball to her year ten class: passing techniques, where to aim to hit against the backboard and score, the lines on the court and the rules. She sets them up to do dribbling and passing exercises and makes the mistake of leaving them to it while she blanks out, imagining if Doctor Smith is struggling to concentrate as badly as she is. Everyone takes the opportunity to slack off and chat, only half-heartedly doing what they’ve been told.

“Everyone hold your balls still.” Yaz commands when she comes back around to the scene in front of her so she can speak without interruption. Of course in this group of fourteen to fifteen year olds some boys decide to interpret her instruction another way. “Very funny.” Yaz sighs at them and holds her own arms across her chest and waits for the childish moment to end. In her head she’s adding up the time and it will eat into their break if they don’t hurry up. The sound of a basketball falling onto tarmac draws her attention as there’s a scuffle to try and pick it up without notice. “Five laps.” Yaz orders. 

The kids mumble and some roll their eyes but they do as they’re told. Knowing that it might actually have just been a mistake, Yaz resets the overtime they have to do and gives them back their break time. To a lot of them, running is enough of a punishment. 

“You’re so uptight today Miss.” Adam, one of the renowned trouble makers of this class, attempts to lighten up the mood once everyone is back standing where they started. 

“Wouldn’t have to be if you all just did what I say.” Yaz shrugs, smiling small and politely. Just enough to say ‘I’m on your side until you play up’.

“Is Doctor Smith not giving it to you good enough at home-”

“Shut up man!” One of Adam’s mates tries to kick his shin.

“After school detention for you. Ten laps of the perimeter for everyone.” 

This time, everyone audibly groans to show their disgust.

“Do you put Doctor Smith in detention too Miss?” Adam continues to smirk. 

Yaz has to pull on every ounce of self restraint, her good nature and overall teacher training not to deck the kid then and there. 

“Miss Noble’s office. Now.” Yaz says, her voice much calmer than she thought it would be.

“Whoa- wait it’s Mr Pink first.” He protests, suddenly realising that the line he’s crossed is a good few steps behind him. 

“Why? So you can play the system and get off easily? So you don’t have to face proper punishment for your blatant disregard of your teachers? You are year ten, I expect you to have learnt the meaning of respect towards staff by now. You are taking this subject for a GCSE qualification and at the moment  _ I  _ am the one with the power to either kick you off the course or move you to a class without all your friends. Do you understand?” Yaz says. 

“But Miss it was just a joke.” 

“Jokes are supposed to be funny. Look at your classmates now.” Yaz makes him look at the twenty nine other students running around in the cold, fueled purely by their hate for their classmate making them do this. “Are they laughing?”

“No Miss.” He mumbles.

“Miss Noble’s office and be glad I’m not handing you over to Mr Retsam.”

“He always finds out anyway.” Adam mumbles as he heads out of the courts and towards the main building when he can then cut across the canteen to get to Donna’s office. 

Donna has a policy so deeply ingrained in the school that students know if they’ve been sent to her office they have to go straight there. No dawdling, no hiding in the toilets because they’ll get found out and their punishment will be worse. They just somehow all conform without complaint or rebellion. Yaz quickly calls up the office to leave a message while her class is still doing laps, informing the headmistress that there’s going to be a student waiting outside her office, then attempts to go back to teaching. 

The interaction plays on her mind the rest of the day. News travels fast and a couple more students ask her if it’s true that someone said something distasteful but Yaz ignores them for the sake of her own sanity. The whole debacle throws whatever concentration she had left and it makes the rest of her work day harder. When school is over and she finally gets to sit down in the PE office after marking two tallies under her name on the whiteboard (she had two students ‘forget’ their kit today) not even then she can rest. There’s an orange slip sitting on the desk with her name on, summoning her to Donna’s office. Pushing herself to her feet, wanting nothing more than to just go home and eat snacks and a hot meal, Yaz takes herself to the office. 

Inside sits Donna on one side of her desk and Adam on the other looking sheepish.

“Miss Noble.” Yaz greets her boss. 

“Just waiting for-” Donna starts but the door opens and she doesn’t have to explain. 

Doctor Smith sees Yaz first and smiles at her before remembering this isn’t one of their rendezvous and they’re certainly not alone. Yaz gets that familiar yet uncertain feeling in her gut when she sees Doctor Smith in a work capacity. It’s like she’s conditioned to brace herself in case the Doctor starts to pick an argument with her but at the same time she knows the real Jess outside of work and how she wouldn’t do that to her- at least not anymore. It’s a proper conflict of interest all happening inside her gut.

“What’s this about?” Doctor Smith carefully closes the door behind her and comes to a standstill next to Yaz. Just having her in her vicinity makes Yaz want to touch her; a hand hold, a brush of their knuckles, anything, and it makes her realise how much she’s been missing her contact. 

“Do you want to explain or should Miss Khan?” Donna gives the teenager the option. While Adam and Donna whisper their debate as to what should happen, Doctor Smith nudges Yaz’s arm with her elbow. 

“Are we in trouble?” Jess whispers, quieter than the two others in the room. Yaz shakes her head as if to say ‘I dealt with it’ and after that Yaz forces herself to tear her eyes away and wait. She doesn’t want to risk drawing attention to them both. 

“Miss Khan please enlighten us as to why we’re all here and not getting on with our afternoons.” Donna says, finally.

Yaz takes a deep inhale to steady her emotions and starts to talk, her words directly spoken to Doctor Smith. “Adam here commented on my mood as I was teaching his class today and decided to be funny, asking if you weren't ‘giving it to me enough at home’. I put him in detention and obviously not getting the gist he then decided to ask in an inappropriate sexual context if I ever put you in detention.”

“I’m very offended by that.” Doctor Smith says then she has to take a moment to pause and plan out what she wants to say in her head. “What on Earth possessed you to make those comments?” She asks.

“Heard some rumors.” Adam mumbles. 

“Rumors.” Doctor Smith laughs. Yaz is tempted to place her hand on her shoulder to try and keep her calm but suspecting that it’s too late and any comforting contact between the two of them might not help, all Yaz can do is fold her arms across her chest and look at the floor. “Always bloody rumors. You know feeding into them doesn’t get you anywhere right? It’s teenage stupidity.”

“I’m sorry, I was just trying to joke around with my friends.”

“So Doctor Smith and I just exist to serve as the butt of your jokes?” Yaz asks, lifting her head and making her stare as glassy and cold as possible.

The air grows thick around them all homing in on the cornered teen with nowhere to run. He fucked up. Yaz knows he fucked up. Doctor Smith knows he fucked up, Donna knows he fucked up, it’s just a matter of getting him himself to admit it. 

“It is so hard to teach and give people the education they deserve when all they can do when they look at you is think about what may or may not be happening in your private life.” Doctor Smith says, her voice and overall body language a lot calmer than before. “Your jokes aren’t helping.” 

“It’s unacceptable Adam. You’ll be placed in internal exclusion tomorrow as a lesson to all other students that might think making comments like that are acceptable. Report to the isolation room first thing tomorrow.” Donna says. Her word is final and Adam timidly apologises as he gets up and leaves under the watchful eye of the three teachers. 

“Did he really say all that?” Doctor Smith asks Yaz the second the heavy door shuts.

“Yeah, he did.” Yaz confirms. 

“Little shit.” Doctor Smith mumbles. 

“Are you both content with his punishment?” Donna asks them. “I think you did the right thing Yaz, sending him to me. His parents will know of his behaviour too.” 

“He was so convinced he would only be sent to only Mr Pink.” Yaz scoffs. “Sometimes they get so used to the system they just…” Yaz shakes her head and scoffs, restricting herself from calling her student a cocky little wanker or some other word she shouldn’t be calling young students.

“You do seem a bit tense. Is everything okay between you?” Donna asks, intrigue dancing in her eyes alongside a tiny glint of hunger for gossip.

“We’re fine.” Doctor Smith says on her behalf. “Nothing that can affect work.”

“Sure? Yaz?” Their boss asks, wanting to hear both sides of the story.

“Sure.” Yaz forces herself to smile then turns to Doctor Smith. “I might need a quick word with you though Jess. If you don’t mind.” 

“Oka-”

“Oh, don’t mind me, you can talk in here if you like. More soundproof than a lab and I have a staff meeting anyway.” Donna gets up out of her seat gathering up papers and files that she needs to take with her. “Don’t worry about locking the door when you leave. If you do anything nasty on my desk you’re both fired.” 

Donna’s ‘joke’ hits a sore spot within both of them but for the sake of saving face they both laugh through their noses and smile as she leaves. However, their silence doesn’t completely leave with her, making Yaz feel uneasy, stirring up those feelings in her gut again.

“Not really doing much of that at the moment.” Jess mutters to herself and leans back against Donna’s desk. She’s doing that polite smile thing that Yaz can’t decide whether it makes her want to kiss her or punch her. “What did you want to say to me?” 

In her uneasy state, Yaz lightly balls her hand into a fist in front of her mouth so her lips kiss her knuckles when she speaks. “I miss you.” She mumbles.

“Is that it?” Jess asks. Yaz shrugs, insecure in what she might want to say next. “C’mere.” Jess tilts her chin up.

“Why?” 

“Come here.” Jess says again, her voice firm and almost scary and her hand reaching for Yaz’s wrist to pull her hand away from her face. 

Without much of a choice. Yaz ends up walking in between Jess’ legs where she sits on the head teachers desk. When their hold each other and Jess’ other arm wraps around her waist Yaz panics. 

“Jess, there are students-”

“It’s one way windows. We can see out, they can’t see in.” Jess reassures her. 

Yaz looks out the tinted window to check for herself to ease her conscience. There’s still a steady flow of students leaving the premises wandering past. Jess watches too with her neck turned at such an angle that Yaz is expecting it to crack any second but even if it does they’re both too distracted by the vein demonstration a group of year eleven boys and girls are giving them. They fix their hair and unbutton the top couple of buttons of their shirts and even use the window to apply some make up. The two teachers inside try not to laugh at them but under the illusion that they’re hidden away from the world a couple of giggles come out to reveal their amusement. Suddenly much more comfortable, Yaz lets her spare hand rest on top of Jess’ sturdy shoulder and mindlessly starts brushing her thumb over her collarbone.

“How do you do that with your eyes?” Jess asks; her attention firmly back on Yaz. 

“Do what?” Yaz asks back. She doesn’t remember doing anything with her eyes. 

“That thing where you make them all... hardcore. It’s kind of attractive.” 

“You like it when I’m strict?” Yaz smirks with playful innocence. 

“Little bit.” Jess chews her lip. “Or maybe I’m just so deprived of your attention I can’t think right.” 

Yaz’s thumb stills. She wishes they were better at just telling each other how they feel. If they were, they probably would have spent more time together rather than end up getting openly frustrated at the lack of contact with each other. Ignoring the sounds of students outside Yaz kisses her softly. Maybe it’s because she feels sorry for her or maybe she can’t stand the idea of leaving this room without doing it but it’s a relief that Jess kisses her back- even if she does then cut it short. 

“What are you doing?” Jess whispers, unknowingly telling Yaz that she’s more nervous than she looks.

Yaz rather indelicately swings her leg over Jess’ leg and pushes her body in closer to her. “I’m putting you in detention.” 

“You’re fantastic Miss Khan.” Jess grins, switching from nervous to being unable to contain herself. 

“I haven’t done anything to you yet.” Yaz smiles with her eyes through her lashes. “Also why are you calling me that?” She pulls away when she realises the way Jess referred to her.

“I thought you liked it?” Jess frowns.

“Since when?” Yaz frowns back.

“Since you said you were putting me in detention, I thought it was a whole roleplay thing? Not student teacher though, that’s gross, just teacher teacher.” Jess explains, grinning at how smart she thinks she’s being. “Because we’re teachers!”

“No I was referencing when- never mind just-” Taking the hint, Jess pulls in the collar of Yaz’s polo shirt and seals her into a committed wanton kiss. Yaz lets all of her frustration and anger of the day out on her partner, knowing she can take it even if she does dig her nails into her back every time Yaz gets a bit rough. 

“Yaz.” Jess strains her name through her teeth.

“What?”

“Weird Scottish janitor.”

“What, Jon, where?” Yaz jumps away from her, flattening her collar and making herself look better. Less flustered. In her panic she can hear Jess chuckling to herself.

“Calm down.” Jess takes her hand in hers. “This is the first building they clean today.” 

“We should probably do this anywhere but our boss’ office.” Yaz says, concluding that this is a bad idea anyway. 

Jess kinks and eyebrow at her, her head on a slight teasing tilt. “Yes Miss.” 

They almost make it. They  _ almost _ convince themselves they’re able to do this but the second Jess’ back hits the mattress Yaz can’t put her through it. The tell tale signs are there. All she can do is freeze as she kneels over her, watching her trusting eyes try to figure out why she’s stopped.

“Why aren’t you doing anything?” Jess asks, propping herself up on her elbows. 

“Because I can see it in your face.” Yaz brushes the strand of Jess’ hair away from covering her eye. It’s not for Yaz to look her directly in the eye but more to be something for her to fiddle with as she speaks. “The nerve in your top left eyelid twitches when you’re worried or uncomfortable.” 

“I didn’t even know that.” Jess frowns. 

“Well it does. So I’m not going to do anything with you.” 

Yaz rolls over to lay in her back next to Jess and stares up at the ceiling. With every failed attempt they’re getting closer and closer to having to call the whole thing off to save themselves from getting hurt but Yaz is slowly realising how big of a presence Jess is in her life after only a few months of knowing her. It seems impossible to let her go. As she lays there, mind whirring faster than a washing machine that seems like it might take off, she lets Jess wrap her fingers around her own in the gap between their bodies. She turns her head at the same time as Jess. Her eye is still doing the twitching thing and Yaz wonders whether she should invite her to leave if they’re not going to get it on, but then she doesn’t want her to leave. But then Jess might want to go home and-

“Jess do you ever masturbate about me?” Yaz asks without thinking- her inner thoughts spilling out of her mouth with no filter. 

Every visible skin cell on Jess’ body blushes bright red and all of a sudden it’s hard for her to keep eye contact. “Bit forward.” 

“That’s a yes then.” Yaz’s lips curl into a cruel smile.

“Do you? About me?” Jess asks, finding her eyes again. Yaz doesn’t find the question as funny anymore now that the attention is on her. She nods her confession. “Cool.”

“Cool?” Yaz laughs.

“Shut up I’m nervous.” Jess whines at her. 

“Do you want to watch a movie instead?” Yaz offers, squeezing the hand in hers. 

“I want to have sex with you you.” Jess says. Her eyelid twitches as she says it.

“Your body’s giving you away, Jess.” Yaz sighs. 

“It was easier when you didn’t respect me so much.” Jess lightly shakes her head. The gesture looks hesitant or rather regretful and Yaz can guess what she’s thinking.

“You mean when I didn’t know you love me.” Yaz asks. 

Jess’ face sinks. She lets go of her hand resting between them. “I should go.” 

“Wait- no- Jess stay, I’m sorry.” Like Jess’ face, Yaz’s heart sinks as she watches her get up. This is it. This is the end if she can’t come up with something to make her stay. 

“This isn’t working Yaz.”

“Jess-”

“I wasn’t kidding when I said I can’t do this anymore!” Jess attempts to raise her voice at her but ends up sounding like she might cry. Yaz has never seen her cry before, and hung up on that thought she almost gives her the chance to. 

“Kung Fu Panda.” Yaz says. 

“What?” Jess’ face crinkles up but it does stop her from continuing to leave. 

“You told me once that your favourite movie was Kung Fu Panda so I bought it but I haven’t watched it yet.” Yaz shuffles under her unwavering hazel-green eyes. “Just stay and watch it with me, that’s all I’m asking.” 

Around an hour and twenty-five minutes later, unconsciously having ended up cuddled up together on Yaz’s sofa watching the last couple of scenes of a kids film, Jess goes quiet. Yaz doesn’t question it; she just assumes she’s so invested in her favourite movie and watches along with her without comment. She kind of wishes the film was longer since she feels so comfortable sitting next to her- a definite change in feelings in that instead of refusing to admit that they’re there she accepts them. She welcomes them with open arms and lets them tickle and aggravate the butterflies in her stomach even if she still doesn’t want to put names on them.

When the credits finally roll, Yaz hears Jess sniff. At a closer examination of her face her eyes are wet too. 

“Are you crying?” Yaz asks gently, not wanting to offend her feelings. 

“When Oogway ascends it just hits different.” Jess sniffs, wiping her eyes. “Don’t laugh at me, I know it’s stupid.”

“I’m not laughing and I don’t think it’s stupid.” Yaz says. She may not be laughing but she sure is smiling.

“Yaz I’m a woman with a doctorate crying over a fictional story about an animated panda that does martial arts!” Jess laughs at herself despite her request not to be laughed at.

“Why does that make me more attracted to you?” Yaz asks her as if she has the answers to everyone’s personal questions. 

“Me crying at movies make you want to get between my legs?” Jess asks. 

“No I just love-”  _ you.  _ “-it. You’re very passionate Doctor Smith.”

“You paused.” Jess says, picking up on Yaz’s momentary hesitation. Yaz feels trapped- caught in the middle and unprepared to confront the other variation of the sentence that could have come out of her mouth. “Say what you mean.”

“I…” Yaz starts, but has to give herself a couple of seconds to accept it. “I think I love you too.” 

Jess leans away from her like it hurts to be so close. “You’re just saying that because you don’t want me to leave, you still want me as a booty call.”

“I’m not. I swear I’m not.” Yaz insists. She gets the urge to close in on her body but forces herself to keep them both separate as she prepares to display her heart on her sleeve. “I can’t go a day without seeing you. I can’t go a day without thinking about you and I’m grumpy if I even try. I want to be with you. If I don’t say it now I’ll never get the chance to find out what could’ve happened will I? I think I… you know, the feeling is there I just need the chance to explore it. With you.”

“You really love me?” Jess asks. The way she makes her voice so childlike and vulnerable makes Yaz’s heart skip a beat- and then she remembered she probably isn’t  _ making _ her voice sound vulnerable but that probably is how she’s actually feeling.

“I love you.” Yaz says again, dropping the word ‘think’ from the middle. “I think- I  _ know _ it scares me a bit to say it considering our origins but somewhere in my heart I do.”

There’s a beat in time when Yaz thinks it’s not enough. The declaration is half empty, Jess isn’t reacting while she digests it and Yaz can’t think of anything else to say. 

And then Jess smiles like she can’t believe it.

“I’m still going to beat you in the cross country race on Thursday.” Jess comes over all smug.

“If you win-”

“I will win.”

“ _ If  _ you win, what do you want your prize to be? You can’t say lap dance.” Yaz asks.

“Two lap dances.” Jess requests with ease. Although, knowing that Yaz is being serious, she tones down her joyous mood. “I’ll think of something. What do you want if there’s the slim chance that you beat me?” 

“You’ll find out when I win.” Yaz grins, cheeky and wide.

“You’re very competitive Miss Khan.” Jess slides are arm behind Yaz’s shoulder 

“Says you.” Yaz scoffs.

“You’re worth competing for.” Jess mutters and gives her one of those gentle smiles.

"Was that meant to be a compliment?” Yaz asks. 

“I want to start complimenting you more.” Jess shrugs. “Is that allowed?”

“I like it.” Yaz nods reaching behind her shoulder to hold onto and play with her fingers. “When do you have to go home?” 

Jess inhales deeply and lets out a sigh so hard Yaz thinks her lungs might explode. “Now, probably. I have loads of lessons to plan and all sorts of shit I don’t really want to do tonight.”

“You can’t bring it here?” Yaz asks. 

“You'll distract me.” 

“I’m a very good distraction.” Yaz lightly presses a kiss against her jaw trying to entice her to stay. 

“I’m serious Yaz. I need to plan my lessons.” Jess has a smile on her face but removes her arm from around Yaz’s shoulders and Yaz knows no matter how hard she tries she’s not going to stay. “I’m sure you have a lesson to plan too.” 

“Yeah. I need to figure out how you can earn some house points.” Yaz teases.

“I can’t earn house points, I’m a teacher and I’m not aligned to any of the houses.” Jess doesn’t catch onto the metaphor.

“Private house points.” Yaz attempts to make her point clear without saying it point blank. 

“You mean like… extra credit?” Jess’ brow creases.

“You go and do your work and I’ll be thinking about-”

“Ooooooooh! This is a sex thing! Right.” Jess nods to herself, pleased that she figured it out on her own. 

“You idiot.” Yaz shakes her head in disbelief. 

“You weren’t exactly making it clear!”

“Yes I was!” Yaz laughs at her. “My point is that it sucks that you have to go but next time you come over, if you want, we can… just do whatever.” 

“Even if I just want to chill out with you?” Jess asks. 

Yaz can’t help but smile. Even though Yaz has very openly admitted just minutes ago her true emotions- despite them being new- and still Jess has that look about her that screams insecurity. 

“I’d like that just as much.” Yaz says. 

* * *

The cross country race start and finish line is at the front of the school. Also at the front of the school is a pretty busy road and since Yaz is still the newbie she’s the one designated to control traffic as students are set off in waves. Overall they’ll run about 5k around country paths, backstreets, fields and a section of wooded area before the loop concludes with them crossing the road in front of Yaz again and crossing the line for Mr Pink or any other member of the PE department to give them their time.

Yaz stops the traffic for the final wave of kids to run across, wishing them luck as they go, and as she steps back onto the pavement and releases the small queue of cars on both sides, she sees Martha coming to join her.

“Thought I’d come and keep you company.” She says as she arrives at Yaz’s side. 

“Thanks.” Yaz gives her a friendly smile. “Do many of them get sick from cross country runs then?”

“I usually get a couple of twisted ankles and kids out of puff that think they’re dying but other than that not really. I’m here out of necessity.”

“Mmm gotta stick to those health and safety protocols.” Yaz pokes fun at her. 

“How are you anyway? Anymore shenanigans involving changing rooms?” Martha asks. 

“I’m not sure what on Earth you could be referring to Miss Jones.” Yaz teases. Martha simply knowingly smirks at her and Yaz knows she’s going to have to come up with a proper answer. “Nah. We’re good. Very good, actually. I think.” 

“She’s lucky. If I were into women I probably would have tried it on with you by now.” Martha enlightens her.

“You know what, I probably would have let you.” Yaz gives a toothy grin, thinking about how she’s liked Martha as a person from the start.

“In another universe Miss Khan.” Martha turns to look behind her and Yaz follows her eyes down to the collection of teachers and at the side of the group is Jess, looking a little lost but dressed in running clothes doing warm up stretches. Yaz can’t tell if she’s turned on by it or if she should be concerned about how skinny and spaghetti like her arms look. Not uncooked spaghetti, spaghetti that’s been in the pan for too long. “She’s been bragging about how she’s going to beat you all day you know.” 

“She wishes.” Yaz snorts. “Her diet consists of custard creams, ice cream, juice and microwave meals, I don’t think she’s going to get very far.”

“I dunno. She basically speed walks around the school all day every day.”

“And then she crashes on my sofa all evening. Please, I’ve got this in the bag.” Yaz says. She doesn’t care that she sounds cocky because she truly does not believe that Doctor Smith can win at a running race.

Yaz and Martha chat pleasantly for a good half hour before the sporty kids from the first wave of students arrive again and Yaz has to stop the traffic and Martha has to go back to the finishing line to provide care for anyone that needs it. Thankfully at this time after the end of school rush there isn’t much traffic and Yaz can pretty much stand in the road the whole time as students pass her. The longer she stands there she notes the differences in their breathing patterns, their techniques and by the end the last few stragglers faces are puffed out and many are running through stitches in their stomach. In some ways Yaz is over the moon when Danny radios her to tell her to come back to the start line because she just can’t stand seeing the kids who have clearly been pressured by her colleagues to take part. She feels too sorry for them.

“Pass the sexy hi-vis, I don’t want either of you being run over.” Martha says, meeting Yaz halfway between the road and the start line to take up her position.

Yaz hands it over along with her radio and continues on towards the fourty odd students and handful of staff. Within the crowd she finds Doctor Smith talking to some students and Yaz politely waits for their conversation to be over before approaching her properly. It feels wrong, going to greet her without a peck on the cheek or at the very least a hug. She decides she doesn’t like it, but not as much as she doesn’t like how her face looks like a puppy that’s been thrown out for pissing on the new carpet.

“What’s wrong?” Yaz asks. 

“What were you talking about?” Doctor Smith asks back. 

“With who?”

“You and Martha.” Doctor Smith says, her voice bitter. 

“Nothing. Just friendly chat.” Yaz shrugs, not seeing the problem.

“Yeah, looked very friendly.” Doctor Smith mumbles. Unhappy with the tone she’s being talked to in, Yaz pulls Doctor Smith to the side away from listening ears. 

“Are you jealous?” Yaz whispers. 

“Do you like her?” Jess avoids the question.

“I like her but it’s not like I love her.” Yaz bites. She holds eye contact with Jess until she knows the point has fully settled within her. “Jealousy isn’t a good look on you Doctor Smith.”

“Sorry. I just feel like I’ve only just got you.” Jess says. 

“I’m not something to own.” Yaz says.

“I know, I just- I didn’t mean it like-”

“Oi! If you want to go back to the changing rooms and go home, follow Mrs Duncan, if you want to see Doctor Smith and Miss Khan race then stick around!” Danny shouts. Barely anyone goes towards Mrs Duncan.

Now with an audience looking at them their conversation is officially over, at least for now, and all the two of them can do is assume position at the start line. 

“No fighting on the way around. No cheating, no pushing or shoving yeah?” Danny jokes. Little does he know all of that might actually happen. “Three. Two. One. Go!”

As Danny shouts the students erupt into cheering that soon fades away as the two women pace up towards the road and past Martha. After that Doctor Smith starts to run a little bit faster and despite Yaz’s warnings about pacing yourself and how this is not a sprint, Doctor Smith quickly vanishes from her view. She reckons she’ll catch her up after she’s run down the wonky country path but she doesn’t. She thinks she’ll be able to see her when she rounds a corner on one of the back streets but she doesn’t. She convinces herself she’ll find her out of breath and struggling when she comes out on the open field but still she doesn't. When Yaz gets to the wooded area of the course she’s starting to worry about whether someone jumped out of the bushes and kidnapped Doctor Smith, or tripped her up or hurt her and now she’s laying dead in a ditch. She kind of wants to backtrack to make sure, but she’s so close to the end now it would be easier to finish and then start again. Someone’s going to have to go around and collect all the direction arrows anyway. As the loop concludes Yaz doesn’t even look at Martha. Her eyes are fixated on Doctor Smith already over the finish line and waiting for Yaz. Yaz starts to sprint, focusing only on the blonde and skids over the line with only Doctor Smith’s body stopping her from running into the bush in front of her. 

“Easy.” Doctor Smith says as she holds her up. Once Yaz finds her footing again she makes herself push her body away.

“You cheated.” Yaz accuses her, a little bit out of puff after her final sprint over the finish line.

“The only way I could have done that is if I had a time machine and they don’t exist. Yet. I’m pretty sure they will soon though.” Doctor Smith says. 

“She won fair and square Miss Khan.” 

Danny takes Jess’ hand and raises it up in the air for the students to cheer and celebrate her. The loss is hard on Yaz since she was so complacent, thinking for sure she would win but she claps like a good sports person anyway. 

“You know I have good stamina Miss Khan.” Doctor Smith whispers in her ear without warning. 

Yaz restrains her reaction and lets her be smug and bathe in her glorious win. She still doesn’t understand how she managed to beat her without cheating but the strange Doctor will always surprise her. 

“So go on then. What’s your chosen prize for winning?” Yaz asks when the students are getting rounded up into a heard and taken back inside to get changed. 

Jess stares at her with greed, pride and devilish delight. “I’ll tell you on Saturday.” 

* * *

Saturday is the day Yaz and Jess decide to spend valentine's day together, despite the fourteenth actually being a few days ago by now. They did have full intention to spend the actual day together but work as per usual got in the way and they were both really  _ really  _ tired and didn’t see each other at all, not even in passing in the corridors and neither of the dared to send anonymous roses to each other (although Yaz’s form group got one for her, which was sweet). Plus, moving it to today means less people probing around their business and Jess can incorporate her race win in with her valentines wish. 

Her race win prize being Yaz cooking her dinner and playing with Gaz outside of his cage. So, as of right now after an afternoon of hanging out, they’re sitting facing each other with their legs open and their feet connected so that Gaz has an area to run around in.

“How do you know he won’t run away?” Jess asks. 

“He might. That’s why you have to watch him.” Yaz answers. She’s asked a lot about hamsters today and despite only having Gaz for a matter of months Yaz happily answers. The way Jess learns and takes in knowledge- it’s a different kind of beautiful.

“Hm.” Jess takes a sip of her Capri Sun. Apple and blackcurrant today. Yaz can taste it on her lips every time she kisses her. 

“Did you ever have pets when you and John were kids?” Yaz asks, taking the opportunity to get to know her better. It’s strange in that they’ve both admitted their adoration of each other but it’s like they haven’t had a chance to get to know each other at all yet. They’ve done everything backwards and somehow it’s making it harder.

“We had a dog but he died when I was ten and mum was too busy with work to replace him so…” Gaz climbs his fat little body up onto Jess’ leg and not wanting him to run away, Jess scoops him up and holds him in her hands in front of her face. “You're cool though. I like you even though you’re not mine. Your whiskers are tickling my cheek.”

Before Yaz registers how full her heart feels watching Doctor Smith interact with her hamster of all things, she spots her phone screen lighting up beside her with her mum’s call ID.

“Who is it?” Jess asks.

“My mother.” Yaz huffs. They haven’t talked in a while so if she answers she doesn’t know how long she’ll be on the phone with her for.

“Answer it.” Jess says.

“I don’t want to answer it.” 

“Is it because you don’t want her to know I’m here?” Jess asks, getting up from the floor to put Gaz back in his cage with a tender kiss on his head. “I can leave the room if you want.”

“No, I just-”

“Answer it then.” Jess closes in on her with Yaz thinking she’s just going to sit down on the floor next to her.

“I dunn- oi!”

Without warning Jess natches away Yaz’s phone and holds it up to her ear.

“Hi Yaz’s mum!”

“Jess!” Yaz leaps up to grab her phone back but Jess takes a big step back. The pair of them end up circling around the sofa as Jess speaks- Jess with a feral grin plastered on her face the whole time.

“Yeah she’s a bit busy at the moment. We’re having a belated valentines day. I can get her to call you back if you like but I think we’re going to be a bit busy for a while.”

“Jess stop it!” Yaz tries to reach for her phone again, fearful of the side of the conversation she’s not hearing, but all that happens is Jess takes her hand. All Yaz can do is stand there and wait for her to hang up.

“Okay. Okay. Okay I’ll tell her to call you tomorrow. Bye Yaz’s mum!” Jess brings the phone away from her ear and smiles, waiting for Yaz to say something else. 

“What did she say?” Yaz asks.

“Nothing.” Jess shrugs.

“Jess you had a whole conversa-” Yaz stops talking when Jess holds up the phone screen that illuminates the message that says  _ ‘Missed call: Mum’ _ .

“I was too slow.” Jess shrugs again, innocently.

“You’re thirty-seven.” Yaz takes her phone back and rests it on the coffee table.

“And you’re thirty-two.” Jess says, obviously not realising Yaz was commenting on her childishness. “Are we running off facts we know about each other now?” 

“Sit down.” Yaz instructs, nodding at the sofa behind Jess. 

“Are you mad at me?” Jess asks, no longer entertained by her prank. 

“Sit down and find out.” Yaz nods again and completely under her thumb Jess sits. Yaz crawls on top of her, knees either side of her thighs, and still all Jess can look at is her eyes. 

“Wait, no, Yaz did I seriously upset you? I didn’t want to do that I was just playing arou-”

“I’m giving you your lap dance you arse.” 

“Oh…” Jess sighs at the revelation. “O-oh, wow.” Jess turns into a stuttering mess when Yaz pulls away her jumper, revealing the black lace bralette she’s wearing. Bill’s idea of course. Bill was right. Her tiny nerd brain is exploding.

Jess kisses Yaz’s stomach while she’s kneeling up and as she sinks into her lap Yaz captures her mouth in an already heated kiss. Determined to be in control Yaz slows it down, moving the focus more on her hands ruffling up Jess’ hair and feeling over her clothes and eventually under then to untuck her shirts and brush her knuckles against soft skin. When they break for air Jess has to take a moment before opening her eyes again. She seems to be having a great time and Yaz hasn’t even branched out into doing anything proper yet; meanwhile Yaz herself can’t shake the feeling that whatever she does next is going to go wrong.

“I don’t actually know what I’m doing.” Yaz mutters. 

“That’s okay.” Jess smiles and cups Yaz’s cheek which sends a wave of reassurance through her body. It’s only Jess. She can’t do anything wrong in her eyes. Jess takes out her phone from deep inside her pocket and unlocks it with her thumb. “Maybe some music will- sorry!”

Yaz can only assume that Jess’ thumb slipped and pressed play on the song that was already on pause because a few notes burst out of the device speaker.

“Was that the High School Musical soundtrack?” Yaz asks, suspecting it might be.

“Doesn’t matter.” Jess conveniently brushes off the matter by playing a song Yaz doesn’t know but it has a generic enough beat for her to predict when she should roll her hips. 

Except she doesn’t have to predict or guess because Jess isn’t done helping her yet. Nimble fingers pop the button on her light blue jeans and pull down the fly. Even at the small suggestion of matching underwear Jess makes a small squeaky noise from the back of her throat but Yaz doesn’t have the chance to make a funny quip because the feeling of Jess’ hands slipping into her jeans and around to her backside silences her. They probably should have had sex before to quash the overwhelming sensetivity around being touched by each other but it’s too late now and Yaz gives out a breathy sigh as Jess’ fingers grip just above her hips and start to move her lower half in circles. 

“Is this what you imagined?” Yaz asks, catching on that she basically just has to pretend that she’s riding her and allowing Jess to grope her bum and her back. She drags her thumb against Jess’ bottom lip all while pushing Jess back against the sofa to put some distance between them. Any closer and it will become less of a dance more a session of foreplay. 

“Sort of.”

“Sort of how?” Yaz raises an eyebrow and a disguise from how it’s knocked her confidence. 

“You kiss me more in my dreams.” 

Yaz smirks lightly, pulling not so lightly on Jess’ braces to bring her close again- her idea of keeping them separate thrown out the window but Yaz still keeps it inside, dangling the idea by its feet by keeping her lips a milimeter away from Jess’ but refusing to let them touch- just ghost over each other. Jess looks up at her with such an intense look behind her eyes Yaz is too afraid to say anything to break their connection. Instead Yaz makes Jess do it by slipping her hand that isn’t resting on her shoulder under her shirt and up towards the fabric of her sports bra. She pushes her palm against the hardened nipple she feels through the fabric and successfully tears Jess’ eyes away if only for a fleeting moment. There’s a building tension in the way they both stare. Like any movement Yaz makes with her body next that could take Jess by surprise will make sparks that will fly out into the stratosphere and set the whole world alight. Jess makes an attempt to connect their lips and with a groan is denied- Yaz chooses to dip her head to the side, brushing her nose against the curve of her neck with her hips still moving like she’s trying to drag an invisible organ to climax. 

“Tell me what you like about me.” Yaz breathes against her ear, pushing their bodies together. 

“Everything.” Jess says. Her voice gives a shake at each syllable. 

Not being the answer Yaz wants, Yaz teasingly pinches Jess’ lip between her teeth and pulls her, pushing her legs apart at the same time to give her enough room to sit herself between them. With her back to Jess, Yaz begins the unflattering maneuver of peeling away her jeans. 

“There’s literally no sexy way to take off skinny jeans.” Yaz complains at her own choice of clothing restricting the sultry way she’s trying to undress herself.

“Pretty sexy from ‘ere.” Jess mumbles and the grin on her lips is evident in the sound of her voice. She must be having the time of her life. 

Yaz rolls her eyes to herself. Of course Jess would say something like that. She leans back into Jess’ body with Jess jumping at the opportunity to leave tight lipped kisses along the curve of her neck- her arms hugging her stomach and her hands feeling up her muscles. “Enjoying it?”

“Can’t not enjoy you Yaz. You’re stunnin’. Amazin’, beautiful, totally just utterly-” Yaz flips her body over between her legs, pushing herself up with Jess’ knees and connects her mouth with the pulse point in her neck in an instant. “You’re killing me.” Jess gasps, composure failing. 

Yaz, mirroring the position they ended up in the other afternoon in Donna’s office, throws her leg over Jess’s thigh. Unable to get in the right position she resorts to shuffling the both of them further to the edge. Her leg between Jess’ thighs standing on the floor and her other kneeling on the cushion giving her the opportunity to slide along her thigh and put pressure against her center every now and then. Distracted by trying to get back into rhythm and beat of the song playing from Jess’ phone Yaz misses the sensation of Jess’ fingertips dragging themselves down her front and almost passing down her underwear. Noticing it the same time she feels her other hand reaching for her chest Yaz grabs her by both wrists. 

“No.” Yaz pins Jess’ wrists to the back of the sofa alongside her strict instruction. Not allowing her the privilege of looking her in the eye (Yaz has guessed by now that that’s something she really likes) Yaz instead chooses to suck on her neck. 

“Fucking hell Yaz, I only want to touch you.” 

“Should’ve done this on a proper chair.” Yaz says, sort of to herself to entertain the idea of switching. On a proper chair she could circle her, tease her more from behind and from the sides. Lean over her, torment her, all sorts of things she could have fun with. She has the confidence to simply just imagine something like that now compared to when this endeavor first started.

“No, It’s great, it’s- uh, you’re- it’s… shit!”

Jess grunts into Yaz’s chest as Yaz ruts forward on her leg. Both of them freeze with Yaz pulling her face away from her neck to see what’s wrong. Jess’ hands are balled into fists where Yaz had pinned them against the back of the sofa and with the addition of her biting down on her lip with such force and the wet feeling against her knee pressing into her core over Jess’ clothes, Yaz can guess exactly what’s happened.

“Um… Jess did you-”

“Don’t.” Jess brings a hand in front of her face to hide how red she’s turning. “It’s so embarrassing.” 

“It’s alright.”

“I might cry.” Jess warns her.

“Do you want to stop?” Yaz strokes wild hairs away from her face making it harder for Jess to stay behind just one hand. 

“For a bit.” Jess nods. Yaz takes the time to retrieve her jumper and put it back on. She doesn’t bother with her jeans. She only wore them to contrast her underwear anyway. “You’re just so…”

“It’s okay. It’s kind of cute.” Yaz snuggles up next to her, curling her knees under herself. 

“Embarrassing.” Jess repeats. 

“It’s cute that I can do that to you.” Yaz smiles, resting her chin on Jess’ shoulder. 

“It’s really not for me.” Jess laughs at herself. 

“I can make you come without-”

“Stop, alright.” Jess says. The way she’s becoming a little snappy is enough of a warning for Yaz to start taking this accident seriously.

“It’s honestly not a big deal Jess. My ‘dance’ wasn’t even that good.” Yaz says softly, taking up rubbing Jess’ back to make her calm down. “It was sort of just, grinding to music.” 

“Well it worked!” Jess says in such a way it makes Yaz huff out a laugh. “I just feel very strongly about you.” 

“Please stay all weekend.” Yaz says, softly stroking Jess’ still bright red cheek with her knuckles. “Gaz needs his cage cleaned tomorrow, you can entertain him.”

“It’s parents evening on Monday.” Jess leans forward to collect her recently discarded drink packet.

“So?” Yaz asks, quickly taking a sip for herself. 

“We both need to concentrate on that.” Jess shrugs like it’s the most obvious thing in the universe. A few months ago Yaz would have taken it as arrogance.

“Since when were you all work, no play?” Yaz hands her back her drink. “Bring it here.” 

“I dunno, isn’t that moving too fast?” Jess asks. Yaz has to stop herself from laughing. 

“You’ve slept in my bed next to me multiple times, made your first move by putting my hand down your boxers, you’ve already done work at my kitchen table and you’ve told me you love me.” Yaz says. 

Jess slurps at her drink until it’s empty and only the remnants of silver plastic. “Well that answers that then.”

“You’ll stay?” Yaz asks hopefully. 

“I’ll stay.” Jess nods. Yaz does notice however how she quickly scans over her to check her out. “Your body  _ is  _ incredible though.” 

“Is that another one of your compliments?” Yaz says, now moving her hand to stroke under her chin. There’s something about Jess that makes her revert back to how she felt as a teen. Lost but excited at the same time and she can feel herself starting to act like some kind of lovesick puppy around her. Jess must be too because the way she’s looking at her it’s like she never even heard Yaz’s question. So, Yaz does the only thing she can think of doing- the only thing she wants to do: kisses her (still blushing) cheek and turns the TV on for them to settle down in front of together in their own little world. Their world that no one knows about properly.

Yet.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> do you realise how hard it is to write a lapdance from yaz's pov when you are jess UM anyway, chile, if that turned out bad that's why also they're literal idiots wbk


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (This work has nothing to do with the actresses that portray these characters on screen, this is based off of descriptions of the characters alone. The actresses are real people with real lives and families that are just doing their jobs, please remember to stay respectful)

“I have lots to tell you.” Yaz rushes towards Bill stacking the fridge units with fresh baguettes and sandwiches. 

“Yeah you do. Spill. Did she enjoy your choice of clothing?”

“Little too much.” 

Yaz leans against the side of the metal unit in an attempt to keep this conversation relatively private. Not many people are in yet and Yaz wouldn’t doubt that it would be more suspicious if she pulled Bill away from her work to talk to her. 

“What does that mean?” Bill scowls at her. 

“I was… I mean I was attempting to, you know. Do the thing.”

“Lap dance?” Bill says it for her. 

“Didn’t really turn out as a dance but anyway- I was on her lap and stuff kissing her, touching her.” Yaz mumbles. 

“Nice.” 

“Then there was an accident.” Yaz says. 

“She passed out?” Bill asks. 

“No.” 

“Your tit knocked her out.” Bill continues to guess. “Blood rush to the head.” 

“No she was conscious the whole time.” Yaz says. 

“I don’t get it then, what happened?”

If Yaz could she would back away from this conversation; say never mind and move on to some other topic of conversation but she knows better. Bill will never let her backtrack now.

“She, um, she… finished.” Yaz whispers. 

“Finished?” 

“You know, she…” Yaz flaps her hand around as if it might allude to what she means. 

“Shut. Up.” Bill raises her voice as she realises. Yaz rushes to hush her.

“You can’t tell anyone I told you! It would devastate her!” 

“Just from you sitting on her lap in your underwear?” Bill asks.

“Yeah.” Yaz nods, her cheeks flushing hot. Why did she even start telling her this?

“That’s the funniest thing I’ve ever heard. Did she cry?” Bill abandons what she’s supposed to be doing to analyse how Yaz reacts to her questions. 

“Almost.” Yaz mumbles.

“I knew it. I knew she’d cry at some point.”

“Don’t tease her.” Yaz makes a weak attempt at defending Jess- although it’s all her fault that Bill knows at all.

“Will you do it again?” Bill asks. “Give her a chance to redeem herself.”

Yaz manages to huff out a laugh instead of scoffing at her. “No way mate, I’m not doing that again.”

“Why not when you know she likes it so much?” Bill smirks, moving the baguette in her hand so that it’s pointing up not down.

“I’d really rather just take her to bed.” Yaz takes the food out of Bill’s hand and places it on the shelf for her before she can depict anything else crude with it. 

“Horny bastards.” Bill tuts. 

Except they’re not like that anymore. Kind of. Okay so they’re still quite like that but the process is different. Jess comes over and instead of jumping on each other in the hallway they talk, they work, they sometimes eat together and then talk some more, then they go up to bed and sometimes Jess stays over. Then they talk some more in the morning before dragging themselves into work. Yaz has opened up her feelings to her and they’ve created this whole world that exists in Yaz’s house that no one else knows about. 

“Why have you gone quiet?” Bill asks.

“Nothing.” Yaz mumbles, placing her hands into the warm pocket on the front of her hoodie.

“No- I know you Yaz. Something’s up.”

“I told her I love her back.” Yaz confesses. Bill doesn’t do much to react, she just stands there with not so much as a smile appearing. “We spent all weekend together." 

“Well that much was obvious.” Bill shrugs. 

“Really?”

“Really.” Bill nods

“Huh. I thought that would grant a bigger reaction.” Yaz says, disappointed that maybe this isn’t hot news after all- that it doesn’t just exist inside Yaz’s house. 

“No, we’ve all known for a very long time mate.” Bill says. “Even before you were a thing you talked about her all the time.”

“Did I?” Yaz feels the skin on her forehead crease without her brain telling it to.

“Yeah. Well done for finally getting there though.” Bill pats her head with the last packaged baguette then places it on the shelf and closes the shutters to the fridge unit.

“Bill.” Yaz has to call after her.

“Yup?” Bill turns around.

“Don’t tell Rose yet.” Yaz says. She felt like posing it as a request but it comes out more like a demand. If Rose finds out, John will find out, if John finds out, it will get back to Jess and Jess will mention it to Yaz.

Bill nods and Yaz is satisfied enough to get on with the rest of her day.

She meets up with Jess at lunch, throwing away all needs to keep themselves away from each other to hide from rumours. All they’re doing together visibly anyway is walking through the grounds probably a meter apart and talking about the upcoming parents evening for the rest of the school that hasn’t had it yet. Since it takes more time to set up, the school is closing after lunch to get the kids out of the way and let teachers organize their papers, so in fact it probably helps Yaz and Doctor Smith become invisible since the students are so excited about getting half the day off. They become so invisible actually, that as they walk through a dense area of older students, something cold and wet hits her cheek so hard it stings. It’s so hard to restrain from cursing or bringing her hand to her face but she does screw her eyes shut to stop them watering and the students involved gasp then laugh knowing they’re not supposed to. 

“Who was throwing that around?” Yaz hears Doctor Smith ask. Yaz opens her eyes and sees a tampon on the floor, heavy with water from the muddy puddles on the ground. “Yaz are you okay? Let me see.” Doctor Smith tilts Yaz’s chin up so she can look at her eye. 

“It didn’t hit my eye.” Yaz says. 

“No but the dirty water could have splattered in there. Look to the left.” Doctor Smith says as she cups her cheek.

Yaz is very grateful that Doctor Smith tells her to look left because out of the corner of her eye she sees a student taking out their phone and pointing it at the two of them. 

“Put your phone down now!” Yaz warns them with an additional point of her finger. 

“You, pick that up and put it in the bin before you hurt someone else.” Doctor Smith orders.

“Thank you Doctor Smith I’ll take it from here.” Omar pats both Yaz and Doctor Smith’s back then pushes through the gap between the two of them to collect the perpetrators. “Really boys, a stint like this right outside of my office window?” He tuts and takes them away, Doctor Smith and Yaz slipping away while the eyes aren’t on them. 

Jess peppers Yaz’s irritated cheek with kisses the second the lab door closes behind them. 

“Jess- I’m fine, it was just a bit embarrassing.” Yaz laughs at how attentive she’s being. 

“It was so hard not to kiss you straight away back there.” 

“Well I’m glad you didn’t.” Yaz presses a finger against Jess’ lips before she can kiss her properly. “We would have been filmed. And I like having you all to myself.” 

“About that.” Jess says. It rings alarm bells for Yaz but she hears her out. “John and Clara and Rose are coming to mine tonight for a takeaway. We kind of do it after every second parents evening- you can bring Ryan if you want. Or Bill.”

“You’re inviting me to your house?” Yaz asks. 

“Yeah. Is that okay?”

“I’ve never been to your house before.” Yaz says. 

“Oh.” Jess steps back, her face telling Yaz she’s clearly entering a questioning state of mind. “You really haven't. That's quite rude of me, do you think it’s rude?” 

“I don’t mind.” Yaz shrugs. “I think I might just… come to yours by myself tonight, no Ryan or anything.” 

“Okay.” Jess nods. “For any specific reason or just-”

“My friends ask too many questions.” 

“Okay.” Jess agrees without questioning her again. Something tells Yaz she didn’t really want Ryan or Bill coming anyway. “I’m gonna go and get changed.”

“Changed?”

“Can’t be all rainbows and trousers that don’t reach can I?” Jess says, reminding Yaz of their previous conversation about this.

Yaz eats her lunch- no longer afraid of Jess telling her off for eating in the lab- and logs on to the computer so she can register and group and send them away as soon as possible. When the bell rings, Jess still isn’t back but Yaz doesn’t need her to register her class anyway. She uses the tactic of getting all her students lined up, looking up at them, registering them in, then telling them to move along. The last three she doesn’t need to look up to see since they’re the only three names left.

“Go. Go. Go. Go-oh my god.” 

Yaz looks up to see a fourth person which takes her by surprise. It’s only Jess but Jesus Christ with her dressed like that Yaz can feel the hot blood pumping around her body. There’s something about seeing Jess in a shirt and pencil skirt- so different from everyday life that it sends Yaz into a state of madness. 

“What?” Jess asks.

“You just- um- you look… fuck me you’re amazing.” Yaz ends up sighing and the click of Jess’ heels narrate her footsteps. 

“You’ve seen me wear this before.” Jess says.

“Yeah, but…” Yaz makes a feeble attempt to back up her point but ends up staring and licking her lips instead.

“Yaz I know you’re trying to compliment me but you know I’m only wearing this out of necessity and I don’t actually feel comfortable at all.” Jess says to politely remind her.

“I know. I’m sorry.” Yaz shakes some sense and respect into herself and pulls Jess into a hug almost as tight as her skirt. “I like you with whatever you wear anyway.”

“I love my students and I want the best for them but I hate parents' evening.” Jess mumbles. "Somehow teenagers are better to get along with than adults."

Yaz pushes herself onto the balls on her feet to be able to comfortably rest her head on Jess’ shoulder. Yes she looks incredible in what she’s wearing but it makes her taller and walk funny and she’s just not Jess and all she wants to do is hold her. Jess would do anything to be a good teacher and this proves it.

“Miss Kha-” Ryan walks in without knocking. Thinking that it might be a student or one of their superiors Yaz and Jess jumps apart but upon seeing that it’s only Ryan they don’t bother making a huge effort to be separate. “You know what? Not the worst thing I’ve walked in on.” He decides. 

“What’s up Ryan?” Yaz asks. 

“Oh! Yeah, it is this weekend I need to feed your hamster right?” Ryan asks.

“Please. Thanks dude.” Yaz confirms. 

“Cool beans.” Ryan sticks his thumbs up and leaves almost as swiftly as he entered.

“Why does he need to feed him?” Jess asks, looking very _very_ confused.

“I’m visiting my parents. I should’ve told you before now, I organised it a few weeks ago.” Yaz says, unable to look her in the eye. She feels bad for not telling her but a lot has changed in those few weeks. It slipped her mind too easily.

“Can I come?” Jess asks, pulling back Yaz’s attention. 

“Really?” Yaz asks. She’s not sure what the meaning of all this is. 

“I want to meet them.” Jess shrugs timidly. “Just an idea.”

“Can I think about it?” Yaz asks.

“Sure.” Jess nods. “Come on, let’s go before they think we’re doing something else.”

Yaz finishes seeing students and their parents and guardians way before anyone else in school does. She just powered through all of her appointments, bringing people forward if other people missed a spot and didn’t allow herself a break until all hers were over. It still takes a while, of course, but not many students bother to go and see their PE teacher. Now all she has to do is pass the time while she waits for Jess to finish. She could go home and change, but instead Yaz wanders from the sports hall to the canteen to the gym to the school hall to see if any other members of staff want a snack from the shop down the road.

Half an hour later with a multi pack of chocolate bars and a couple of energy drinks Yaz feels might dissolve her skin if she got the liquid on herself, Yaz returns to the school and hands out the goods. The last treat she has to hand out is for Jess so she heads to the gym- the creaking old floorboards giving her entrance away. A few science teachers and a couple of maths teachers look up and see her but none of their eyes linger and Yaz is headed straight forward to Jess anyway, who is luckily standing and shaking hands with the father of one of her students. As the dad with greying hair walks away Yaz spots him looking back at Jess and an intense pang of jealousy shoots up Yaz’s back. _The mums listen to me and the dads drool over me._ It makes her skin crawl seeing it in action. 

“Special delivery.” Yaz says, placing down a refrigerated Capri Sun on Jess’ desk. Jess looks up from her papers and sighs in relief. 

“You’re a star Miss Khan.” She smiles. 

“Anything to help, Doctor Smith.”

“Wait- Miss Khan.” Jess takes Yaz’s wrist to stop her from leaving. “I have five minutes.” 

Yaz smiles softly and takes one of the chairs meant for students and parents and places it next to Jess so they can talk. They talk about nothing and everything at the same time, discussing how the evening is going for each other and Jess even shows her a ridiculous answer a kid wrote in the tests she’s marking between appointments. Comfortable that they’re hidden by the desk and remaining chairs in front of it, Yaz places her hand on Jess’ knee while they chat. Jess is halfway through explaining how many students she has left to see when she yawns. 

“Tired?” Yaz ends up moving her hand behind Jess’ back to rub between her shoulder blades. 

“I’ll be fine when I’m home.” Jess makes an attempt to smile but ends up yawning again.

Yaz wants to rest her head on her shoulder. Pull her in for a hug or just do anything to show any kind of affection but she knows she can’t. Rubbing her back is suspicious enough and not only would staff see, but also students and their parents and guardians. It's too risky, so Yaz just has to grin and bear it.

“So this is how it is, is it?” A woman stands a couple of meters away from them that Yaz recognises instantly as a pissed off parent. She stands, Jess following suit ready to defend themselves. “My son gets and internal exclusion for insinuating you two are in a relationship which you openly deny but now you’re all cuddled up for everyone to-” 

“Mrs Mitchell this is not the place to bring up a complaint.” Jess attempts to speak up for Yaz. Yaz is just surprised that Jess knows the last name of one of Yaz’s students.

“Discussing what you’re going to get up to once you’re out of here are you?” 

“We’re discussing the welfare of one of the students we share to see if their concentration in my lessons can be transferred to Doctor Smith’s.” Yaz lies. It’s easy to do and in all honesty she’s had it in the back of her mind ever since Jess asked her to stay for a few minutes. 

“I don’t believe that one bit.” Adam’s mum scoffs. 

“You are disturbing the other meetings going on, please, I can show you to Miss Noble's office but not here. At all.”

Jess commands herself in such a way Yaz doesn’t know whether to be scared or turned on. She towers over the little woman and isn’t afraid to get up in her space and maybe it reminds Yaz of how they used to be. 

“I know exactly where her office is. Thank you.” Mrs Mitchell smiles venomously and exits the gym.

“Are you okay Doctor Smith?” A young girl sitting at one of the maths teachers stations asks. 

“Yeah, I’m all good. Not the first time I’ve had angry parents in my face.” Jess laughs it off.

“Nor me.” Yaz says, acknowledging that she’s part of this debacle as well. “I’ll let you get on Doctor Smith.” 

Yaz follows Jess in her car and not only discovers that she breaks late but also that Jess really does live on the other side of town. Unlike Yaz she has a relatively large flat which Yaz sees is filled with science trinkets and mementos once she’s inside. In her living room Yaz has to pause to take everything in. It’s all just so _Jess_ from the purple sofa to the framed picture of her receiving her doctorate next to the framed document itself sitting next to her TV to the coffee table that is very evidently made out of the old blue door that belonged to lab thirteen that she rescued from the skip.

“Seriously?” Yaz asks.

“It was my first ever classroom I had to myself, of course I was going to keep the door.” Jess says like it’s obvious. A normal thing for teachers to do.

“You couldn’t have just taken off the door number?” Yaz holds back her amusement. “You don’t do things in half Jess.” 

“No, I wanted the- mother fucker-”

Yaz stops staring at the door-turned-coffee table and turns around again to see Jess struggling to unzip her skirt. 

“Come here you idiot.” Yaz says. 

She proceeds to unzip Jess’ skirt but unlike the last time she had to do it, she doesn’t fear boundaries and she takes the liberty of untucking the back of Jess’ shirt for her too, allowing her fingertips to brush against the skin of her back.

“Thank you.” 

“Go and get changed Jess.” Yaz lightly pushes her away as an encouragement.

Now alone in the middle of Jess’ flat Yaz resists the temptation to explore further. It would be rude without an invitation to start rummaging through her stuff. Although her flat is full with stuff Jess is very neat. She should have guessed that considering she always keeps her lab tidy (despite the biscuit crumbs). Even if Yaz did want to start snooping around there’s a knock at the door and with Jess still getting changed Yaz goes to answer it knowing who it’s going to be. 

“Food ti- oh, Miss Kha- I mean Yaz. I didn’t know you’d be here?” John says as he walks in with three pizza boxes in his hand.

“Jess invited me.” Yaz says. 

“We didn’t get you any specific food.” Rose says.

“It’s okay, she can share mine.” Jess swoops in to take the pizza box and encourages Yaz to sit down next to her. In her new change of clothes she looks far more comfortable to the point where Yaz is happy for her.

“Jessica Smith you never share food.” John says, standing upright with surprise. “You beat me up once for drinking some of your Capri Suns.”

“Because you made fun of me for buying them in the first place and you took _eight_ of them, you deserved what you got.” Jess says, still sounding very offended by the ordeal.

“She lets me drink them.” Yaz says, just to pour salt in the wound.

“She lets you do a lot of things.” Rose mutters. Clara not so secretly snorts at that.

“Anyway,” John holds up a slice of pizza as if it was an ice cold beer. “congratulations on another year of parents' evenings over.” 

“Agreed.” Jess says, raising a slice.

Yaz, Clara and Rose join in too and they cheers their food. It’s always a long night and food is welcome. As they eat they discuss how each of their evenings went, talking about how the students with big personalities cower when sat in front of them with their parents, all of their bravado evaporating. The quiet students grin when they get praised and the ones that lack confidence have to have their feedback told carefully so they don’t overthink it. Most teenagers do their utmost best to differentiate themselves from their peers but they’re all the same really. They’re all going through the same stuff. 

Yaz lets Jess have the last slice of pizza and the box gets discarded to the floor. Five minutes later Jess is having her own conversation with Yaz while John and Clara discuss the upcoming English trip as Rose listens in. She’s sweet for not leaving Yaz out and making her feel included. Tonight kind of feels like an initiation to her- she’s hanging out with her brother and her friends in her flat after months of telling herself that their arrangement was just… that. 

“You can come with me.” Yaz says after a moment of deliberation. If Jess can invite her into her home, Yaz can introduce her to her family- even if they do end up breaking up in a few months' time. 

“What?” Jess frowns.

“To my parents. We leave Friday straight after work. Unless you don’t want to come anymore.”

Jess grins and instead of verbally confirming she kisses her instead. Yaz smiles at Jess’ happiness and her own making it hard not to clash teeth.

“Okay well obviously this is no longer a fling anymore, come on!” Clara shouts like she's addressing the elephant in the room. 

“Nice observation, English.” Jess directs her smile at her friend. 

“Wait, so what is actually going on?” John asks, a lot more serious and concerned for his sister's welfare. Yaz isn't sure what that says about what he thinks about her, but she would do the same for her sister so she kind of understands the hostility. 

“We’re… um…” Jess turns to Yaz. “What actually are we?”

“Seeing each other?” Yaz suggests.

“Yes! Seeing each other! That’s it.” Jess agrees. 

“Just seeing each other? No girlfriends, no L words just-”

“Actually you kind of… blurted out a certain L word.” Yaz says, gently encouraging Jess to talk about it. 

“You said it back.” Jess frowns, disappointed in her.

“After a few weeks.”

“Yeah but you still-”

“You’ve said you love each other but you’re only ‘seeing each other’?” John asks. He doesn’t exactly look approving. Still, it doesn’t put Yaz off. 

“It’s still new.” Jess says. 

“Could’ve fooled me.” Clara sips her drink.

“Well I’m happy for you two.” Rose says. 

Yaz feels Jess reaching for her hand and she lets her hold it and somehow… the action makes her feel more vulnerable than all the times they’ve been walking in on.

* * *

Thanks to their fiasco on Monday Yaz and Jess agree to avoid each other again during work hours no matter how much it sucks. They have to maintain professionalism over everything else. It’s a lot more obvious now that the two teachers are getting along rather than fighting all the time but it’s still best to come across only as friends. So Yaz teaches, she helps at boxing club, and she keeps up with the welfare of the kids in her tutor group like she’s paid to do and more. She loves her job- but she’s also falling in love with Jess. By Thursday evening Yaz has to invite Jess over otherwise she feels like she might be getting withdrawal symptoms. When she’s home without her she gets phantom wafts of her scent, invisible touches that don’t exist and she hears her voice in the quiet. It’s like a form of madness. 

“Make the most of me tonight.” Jess says, throwing herself onto Yaz’s bed. 

“Why? Why are you saying it like that?” Yaz sits up, afraid that she’s going to say she has to leave early or she wants a break.

“I forgot that I’ve been invited to a conference in Paris for science teachers with PhDs.” Jess explains. 

“That doesn’t seem like something someone would forget easily.” Yaz squints at her with suspicion. 

“I’ve been preoccupied.” Jess reaches over to stroke up and down Yaz’s spine until Yaz is won over enough to lay with her head on Jess’ chest. 

“How long are you away for?” Yaz asks. 

“Saturday morning til Tuesday night.” 

“Jess we’re visiting my parents this weekend!” Yaz’s head shoots up and she repositions herself.

“I know. I’ll have to leave for the airport Saturday morning, I’m sorry. I can’t really say no to this stuff, Donna wants me there representing the school.” Jess says. Yaz secretly excuses her but she’s not going to let her get away with it without grovelling a little. 

“So we’ll be away from each other for basically five days because I won’t see you until Wednesday evening.” Yaz says. 

“When you put it like that it sounds shit.” 

“Are you staying in a hotel?” Yaz asks, trying to bring up the good parts of this trip. It sounds like a great opportunity and she doesn’t want Jess to not experience it because she’s too busy sulking around.

“Yeah.” Jess nods. “Nothing fancy but definitely half decent.” 

“Will you fall for the seductive charms of a French hotel maid and leave me for her?” Yaz asks- teasing, but not at the same time.

“No. I’d never do that.” Jess frowns, taking it seriously. Yaz doesn’t bother picking her up on it.

“Will you think about me?” Yaz asks, starting to press her lips against the side of Jess’ jaw.

“I always think about you.” Jess sighs. 

“But will you _think_ about me? When you’re all alone in that hotel?” Yaz brings her kisses up across Jess’ cheek so that she fully understands what she’s insinuating. 

“If that’s what you want.”

“Can you show me? Now?” 

“Only if you kiss me while I do it.” 

Yaz nods at her agreement which prompts Jess to not so calmly rid herself of her trousers and boxers. She’s so enthusiastic about the idea Yaz giggles at her until Jess spreads her legs wide and repositions Yaz so she’s straddling her thigh. She can see her eyes and the trust that’s in them. Then it’s not funny anymore. 

“You look like you’ve changed your mind.” Jess says with a look in her eye that she's willing to stop everything in a heartbeat if Yaz says so. She’ll do anything if Yaz says so.

“I haven’t.” Yaz says. 

“Promise?”

Yaz nods. “Promise.”

Yaz lets Jess feel her up; lets her commit the shape of her body to memory and Yaz makes small noises at every flick of her tongue in her mouth and squeeze of her breasts over her top to help get her wet but Yaz doesn’t touch her. She’s not going to be there to touch her. Either way it works and Yaz can hear Jess’ fingers sliding through her folds. Jess gasps when (Yaz assumes) she runs over her clit, giving Yaz the opportunity to lay on her side next to her, her leg still draped loosely over Jess’, so she can watch what her hand is doing.

“What are you thinking about?” Yaz whispers, making sure her lips are ghosting against her earlobe.

“You.” Jess says.

“Specifics, Jess. Tell me what you think about when I’m not there.” Yaz orders of her. To make it seem like a reasonable request she kisses the slope of Jess’ neck. 

“You- uh, I think about you bent over one of the science desks a lot- letting me have you and I think about you riding me sometimes. Quite a bit actually, I like thinking about you on top.”

“You know we can actually do one of those things?” Yaz smiles against her neck. 

“Both if we’re careful.”

“What else do you think about?” Yaz asks, ignoring the last hopeful comment. 

“How you confronted me in the staff toilets one time, that turned me on, pushing me up against the wall like that.” The composure in Jess’ voice fails on the last syllable of her sentence, prompting Yaz to look down between Jess’ legs to see her hips lightly roll against the finger that’s not disappeared inside of herself. 

“It did?” Yaz asks.

“Don’t act surprised.” Jess grins as she adds another finger easily. She uses another finger on her other hand to gently push Yaz’s face back around to look her in the eye. “I also think about how adorable you were, grinding on my lap trying so hard to be sexy when you just-”

“Don’t make fun of me!” Yaz whines at her.

“I’m not!” Jess laughs. “I’m just saying you were cute more than anything. You were trying.” 

Despite having two of her fingers inside herself Jess takes a moment to use her spare hand and push her fingers into Yaz’s hair, pulling her down until their foreheads are touching with a stupid smile on her face. Not wanting her to stop Yaz glances down at her wrist and only looks back up at her when she can see her fingers moving and feel the breath hitting her cheek quiver. Sticking by her promise Yaz kisses Jess as she touches herself. Dancing to the beat of her own drum Jess keeps them locked in a deep and sensual kiss. Yaz lets her take whatever she wants from her, letting her lead until she has to break away to release a sound Yaz has never heard her make before. With her mouth now distracted Yaz pays attention to Jess’ neck instead, nipping and sucking at her skin hoping the feeling will stick with her long enough for this trip. At the same time she selfishly commits every sound, every small movement to memory. Jess is amazing anyway but without having to concentrate on being the one giving her pleasure Yaz gets a unique opportunity to observe just how Jess reacts to the simplest of touches.

“Does it usually take you this long?” Yaz asks, noting how Jess is taking longer than she usually lasts.

“It’s a bit difficult with an audience.” Jess snaps. Whether it be out of pity for her or her need to move things along Yaz abandons her place at Jess’ side and settles on her stomach between her legs instead, pulling a leg over her shoulder. “Yaz. Yaz what are you doing?” Jess asks.

“Keep going.” She instructs.

Yaz flicks her tongue against Jess’ clit, listening to the wet hot sounds Jess’ fingers make as she continues to pump into herself. The moans Jess makes turn into one continuous sound soon after with Yaz’s mouth helping out. She can tell Jess is close when sticky fingers hold onto her cheek with another hand holding her head in place, and when she looks up she’s just in time to see her throw her head back and unravel. It’s not the most intense, not the most violent but still satisfactory. Enough.

“Thank you.” Jess whispers when the two of them are face to face again.

“You did most of it yourself.” Yaz smiles, proud that somehow she’s managed to get away with asking her to do that. 

“I got stuff all over your face.” Jess says, embarrassed. 

“Do you really think I care?” 

“Whoa-” Yaz lunges for Jess’ tshirt but is stopped by Jess’ hands on top of hers. “slow, yeah?” Jess cups her face with a strong tenderness. “We’ve got time.”

* * *

“Last question then you can go!” Doctor Smith announces to her year seven class. It’s a couple of minutes from the Friday bell going and Yaz is in the back of the class pretending to make changes to the display board when actually she’s just waiting for the end of the day so she can hurry Jess along for their hour journey up to her parents. “What’s the seventh planet from the sun, Earth, Saturn, Venus or Uranus?”

“Why do you pronounce it like that Doctor?” One of her students asks. 

“Pronounce what like what?” Doctor Smith asks.

“You pronounced Uranus like Urannuse.” The kid makes fun of her pronunciation and the rest of the class giggles in agreement. Yaz abandons her fake display board maintenance and rests her back against the counter. 

“Yeah, that’s how you pronounce it.” Doctor Smith says. 

“No it’s not.” Her students argue against her.

“Yes it is!” Doctor Smith’s voice goes high pitched and she turns to Yaz, who she’s ignored for the past five minutes. “Miss Khan, how do you pronounce Uranus?” 

“Ur- anus.” Yaz says in agreement with the class. 

“Get owned Doctor Smith!”

“Hands up who got taught to say it like Miss Khan says it.” Doctor Smith says. Almost all the class including Yaz put up their hand and Doctor Smith looks positively distraught. “Jesus- I need a word with all of your old science teachers because they are wrong.” The bell signalling the end of the day rings. “Fine, the answer is Uranus. Go. Have a good weekend. Remember I won’t be here Monday and Tuesday next week so please behave for your substitutes!”

The youngest students in the school all filter out of the lab as fast as they can without running. They all still have the freedom to have fun with their friends and play out unlike the older students and the staff who have work and homework to do. They have reasons to be rushing home.

“It’s just a planet Doctor Smith.” Yaz smirks, noticing Jess is muttering to herself about the pronunciation of the planet name.

“It’s still a name! Imagine if I started calling you Yasminee or something.” Jess grumbles.

“I’d tell you to piss right off.” Yaz laughs through her nose at her, leaning on the other side of the teachers desk. 

“So stop calling it Uranus you heathen.” Jess says, getting on with typing up her instruction sheets for the cover teachers next week. 

“I like Uranus.” Yaz mumbles. 

Jess blows through her nose, her eyes not leaving the computer screen. “Are you objectifying me in the workplace Miss Khan?”

“Will you punish me for it Doctor Smith?” Yaz kinks an eyebrow. That gets her attention. “Bend me over a desk?”

“Are.. are you being serious?” Jess whispers, looking at her with an equal balance of fear and excitement. 

“Course I’m not serious, we need to get going.” 

Yaz turns away to put stools up on desks to help the cleaners and at the same time give Jess a chance to show her disappointment without anyone else seeing. 

“You’re a horrible tease.” Jess says, joining her. 

“Maybe one day.” Yaz swiftly kisses her cheek. “When it doesn’t matter if we get fired and maybe arrested.” 

Yaz drives in front while Jess follows. It would have been easier to have the both of them in one car but this conference Jess is going to tomorrow morning has already paid for a parking space at the airport for her. Plus, she’ll have to drive to the airport anyway. When Yaz and Jess have completed the hour journey and they’re walking over to the lift, Yaz realises how nervous Jess looks.

“You good?” Yaz takes her hand as they enter the lift. 

“They know I’m coming right?” Jess asks. 

“Um… about that.”

“Yaz!” 

“It’s not a big deal! They’re always prepared for guests.” Yaz says. Jess just continues to look like she’s going to faint. “It’s okay. Honestly.” 

“Should I have brought them anything?” Jess asks.

“Jess, seriously, look at me.” Yaz pauses until she does. “This is casual, yeah?”

The lift door opens and Yaz almost has to drag Jess out of it. She doesn’t let go of her hand in fear of her running away until she reaches the flat door and has to dig her keys out of her jeans pocket.

“Is that you Yaz?” Hakim asks when he hears the door open.

“Yeah it’s me.” Yaz says. “Dad I’ve got-”

“How was work love?” Najia asks. Yaz hasn’t even had a chance to get down the hallway yet. 

“Good. Look, mum I’ve got-”

“Just good? What about that bitch of a scientist, is she not giving you grief?” Najia asks. Yaz feels Jess’ palm go sweaty and ashamed to look at her Yaz just squeezes her hand.

“Mum.” Yaz says more firmly. Now they’re in the room with each other, Yaz's parents look up from what they’re doing and visibly see Jess standing by her side. They look confused, more than anything. “This is Jess. Also known as Doctor Smith.” 

There’s almost an audible gasp. Apart from that, you could hear a pin drop.

“Hi.” Jess says. Yaz can hear in her voice that she’s drawing on all the professionalism she has to not sound offended. 

“We’re… um. We’re dating.” Yaz announces. 

Najia and Hakim share a look Yaz can’t decipher then cautiously stand to greet their guest. Yaz is seriously regretting not calling ahead and explaining and now her own mother has called Jess a bitch in front of her. 

“Whe-” Najia starts but is soon interrupted.

“I’m home!” Sonya shouts. “Is Yaz here yet, I thought I saw her car but-”

Sonya stops dead, all of them ending up in a big circle like they’re about to pull guns on each other. Yaz watches her sister analyse the faces of everyone, looks down at Yaz and Jess’ joined hands, then takes a good ten seconds to recognise where she’s seen Jess before. 

“Hi.” Jess says, not knowing what else to say with this very judgmental woman in her twenties staring at her face. 

“Well. This looks a little bit awkward.” Sonya chimes. 

Now that everyone’s home Yaz sits them all down to explain. Jess distances herself from Yaz while she speaks and Yaz knows it's because she knows Yaz talked to her mum about her behind her back and not in a good way and on top of that, she never rectified her opinion. For all Jess knows Yaz could still be calling her a bitch behind her back. But for now, Yaz explains to her family with less graphic details how they got to this point. She makes up a lie saying they decided to be nice to each other after new year (which Jess had suggested at the time) and phrases it like they became friends and then they just… happened. Hakim goes with it, Sonya looks over the moon that she was right about Yaz having a crush, and Najia looks like she’s having none of it but goes with the story for the time being. Najia makes an effort to apologise directly to Jess for referring to her the way she did and says that Yaz was ‘an arse’ for not giving her an update on her love life sooner.

After that, the tone in the flat changes. Jess talks more and is the usual self Yaz is still getting to know and she’s more physically affectionate with Yaz when they sit down together. Hakim suggests ordering in Chinese which is a nice gesture. Jess offers to pay for hers which goes down well with Yaz’s parents. By the time they’re all eating Jess is cracking jokes with Yaz’s family and even Sonya is warming to her. Yaz personally falls a little bit more in love with Jess sitting around the table together. Whether it be because of the hand that rests on her knee or the fact Jess speaks so highly about her in front of her, she just evokes this warm feeling in Yaz’s chest. 

When they all gather around the TV to watch a film, Jess sits up close to Yaz with her arm resting over Yaz’s shoulders. Yaz likes it. Other than it feeling nice and right it’s also a bit of a fuck you to her mum who seemed to have given up on Yaz finding a partner. Not that they’re partners but hopefully with a good few more weeks they could be more. At least that’s how tonight is making Yaz feel. 

No one is really invested in the movie Sonya puts on- the woman herself leaving early- and they talk all the way through it. Jess explains how she’s going to be leaving early tomorrow morning and why, which Yaz can tell sits well with her parents and makes up for the early departure. Jess is smart and brilliant and invited to a conference in Paris with other smart people. It’s not Yaz’s achievement to claim but it makes her feel smug that someone like Jess wants to be with her. 

The film ends. Everyone wishes each other good night and Yaz thinks that’s the end of the day and she can have a conversation- a debrief- with Jess in bed. When her mum corners her in the kitchen while she gets herself a glass of water, she realises it’s not quite the end of the day yet.

“When did you really start seeing her?” Najia asks in that motherly tone you wouldn’t dare lie to. 

“January.” Yaz says. 

“But when? How did it happen?” Najia persists. 

“I told you mum.” Yaz continues to refuse to give her anything. 

“I know you’re lying to me Yaz.”

“Maybe because I don’t want to give you all the personal details.” Yaz says. “It’s my life mum.”

“So you slept with her.” Najia beams, interpreting ‘personal details’ as sex.

“Yes, I did, many times before we ever went out on a date and then a lot more after that. Is that what you want to know?” Yaz snaps.

“Alright. I get it. I shouldn’t pry.” Najia smirks at her daughter and backs away. 

Noticing that Yaz has just given her mother all the information she wanted she has to calm herself. Usually Najia is great at talking to her about things, but as Yaz has got older she’s had to find new ways to get into the details of her private life. It’s incredibly frustrating and annoying and Yaz wishes she could just wait until she’s ready to say something, but at the same time she wouldn’t switch her mum for anyone else in the world. Yaz pads back to her room trying to get her head cool again before she talks to Jess. 

“You took a while.” Jess says, having stayed up for her to come back. 

“Mum cornered me.” Yaz grumbles, setting down her cup of water. 

“Do they like me?” Jess whispers. 

“I think so. Not sure yet.” Yaz climbs under the covers next to a very disgruntled looking Jess. “But I like you.”

“Did I do something wrong?” Jess asks. 

“No. It’s me.” Yaz says. Jess frowns and backs away from her. Knowing Yaz can’t get away with only saying that, she sighs, preparing herself to explain some more, having skirted around the subject while talking to her family. “I slagged you off when I came home for Christmas, it’s my fault they’re being like this. I think they’re still stuck thinking you’re really horrible to me.” 

“Yaz.” Jess whines her name with hurt and disappointment. 

“I’m sorry! But at the time you had just shown me up in front of the entire school and I was pretty much ready to get in a physical fight with you.” Yaz tries to excuse herself with a smile but Jess rolls over away from her. “Don’t get in a huff Jess.”

“I’m not getting in a huff.” Jess says, definitely in a huff. 

“Yeah you are.”

“Am not.”

“Jess.” Yaz says. No response. “Jess.” Yaz sings her name and tugs on her shirt so that she rolls back onto her back. Yaz leans over her to force her to look her in the eye. “They will like you.”

“I leave tomorrow morning- that’s not enough time to win them over.” Jess says. 

“Just be yourse-.”

“What exactly did you say about me?” Jess asks. 

“Does it really matter?” Yaz takes Jess’ hand that’s laying on her stomach and tries to hold it. Jess is having none of it.

“Goodnight Yaz.” She says.

“I showed them the video of the eating contest and I think I just said you were arrogant and a bit up yourself. Sonya and mum defended you, I was being an idiot.” Yaz has no choice but to tell her otherwise they’ll end up going to sleep angry at each other. 

Jess shuffles. “Your sister?” 

“Yeah.” Yaz confirms.

“I guess that’s an achievement.”

“Obviously I don’t think that stuff now.” Yaz goes to hold Jess’ hand again and this time is successful. “I love you.”

“Hm.” Jess rolls over again away from her.

“Jess don’t be like this.” Yaz pleads with her. 

“I’m still mad about how you pronounce Uranus.” Jess grumbles. Yaz smiles to herself and kisses Jess’ cheek. 

“Goodnight Doctor Smith.” 

The next morning Yaz wakes up to an empty space next to her and for a moment she thinks Jess was a dream. Then she comes to her senses and realises Jess is probably up and getting ready to leave for her flight. In another twist of feelings Yaz then gets scared that Jess left without saying goodbye so she jumps out of bed and heads towards the kitchen. She finds Jess sitting with her parents eating breakfast with them which is a sight she never thought she would see. Doctor Smith and her parents. Blimey.

“Morning.” Jess smiles, abandoning her seat around the table with the rest of the Khans like they don’t even exist and almost running towards Yaz. “Your parents have a better cereal selection than you do by the way.”

“Are you going now?” Yaz asks. She doesn’t want her to but she’s already dressed in her light blue suit and her overnight bag is already sitting by the door. 

“Afraid so.” Jess shrugs.

“You look great.” Yaz says, looking her up and down, shamelessly checking her out. 

“Gotta make a good first impression.” Jess smiles with a hint of nervousness. 

“No but you look _really_ …” Yaz tails off, unable to come up with suitable words to describe how attractive the blonde in front of her looks. 

“See this is how I know I look better in suits than that stupid skirt.” Jess grins. 

“How?”

“Your face.” Jess says. 

“When are you back again?” Yaz asks to shake herself out of the trance Jess’ body puts on her. 

“Late Tuesday night.” 

Still unhappy with that timing, Yaz pulls Jess into a hug. Hugging each other feels normal now and Yaz is keen to do it whenever she can. Over Jess’ shoulder she sees her parents looking but trying not to look, but definitely looking. Yaz realises they might be coming across a bit stronger than just ‘dating’ and that in itself scares her into thinking about what they _actually_ are. _Not the time, Khan_ Yaz tells herself. She pushes Jess away. 

Jess digs into the inner chest pocket of her blazer. “Here’s my flight number.” 

“You’re only going to France.” Yaz says, taking the little slip of card. 

“So track me. Make sure I get there safely.”

“Jess are you scared of flying?” Yaz whispers. 

“Not scared necessarily. I know the facts but… I just want you to know where I am.” Jess leans in. “And that I’m not running away with the French hotel maid.” She whispers.

“You’re ridiculous.” Yaz shakes her head as she smiles. 

“You thought of it.” Jess accuses her but before Yaz can answer she kisses her. Yaz kisses her back- still very aware that her parents are watching- and calls it off when it feels right to. “See you later.”

“Text me when you land.” 

“I will.” Jess agrees. “Bye Mr and Mrs Khan.” She calls behind her. 

“Bye sweetheart.” 

“Good meeting you Jess.” 

Yaz sees Jess out of the door then returns to her parents, needing to know what they were talking to Jess about before Yaz woke up. 

“You seem very comfortable with her.” Najia says. 

“I know mum, that’s why I brought her here.” Yaz smiles sarcastically at her. “What were you talking about?”

“She was discussing the 1969 moon landing with me.” Hakim says.

“God- dad you didn’t try to convince her the moon landing was a conspiracy did you?” Yaz cringes. 

“He did.” Najia sips at her coffee. 

“Oi, I learnt a few things from her actually.” Hakim says. “I think she’s very agreeable.” 

“As a scientist or as someone I’m choosing to go out with?” Yaz asks. Her parents smile at her. 

“Both.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> whoever threw that puddle tampon at my face when I was 12 and I was so humiliated that I ran to my nans house to cry, fuck you I still remember that
> 
> I hope you guys aren't getting bored of this fic and are still enjoying it 👉👈 but if you're not just don't tell me, I'm fragile


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (This work has nothing to do with the actresses that portray these characters on screen, this is based off of descriptions of the characters alone. The actresses are real people with real lives and families that are just doing their jobs, please remember to stay respectful)

The rest of Saturday was okay with Jess sending a stream of update texts until she goes to bed and Yaz was preoccupied with spending time with her family anyway. Jess sent one text on Sunday, so when Yaz gets home that evening she sends her a dirty picture. She doesn’t get a reply but Yaz is settled knowing Jess will see that and have her on her mind. Monday Yaz keeps her head down at work and puts her everything into teaching to keep herself from thinking about what Jess might be doing now. Is she enjoying her meetings or whatever it is she’s doing? Is she meeting like minded people? Is she having a good time? Tuesday morning Yaz realises how much simpler life would have been if she had never had to share a room with Jess in the morning. She can do what she likes, she can run the room however she likes but by now she has a respect for Jess and sticks to her rules even though she’s not there. 

“Miss Khan.” 

The head of the cover teacher department enters the lab without warning and takes Yaz by surprise. She’s used to people walking in in the morning and asking for Doctor Smith.

“Yes. Hello.” Yaz greets her warmly anyway.

“I’ll keep it short, we’ve run out of cover staff again. Would you mind covering periods one and two today? Nothing too strenuous just giving kids worksheets and playing an instructional video.”

“Sure. Where do I need to go?” Yaz agrees. In the PE office or in someone else's classroom it doesn’t really matter where she is, Yaz can still get her work done.

“Nowhere, you’re covering Doctor Smith. Thank you Miss Khan I’ll email everything to you.”

Yaz is feeling too smug to say goodbye to the head cover teacher properly. If she could see Jess’ face right now, see how she reacts to the fact Yaz is in control of her class, her students, and she can’t do anything to stop her. Yaz bets it would be a picture. So do the rest of her group considering how silent they all are with smiles on their faces. 

“Are you going to get your own back on Doctor Smith, Miss?”

“I’m thinking about it.” Yaz smirks. 

Of course out of basic decency and respect for other teachers Yaz doesn’t meddle in Jess’ business. Firstly Yaz can’t think of anything other than to bad mouth her and that just feels wrong and secondly, she doesn’t want to distract from learning. It’s annoying enough when your real teacher isn’t available but it must be severely annoying when the teacher that’s meant to help you read out of a textbook is messing around.

“Oi, are you ready for the second video?”

Yaz raises her voice when she hears discussions moving on from being about the worksheet to being about what they’re all going to do at break and lunch today. Yaz expects some of them to lie to get away with a couple more minutes of chat but they all admit to having finished the first part and Yaz gets up the second video link full screen.

_ “Hello! It’s me!”  _ Yaz isn’t sure what exactly she was expecting but she would never have guessed it to be Jess filling the screen. She turns down the volume so as to not disturb the class on the other side of the wall. _ “As you can see this is my hotel room from where I am in France and it’s about seven in the evening on a Sunday here but this is for my Tuesday morning class. The video I wanted to send wasn’t as informative as I wanted it to be so I’m explaining it now. It’s a fairly simple theory once you’ve got your head around the concept unless you’re a PE teacher because PE teachers suck.”  _

“What a bitch.” Yaz mumbles loud enough for Jess’ class to have a quick giggle at the irony. “You didn’t hear me say that.” 

Yaz watches as Jess explains to her students through a screen and listens so that if Yaz gets asked a question she’ll be able to repeat the words that have already come out of Doctor Smith’s mouth. The science teacher has a rhythmic flow to how she talks however it is soon interrupted by the sound of a text tone. The woman on the screen glances down to where Yaz assumes her phone is on the desk and she stumbles- words no longer coming out of her mouth at all. Yaz wonders momentarily as to what she could be reading when suddenly it clicks. Sunday evening. Yaz sent her a nude Sunday evening. She guesses this is why she never got a text back.

_ “Sorry about that I um... important... message, I’ll deal with that later.”  _ Jess coughs.

It feels like the whole class has its eyes on Yaz. Jess keeps teaching on the screen and Yaz knows she’s blushing but she knows she shouldn’t be at all because why would she need to? They don’t know that text was from her. They don’t know that Jess even has her number. Yaz glances at the students sitting at their desks and realises not one of them is even glancing at her. She calms down and acts like it never happened- like she knows nothing about the nature of that text like everyone else, and sits through the rest of Jess’ explanatory video.

_ “Did you all get that? Don’t answer back I can’t actually hear you. Anyway try and do your best with the worksheet. I'll be back on Wednesday and I’ll quickly go through it with you then just to make sure.”  _

The video freezes there signalling the end.

“Everyone get that?” Yaz asks. The students all mumble lightly and pick up their pens to get back to work. 

When Yaz is sitting at home eating her dinner with one hand and marking with the other she gets a text from Jess that includes her new return flight details and an unflattering selfie of her in front of the eiffel tower. Yaz smiles at the photo, clearly having been taken out of joy rather than the need to have something worthy of being posted on social media. Yaz thinks she looks cute and realises that that’s never happened before. Maybe once when she’s watching her sleep and perhaps a second time when she says something sweet after sex but she’s never just spontaneously looked at Jess and though anything but ‘she’s attractive’. Or maybe she has but she’s just never registered it before.

“What do you think mate?” Yaz turns in her seat and shows the picture of Jess to Gaz in his cage. Well, she points her phone screen in the direction of his cage. “Is she a keeper?” Her hamster just stands on his back legs and uses his little hands to wash himself not even looking in the direction of her phone. “Good talk.” Yaz nods to herself. “Good talk.” 

Yaz finishes her feedback marking for her coursework group and messes around getting ready for bed. She could easily just shower then get under the covers and drift off on a normal day but in all honesty she doesn’t feel like sleeping. She gets to see Jess tomorrow. Of course she doesn’t admit to herself that that’s what’s keeping her up and puts it up to the fact she’s been working late. To wind down she gets into her pyjamas and takes Gaz out of his cage to play and run across her hands until he settles on her shoulder. She wonders if she would have a completely different nighttime routine if she wasn’t so obsessed and preoccupied with Jess. She kind of feels bad for getting a pet and then barely spending any time with it like she intended to.

By the time it reaches midnight Yaz convinces herself that it’s time to go to bed and puts Gaz back down where he belongs. As his little feet ruffle the wood shavings Yaz’s attention is spiked by the bright shine of car headlights pulling up outside her house. It’s the middle of the night and someone’s just parked up at her house and with her blood running cold Yaz does the obvious thing and retrieves the closest kitchen knife she can find. She’s home alone. Jess isn’t even here for her to call. It’s not like she can call anyone for help now anyway. She keeps herself by the stairs as the lights disappear and the stranger knocks at the door. 

“Who is it?” Yaz calls, trying to sound braver than she feels and gripping onto the hilt of the knife like she has any clue what she’ll do with it if she needs it. Why did she even ask?

“It’s me you twathead, let me in.” Jess answers. 

Overcome with relief that it’s someone she knows Yaz goes straight to open the door. Jess grins when she sees Yaz on the other side but when her eyes dip to the blade in her hand and her eyes grow wide for all the wrong reasons. 

“Is that a knife?” Jess points and looks severely offended.

“Yes.” Yaz says, moving to put it back in the kitchen. “Why are you at my door so late?”

“Were you going to stab me?” Jess asks, ignoring Yaz’s own question. 

“Someone knocks at my door at ten past midnight and I’m home alone, of course I’m going to try and defend myself.” Yaz rolls her eyes over her shoulder. Does Jess not realise Yaz was expecting her to go back to her own home after a flight that comes in late at night? 

“Well it’s me.” Jess lets herself in, kicks off her boots and opens her arms wide. “C’mere.” 

Yaz hugs her as she requests. Feeling her so close it’s almost like a dream, especially with the way Jess sighs into her hair and Yaz gets to tuck her head into the crook of her neck.

“I’ve missed you.” Yaz whispers. “I taught your class today by the way.”

“You what?” Jess jumps back, suddenly terrified at the concept.

“Period one and two. PE teachers suck, you got an interesting text halfway through, ring any bells?” Yaz recalls. 

“I’d get that picture tattooed on my eyeballs if I could.” Jess blushes, confirming the contents of what was received on camera.

“You don’t have to look at me through a screen Jess.”

Yaz puts one of her hands on Jess’ shoulder and lets the other climb up through her hair on the back of her head. There’s nothing in the world she wants more. 

“Wait- before you kiss me I think I’ve got a cold coming on.” Jess presses two fingers against Yaz’s approaching lips.

“It’s probably the airport head.” Yaz reasons. 

“Yeah you’re right.” Jess nods in agreement but Yaz has a second thought that has her pressing her two fingers against Jess’ lips this time. 

“Or you’ve been snogging other people and you know if I kiss you you’ll give me an STD.” Yaz says. 

Evidently having taken strong offence to that, Jess’ hands fall from where they sit on Yaz’s waist. “What? Yaz, no, I haven’t- I didn’t- why would you think that?”

“I dunno I just…” Yaz sheepishly looks at the floor when she fails to come up with an adequate answer. Jess takes a proper step away from her.

“I haven’t slept with anyone else Yaz.” Jess says. Her voice is firm and sure. 

“I know.”

“But do you? You keep asking if I’m going to sleep with other people, I’m not going to do that Yaz. I  _ don’t want _ to even kiss anyone else.” Jess declares. 

Yaz takes in how Jess is looking at her in that moment. Hurt. Irritated. Offended. And in that same moment Yaz promises to never make Jess feel like that again as long as she’s still with her. She steps forwards and kisses Jess before she has the chance to protest. When she pulls back Yaz cups her face and looks her dead in the eye so she trusts what she says next. 

“I know.” 

Yaz lets Jess shower and come to bed in her own time but once she’s under the covers with her she’s Yaz’ s. Too tired to talk about Jess’ trip they kiss instead, making up for days that they’ve missed. Jess is far more eager than Yaz in her actions but for Yaz it feels like there’s someone running a bubble bath in her gut. She knows she’s missed her but it’s not until now when she’s being so tender and caring with her lips against hers does something shift- something strong. Yaz keeps her hands running along Jess’ side where she lays but her head dips down to pay attention to her throat. She knows their rule about leaving visible marks but at the moment she stands strong with the stance that rules were made to be broken and she does it slowly so that Jess doesn’t guess what she’s doing before it’s too late. 

“You idiot.” Jess pushes her away from her neck. 

“You can borrow a turtleneck.” Yaz says. 

Jess doesn’t argue, and they kiss some more until they become so lazy they fall asleep.

Jess looks weird in the dark green turtleneck. Weird because Yaz knows it’s hers but also it’s strangely attractive to see Doctor Smith wearing something different to her usual getup. Yaz has set her tutor group up to do a self reflective worksheet on how the school year has been going so far for them. At the end they’ll hand them back into Yaz and if Yaz identifies any issues she'll either speak to the student who filled it in or have a chat with the teacher of the subject in question. Because it’s self reflection Yaz has asked her group to fill out the reflection sheets in silence, which makes everything Doctor Smith is doing stand out more. She’s faffing, as she usually does, but the patterns in her movements are disrupted too often for Yaz not to notice. The way she’s having to pause after bending down, how she keeps almost dropping equipment she’s trying to get out, how she keeps trying not to cough when she clearly needs to- it’s all ringing various alarms for Yaz. She was okay this morning, if not a little bit quiet but Yaz mistook that for tiredness. That should have been the trigger to ask. 

“Are you okay Doctor Smith?” Yaz gets the point where she has to ask.

“I feel rough. Proper not good.” Doctor Smith answers. Now Yaz can hear it in her voice as well as see it in her body.

“Are you sure it’s not because you were travelling?” Yaz regurgitates the conversation they had last night while Jess makes her way over to the teachers desk to talk to her with a little bit more privacy. 

“I feel like pure shit Miss Khan.”

“Ooooo Doctor you said a bad word!” One of Yaz’s year eights tries to be funny. 

“Oh, shut up you’ve all used it before.” Jess snaps light heartedly and the class laughs along with it. 

“What kind of rough Jess?” Yaz asks to stop the sick woman from arguing with a teenager. 

“My throat is all dry, my head is heavy and light at the same time, I feel a bit sick, a bit hot.” 

Jess explains her symptoms and at the same time leans against the part of the desk Yaz isn’t using to hold herself up. Now that she’s closer, Yaz can see she’s shaking a little which only increases her concern. 

“It’s because you’re wearing that top Doctor. Take it off.” A student suggests with genuine concern.

“Wait Jess-” Yaz attempts to remind her why she’s wearing the item of clothing but she’s too slow. But still, despite the fact that the mark that fits the shape of Yaz’s mouth is now on show Yaz can’t help but wonder why she’s still wearing her white top underneath the thick turtleneck. “Why were you wearing your undershirt if you felt hot?”

“So I could take this off when I’m not teaching.” Jess says, holding up the turtleneck just so Yaz is absolutely certain as to what she means. 

“Doctor Smith.” Some students giggle. “On your neck you have a-”

“Look I know alright?” Jess raises her voice the best she can before she has to cough. “A grown woman can’t go to Paris and have a bit of fun during her downtime? And don’t get clever, you all know what I mean- I’ve taught some of you sex ed.”

“Maybe she gave this illness to you, Doctor.” Yaz says to shift suspicion away from the both of them.

“Or maybe I gave it to her.” Jess says but Yaz knows what she’s really trying to say.  _ This could be you tomorrow.  _

“Take the day off Doctor Smith.” Yaz orders. There’s no way she can teach like this no matter how insistent she is that she’s staying. 

“I can’t, I’ve only just-”

“Take the day off.” Yaz pokes Doctor Smith’s hand with her house key that she’s snuck out of the pocket of her hoodie until Jess takes it. By taking it, she agrees to go back to Yaz’s so Yaz can take care of her. It’s what she wants to do.

“Fine but Miss Khan you have to do something for me first.” Jess reluctantly agrees.

“What?” Yaz asks for the terms. 

“Get Miss Jones, I feel faint.” 

“Jess!” Yaz rushes up to catch Doctor Smith before she falls to the floor. She’s heavy in her arms but she grumbles letting Yaz know she’s still conscious. “Steady.” Yaz holds her up. “Ben can you go and get Miss Jones for me please.” Yaz relies on one of her more sensible students to fetch Martha so Yaz can walk Jess to the stool at the teacher's desk so she can sit down. She looks pale and sweaty and certainly has a fever, but Yaz lets Martha say it all so Jess will believe it. 

The tickle in her throat comes just after break. The temperature comes a little bit before lunch. The headache takes effect and pushes past the pain killers by period five and the last lesson of the day is so much of a struggle to get through Yaz ends her class and drags herself into the PE office early. 

“Mr Pink may I be excused from boxing club tonight?” Yaz asks. 

“You don’t have to address me as if you’re a pupil Yaz.” Danny says with a light chuckle to his voice. “What’s up?”

“Look I’ll be honest I think I’ve caught that bug Doctor Smith has.” Yaz says, already too tired to lie. 

“I won’t ask how you caught it but sure you can go home. Get some rest.” Danny says. 

“Thanks, you’re a lifesaver.” 

If Yaz was being tested while she drove home she would have failed her test for sure. Her muscles feel like they’re being clamped in a vice and all her movements are stiff but she takes the roads that are nearly empty even if it takes her an extra twenty minutes to get home. Once she manages to get her key in the lock and her body inside her home she spots Jess’ boots at the floor and heads to the kitchen to get some water before anything else. She drinks a glass then refills it and then fills another for Jess then heads upstairs. Jess is curled up on the side of the bed she usually ends up sleeping on but right now she’s just a ball of shakes. 

“You’re back early.” Jess grumbles- an evident sign that her jaw is locked in place. 

“You gave me this stupid cold.” Yaz grumbles back, handing her the glass. 

“D’you want me to leave? Have your bed to yourself?” Jess asks. 

“Stay.” Yaz says. She’s not going to make her leave when she looks like that.

Yaz goes to brush some sweat clad hair away from Jess’ forehead but her hand gets slapped away before she can even touch her. 

“No offence but the thought of touching another human body right now repulses me.” Jess says. 

“I’m going to shower.” Yaz announces. 

The water is welcomed when it hits her skin, hot and sharp. Everything dull and achy in her body relaxes a little- not a lot, but a little- to make her that bit more comfortable. She should probably invite Jess to have her own shower, maybe that will help her, but when Yaz gets back she can see there’s no chance of her moving. 

They both stay awake all night tossing and turning and coughing and spluttering and complaining at each other when limbs touch other clammy limbs. Yaz wills her body to try and sweat out the illness as a preference while Jess tries to ride it out with painkillers and water. At six in the morning she makes the executive decision to email Danny to take the day off sick and encourages Jess to do the same with her head of department. After they do that, Jess somehow manages to fall asleep, probably from exhaustion and Yaz ends up falling asleep too. She doesn’t dream, just sleeps until she wakes up again with Jess spread out like a starfish with sheets thrown off of her. 

“Jess move.” Yaz grumbles reaching for her glass of water to cure her dry throat.

“I can’t.” Jess whines back. 

Slightly concerned at her unimproved condition Yaz places the back of her hand against Jess’ forehead to get an idea of her temperature. It’s not as bad as when she caught her yesterday but she’s still hot and she’s still shaking a little but that could be down to the fact her muscles are so tired from being so tense. But Yaz isn’t a medical professional so who is she to know?

“Maybe you should go to hospital.” Yaz suggests. 

“You have the same thing as me, how come you’re not as bad?” Jess complains at how this is affecting both of them so differently. 

“Not being funny Jess but I eat better.” Yaz guesses that’s the reason.

“Don’t blame this on custard creams they don’t deserve it.”

“Was that serious or are you a bit delirious?” Yaz asks. 

Jess shrugs and pushes herself up out of bed with a pained groan.

“Thought you said you couldn’t move.” Yaz says. 

“Do you want me to use your bed as a toilet?” Jess asks. “I’m getting some painkillers as well, want any?”

“I think I’m okay.” Yaz says. Sweating it out might have worked and she’s left with just a little bit of a tension headache and an empty stomach. 

Jess comes back with two pills in her hand and a refilled glass of water for her to take them. Yaz doesn’t like seeing her like this. She wishes she could do something more other than just lay next to her and ache.

“Jess.”

“Hm.” Jess answers, getting back into bed.

“What do you actually like about me?” Yaz asks to make an attempt at bringing some conversation and entertainment to them both as they lay beside each other. 

“What do you mean?” Jess asks. 

“I just don’t think we’ve ever really talked about it outside of sexual context.” Yaz shrugs.

It doesn’t seem like Jess is going to answer at first when she just sighs. Yaz considers whether she’s too ill to answer to whether or if maybe she doesn’t  _ want  _ to answer. She kind of wants to take back her question but it turns out Jess just needed a moment to think. 

“I like it when you smile and your face goes all doughy. I like your laughs because there are multiple levels of them. I like the way your hair smells. I like that you’re not afraid to tell me to fuck off once in a while. I like that you’re so strong in yourself and you don’t need anyone but still you chose to stay with me.” Jess says. All of her compliments make Yaz smile. “What do you like about me?”

Yaz takes a moment to think too and consolidate all her thoughts about Jess. There’s so many feelings to compress into a few words before it starts to sound like a list. 

“I like that you’re really smart. I like how you actually care about things. I like how you’re so excitable over stuff other people would just overlook. I like how you make me feel nice.”

“Just nice?” Jess jumps in to ask.

“More than nice. It’s like this weird… just it makes me… I dunno it just makes me feel good. You make me feel good.” Yaz wears her heart on her sleeve. Jess just silently grins at her. “What?” Yaz asks while smiling too since it’s so infectious.

Their moment is interrupted by Bill walking into Yaz’s room with one hand over her eyes and another with a plastic shopping bag hanging off her wrist stressed out in front of her. 

“Hello! Are you decent?” Bill shouts.

“Why are you in my house?” Yaz asks. Jess is shuffling around suddenly more uncomfortable than this illness has ever made her. 

“Doctor Smith goes home ill the day she comes back from Paris and the same day Miss Khan gets ill and then the next day both of them are off sick. It really does not take much to figure out you’re both here- excuse me.” 

Bill crawls onto the end of Yaz’s bed and sits between the two of them.

“Still doesn’t answer why you’re in my house.” Yaz says. 

“I brought food.” Bill throws the bag up and lets it land on Yaz’s lap. Looking inside Yaz sees her favourite guilty pleasure chicken and sweetcorn salad bowl with croutons and dressing plus it looks like Bill snuck away a couple of left over fruit pots from the canteen.

“I love you more than anything.” Yaz sighs and shoves her hands straight into the shopping bag.

“Oi!” Jess shuffles up onto her elbows, offended. 

“I was talking to the salad.” Yaz rubs her back to get to stop looking so grumpy.

“Ugh.” Bill grimaces at them. “You two are gross even when you’re sick.”

“You can always leave.” Jess lays back down, the gravity of sitting up having made her head hurt.

“Jess stop it.” Yaz nudges her. There’s no need to be rude like that.

“Yeah, I even brought you a leftover panini.” 

“What flavour?” Jess asks suspiciously. 

“Meatball.” Bill answers. That gets Jess’ attention again and she sits up properly to accept the slightly cold paper bag. “Christ, you look like shit.” Bill mutters.

“I feel it.” Jess grumbles, more interested in eating than the state of her bed hair and her top falling off her shoulder. 

“How come you don’t look that bad?” Bill asks Yaz. 

“Better immune system.” Yaz says, holding up her salad tub.

“Shut up and let me eat my grease baguette.” Jess mumbles with her mouth full. Yaz leans over and gently kisses her cheekbone as her mouth is too preoccupied to complain and her brain too ill to be embarrassed.

“There’s also cold and flu powder so you can make hot drinks with it. And paracetamol.” Bill says.

“Thanks mate.” Yaz smiles to show her gratefulness. She didn’t need to do any of this for them.

“All the students have figured it out by the way. Love bite did not help.” Bill reveals as she gets up to make a quick exit.

“That’s your fault.” Jess is quick to point blame.

“You’re the one that took off what was covering it.”

“I told you I was feeling ill and yet you still kissed me! Now look at us, both off sick at the same time.” 

“Yeah that’s your fault Yaz.” Bill sides with Jess. 

“If my head didn’t pound at any sudden movements I’d throw something at you.” Yaz teasingly threatens (but is she really teasing if she means it). Bill sticks her finger up at her and leaves. 

“Admit you’re wrong.” Jess says. 

“No.” Yaz refuses. 

“Admit it.”

“No.”

“Admit it.” 

“No.”

“Admit!”

“No!”

“Admit you’re wrong.” Jess gently slaps Yaz’s face with the remainder of her panini. 

“You really are still so childish.” Yaz scoffs. 

“Lick my balls Miss Khan.” Jess shoves her meatball panini into Yaz’s lips which she keeps sealed closed until she can successfully push her away. 

“You’re high on painkillers aren’t you?” Yaz figures it out.

“Completely off my face, yeah, just kicked in.” Jess giggles. 

* * *

Yaz is back to regular health by lunchtime on Friday and dedicates her weekend to making Jess feel better. When they return back to work on Monday not only do the students give them the side eye but so do their fellow staff members as they sit on opposite sides of the school hall for their weekly meeting. It’s mainly about the open evening on Wednesday when local primary school children come and look at the school to see if they want to come here next academic year but for details you need to talk to your head of department and blah blah blah Yaz stopped listening halfway through. She should have been paying attention but she can’t shake the feeling that every move she makes it being watched and scrutinized.

She half reckons her tutor group are going to say something when she gets there but they know better not to test her and stay quiet and only ask if she feels better. So do all her classes that day and then her tutor group again on Tuesday morning. Yaz almost entertains the idea that they’ve all been threatened into silence by someone but she has no clue who or how they would be able to get what feels like the entire school to agree. By the end of school on Tuesday Yaz finishes her paperwork that she needs to do inside the school and then goes to find Jess who has promised to take her out tonight to thank her for caring and looking after her at the weekend.

“Ah! Miss Khan, say hello to some of my lovely year elevens.” Jess greets her. 

It’s not exactly the greeting Yaz was expecting. Yaz looks around the room and sees about five teenagers dotted around the room wearing gloves, protective eyewear and holding plastic scraping tools in their hands. 

“Uh oh, what did you lot do?” Yaz takes the role of good cop straight away.

“Chewed gum in class.” One of the female students pokes her head out from under her designated desk.

“And now they’re scraping other people’s gum off all my desks.” Jess smiles venomously.

“Their own desks aren’t enough?” Yaz asks. 

“Nope! I want all of them done for the open evening tomorrow.” Jess says, firm in her stance and Yaz can tell by her pout. 

“It’s not like they’re going to look under the tables, Doctor.” A boy that doesn’t quite have enough hair facial hair for it to be considered a beard 

“Are you back chatting with me Darren?” Doctor Smith raises an eyebrow. 

“No, Doctor.” The boy's head sinks between his shoulders. 

“You’re all good kids but you need to stick to the rules!” Jess says more playfully this time. It seems like she has a good relationship with this group of students. 

“You and your bloody lab rules.” Yaz mutters. 

“Don’t go dissing my lab rules.” Jess holds her hand to her chest to mock insult. 

“I’d never dream of doing that Doctor Smith.”

“Miss Khan can I ask something?” Darrens head pops up again. 

“You just did.” Yaz replies. She likes to think her classic response would win her brownie points with the English department. “Go ahead mate.”

When Yaz agrees the other four students cautiously appear from under their desks.

“Right all of us can keep a secret okay so…” Darren starts. 

“Where’s this going?” Jess straightens her posture in anticipation. Yaz adjusts how she stands too. 

“Are you dating each other? Yes or no.” Darren asks. Yaz feels Doctor Smith tense up beside her and she herself feels the air stop flowing in her lungs. “Both of your silences are defending.” 

“We-”

“I-”

The two women say at the same time. 

They look at each other as if their eyes are going to be able to come up with a solution but with each passing second a metaphorical shovel digs their graves. 

“We won’t tell.” The girl who initially talked to Yaz grins. 

“There’s nothing to tell.” Doctor Smith says. 

“We’re not seeing each other.” Yaz adds. 

“Sure.” Darren smiles. Yaz contemplates chewing a bit of gum and sticking it under his freshly scraped desk. 

They don’t go out after that. Too afraid that someone might catch them together in town or the rumor mill has already picked up speed and is coming after them. Instead Yaz cooks for them both and Jess brings ice cream and they spend the evening on the sofa together. With Gaz, of course. Jess likes to pay special attention to him.

“Are we going to ignore the fact that some students know now?” Yaz asks. 

“Yep.” Jess answers simply. “What can they really do? Honestly?”

“Lie.”

“And?”

“Lies are powerful Jess.” Yaz reaches to take her hamster away from her but Jess holds him close and tight to her chest. 

“I know you’re worried but they are good kids. I trust them.” Jess says to try and make her feel better. In fact she even pushes out her bottom lip and brings Gaz up to her cheek. “Trust us.” She says, trying and achieving to look so cute that it turns Yaz to putty. 

“How long do open evenings last?” Yaz asks, never having seen this school in action before with the public. 

“It’s one of the best in the area so it’s pretty busy the whole way through.” Jess gets up to put Gaz back down in his home. 

“Danny said that too.” Yaz says. 

“Yaz can I tell you something?” Jess asks as she sits back down next to her. 

“I like to think you can tell me anything.” Yaz says, only slightly concerned for what might come next.

“I don’t want to wear that stupid skirt anymore.” Jess reveals. 

“You know what I think Jess.” Yaz says. 

“I look hot in it so I should wear it.” Jess sighs like Yaz is going to make her wear it.

“No- Jess I want you to be comfortable more than anything.” Yaz sits up and throws her arm over Jess’ shoulder. 

“So you weren’t going to insist I wear it?”

“Course not.” Yaz laughs. “If anything I want you to wear one of your fanciest suits that makes you feel like you can rule the world.”

“You think they’ll take me seriously if I wear a suit?”

“Yes, Jess and if they don't, who cares? You know you’re smart  _ and _ you’re the one running Physics tomorrow. Who else are they going to speak to.”

“Uh, the male head of department who is also helping.” Jess counteracts. “I’m gonna go home and iron my suit.”

“But we haven’t had sex yet?” Yaz frowns as Jess gets up, her arm sliding off from around her shoulders. 

“Yaz please don’t still be pretending I only come over here for that.” Jess outright laughs at her.

“It’s been almost two weeks.” Yaz informs her. 

“Either after work tomorrow or Friday. I promise.” 

Jess leans down and kisses Yaz to seal her promise. A big mistake really as although Yaz would never  _ ever _ push Jess into doing anything she tries to make it so that Jess doesn’t want to let go; that she would rather suffocate than break away from Yaz’s lips. Her trick, however, doesn’t work, and Jess says bye with a final kiss to her cheek and Yaz is left to go to bed alone. Yaz looks up and sees Gaz sitting still, staring at her, judging her with his little black beady eyes as if to say  _ ‘that was never going to work’ _ .

“What are you looking at?” 

***

Because Yaz is so new she spends most of her time demonstrating while Danny talks to potential new students and their parents. Her department is set up in the sports hall which is split into four sections. Football in the top left, badminton in the top right, gymnastics in the bottom left, and bottom right is Yaz and her small group of boxers from the boxing club. When they’re not skipping, throwing punches or kicks, Yaz talks them through discipline and theory and every now and then she lets some excitable ten year olds have a go. English department has word games, maths has interactive quizzes, drama is performing a play, the history department are all dressed up in costumes but out of all departments in the school PE gets the biggest crowd. Well… the biggest crowd under science who have three separate rooms open for Chemistry, Physics and Biology each with their own experiments being held inside. Doctor Smith is in charge of Physics, Yaz is in charge of boxing and she would be lying if she’s not secretly competing with the scientist to see which holds a better crowd.

“Miss Khan.” Danny says while approaching her with a young boy donning thick glasses and his parents. 

“Hi!” Yaz hands off what she’s doing to an older student and greets the group of people with outstanding energy she should be preserving in order to come off as friendly. 

“Could you just show this family to the science block please, I can’t find any student tour guides anywhere.” Danny requests and turns to the two parents. “Miss Khan holds her tutor group every morning in a lab so she knows her way there.” 

“Follow me.” Yaz smiles. 

Outside of the stuffy sports hall Yaz realises how the sun has only just disappeared behind the horizon. That must mean they’re almost halfway done with the evening. How can she be so tired already? How is that even possible?

“So what kind of science is your favourite?” Yaz asks. 

“All of them.” The young boy answers timidly through a growing smile on his lips. 

“But you’ve always loved Physics, haven’t you?” His mum says, evidently proud of his enthusiasm for the subject. 

“Brilliant! You’ll have to speak to Doctor Smith when we get there.” Yaz grins. 

“Is he a Doctor of Physics then?” The dad asks. 

“She is, yes.” Yaz instantly corrects him the best she can without basically telling him to fuck off for thinking Doctor immediately equates to man. “Arguably the best.” 

When Yaz gets to the science block, L13 is nearly unrecognisable. Inside the lights are off, there’s a projection of the solar system on the interactive whiteboard, there’s a massive plasma ball on one of the desks, there’s a gravity experiment involving feathers happening in one corner and the whole pinboard on the back of the wall is covered in glow in the dark stars. 

“Physics is here. Chemistry is that way and Biology is that way. Enjoy!” Yaz points in the respective directions and the group of three thank her and Yaz should be on her way back to her own department.

Should. 

Out of all the spectacle of the room it’s Doctor Smith that holds her where she stands even though she’s all the way on the other side of the room. Doctor Smith is demonstrating how the plasma ball can get her hair to stand up and from the neck up, yes she looks like a mad scientist like always but from the neck down, she looks like Yaz’s walking wet dream. Crisp white shirt with the sleeves rolled up to her elbows. Back waistcoat on top of it with a blue and green tie around her neck and tucked into said waistcoat. Shirt equally tucked into plain black trousers that hug all her curves and are held up by a sleek leather belt with a golden buckle and Yaz wants to walk in there, drop to her knees in front of her and eat her out with no care towards the other people around. She’s so perfect. Why does she have to be so torturously- 

“I’d rail her dressed like that too.”

“Jesus Christ Bill!” Yaz jumps and clutches her chest at Bill appearing by her side like a magic puff of smoke.

“For you.” Bill hands her a spare smoothie from the tray she’s carrying in an attempt to attract people towards checking out the canteen. 

“Thank you.” Yaz says, grateful that she’s being allowed one. 

“Keep it in your pants Miss Khan.” Bill pushes Yaz’s bottom jaw up to close her mouth for her. “At least for a few more hours.”

Bill leaves and Yaz knows she should be leaving too, Danny will probably be wondering where she is, but she can't tear her eyes away. Seeing Jess get so passionate about her subject that she is utterly dedicated to is enough to turn Yaz on and at the same time it’s like Jess is bigging up her role as Doctor Smith to make it a performance. She’s so dramatic in how she speaks and steps away from the plasma ball to let some kids have a go and how she’s shoving her hands in her pockets until a parent comes over and she takes one hand out to shake his hand. 

The professionalism she expels when she talks is awesome even though Yaz can’t hear the words she’s saying- only watch how her hands move when she explains. The guy she’s talking to asks her a question and as Jess listens she pokes the tip of her tongue out from her lips and Yaz realises how wet watching the scenario is making her. It really fucking shouldn’t considering where she is and how she’s supposed to be being professional and responsible, it’s happening nonetheless. She has to get out of here, she has to leave before she does something stupid like drag Jess away for a quick tumble in the store cupboard however the man shakes her hand again and lightly presses his and against Jess’ back as he walks away and  _ get your fucking hands off her _ Yaz’s blood screams at him.  _ Mine. _

As Jess looks around the room for more people to entertain and get excited about physics she clocks Yaz standing at the door and beams a smile, throwing a quick wave her way as well. It softens Yaz. She’s still incredibly and inappropriately turned on by her demeanor but Yaz finds the gesture sweet and heartwarming and she happily leaves Jess to represent her subject while Yaz goes back to her own. 

Keeping active and professional keeps Yaz from thinking about the throbbing between her legs for the rest of the evening. However, come half eight when the evening officially closes and the last few parents and children leave Yaz is notably absent minded as she helps pack away equipment. She wants to get to Jess as soon as she can for… reasons. The longer it takes to pack away the harder it is to ignore it. The second she manages to break free from her department she visits the toilets to get the dust from the bottom of the gym mats off her hands (again for… reasons) then heads straight to science. 

The air is still muggy and hot from the amount of people that were in the vicinity at the same time throughout the night however there’s only one room still left with a light on. Jess has cleared up most of the equipment that was out without the help of her colleagues. Yaz strides in and closes the door behind her, locking it from the inside without announcing herself to Jess. Before she does she wants to look at her again. Take in the sight. She looks a little bit more of a mess in the light; her hair slightly greasy from running her hands through it to flatten it after playing with electricity all night, her sleeves rolled up at different lengths on her arms and it looks like she’s going through a checklist in her head what she’s supposed to be doing. Jess turns towards the windows to pull up the blinds ready for tomorrow and that’s when she sees Yaz. 

“Hey. I have a surprise for you.” Jess smiles upon seeing her while reaching for the blind string. 

“Keep them rolled down.” Yaz demands. 

“What?” Jess turns towards the woman storming towards her rather than the windows. 

“Keep the blinds down.” Yaz repeats. 

“Why?” 

Yaz pushes Jess back against the counter and at the same time pulls her into a searing kiss, not hesitating or holding back on showing Doctor Smith what she wants. Once Jess manages to get over the initial shock she kisses her back with just as much need as Yaz is expressing. 

“We’re doing this.” Yaz says. 

“Really? Now?” Jess asks like she can’t believe her luck.

“Yes I-” Yaz freezes when her hands feel Jess’ little ‘surprise’ in her trousers. It feels different to the one they’ve used before and the mystery stops her from being able to continue her sentence with a logical thought. 

“Um-”

“Jess have you been wearing this all night?” Yaz asks, lowkey impressed.

“No- Christ not in front of the kids. I put it on when everyone had left hoping you’d… well now you are so.” Jess grins and starts to fumble with the buttons on her waistcoat.

“Keep the suit on.” Yaz pushes Jess’ hands away. 

“You like it?” 

Instead of giving her a normal verbal answer Yaz takes Jess’ hand and drags it down her front and into her underwear for her to feel for herself. With her fingers almost exactly where she needs them Yaz leans into Jess’ body urging her to hold her.

“Shit, you really like it.” Jess smirks. 

“It’s a fancy one right?” Yaz asks, pressing her thigh into Jess’ crotch. 

“Would you stop asking questions if we’re doing this?”

“You said about getting a fancy one before. It stimulates you too, doesn’t it?” Yaz continues to press for an answer (although she could hear from the strain in her voice during her precious sentence that Yaz’s assumption is right).

“It would if we were doing something with-”

“Did you bring lube?” Yaz interrupts.

Jess looks truly mortified then. The first time all evening she looks caught out. Yaz sighs. 

“I- I didn’t think you would agree to it so no. I thought you’d make me come back to yours first.”

“That’s fine.”

Yaz drops to her knees willing to improvise with her hands going straight for Jess’ belt buckle. She gets that undone and her button and zip and confirms that Jess has upgraded her tools but Jess stops her before she can get her mouth around what she wants. 

“Wait- Yaz I don’t think I like that. Can’t you just spit on it or something.”

“Fine,” Yaz gets back on her feet and folds her arms across her chest. “have it your way.”

“Oh, I intend to.” Jess intends to flirt but her bravado disappears when Yaz continues to just stand stagnant in front of her. “Are you going to-”

“You do it.” Yaz nods.

“I’m not spitting on it.” Jess refuses. 

“Why not? You’re the one who suggested it.”

“It’s gross.”

“That’s-  _ that’s  _ gross? That’s where you draw the line, a little bit of saliva but you won’t let me suck-?” 

“You know what fuck it, we don’t have time.” Jess makes the executive decision.

“Where are you going?” Yaz asks. 

“Sex ed next week.” Jess rummages around under the desk until she pops back up with a silver square in her hand. “It’s not like they count how many are there.” 

Jess roughly spins Yaz around so that her stomach presses against the edge of the nearby desk and pulls her leggings halfway down her thighs in a rush. Yaz hears the crinkle of a wrapper then feels the covered silicone tip press lightly against the back of her thigh so Jess can lean over so their faces can be level.

“I’ve thought about this all night you don’t understand.” Jess mutters into her ear. 

“Strangely me too.” Yaz turns her head to smile at her- teasing her to rile her up even more, if that’s possible.

“Good.” 

Jess pulls her back by her hips and encourages Yaz’s hands to grip onto the other side of the desk. Not only does Yaz think about how lucky she is to know all the gum has been scraped off but also how utterly submissive she is to Jess right now. She kind of likes it. She likes it even more when Jess is smooth to enter her, pushing at her walls beautifully until she’s fully in. She’s not even done anything yet and Yaz is on the verge of moaning like she’s about to finish. 

“Shit…” Jess whispers to herself. “Always so uptight Miss Khan.” 

“Jess I’m literally the most chill-”

“Ready?” Jess asks without a single care for what Yaz is saying. 

“Alw- AYS fucking hell.” 

Yaz can’t stop herself from cursing as Jess gets to it straight away at a speed that walks the line between arousing and uncomfortable. Within a matter of seconds she hears thighs hitting against her arse, she feels moans forming at the back of her throat, she feels her fingers go numb as she white knuckles it against the desk. She thinks Jess can’t go any faster, that she’s doing the best she can for the sake of stamina but Yaz releases an uncontrolled moan from the pit of her gut and Jess leans against her back and does, in fact, go faster. Yaz keeps moaning. Jess keeps snapping her hips into her. Yaz tries to reach behind and grab onto any part of Jess she can but the moment she lets go of the desk her torso starts moving about. If someone were to walk in now they’re more than fired, just dead. Pure dead. But with the door locked and Jess acting like a rabbit in heat she feels so alive. 

“You know what I want.” Jess grunts like an animal into her ear, somehow making her even more wet. She’s surprised Jess hasn’t accidentally slipped out or something yet.

Instead of slipping out Jess’ hand slips between her legs and starts to rub. It’s almost like Jess wants to get it over with but at the moment Yaz can’t even register what she wants herself, she can only listen to what her body is telling her and with help from Jess’ fingers she comes with a force so strong she thinks she hears the legs of the table scrape against the floor while her own legs tremble. Jess pulls out and turns Yaz around to kiss her and feel her up over her shirt. With her mind too foggy, Yaz lets her until Jess’ needs become her priority. 

“Did you?” Yaz asks, flicking her eyes down to the part of Jess that’s sticking out. 

“No.” Jess says, punctuated by heavy breaths and a wipe of her brow. 

“Lay on your back.” Yaz instructs, turning Jess around so the small of her back is against the table edge. She rather un-elegantly removes her shoes and her already half removed leggings so she’s bare from the waist down excluding her socks. Why is it that you always feel more naked with just your socks on than you do fully nude?

“Yaz-”

“I said lay down Doctor Smith.”

Jess clambers onto the desk and lays on her back as she’s told. The table itself is only just wide enough for Jess to lay there and Yaz’s kness either side of her waist. Sitting back down onto her, taking her in until she hits a place deep inside her that makes her gasp.

“Am I dreaming?” Jess laughs, holding onto Yaz’s waist like her hands might disappear through her body like she’s invisible. 

“No- but you have told me what you dream about.” Yaz says. 

Having revealed Yaz is using Jess’ weaknesses against her there are a couple of seconds of a power struggle with Jess lifting her hips as if to take over and Yaz pushing her down again and holding her by her shoulders to get her to give in and let her take control. Yaz grinds her hips and looks down at Jess who is staring back with just as much intensity but Yaz’s message of  _ ‘let me do this’ _ is coming across much stronger- even though she’s pretty sure her face is making some other expressions at the same time. She takes her hands away from Jess’ shoulders slowly to test if Jess is going to behave and when she makes no attempt to strike back Yaz smiles. 

Yaz bounces on her cock like if she stops she’s lost all her power over the women she’s on top of. Fuck, it’s working more on her than Jess judging by the knot in her abdomen that’s growing back while Jess just lays with her hands behind her head like she’s sunbathing at the beach but she needs this more. She needs to see Jess come undone in her own lab, in the same place strangers were shaking her hand and touching her back like they know her. They don’t know Jess, Yaz knows Jess. She’s Yaz’s. Yaz is the one that has her in her bed, on her sofa, in her kitchen, in Jess’ lab.

“You’re mine.” Yaz mumbles. 

“Huh?” Jess asks, not quite catching her words. 

Yaz doesn’t answer, just keeps riding.

As she senses her body rapidly reaching the edge for the second time Yaz quickly checks with her eyes that the lab door is still locked and the blind to the door is in fact still drawn. This isn’t supposed to happen, this is meant to be Jess’ turn to come, Yaz has already had her go. In a desperate attempt to get Jess to climax before her, Yaz pulls Jess' tie out from where it’s tucked into her waistcoat and tugs so that Jess’ torso lifts up, changing the angle of how she’s inside her and hopefully doing something for Jess too. Now with their faces in close proximity Yaz can hear the tiny little grunts that slip past Jess’ lips every three or four times Yaz grinds down to the hilt. Yaz grabs onto the scientists tie and shoulders for dear life, screwing up her face willing herself not to finish before Jess.  _ Don’t finish before Jess. _

“No- no don’t hold it, don’t you dare hold it Yasmin.” Jess threatens, catching on to what she’s doing and sending her hand down to help. Yaz swats it away, not wanting the help. 

“Jess-”

“Let go.”

The verbal command is all her body needs. At first she’s nervous that the orgasm is so fierce she’s going to fall off the desk but Jess holds onto her waist allowing her to fall and moan breathlessly against Jess’ shoulder. But she doesn’t get the chance to rest when she hears Jess snarl out of frustration. into her ear as she heaves the pair of them down and spins around, leaving Yaz sitting on the end of the desk and Jess resuming inside her with no resistance at all. Soon Yaz knows her body will start to ache and she’ll have to turn to a different method to get Jess to climax but for now she’s fine. She somewhat wants it. 

All coordination goes out the window then. Yaz attempts to rest her legs around Jess’ hips but with how she’s sat on the desk it’s a bit too high so instead she sits there with her legs spread as far as they need to be to let Jess fuck her however she likes because the adrenalin in her body mixed with the additional excitement that they’ve got this far without getting caught, it makes Yaz feel like she could do anything. For some reason Jess goes slow, likes she can’t find a good pattern and equally can’t find a position she likes. 

“I can’t.” Jess strains. Maybe she should have tried out her new toy before deciding to play out her dream scenario.

“Yeah you can. You can Jess. Come on.”

Yaz encourages her by holding her around her chest, one arm around her back keeping her close and not allowing her to pull out while her other hand slips under her waistcoat and palms at her breasts.

“I don’t want to hurt you by taking too long.” Jess whines. It’s like she’s almost there but not for the sake of Yaz. 

“I want you to come like this- while you’re inside me.” Jess whimpers at that request, lowering her head to rest her face in Yaz’s shoulder. “I can take it, please Jess that’s what I want.” Yaz whispers into her ear.

Her coaxing works and Jess lifts her head and moves her hips faster and in a pattern designed to serve her and not Yaz for once. Her hands stop gripping on Yaz’s thighs and instead push up her shirt and sports bra to expose her chest and play with her soft peaks of flesh. Yaz watches in delight at the way Jess starts moaning louder and more frequently. When there’s a surprise grasp at her collar Yaz looks up from the mechanics happening between her legs and comes forehead to forehead with Jess. 

“Yaz. Yaz. Ya- oh god Yaz!”

“It’s okay.” 

Yaz holds Jess’ head to look her in the eye when she orgasms. Yaz feels like she’s cheated her a little bit, having not actually touched her in any way except her mouth which is now wide open as her thrusts become more jagged still deep, accompanied by the sound of her belt buckle clanging until all those sounds are drowned out. If there is anyone left in the building there’s no doubt they heard it. Yaz does her best to keep Jess upright until her autopilot like thrusting stops and Yaz knows she can stand on her own two feet. As Jess recovers Yaz pulls her shirt and her bra back down- the reality that they’re still at work settling in and making her twitchy thinking weird Scottish janitor Jon is going to unlock the door from the outside and walk in.

“Shit.” Jess pants. Yaz strokes her hair as she comes back to the real world and kisses the side of her mouth- Jess’ lips unavailable with her mouth still locked open. “We need to wipe down the table.” 

“The desks get cleaned.” Yaz says, not wanting her to rush.

“I know but I can’t have it on my conscience.” Jess says.

Yaz notes that the scientist isn’t looking her in the eye. So, Yaz tucks her tie back into her waistcoat as her breath gets back to normal and then uses her hand to tilt up her chin.

“Did you enjoy it though?” Yaz asks. 

“Yeah.” Jess blushes somehow through her already pink cheeks. 

“Yeah?” Yaz grins, her body suddenly very tired and resting on Jess.

“Really.” Jess nods and also smiles, tired, placing their foreheads together more gently this time. “You’re so good to me.” 

Unable to resist Yaz tilts her head to the side slightly to kiss her. 

“Don’t start me up again, I’m exhausted.” Jess laughs through her nose.

Yaz grins at her and huffs through her own nose too to show they’re on the same page. “Put your dick away and I’ll help you clean.”

“Jess, are you awake?” Yaz whispers into the darkness. She hasn’t been able to sleep- too busy thinking about what they did tonight and how Yaz promised herself she would never do such a thing.

“I am.” Jess whispers back.

Yaz reaches over and turns the lamp beside her bed on to illuminate them both. Yaz rolls onto her side at the same time Jess does leaving them face to face. Before they speak again, Jess starts to run her hand through Yaz’s hair. 

“Are you starting to feel just as guilty as I am?” Yaz asks.

Jess nods. “I feel bad.” 

“We can’t take it back now.” Yaz says. She is not sure if speaking the facts out loud is helping or not but she can’t keep them in her head anymore. She wishes Jess will say something like she knows what she’s talking about and that it will reassure her and everything will be fine but she’s not sure at all that she’s going to get that.

“We need to be sure no one ever finds out.” Jess says, following suit in speaking what’s on her mind even though it doesn’t help anything. 

“But Donna said we wouldn’t be the first to do it on the premises.” Yaz says. She thinks she’s having a lightbulb moment- a way out- but then Jess grumbles. 

“I think she meant in a storage cupboard or the staff rooms or the toilets not on one of the desks in a classroom.” Jess says. It’s the first time Yaz has ever heard her so stressed as she rubs her hands over her face. “Fuck.” She sighs through her fingers. 

To show her she’s not in this alone Yaz takes her hand, moves it under the covers and squeezes it. They did it together, they both made the choice. It’s not like there’s CCTV in the labs and Yaz is fairly certain no one else was left in the building but still they were both just as loud as each other and she reckons Jess isn’t the best at keeping secrets of this nature. If something did go wrong, would she regret doing it?

The simple answer is no.

“Jess if we get fired I want something out of it.” Yaz says. 

“A couple of orgasms?” Jess snorts sarcastically. 

“That’s the part where you’re meant to say we won’t get fired.” Yaz playfully punches Jess’ shoulder. 

“Sorry. We won’t get fired. Hopefully. You came a few times anyway so you have that.” 

“Jess be my girlfriend.” Yaz says. She then watches while Jess shuffles and her frown line deepens between her eyebrows. 

“What?” Jess asks. 

“Don’t say what, it’s the natural progression isn’t it?” Yaz rolls flat on her back so she doesn’t have to look at Jess in case her answer is no and she’s sincerely misinterpreted the nature of their relationship. “It’s obviously not just sex anymore. At least it’s not for me. If we get fired or arrested-”

“I highly doubt we’ll be arrested.” Jess rolls her eyes. Yaz doesn’t see her do it but she can hear her eyeballs moving in their sockets. 

“I want you to be at my side. As my girlfriend. My partner.” Yaz says to the ceiling. 

Jess moves under the covers so that she ends up hovering over Yaz, who instinctively throws her arms around her shoulders to keep her close.

“So I can be your prison bitch?” Jess asks, grinning like the concept of a prison sentence is funny.

“Be serious for a minute Jess.” Yaz says, stroking the back of Jess’ neck to hopefully soften her playful edges. 

“I would love to be your girlfriend Yasmin Khan.” Jess smiles, leaning down for a kiss to seal her promise but Yaz dodges her.

“That’s another thing, why did you call me Yasmin?” Yaz asks. 

“I agree to be your girlfriend like we’re in our teens not our thirties and you focus on why I called you your name during sex?”

“Why did you though?” Yaz continues to press the question. 

“Slip of the tongue.” 

And just like that Jess slips her tongue past Yaz’s bottom lip. Yaz lightly slaps her shoulder blade for being so damn smooth but kisses her back and means it. 

“Everything will be fine.” Jess brushes their noses together after a while. “Although some of my best students sit at that desk.”

“Well that fact doesn’t help!” Yaz says. 

“It’s fine because they’re never going to find out.” Jess smiles to reassure her. 

“We hope.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> if you're wondering why it's been about 2 weeks it's because every time I wrote anything remotely sexual I had to take a break and reevaluate my choices


	15. Chapter 15

Every glance in her direction feels like knives being thrown into the back of her neck. It’s like they know. They know. They know, they know, they know and Yaz is having to walk around like she’s not guilty when she is and she knows she is. But that’s what she keeps having to remind herself- only her and Jess know. She can’t let her nerves give her away because that will let other people know that _something_ has happened. They might only end up letting their imagination run wild but for Yaz that’s still too much. So she breathes and she gets on with work and mentors her students.

“Good morning Doctor Smith.” Yaz says when Jess makes an appearance, although it’s the second time she’s said that to her today. 

“Good morning Miss Khan.” Jess continues on as normal. She’s definitely better at hiding emotion than her- which is kind of scary, considering they’re now in an official relationship.

But overall she’s glad Jess is there. Her cool and collected energy keeps Yaz calm and feeling normal like nothing ever happened last night. They’re just Doctor Smith and Miss Khan, keeping a room's width apart because no one can tell if they actually still hate each other or not. Jess is like a shield stopping eyes from being glued onto her and Yaz will happily stay behind her protection.

“Chill out. Honestly.” Jess whispers to her as her tutor group sets off for their first lesson of the day. “You’re so stiff it’s weird.”

“Do you blame me for being like that?” Yaz asks, gathering up the last of her stuff. 

“The only way the students are going to find out is if they see you acting funny.” Jess shrugs. “Or if you tell Bill or Ryan, please do not tell either of them.”

“I don’t want to talk about it at work at all Jess.” Yaz says. “I need to go.” 

“Hey.” Jess’ fingertips only just manage to brush against her back before Yaz is too far away. Yaz feels her, and turns back around. “I love you.” 

Yaz feels herself begin to blush all over while Jess digs her hands into her coat pockets and smiles politely. She didn’t expect her to say that and it reminds her that one regrettable action together doesn’t erase every other sweet thing they’ve done. Sometimes it’s almost like Doctor Smith and the Jess she knows are two different people. She still likes both of them though, if not Jess a little more than Doctor Smith.

“I’ll see you later Doctor Smith.” 

* * *

Yaz stands a few feet behind Jess as she ums and arrs about what sweets to pick. They’re early for their movie since Yaz would always rather be early than late and now she’s glad she did force Jess out of the house at the time she did. Jess is limiting herself to just the one bag of sweets so it’s very important that she gets a good amount of what she wants- or at least that’s what she keeps telling Yaz every time she tries to get her to hurry up. It’s not that it’s because they’re in the center of town as a couple on a date- no, Yaz doesn’t care about that after the success of getting away with workplace sex giving her ego a boost- but just the pure fact she’s taking so long to chose what lumps of sugar she’s going to eat is annoying. To Jess, it’s like a specific science.

“You know it’s cheaper to buy your own sweets and sneak them in.” Yaz says. 

“I want the pick ‘n’ mix. It tastes better.” Jess tells her like it’s law. 

“You can order pick ‘n’ mix online.”

“You can?” Jess whips around with wide eyes like it’s the best discovery of the new modern age.

Yaz nods then decides to make her focus on the task at hand again. “Keep choosing your sweets. I’m going to get popcorn.” 

Turning her back on Jess, Yaz walks across the massive opening to the counter where all the hot food is served and joins the queue. It’s early Saturday afternoon and there are a fair few people and groups of friends inside the complex but once she’s at the front of the line it doesn’t take long for her to get served. She gets a medium bag of just salted popcorn. She would usually get a small or buy her own gluten free low salt content packet and sneak it in but she’s well aware that Jess is going to steal a piece or twenty. She thanks the younger server who only just looks like he’s left college and finds Jess standing in the corner near the massive lit up number two, the screen number they’ll eventually be entering. The light makes Jess’ face bones look sharp and her skin shines. Yaz feels so lucky.

“How much did you spend on that?” Yaz asks upon seeing the bulging bag in her hands. 

“Bit too much if I’m honest.” Jess smiles as she peers down into her paper bag. “I got good ones though.” 

“Let’s see.”

“Oi!” Jess snatches away the paper bag, not letting Yaz look inside. “If you want one you have to trade me for a piece of popcorn.” She bargains with her. 

“Okay.” Yaz agrees having already anticipated this exact scenario. 

“And you have to lady and the tramp a strawberry lace with me.” Jess adds to her terms and conditions. 

“Do a what with a what?”

“This.”

Jess pulls a long skinny red sweet that looks like a bit of string out of the bag, puts one end between her lips and encourages Yaz to do the same with the other and Yaz understands now so she goes along with it. Their faces get closer and closer together, Yaz tries so hard not to laugh or choke, and by the time their noses are brushing together Yaz can’t help but snort at how ridiculous they must look. Thankfully they’re tucked away in this little corner and when they reach the end Yaz tugs to break the link- her bottom lip only lightly brushing against Jess’ which perhaps disappoints her.

“Tastes good.” Jess smiles.

“Yep.” Yaz nods in agreement and swallows the remainder of the sweet in her mouth. “Kiss me properly now.” 

Jess fulfills her instruction twice: once with a small peck and a second with a longer connection of lips that make Yaz’s insides feel all warm and fuzzy. Is this what it would have been like if they had started dating like normal people do? Would Jess always have taken her out on dates like this and given her sweets and kisses? Is this how they’re going to be like all the time going forward?

They enter the screen, sit down and watch the film with great interest. Yaz has been wanting to see this specific one since she found out it was being made and Jess seems to be appreciative of all forms of art. The only difference between the two of them being that Jess doesn’t stop eating the whole way through and sometimes concentrates more on not letting the paper bag in her lap make sounds during the quieter moments. Like a proper couple- that Yaz supposes they are now- when she’s not eating Jess holds her hand and her thigh and her knee and rests her head on her shoulder hidden by the comfort of the darkness. No one’s ever done that with her before. No one’s ever just sat next to her and watched a film without trying to chat her up or touch her up. No one’s made her feel special just by sitting next to her.

“Back to yours for dinner?” Jess asks as they walk out hand in hand. 

“You’re telling me you’re not full after all that?”

“I still have sweets left.” Jess shakes the quarter full bag that’s in her other hand to prove her point. “And popcorn and sweets at four in the afternoon isn’t a nutritious dinner.”

“Fine. You can come back to mine.” 

Jess grins when Yaz agrees and lets go of her hand to rummage around in her paper bag. Yaz doesn’t pay attention to her eating habits however when she realises Jess isn’t actually eating she starts watching what she’s doing out of the corner of her eye until Jess hands her a heart shape made of sugar with the words ‘I love you’ written on it.

“Seriously?” Yaz asks.

“I’m trying to be cute but if you don’t want it then…” Jess takes the sweetie out of her hand and eats it for herself. Yaz smiles, not really caring, and kisses Jess’ cheek as she chews and blushes pink.

The moment they get home Yaz knows what Jess has been angling for the whole trip back and admittedly without much need for convincing Yaz indulges her. Indulges both of them. Toys are all good and fun but personally Yaz likes it best with Jess when they’re using the gifts the universe has them; hands, mouths, tongue and fingers. Laying in bed, basking in the afterglow, Jess doesn’t leave Yaz alone and her neediness to touch her makes Yaz grin so stupidly she wants to punch herself for being so giddy like a teenager.

“I wanna try something.” Jess says. 

“I can’t go again Jess-”

“No, not that. Nothing to do with that.” Jess reassures her. “You’ve given me enough of that.”

“What then?” Yaz asks with interest, tilting her head up from where it rests on Jess’ chest to kiss the under part of her jaw. “And will it run into tea because I’m actually a bit hungry now?”

“It shouldn’t, no.” Jess says with an audible smile. “How about you go and shower and I’ll surprise you with it?”

“Jess…” 

Yaz lifts up her torso to hover over her and look her in the eye. 

“Nothing bad I promise.” Jess insists.

“Why don’t I trust you?” Yaz squints.

“I said I promise what more do you want?”

Yaz pulls her hand up in front of Jess’ face and sticks out her little finger. Jess stares cross eyed at it with a poignant frown.

“Pinkie me.” Yaz instructs. Jess looks at her like she’s insane.

“Come on Yaz-”

“Pinkie me or I won’t let you do it.” Yaz demands her ultimatum gets an answer. Secretly, she’s interested in what Jess has in mind out of morbid curiosity, but she doesn’t quite want to actively encourage her. She might end up blowing up her house.

“Yes. Fine, I promise.” Jess sighs and shakes their interlocked little fingers up and down.

“You have permission to surprise me.” Yaz rolls away out of bed towards her bathroom.

Yaz should not have trusted Jess to surprise her. She comes downstairs to find her dressed in her comfy clothes, crouched down attaching a long bit of string around Gaz’s fat little body like a harness. 

“Jess what the hell are you doing?” Yaz asks. Jess springs up with the other end of the string wrapped around her hand. Jess stays looking shocked until she analyses the slight curl to Yaz’s lips which is when she physically relaxes.

“Taking Gaz for a walk.” Jess says. 

“You can’t walk hamsters Jess.” Yaz laughs.

“Are you sure about that?” Jess grins and starts to strut weirdly wherever Gaz is taking her; mainly completely randomized directions. “Look at me, I’m walking your hamster.” 

“Why?” Yaz giggles as she asks.

“I dunno. I saw it online and thought it would make you laugh. Either that or you’d kick me out for tying string around your pet but it’s not tight I promise. I made sure he was fine.” Jess says, picking Gaz up in her hands so she can focus fully on talking to Yaz. 

“So this is your surprise. You wanted to make me laugh?” Yaz smiles at the thoughtfulness. 

“I mean I thought- it’s funny I just… I like… yes.” Jess stutters. Her left eyelid starts to twitch.

“Why are you nervous?” Yaz asks soothingly. Her eyelid keeps twitching.

“I’m not-”

“Your eye, Jess.” Yaz stops her from lying and steps into her personal space so she can’t be ignored.

“Because you’re too good to me and I don’t know how to match you.” Jess mutters. She sounds on edge to Yaz’s ear. Anxious to see how Yaz reacts.

Yaz sighs happily and uses the back of her hand to stroke Jess’ cheek. “You really don’t have to try so hard.” 

“I want to try hard for you.” 

Not knowing what else to do Yaz pushes their foreheads together while she smiles. Here is this woman that wants to make her laugh, wants to make her smile, wants to make her happy by doing silly things. She watches things on the internet and takes ideas with Yaz in mind. Jess is beautiful. Jess is funny. Jess is sexy. Jess does sweet things like take her to the cinema and hold her hand and brush her nose with her nose and it makes Yaz’s heart feel tight. They’re so close with how they’re standing Yaz feels tiny feet climb onto her shoulder.

“Mummy’s boy.” Jess grins. “I understand, she’s great.”

“You mean that?” Yaz whispers. 

“I mean that.” Jess insists with the back of her hand stroking Gaz on Yaz’s shoulder. “Why _did_ you get a hamster?”

“My house felt lonely.” Yaz says while unwrapping the piece of string from Jess’ hand and tying it around her own so she can set her pet back on the floor again.

“You need to fill it with stuff like I do. None of that minimalist bullshit.” Jess scrunches her nose up in disgust.

“You fill the other side of my bed.” Yaz notes out loud. 

“You like it when I stay?” Jess asks hopefully. 

Yaz smiles with honesty and nods. “Except when you snore.”

“Hey!”

“Just kidding.” Yaz quickly presses her lips to the corner of Jess’ mouth. She does it fast to make sure Jess doesn’t have a chance to protest but taken by surprise, Jess catches her and instead of protesting she kisses her back until they’re too busy smiling to do it. “I don’t mind it when you snore.” 

* * *

Jess stays all weekend. For part of the day they have to get work stuff in order and they have to be professional but for the remainder Yaz has never felt so loved in her life. The buzz it gives her carries on into Monday and Yaz walks with a complete spring in her step and pays an enthusiastic amount of attention to the otherwise boring Monday staff meeting. The PE department looks at her a little bit weirdly as they all chill out in their chairs but Yaz is in too much of a feel good mood to notice. Jess gets caught up talking to some teachers from the English department, including her brother, so Yaz makes her way to the lab by herself. For some reason, the door is already unlocked. 

“Hello.” Jon the caretaker makes himself known. Yaz should have guessed it would be him. Jess would never forget to lock the door to her lab.

“Hi.” Yaz smiles charmingly at him. “Long time no see.” 

“Oh, I’m always here in the background, Miss Khan. Just like that CCTV camera you didn’t know about.” 

Yaz almost breaks her neck with how fast she spins around; her good mood disappearing with it in a fraction of a second.

“What CCTV camera?” She asks, not caring about how her voice is suddenly raised and panicked. 

“That one.” Jon picks up his mop handle and points it at the top left corner of the ceiling at the front of the classroom and yep, it’s small but it’s there. A tiny little camera positioned to cover the whole room. “In class cameras like that are only used during after school events opened to the public and during the night. Budget cuts you know- can’t afford to have them on all day. Nightmares when there’s a fight in class though, we could really use them then but-”

“Oh my god.” Yaz feels sick and has to sit down at the nearest student desk. Not only are they caught but on camera as well. They thought they’d go away with it- Yaz was so convinced this would never happen- she spent the whole weekend thinking it would never happen but now she’s here almost shaking at the shock.

“You’re lucky Miss Khan.” Jon chuckles. Yaz can’t comprehend what he finds funny. “Mr Retsam had left early and got me to wait to see when the school was empty.” 

“So…um…” Yaz forces herself to get the question out of her mouth. “you saw- um- how much?”

“Not all of it. Just a glimpse. I looked away once I realised, I promise. That’s why you’re lucky- Omar would have come down and fired you both on the spot.”

“He still could if you told him.” Yaz groans. How could she have been so stupid.

“He could. But he won’t because I’m not going to say anything.” 

“But the tape-”

“I erased it.” Jon says. 

“Why?” Yaz asks. She doesn’t understand. 

Jon shrugs. “Young love? I’m a bit of a romantic.”

“We’re not young, we should’ve known better.” Yaz says, voice full of regret, body full of regret.

“Well you’re both younger than me.” He smiles sadly. “Miss Khan, my wife was set to be a professor of archaeology. We did... a similar thing to you and Doctor Smith when we were younger and it ruined her career. I refuse to see such bright minds as you and Jess fall to the same fate.” 

There’s a moment of honesty that fills the air between them then. He speaks of his wife in the past tense. Is whatever happened the reason he’s not handing them over to the big boss? It gives Yaz a higher level of respect for him.

“Hey!” Jess bursts in not reading the room at all with a beaming white smile aimed at Yaz. Yaz keeps looking at Jon and Jess finally acknowledges him and the conversation that was going on. “Hey man. What’s up?” 

“Jess.” Yaz says. 

“Yep.” Jess smiles, still in the good mood that abandoned Yaz just moments ago.

“Why didn’t you tell me there was a camera in here?” Yaz says; her voice low and calm and a little bit angry. 

“A what?” 

“The CCTV policy on open evenings, Doctor Smith.” Jon gives her a gentle reminder. Holding the tip of his broom against his chin he pouts at Jess until she goes a ghostly pale.

“Oh… shit.” Jess rushes over to pull out the stool next to her. “Yaz I honestly didn’t remember.”

“How could you not remember Jess!” 

“I think I should leave.” Jon turns on his heels.

“Wait-” Jess manages to get him to stop. “Can I have a copy of the tape?” She smirks.

“I’m going to kill you.” Yaz tries to resist pushing her off the stool.

“I’m joking!”

“I erased it.” Jon tells her. “I really wouldn’t joke about it Doctor Smith.” 

Jon's slightly strange and threatening note is what he leaves on. Yaz decides it’s his eyebrows that makes him so scary but what’s more scary now is the fact _they got caught._

“Yaz-”

“Don’t.” Yaz holds her hand out to keep her a fair distance away. “Don’t talk to me today.” 

“Yaz it was an honest mistake.” Jess grovels and follows Yaz (at a distance) over to the teachers desk. 

Yaz can hear her clearly but she feels like she’s deaf. Her world is spinning as she tries to move on and get on with work as normal but it’s hard to act normal with everything that’s just happened. They got away with it but at what cost? What if Jon ends up using it as blackmail in the future? She loves her job. She doesn’t want to change careers.

“Yaz.” Jess says her name to try and get her to talk. 

“Tonight- Jess- we talk about this tonight because I can’t… not now.” Yaz pleads with her. There’s too much going through her head.

Jess stares for a second, stuck. Like a puppy that’s been kicked by Yaz’s shoe and like a broken puppy Jess takes her leave. 

Yaz doesn’t see her again until late that night when Yaz is just about to get into bed. She allows her in anyway and Yaz lays in bed staring at the ceiling while Jess gets into a pair of pyjamas that just so happen to live under Yaz’s bed now. Jess is rambling to herself about something Yaz doesn’t care about. There’s only one thing Yaz cares about tonight and in some ways she can’t believe that Jess can talk about anything else. Why isn’t she bothered? 

“Yaz?” Jess climbs under the covers and questions her name as if she’s asking if Yaz has listened to anything she’s said. 

“I’m mad at you.”

Yaz rolls away from Jess and tucks the duvet under her chin. The more she thinks about it the more embarrassed she gets about what’s happened. She can barely look Jess in the eye she just so… angry. Pissed off. Betrayed. Her lab. How could she forget the school's security measures in her own lab?

“Come on Yaz it’s not-”

Yaz rolls back over in a heartbeat.

“Don’t you dare tell me ‘it’s not that bad’ because at best the weird Scottish janitor watched you fuck me from behind or- or he saw me riding you on top of a students’ desk or he saw me get on my knees ready to suck your fake- god, I don’t know what part he saw but it’s obviously not great.”

“That’s a bit of a vulgar way to put it.” Jess shuffles uncomfortably. 

“Well it was all pretty fucking vulgar wasn’t it Jess.” Yaz reminds her. “Wasn’t exactly your bog standard under-the-covers-in-the-dark missionary was it?”

“I’m sorry.” Jess mutters, sounding as if she’s about to cry.

“How long have you worked there Jess?” Yaz asks her- her heart racing against her ribcage as she finally stops biting her tongue.

“Ten years.” Jess mumbles. 

“Ten years at that school and you just happen to forget when the CCTV inside classrooms gets turned on.”

“I get it Yaz- I messed up.” Jess snaps at her. “But it’s not like a student saw.”

“For god's sake Jess we essentially got caught, you realise that right?” Yaz pauses to let her question sink in and gives Jess an opportunity to answer. She doesn’t, so Yaz continues her rant. “We got caught. Imagine if it wasn’t Jon overlooking the CCTV, huh? What then? What if it was Omar or Donna? Would it still be ‘not so bad’ then? Because it was meant to be Omar.”

“I…”

Jess starts but she doesn’t finish. Instead she sighs loudly, gets out of bed and gathers her clothes back up from the neatly folded pile on the floor to get back into them.

“Where are you going?” Yaz asks.

“My own place. You obviously don’t want me near you tonight.” Jess mumbles, inevitably feeling sorry for herself. 

“It’s just pissed me off a bit Jess.” Yaz stands her ground. She’s not going to backtrack everything she’s said just because Jess has decided to put on a weepy voice.

“Well the way you can’t talk about it calmly is pissing me off, so…”

“Wait, Jess, stay.” Yaz sits up, realising they’re actually having an argument. Not their first ever argument but their first as a couple and Yaz’s stubborn attitude isn’t helping.

“Actually I don’t really want to so if you don’t mind I’ll see you tomorrow.” 

“Jess.” 

“What?” Jess stops, her last remaining clothing item, her top, hanging from her hand. “Seriously, what?” 

“I just-” Words fail Yaz right when she needs them and her inability to say something worthwhile triggers Jess into saying her piece. Yaz has had her turn and now it’s hers.

“Listen I get you’re angry but it’s not like I forced you or I coerced you into it. You wanted me too, you locked the door, you laid me on that desk and you insisted we did it then and there so even though I’ve been there longer than you, you were all over me before I had a chance to think.” 

“You already had the bloody thing on!” Yaz shouts back at her.

“And I thought you were going to say no! We are both at fault here, it is not just me in the firing line Miss Khan!” Jess shouts and then there is silence with Jess’ demeanor changing. She chews her cheek and looks at the floor shamefully rather than at Yaz. Miss Khan and Doctor Smith stay at work. Referring to each other like that with that tone belongs to the past. It’s like they haven’t moved forward at all. “I meant Yaz.”

“Goodnight Doctor Smith.” Yaz aggressively lays back down, pulling the covers over her body right up over her shoulders. 

“Yaz-”

“You were leaving.” Yaz grumbles. 

Yaz hears shuffling around but she herself stays still and waits until she hears Jess step off the last step of the staircase before letting herself groan and rub the palm of her hand against her forehead. That didn’t go well at all. Definitely could have been handled better and probably should have been a conversation left until Yaz had calmed down.

By the next morning Yaz has been awake most of the night thinking about what she really wants to say to Jess but she doesn’t get the chance to see her before both her and Jess are summoned to the head teachers office. The walk there is hard with Jess at her side not saying anything. It feels as if there’s a block of ice between them and Yaz only has a toothpick to try and get through. Inside her own head Yaz is going through the spin cycle of paranoia. Has Donna found out? Is she ever going to have a moment with Jess to patch things up? Did Jon hand over the tape despite what he said? Why have they been called to the office? 

“I can hear you thinking.” Jess says. 

“And what am I thinking Jess?” Yaz asks her. 

They glance at each other both with faces like stone. Yaz tries not to think after that.

“Morning!” Donna chirps when she sees them. She seems happy. Too happy for anything to be seriously wrong. Or perhaps that’s just a facade to make them both feel too confident and slip up. “Got my message alright then. Come in. Take a seat.” 

Yaz sits down first. Jess chooses to take the seat two spaces away. It hurts, just a little. 

“Look, there’s been a complaint.” Donna says as she takes her seat last out of the three of them.

“From who?” Yaz asks. She feels Jess glance sideways at her which makes Yaz reassess how on edge she’s behaving like she has any means of controlling her fear.

“A ‘concerned’ parent.” Donna says using air quotes. “They were dropping off some of our students to meet their friends at the cinema the other day and saw you-”

“Kiss.” Yaz sighs, remembering. Was that really only Saturday?

“Yes.” Donna confirms. 

“So what happens now? Do we apologise or...?” Yaz has to ask about what comes next. Maybe it sounds like she’s kissing ass but she doesn’t care if it improves her relationship with the person that has the power to fire her and turn her life upside down.

“It’s been taken care of.” Donna smiles at Yaz’s concern.

“Sounds like you murdered them.” Jess snorts a laugh. 

“Jess!” Yaz snaps at her.

“Sorry.” Jess coughs. “Serious moment.”

“They saw you on a Saturday afternoon in a public place. Therefore- not the school's problem since it’s on your time and you can do what you like but I felt you needed to know. Might be time to distance yourself from each other at work more, just in case.”

“Shouldn’t be a problem.” Jess mutters. Everything about how she’s sitting and pouting at the desk in front of her instead of looking anyone in the eye screams disinterested. Like she doesn’t want to be there with Yaz. 

“I’m sensing some tension.” Donna picks up on the situation, folding her arms across her front making her suit jacket crimple. “Do I need to book the school counsellor for you?”

“Very funny.” Jess stands up to leave. 

“Hold on, hold on.” Donna stops her from leaving completely with just two simple words. “We’re writing up the rota for the teachers we need for the year seven trip to France and Jess we were going to put you as a group leader.”

“Okay. Fine with me.” 

“With Yaz as your secondary leader for the group.” Donna adds. “If you two have done a one-eighty again and are at each other's throats, again, we’re going to have to rethink that.”

“We’ll be fine.” Jess says. “Won’t we Miss Khan?” 

“Of course Doctor Smith.” Yaz formally agrees. With that settled, Jess gets out of there at the speed of light. 

“What’s really going on?” Donna asks Yaz directly. 

“We had an argument.” Yaz sighs like it’s a regret. Well, it is a regret. The whole thing is turning into a regret now. “I’m sorting it.” She lies. Her toothpick has already snapped and she’s hardly made a dent in the block of thick ice.

After that second paranoia filled work day with Jess avoiding her like virus that can cause a global pandemic Yaz doesn’t go back to her house, she goes home. She jumps straight in her car and drives the hour and a half up to Sheffield. To her mum. Najia doesn’t know exactly why Yaz has chosen to execute a surprise Tuesday visit but she acts happy enough to see her when she opens the door. Happy enough when they chat in the kitchen while the kettle boils, happy enough when Yaz greets her dad when he gets home. But then the kettle boils and as Yaz watches her mum make tea she realises what she’s really here for and that it’s going to be hard to avoid talking about soon. 

“What’s this unexpected visit about then?” Najia asks as she hands Yaz a warm cup of tea that she’s suddenly lost her appetite for. She really just wanted to be there while her mum made it. To see the actions and hear the sounds of a teaspoon hitting the mug.

“I couldn’t say it over the phone and you can’t judge me.” Yaz says. 

“Okay.” Najia agrees and takes a sip of her tea, the mother-daughter duo leaning against the kitchen counter. Yaz stays quiet trying to think of the best way to put this. “Are you sure you want to tell me sweetheart?” Najia notes Yaz’s hesitancy. 

“You promise not to judge?” Yaz asks.

“I’ll try my best.”

“We…” Yaz pauses to brace herself. Bloody hell this is more embarrassing than knowing Jon has watched part of it in real time. “I had sex with Jess in school and it got caught on camera.” Yaz blurts out.

“Yasmin!” Najia sets down her tea so she doesn’t spill it.

“I said you can’t judge!” Yaz hisses so that no one else hears.

“When- where?” Najia asks. 

“After an open evening.” Yaz mumbles. Najia stares at her with an open mouth. “On a desk.” 

“Yaz why… why did you think that would be a good idea?” 

“Wasn’t much thinking about it going on mum we just...”

“Is your job on the line, is that what you’re trying to tell me? Do you need to move back home?”

“No. The caretaker deleted it and swore to secrecy.” Yaz says. Jon never actually swore to anything but Yaz trusts his word.

“Can you trust them?”

“I think so.”

“So what’s the problem then if the tape is gone and no one else knows?” Najia shrugs.

“I got into an argument with Jess about it.”

“Bad?” Najia picks her mug up again. 

“I think so.” Yaz nods. Suddenly she feels the need to let everything come flooding out. “I don’t want this to be how we end when we’ve only just started and I don’t know what to do. A parent saw us both when Jess took me to the cinema when we were just _existing_ and complained to the school about it, it’s like we’re not supposed to be happening. Like we’re not allowed to be with each other.” 

“I feel like I’ve missed something important. I thought you were just seeing each other?”

Yaz chuckles at herself. “I asked her to be my girlfriend that night.”

“Oh. Wow.” Najia takes a sip. “Desk sex really works magi-”

“Don’t.” Yaz stops her from making a distasteful comment she knows she doesn’t want to hear. She cringes and shakes it off. “I thought because we started by hating each other once she said she loves me it would be happily ever after.”

“Relationships don’t work like that sweetheart. There isn’t a set order to things.” 

Coming to the realization that all of this has been weighing heavy on Yaz’s shoulder she feels her eyes start to prickle with wet tears. Najia notices right away before the first droplet falls and scoops her arm around Yaz’s waist to pull her in close to her side.

“Do you really love her? Truly?” Najia asks.

Yaz thinks about Jess and how she feels when she’s with her after work and at weekends. She summons how it feels when Jess makes her laugh, when Jess makes her feel special. She thinks about how she still gets that feeling like her stomach is getting twisted and flipped inside her that was once mistaken for how much she hates her. Yes she admits that they still have a bit further to go to get to know each other fully, to know all of each other's ticks and behaviours, likes and dislikes but for what Yaz knows so far- yes. She loves her.

Yaz nods, surprisingly too emotional to vocalise anything.

“Then you need to start thinking of a way to get her back.” Her mother chooses now to turn and hug her properly.

“I’m fine mum, you can let go of me.” Yaz wheezes as she gets squeezed tight.

“I’m happy that you still feel you can come and talk to me about this kind of thing.” 

“You’re happy that the relationship I’ve only just started is already failing on me?” 

“It’s not failing Yaz.” Najia loosens her grip, allowing Yaz to breathe. “You said yourself it was just an argument.”

“That I don’t know how to fix.” Yaz sighs, wiping under her eyes.

“You’re not meant to _know_ how to fix it.” Najia laughs softly at her. “I think talking to her might help though.”

“She doesn’t want to talk to me.”

“She probably does but if it really was bad you both need to cool off and I think you know that.” 

“How?” Yaz asks, not getting what she’s being so cryptic about.

“Because you came here instead of your own home so you can’t spontaneously decide to go and visit her.” Najia smiles. 

Yaz blushes over how she’s been so predictable but hasn’t been able to pinpoint it herself. She thought she just really wanted to see her mum and take a trip home for some comforts but… she was just not giving herself a chance to pester Jess. 

“Maybe not tonight sweetheart but you will figure it out with her. Whatever the outcome is.”

“So you’re saying this could be it?”

“No.” Najia puts down her tea and cups Yaz’s face making Yaz feel two decades younger. “No, I’m not saying that because I know you want to try.” 

Najia kisses her forehead and this time Yaz initiates a hug. The consequences of living out just one inappropriate fantasy have made her first proper chance at a relationship more difficult. Just a hug and a single cup of tea, however, is all it has taken for Yaz to calm down about the situation. She just needs to talk to Jess. Jess may still be fairly annoyed at her for not listening to her in the first place 

“Mum.” Yaz says.

“Yeah?”

“Don’t tell dad or Sonya I slept with Jess in a classroom and we got caught.” 

“Too late, I’ve been listening this whole time.” Sonya appears from around the corner. Yaz feels her heart sink. “I’m surprised you even had the balls to do something like that.” 

“Don’t-”

“Tell dad. I know.” Sonya repeats.

“Um…” Hakim appears timidly with his hands in his pocket. 

“Tell me you didn’t hear any of that.” Yaz hides her face behind her hand, too ashamed to look her dad in the eye. 

“I won’t say anything then.” He coughs. 

“At least it sounded kinky.” Sonya tries to be smart. Everyone groans. “What?”

“Just shut up, everyone shut up, no one talk about it- no one think about it.” Yaz says as she removes herself. Her sister even has the cheek to sympathetically pat her shoulder as she passes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> https://twitter.com/helenasmells/status/1287869964582416384?s=20
> 
> ALSO I'm really slacking on replying to comments so if you see me replying to old one's it's because I'm just going to sit down and read through my entire unread inbox at some pont next week


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (This work has nothing to do with the actresses that portray these characters on screen, this is based off of descriptions of the characters alone. The actresses are real people with real lives and families that are just doing their jobs, please remember to stay respectful)
> 
> CW there's a scene where Jess is teaching sex ed with light mentions of the topic of consent, I've tried to be as sensitive as possible and based it off my own sex ed lessons that I experienced in a british secondary school. It shouldn't be anything to worry about at all, I just want to let you all know it's in there, It's literally just two sentences.

Yaz is punching as hard as she can. Today at the boxing club they’re encouraging the kids to punch and as they do, voice their frustrations and issues with school life that they’ve had in the past week. Yaz is participating too, however she unlike the others can’t vocalize her issues fully. Well, she could if she wanted to, but she doesn’t think it would reflect well on her image as a teacher. Instead she thinks them all in her head to accompany her kicks and punches. _Jess won’t talk to me. Why won’t she talk to me? I need to talk to her. Does she feel the same? Why did they have to get caught? Why am I letting myself ruin the memory of one of the hottest nights of my life because of it? Is Jess going to dump me after just a matter of days?_

“Miss Khan.” 

_Who’s more at fault, me or Jess? All this is distracting me from my work. I’m already behind on marking._

“Um, Miss Khan?”

_Am I going to lose my job here? I like my job here, I don’t want to lose it already. Equally I don’t want to lose Jess. Jess or work? Work or Jess?_

“Miss Khan!”

“Huh?” Yaz stops attacking the punching bag in front of her, her flow interrupted by Danny. It must be the next part of the class. 

“You good?” Mr Pink asks. 

“I’m fine, why?” Yaz asks, the scratch of the velcro echoing through the hall as she takes off her gloves. 

“Sessions over.” Danny gestures around himself. The eight students they had have all gone, presumably back to the changing rooms to get their stuff and catch the buses. 

“Right.” Yaz acknowledges the empty room. 

“Something on your mind?” Danny asks with a hint of curiosity. Actually, not curiosity. It’s obvious that something is up.

“Doctor Smith.” Yaz keeps her answer simple and quickly throws one final half assed punch at the bag in front of her. 

“That’s a big something.” Danny chuckles and holds his hands behind his back. “Everything okay with that?”

“What do you think?” Yaz shakes her head.

“Do you want to talk about it?”

“Not really. Sorry.” Yaz wipes baby hairs that are stuck to her forehead away, wishing that Danny would stop asking questions. 

“If you need tips on dating another staff member here, I have them.” Danny shrugs. 

“You’re not doing to fire me for conspiring with a science teacher are you?” Yaz raises an eyebrow. 

“Ha. No.” 

“What do you and Miss Oswald do when you have fights?” Yaz asks after momentarily pausing to think. 

“Keep it out of the school grounds, if I’m honest.”

“What if the argument is about something that happened on school grounds?” Yaz hints at the root of her problem. 

“I don’t know. That’s never happened before.” Danny gets caught off guard. 

“So you don’t have all the tips then do you?” Yaz says.

“I’m just making sure my staff are okay Yaz.” Danny says. Yaz hates it when superiors use her name to try and get her to trust them. “You’ve been off all afternoon.” 

Yaz begins to tie up loose skipping ropes strewn around the area. They usually get the kids to do it at the end of a session. They must have run over while Yaz was out of it. That’s bad, isn’t it? Even though it’s a only as small group she didn’t notice any other them leave because she was thinking too much about Doctor Smith. She needs to speak to someone.

She stops tying the rope in her hand and taps the rope handle against the palm of her hand to help her think.

“If I tell you what’s up you have to be sworn to secrecy.” Yaz says. 

“So long as it’s not illegal, sure.” Danny’s interest piques. 

“I-”

“Miss Khan.” Jess swoops into the gymnasium. That’s the first time she’s paid attention to her for what feels like weeks but has only been a couple of days. “Mr Pink, can I steal Miss Khan away please.” 

“She’s all yours.” Danny smiles. “I’ll pack up Yaz.”

“Are you sure?” Yaz checks. She’s been wishing to speak to Jess and now that the universe has granted her that wish she’s a little nervous to be left alone with her. 

“Yeah, It’s fine. You go.”

“Come with me.” Jess whispers.

“Where?” Yaz asks. 

Jess smiles and takes her hand. “Just come with me.”

Yaz puts her trust in her. She gets dragged past the music block, snuck around the drama block and walked down the side of the tennis courts. She has no idea at all where Jess is going to end up until she turns down the small path towards where the outdoor equipment sheds are. It can’t be there though. Jess doesn’t have a key. 

“Is anyone looking?” Jess asks. 

“What? No- Jess, what’s-”

“Good.” 

“Jess I am not having a quickie with you to make things-” 

Jess opens the half rotten wooden door to the fourth shed and leads Yaz inside. Yaz knows that this particular shed doesn’t have a working light switch- because it’s been a pain in the arse all winter- but somehow once she’s stepped inside and Jess has shut the door behind her there’s a warm glow coming from her right. She looks over and sees a few fake candles on a makeshift table made out of an old wooden stool that is also holding a very small selection of packet food. 

“What’s all this?” Yaz asks; her vocal tone and body language much softer and open to whatever Jess has planned. 

“If we can’t be seen together at work then I’ll hide away with you at work.” Jess says, maneuvering around Yaz so that she’s in front of her. 

“Where’d you get the candles?” Yaz points, a tiny smile starting to curl at her lips. 

“Nicked them from the drama department.” Jess smiles at Yaz as she looks around. “Um I got snacks but the custard cream packet was already open I don’t know how that happened.” She holds the half empty packet in her hands and assesses it like it’s a mystery. 

“Are you sure it wasn’t you?” Yaz raises an eyebrow. Jess swiftly moves along to the next item sitting on the makeshift table. 

“And Bill said this was your favourite salad from the canteen so… but I don’t know if you’ve had lunch already or-”

“What’s this all about Jess?” Yaz asks. The gestures are nice and Yaz would have loved them if they weren’t still in the unsolved midst of an argument. 

“Yaz, I’m sorry about the other night.” Jess blurts out. 

“So is this your way of apologising?” Yaz asks.

“Yes.” Jess takes her hand. Yaz notes that her palm is a nervous kind of sweaty. “I hate fighting with you and I don’t want to do it. Having… doing what we did that night was a mistake but I don’t regret it. I think you do regret it though which is what is troubling me.”

Jess speaks with such honesty it moves Yaz into falling in love with her a little bit more. At the same time she gets an idea. Admittedly a horrible idea but an idea nonetheless that could solve their problem. Their fight was stupid anyway, it should neve have happened. 

“I regret getting caught.” Yaz says. “I don’t regret you.”

“I’m never going to ask you to have sex at work again. I promise, we’ve lived the fantasy now and-” 

“You know we could.” Yaz says. 

“Excuse me?” Jess drops Yaz’s hand in surprise. 

Yaz doesn’t really understand what she’s doing until she’s forced to explain. She wants her. Now. Here. Surrounded by the sweet gestures and thoughts she’s done for her in an attempt to win her back. Jess wants her and Yaz is reverting back to the most comfortable way she knows how to show Jess affection back. 

“If we’re smarter about where and if you’re quieter.” 

“I thought you liked it when I’m loud.” Jess smirks, twisting on her heels but not taking Yaz seriously in her offer. Yaz can tell by the way her eyelid is twitching. 

“I do but…” Yaz’s feet bring her closer into Jess’ personal space. So close she can see her lips twitching with anticipation. “we’ll get caught again if you’re loud.”

“Yaz I don’t get what’s happening.” Jess laughs at her cautiously. 

“There’s no CCTV in the outdoor equipment sheds.” Yaz says, sliding her arms around Jess’s waist to give a physical hint as well. 

“Oh.” Jess realises, her face hesitantly lighting up. “Ooooh!”

“Yeah.” Yaz nods. 

“Are… are you sure? Because I don’t want you to get upset with me again. I don’t want you upset at all.” 

“I’m sure.” Yaz wets her lips. 

“I didn’t really plan for this to hap-”

“Just kiss me Jess.”

Jess doesn’t hesitate again. Doing this with Jess- kissing her, touching her, feeling her- it what Yaz knows how to do best and although this could technically send them backwards, Yaz can’t stand not talking to her properly anymore. Doing this will help. Yaz is sure it will. 

“Ow!” Jess grunts and clings to the part of her hip that just hit the side of the rusty metal shelf.

“Shit, sorry.” Yaz is quick to apologize and is prepared to abandon everything to give Jess a medical examination if she needs it despite not knowing anything about medicine. 

“I’m fine.” Jess insists. 

“Are you okay?” Yaz cups her face with both her hands to make sure she’s not lying. 

“Yeah, I’m good. I’m good, I love you, keep going.” Jess smiles wide, proving to Yaz how this is a good decision. 

“You promise to be quiet?” Yaz checks.

“I promise. I love you.” 

“You’ve already said.” 

“I just need you to know.” 

“I know.” 

Yaz peels away Jess’ braces and unbuttons and unzips her trousers. She considers getting Jess naked but the non existent lock on this side of the door scares her into keeping Jess’ tops on. She smiles briefly at the patterned boxers she’s wearing then sends her hand down until she feels something warm. She can always trust that Jess will be wet for her. 

“I thought you’d forgive me in your bed not here. I guess that could still happen. Can we do that, Yaz, when we’re at home? Not that I don’t like this-”

“Jess talking counts as making noise.” Yaz says. 

“Okay.” 

In reality Yaz doesn’t really care if Jess lets a couple of noises slip out. In some ways she wants people to know what they’re doing in here because by her logic, if they get caught here then that’s what will be focused on; Miss Khan and Doctor Smith in a shed at the side of a field trying to be quiet rather than blatantly doing crude acts loudly on a desk involving toys. Even if they don’t get caught Yaz will mention it to Rose who will mention it to John who will mention it to Clara who will mention it to the rest of the English department and Danny and lo and behold the whole of the staffing body will know. The price of a little embarrassment is not as expensive as losing her job.

And anyway, watching Jess struggle to keep her mouth shut is a satisfying turn on. Yaz adds pressure to her clit, Jess presses her lips together into a tight line. Yaz ghosts over her pulse point in her neck, Jess’ nails carve crescents into where she holds her at the waist. Yaz dips her fingers down to tease at her dripping entrance, Jess chokes on a whimper. Every time Yaz feels herself getting hotter and hotter. She considers giving Jess something to distract her- let her keep her hands busy and concentrate on getting Yaz off but that would make it easy. She rubs her clit faster, harder. The noises Jess makes become more frequent and Yaz, suddenly sensing Jess has a kink for this kind of thing, rests her face in the crook of Jess’ neck.

“Close?” Yaz asks. Jess makes a strangled noise that could be mistaken as her being in pain. “You can whisper.”

“You don’t need to ask when I already know you know I am.” Jess says, her words stumbling out in the wrong order. “Yaz please don't stop, don’t stop Yaz don’t stop.” 

Jess repeats the two words like a mantra- a prayer with Yaz’s name littered in until she doesn’t trust herself to speak anymore to keep her promise of silence. Yaz watches stunned and unable to look away as Jess rocks against her hand as she comes with her face screwed up tight and invisible words falling from her lips. Yaz can’t believe she’s even been allowed this- can’t believe she almost let this go. She brushes her nose and her lips gently against the side of Jess’ face.

“Needs work.” Yaz smiles against her cheek. Jess wraps her arms loosely around Yaz’s body and doing so Yaz can feel and hear her panting into her neck. She doesn’t really get why Jess is taking so long to come down but it’s not like she’s going to complain. 

“Hold something.” Jess says. 

“Why?” Yaz asks. In the one syllable beat Jess drops to her knees in front of her. Yaz’s sensible nature kicks in and she considers how dirty and outright dangerous the floor is here. “Jess-”

“Just quickly.” Jess begs, resting her forehead against Yaz’s pelvis and her hands squeezing her thighs. It makes Yaz feel a nice kind of funny like she wants to wrap Jess’ hair around her fingers and keep them there. “Please. I want- I want this- you- I want- please Yaz I-”

“You always stumble when you ask for consent.” Yaz mumbles happily, recalling their first encounter.

“I’m not ashamed of showing how desperate I am.” Jess says, her hands wandering to where her clothes sit around her waist, begging to be given the go ahead to advance head first.

“Wait, come here a second Jess.” 

Yaz tugs on her shirt to encourage her up to eye level. Jess glares at her when she gets there, silently asking her what it is she wants to say but also asking why she’s being denied the pleasure. Yaz is thinking too many things to choose which one to mention and staying quiet when Jess is impatiently shuffling around waiting to get her head back between Yaz’s legs. Yaz opens her mouth thinking something that makes sense will come out but after a second of nothing Jess cups her face with a tenderness that encourages her silence and kisses her so softly that she melts. She melts back into the rickety shelf and fully submits, humming gently as they move so perfectly together. Jess pulls back, only slightly, keeping their noses touching while they breathe. Yaz feels weak under the hazel-green eyes but thankfully they also help her realise what she really wants to say- the words festering inside until they’re clear and she feels like she’s going to implode.

“I’m in love with you.” 

“Please let me make you come.” Jess says at the same time Yaz confesses. They both pause. “I feel like we might be on two different pages here.” 

“Let’s do your thing first.” Yaz distracts from her moment of vulnerability. 

“I can’t complain with that.” 

Instead of dropping back down to her knees Jess’ hand disappears down Yaz’s front and she understands Jess meant it when she said ‘just quickly’. Nimble fingers circle and rub at her clit so fast Yaz grips onto the shelving unit behind her to stop herself from moaning- it’s only fair since Jess had to be so quiet. However, she underestimates how stable the unit is and the item on the top of the shelf comes quicker than Jess can ever make her. 

“Fuck!” Jess shouts over the clatter of something metal hitting the floor. Yaz rushes to help Jess’ hunched over body, the hand that was just getting Yaz off still embarrassingly wet as it puts pressure over where Jess was hit. 

“Jess! Jess are you okay?” 

“A bike pump just fell on my face- what do you think?” Jess screams at her.

“Let me see.” Yaz remains calm- the fluctuating range of emotions she’s gone through in the past fifteen minutes having made her thoughts be all over the place and unable to be processed at the same pace as events happen.

“Ah!” Jess flinches. Yaz tries to be more careful, if that’s even possible without having to avoid touching her skin.

Yaz keeps her face as unreadable as possible as to not panic Jess. She’s not sure what part of the pump hit her but it looks bad already. It split the skin so it’s bleeding on her cheekbone and she can already see the yellow tones of a bruise blemishing her skin. It’s a miracle it didn’t fall on her too. 

“Does it hurt?” Yaz asks. 

“Yes it hurts!” 

“Calm down Jess.” 

Jess sucks air through her teeth as Yaz brushes hair away from where her skin has split. Yaz doesn’t need to be a doctor of medicine to see she needs stitches or at least a bit of gluing up. 

“You need to see someone.” Yaz says. Jess groans like a child that’s just been told they can’t have money to go to the sweet shop. 

“I didn’t even get to make you-” 

“I don’t care Jess, you’re hurt.” Yaz says, bewildered that Jess is so distraught about not getting her off. 

“You’re worried about me.” Jess says, pulling her head out of her pants and into the real world.

“You would be concerned for me.” Yaz gets up the front camera on her phone. “Look.”

“Uh oh.” Jess mutters as she analyses the state of her face, poking and prodding herself. “Yaz.”

“Yeah.” 

“Can you drive me to an accident and emergency center please?”

It doesn’t take long for Jess to get in and see a Doctor but because her cheek is swelling up and she has a bit of a headache she gets sent to wait for a head x ray. Yaz hoped they would be able to go home and she could nurse Jess herself but it’s better to be safe than sorry. She could have a concussion or her cheekbone could be shattered or maybe even her eye socket since the pump hit the corner of that too. Yaz can’t fix that. Jess did say Yaz could leave her and go home to go work if she needs to but Yaz refused. Now she’s making herself useful and getting both of them some water from the dispenser.

With two cups in her hands Yaz walks back towards Jess who is holding an ice pack to her cheek and her phone in the other hand typing away. It shouldn’t be long now until she gets called through to see a specialist but Jess isn’t good at sitting still anyway. Yaz feels bad seeing her have to sit and wait like this surrounded by sick people since it’s technically her fault she’s here in the first place. The least she can do is keep her entertained. 

“What are you doing?” Yaz asks, putting the little white plastic cup down by Jess’ feet since there’s nowhere else to put it. 

“Sending my application into sex sent me to the ER.” Jess says without looking up. Her voice is muffled by the ice pack. 

“Very funny.” Yaz grins. At least Jess is managing to keep her sense of- wait, she’s not smiling. “You’re not serious are you?” 

“I’m texting John.” Jess breaks and shows her the screen. 

“Did you tell him why you’re here?” Yaz sits down next to her.

“I said a jar of pasta sauce fell out of my cupboard. He doesn’t need to know what we do in private.” Jess says. She hits send, locks the screen and flips it over and over in her hand. “In the shed. Having sex with Yaz Khan in the-” 

“Jess.” Yaz interrupts. Jess looks at her again with those doughy eyes, asking what it is she wants to say. “I’m sorry.”

“Not your fault.” Jess shrugs.

“For the other night.” Yaz corrects her line of thinking. She wants to say something better, say something meaningful, something that’s going to solidify their relationship and put this sour argument behind them for good- without the need for sex. “I should have spoken to you more calmly about it and we might have avoided this mess.”

“I think we were meant to do this conversation before we started messing around.” Jess says, punctuating her sentence with a nervous chuckle.

“Never one to do something in the right order.” Yaz smiles lightly. 

“You’d think we’d’ve figured it out by now.” 

Jess smiles weakly too and takes Yaz’s hand in her own. Out of instinct Yaz looks around to see if there’s anyone who knows them nearby. Yaz is still wearing her branded school kit so if they’re seen by a student or parent so much could go wrong. Not thinking the same as Yaz, Jess catches her lips and doesn’t let go until they get to the part where Yaz pinches Jess’ lip between her teeth. A hospital waiting room is not the place nor the time and it’s the only way Yaz can think to get her to stop. 

“When we get back home I’m going to use my tongue to make you come so hard your eyes water.” Jess purrs into her ear.

“Are you sure you’re going to be able to do that with the state of your face?” Yaz asks, knowing that whatever the answer Jess gives she’s never going to be able to fulfill her promise in reality. Yaz won’t let her put herself in discomfort just for the sake of Yaz having a good time. 

“I’ll make it work.” Jess smirks, far too confident in herself.

“Jess that’s the second time you’ve referred to my place as ‘home’.” Yaz says. She thought nothing of it the first time because her hand was down her boxers and she was rambling and she could blame the second time on suspected concussion but she doubts it. 

“Is it?” Jess asks. Yaz nods as a simple answer. “It is.”

“Are you aiming to move in with me or something?” Yaz laughs out her question to hide the fact that she genuinely wants to know. She hasn’t thought about it before but now it seems like a real possibility.

“Not really. I just like being around you all the time, probably because I can’t interact with you the way I want to at work.” 

“My house feels more like a home when you’re there.” Yaz admits. She’s had Jess coming to her place for longer than she was living in that house alone at the start. Every night without her there now feels wrong. Empty.

“So we’ll keep going. I’ll keep coming over until you get sick of me.” Jess says. 

“Or I ask you to move in with me.” 

Yaz says it then realises. She’s in this with Jess for the long run, or at least that’s what her own words are telling the both of them. 

“Now I really believe you’re in love with me.” Jess mutters, her good cheek blushing.

“You didn’t before?” Yaz frowns. It hurts greatly to think that Jess never believed her declaration of love before. But then again- did Yaz even believe it before a couple of hours ago?

“If I’m honest Yaz the first time you said it you put the word ‘think’ in the middle of it so it wasn’t actually that believable.” Jess says. Yaz wishes she would have told her at the time and from the look on Jess’ face she wishes it too. “I knew it was too soon for you. You just said it so I wouldn’t leave which is my fault since I gave you the ultimatum in the first place. John told me I should’ve let you go but I’m glad I didn’t.”

“Why did he say that?” Yaz wants to know more.

“He thinks you’re too young for me. Not ready to date to settle down.”

“Six years isn’t too bad.” Yaz shrugs.

“Jesus is that what it is?” Jess looks and sounds shocked, but then she checks herself with a shake of her head. “You know what I don’t care. It’s not like I’m two-thousand years older than you.”

“Good because I don’t care.” Yaz swings her arm over Jess’ shoulder to keep her close. She even kisses the back of her hand that’s holding the ice pack to her face. 

“Bit weird that I was eighteen when you were twelve though innit.” Jess continues on.

“Well we're not that now.” Yaz says, shuffling so that she can rest her head on her shoulder, settling in for what’s probably going to be a long wait. “It is a bit weird to think about actually.”

“See.” Jess smiles at the fact Yaz agrees with her.

“Doctor Jessica Smith?” A kind young nurse calls out, poking her head around the corner. Jess stands up and waves to show that she’s present. 

“Do you want me to come in with you?” Yaz asks. 

“Please.” 

Yaz has to hold Jess’ hand until she’s not allowed to. Head x-rays are scary, Yaz decides, and she’s not even the one having it done. Thankfully after a few minutes of waiting for the result the x-ray shows her cheekbone is not shattered or fractured, just badly bruised, however where the force of pump they use to blow up sports balls hit her and split the skin does need gluing. 

By the time they get into Yaz’s bed together Jess is exhausted from being prodded at and Yaz is tired from hanging around in A&E. She should have brought some of her work into the waiting room with her. She’ll be behind now. Even if she wasn’t so tired she wouldn’t be able to do it now since she’s so preoccupied staring at Jess’ face. The more the bruise forms a blemish across her face the more upset Yaz is that it ever happened.

“Do I look ugly?” Jess asks. 

“You look badass.” Yaz kisses the ball of Jess’ shoulder before pulling the shared covers up over the pair of them. “My brave baby.”

“Yaz number one, there’s nothing brave about a pump falling on my face, and number two, I really don’t know how to feel about the word baby. Why are you calling me that?”

“I want to give you a pet name.” Yaz smiles like she can get away with it. 

“The way you name your pets I don’t want one. I’ll end up being Jez. Jez, Gaz and Yaz.” Jess turns her nose up at the idea. 

“No, I meant a term of endearment I can refer to you as. What do you like?” Yaz asks for her preference.

“I’ve never had one before, I wouldn’t know.” Jess shrugs, making the covers ruffle. 

“Not even babe?” 

“No.” Jess softly shakes her head. “I honestly don’t know. I just like it when you say my name.” 

“Okay then. Jess.” Yaz uses her fingertips to turn Jess’ head and kiss her. It was intended to last a fraction of a second but the moment their lips touch Yaz is reminded of the dormant mess between her legs. It needs to be sorted, whether Yaz does it herself orJess is up to the task. Shuffling her leg over Jess’ thigh Yaz comes up with an idea. “Jess.” She moans, replicating something you might hear in a porn video with added heavy breathing and massive emphasis on her name. 

“Stop it.” Jess grumbles. 

“Why Jess?” Yaz whines into her neck. She’s only teasing though. Sort of. Maybe. 

“Because it hurts my cheek when I move my lips so I can’t use my mouth.” Jess explains.

“You can use other things.” Yaz sarcastically wriggles her eyebrows. She’s only joking. Sort of. Maybe.

“I am not using that cursed dildo your mum bought.” Jess point blank refuses.

“It’s alright Jess, I’m only playing.” Yaz gives up.

“Are you though?” Jess asks. Yaz is hopeless to fight against her when she tugs one of her legs over her waist to straddle her hips; moving Yaz’s body along with it. With her legs spread on top of her Jess slips her hand through the leg hole of Yaz’s shorts, running her fingers through already wet folds, rendering Yaz speechless. “You could’ve just asked.” 

Yaz moves her shorts away so Jess can position herself better than braces her own hands on the pillow on each side of Jess’ head all while Jess just smiles slyly knowing she can work Yaz however she wants. Picking up right from where they got so rudely stopped Jess slides her fingers inside Yaz until she can’t anymore and curls them, hitting the spot inside Yaz that makes her whimper into Jess’ mouth as she attempts to kiss her. Jess moves her fingers with such excellent precision she simulates Yaz’s g-spot each time making her make noises that she is only free to do so under her own roof. Yaz knew for sure she wouldn’t last long- not long at all- but she can already feel herself reaching the edge.

“You love me.” Jess whispers. Yaz shivers, her body starting to pulse and betray her. “Do you love me when I do this?” Jess adds her thumb to the mix. Yaz feels her legs start to tremble. 

“Yes.” Yaz finds herself gasping.

“Yeah?” She rubs harder.

“Jess-!”

She climaxes hard around Jess’ fingers, stilled deep inside her. It’s fucking insane how Jess can do that to her. Mad that she can’t imagine anyone else doing this to her, making her be this loud and natural with nothing faked and nothing exaggerated. Completely bonkers that this is how they’ve ended up, in Yaz’s bed like so many times before but with the promise of being together for the foreseeable future.

“Have I told you how beautiful you are yet?” Jess mumbles, pressing kisses into Yaz’s jawline.

“Not exactly I don’t think.” Yaz pants. “Can’t really think when your fingers are still-”

“Shit, sorry.” Jess apologises and pulls her hand away only to bring her fingers to her mouth, sucking them clean to get that taste she’s been waiting for all afternoon.

Yaz slumps down on top of Jess’ body, pushing all her weight onto her and hiding her face in her neck. Jess’ normal scent of copper and fire is drowned by the disinfectant smell you get in hospitals and Yaz breathes deep to get to smell her Jess. _We’re okay,_ Yaz thinks to herself and Jess’s arms warmly wrap around her, holding her close. _We’re a ‘we’,_ she then thinks next. She smiles as Jess whispers confessions of how attractive and beautiful and wonderful she finds her like a lullaby until she falls asleep in her arms.

Yaz’s plan works. Instead of the staff finding out about their more scandalous escapade in the lab they find out about their adventure in the equipment cupboard. In some ways it wins them brownie points with some of the staff, like the two of them are taken seriously as a couple now. It’s nice that at least with their colleagues they don’t have to pretend to continue to hate each other’s guts. Of course they all had their suspicions since that poor old cover teacher walked in on them locking lips a while ago but they had kept the ‘I hate her, she hates me’ act up for so long everyone just assumed if they asked they’d deny it. Like now, for instance. There’s twenty minutes before the end of lunch and Jess has invited her to chill out in the science teachers lounge just to really make it clear that they’re a thing now. Yaz isn’t sure the PE department would welcome Jess so warmly, but then they only have a small tiny office that only a few of them can stay in at a time.

“What are you teaching tomorrow morning?” Yaz asks. She’s hoping Jess is going to say ‘nothing, I have a free period, hang out with me’ since Yaz doesn’t have a personal development group to teach.

“Sex ed to year elevens.” Jess answers. “Always a barrel of laughs.” 

“I can’t imagine you talking about the bees and the birds.” Yaz smiles. She imagines her getting all flustered and confused when being faced with intimate questions. 

“It’s not that bad if you think about it only scientifically. This session is mainly on STDs so it’s quite fun actually, bigging it up and being all dramatic in an attempt to scar them for life and put them off unprotected sex.” Jess grins and shoves a chocolate digestive into her mouth. “Have you ever had one?”

“It’s a bit late to be asking me now, Doctor Smith, but no. I haven’t.” Yaz says.

“We didn’t exactly leave time to talk at the start, not my fault.” Jess whispers and gently kisses Yaz’s cheek. It feels out of place with Jess kissing her with other people around. 

“Oi!” A man Yaz recognises as a biology teacher throws a scrunched up piece of paper at them. Out of instinct Yaz holds her hand up not to her own face but the bruised part of Jess’ but the paper files over their heads. “No canoodling with other people here lovebirds.” 

Everyone chuckles and giggles over their mugs of tea and coffee while Jess brushes it off by flipping the bird at her department colleagues. 

“Ah! Have they finally spilled?” John enters the communal science staff room. “A PE teacher in the science lounge I never thought I’d see the day.”

“Don’t try and be smart.” Jess scoffs at her big brother.

“Two households both alike in dignity,”

“Christ here we go.” Jess mutters to Yaz like this is a normal occurrence.

“in fair Verona, where we lay our scene, from ancient grudge break to new mutiny, where civil blood makes civil hands unclean. From forth the fatal loins of these two foes a pair of star crossed lovers…” He tails off as he stands behind the two of them with his arms over their shoulders, poking his head between them both.

“Are you done?” Jess asks.

John gasps dramatically and clutches his chest. “Do you bite your thumb at us sir?”

“It’s ‘Doctor’.” Jess corrects him, unamused. 

“I’m only playing Jessie.” 

“Jessie!” Yaz chokes on air.

“Stop it!” Jess whinges at her. “Both of you. I’m busy, what do you want John?”

“Actually it’s not you I’m here to see.” John turns to Yaz. It takes Yaz a second to realise.

“Me?” Yaz asks when she finally notes the two siblings staring at her. 

“Yuh.” John nods. “Shall we?”

Hesitantly, Yaz gets up out of the seat and follows John to the other side of the room, trusting that Jess wouldn’t have let her follow him. He takes her to the other side of the room, as far away from anyone else as possible, and leans against the wall right next to the health and safety poster. 

“What’s this about?” Yaz asks. She looks over her shoulder and spots Jess keeping one eye on them.

“Jess says you asked her to be official.” John says, his voice low and quiet. Yaz can’t read him well enough to figure out if there’s a hidden meaning to his words. She crosses her arms across her chest feeling defensive. 

“I did.” Yaz sighs. She doesn’t have a good feeling about the direction this conversation is going in.

“You know she’s head over heels for you right?” John asks. 

“I figured.” Yaz nods trying to resist a smile. _Jess is head over heels for me,_ she tells herself, although with their track record it’s more like she’s arse over tits. 

“Are you for her?”

“Of co-!” Yaz bites her tongue to keep herself calm. “Of course I am. I wouldn’t have asked if I wasn’t sure and I’m a bit offended that you even asked about my intentions.” 

“I’m very protective over my sister, Miss Khan.” John shrugs innocently.

“She can stand up and think for herself you know.” Yaz says. 

“I’m just double checking. She said she would only date at this point in her life if she intends to marry so…” 

Yaz looks over at Jess to see if there’s any chance of her listening in but she’s too busy planning out lessons and eating her biscuits. 

“I like her, John. In fact I love her and I never want to hurt her or have her be hurt. You don’t have to worry about anything, I swear.” Yaz says firmly.

“May I give you some advice Miss Khan?” He asks. 

“Go ahead.”

“She’s been thinking of buying herself a fidget toy to help her concentrate. If you’ve been thinking about buying her a gift anytime soon...” 

“Is that a hint or an instruction?” Yaz asks. 

“Just a hint. I think it would mean a lot coming from you.” He smiles, a change in his tune. “I like you Miss Khan.”

“No offence Mr Smith but Doctor Smith’s opinion of me is the only opinion I really care about.” 

“That just makes me like you even more Yasmin Khan.” He holds out his hand for Yaz to shake. Yaz takes it for the sake of civility. “Of all departments though, PE and science joined together. A plague on both your houses.”

“Is that another Shakespeare quote?” 

“I’ve been teaching Romeo and Juliet for the last four hours.” He smiles, painfully. Yaz kind of likes his sense of humor towards the hard parts of teaching. “See you later Miss Khan.” 

Yaz makes her way back to Jess and John makes his way to the door. However, before Jess can ask what they were talking about they get distracted by yet another visitor.

“Mr Smith.” The lady from the administration office walks in with her arms full of a stack of paper. She flicks through until she finds John’s.

“Ooo! Thanks.” He accepts it gratefully then moves on with his day.

“Doctor Smith. Miss Khan.” 

She comes over to the two women and hands them both separate pieces of paper. 

“What’s this?” Yaz asks Jess; the admin lady is too busy going off to find the rest of the teachers she needs to find before lunch is over.

“Just the rota for sex ed tomorrow.” Jess says, obviously more acquainted with the process than Yaz is. 

“Jess I don’t have a personal development group, I only have a tutor group.” Yaz says. She doesn’t understand why she’s been given a slip of paper at all. 

“You must be helping out a teacher that does then, it happens sometimes with the big groups and sensitive topics. Let’s see.” Yaz happily hands over her piece of paper so that Jess can make sense of it. She sits up in her chair and picks up her sheet of paper at the same time, her head flicking from one to the other. Her silence is starting to worry Yaz. “What the fu-”

“Is this a joke?” Yaz slaps the piece of paper down on Mr Retsam’s desk.

“I really don’t think it is Miss Khan.” Omar says without even looking at what Yaz is showing him like he’s been anticipating a visit from them.

“Are you trying to ruin our reputations at this school?” Doctor Smith asks. “Is this your way of making our jobs ten times harder than they already are?” 

“Look- the system randomized it, that’s how it turned out.” Omar leans back in his chair like there’s nothing he can do to help.

“Of course it was.” Doctor Smith rolls her eyes. “A complete accident that myself and Miss Khan are teaching sex ed together. Just totally out of the blue, not set up at-”

“Watch your tongue Doctor Smith and remember who you’re talking to.” 

“Is there any way at all that this can change?” Yaz asks to draw attention back to the matter in hand and stop the deputy head and Jess from entering a bickering match. “I really don’t think it’ll be appropriate.” 

Omar leans forward to look at the paper and analyse the options for an elongated amount of time. “Um.” He chews his lip. “No.”

“So what do we do?” Doctor Smith asks Yaz directly but that doesn’t stop their superior butting in. 

“Easy ladies, don’t panic. You teach them all to have safe sex, show them pictures of crusty genitalia to put them all off of sex for about a month or so before the hormones kick back in and then make them put a condom on a carrot.” Mr Retsam looks up slyly with his eyes darting between the two of them standing in front of his desk waiting for a better solution. “You both seem to know what you’re doing when it comes to the topic in hand.” 

“God give me strength not to deck him.” Jess whispers up at the ceiling. 

“Jess it’s okay.” Yaz places her hand on her back in a feeble attempt to keep her calm.

“No it’s not! They’re trying to make us slip up, can’t you see that?”

“We’re not trying to do anything Doctor Smith.” Mr Retsam denies the allegations against him. “If anything you two are a good match to teach this.”

“How?” Yaz asks.

“Get a young gay girl and you can teach her what to do.”

“You motherf-”

“Whoa!” 

Yaz has to hold Jess around her middle to keep her from thrashing out. She’s stronger than Yaz anticipates and she almost manages to land a punch- or a push, Yaz can’t really see properly.

“I’m joking! I’m joking Doctor Smith!” Omar laughs in both their faces. 

“Hey.” Yaz manages to catch Jess’ face in her hands. Her eyes are rabid. Feral. Nothing like Yaz has ever seen before. “Calm down Jess. It’s not that big of a deal.”

“But-”

“We will teach the lesson and we will do it well and professionally because we _are_ professional. Okay? Chill out.”

Unable to come up with an excuse to keep freaking out Jess turns and leaves the office. Don’t get Yaz wrong, she hates the deputy head just as much but she’s not willing to get into a physical fight with him over some immature comments (even though she’s certain she could take him).

“Why’d you wind her up like that?” Yaz snaps.

Omar shrugs. “Fun. Didn’t realise she’d be so highly strung about it. You’re a touchy subject for her Miss Khan.” He twiddles a pen in his hand.

“She cares about me.” Yaz says, collecting the two bits of paper they can’t change from his desk. 

“Well that much is obvious.” Omar shrugs. “I’ll apologize to her, Miss Khan.” 

“You better.” 

Yaz doesn’t see Jess again the rest of the day but by the time she turns up for a cuddle on the sofa in front of the TV with Gaz Yaz can tell she’s been working hard instead of boiling in her own anger. Yaz lets her chill out. Lets her play with Gaz, lets her litter her front room with empty Capri Sun packets and rest her head on her shoulder as Yaz strokes her hair and they watch TV. She’s quiet all night, which Yaz doesn’t like, letting Yaz talk and lead any conversations they have. By the time they get to bed Yaz is worried about what could be going through her head so she tries to get her talking as they lay together.

“Does your bruise hurt?” Yaz asks. 

“Only when I lay on it.” 

Yaz kisses softly where the bruise looks it's worse then brushes her thumb over it. It’s only a day old and Jess is going to have to live for it for at least a week. Yaz still believes it’s her fault and that guilt will probably stay with her until the physical evidence is gone. 

“I’m sorry.” Jess mumbles, catching Yaz’s hand and kissing her palm to get her to stop. Yaz feels fuzzy in her chest until she realises Jess is apologising. 

“For what?” Yaz asks. 

“Getting hot headed in Mr Dickheads office.” Jess mumbles again, too ashamed in her actions to speak properly. 

“Why did you get like that Jess?” 

“I like to be private with who I love. Teaching teenagers about safe sex with you will just make them imagine what we do when we’re alone. Only me and you are supposed to imagine that- know about that. And I absolutely hate the man but...”

“What do you imagine about me Jess?” Yaz gets her back on topic.

“Kissin’ you. Holding you hand tight as we walk down the street. Taking you out on a date and not having to fear being reported to the school.”

“So let's run away.” Yaz suggests and a small smile appears on both their lips. God Yaz would kill for that smile. “Let’s quit our jobs and travel around the world together where you can hold my hand and kiss me whenever you like and we can live out all our wildest dreams without being watched.”

“Life doesn’t work like that.” Jess breaks it to her.

“But we can dream.” Yaz grins, knowing they will never actually be able to do that. “Don’t worry. I know you love teaching too much to drag you away.” 

“You like it too. Don’t act like teaching is the worst profession ever.” Jess says.

“You’re right, I do love it.” Yaz admits. 

“Yaz what if we just tell them.” Jess suggests. 

“Tell who?”

“The students. Then we’ll be old news and they’ll just accept it as normal.”

“I dunno Jess…” Yaz says, unsure. Wouldn’t that just provoke more questions? Make their jobs harder? 

“I won’t tell anyone if you’re uncomfortable with the idea.” Jess reassures her. “I just think it might help a bit. We won’t have to worry about being found out all the time because it’s already open news.” 

“Can I sleep on it?” Yaz asks. 

“Course you can.” Jess shuffles to pull Yaz into a hug that they’ll be able to sleep in. “In the meantime have sweet dreams about both of us teaching teenagers about genital warts and how they get frozen off.” 

Yaz half laughs half groans into Jess’ chest, wishing she could stay in their little bubble here and now rather than need to face tomorrow morning.

Yaz decides teaching sex education is worse than being a student being taught it after just ten minutes. She also decides that teaching it with your current partner doubles the awkwardness that you aren’t allowed to show. You’re meant to be proper, professional, talk like you know what you’re saying. Jess does her best not to look Yaz in the eye as she talks and hands out a sheet of A3 paper to each desk and tells them to write down all the keywords they know from that topic, then after a set time they pass the sheet clockwise. The topics include: STDs/STIs, sexual positions and sex slang, precautions that can be taken by both parties, and the start of a mind map that will eventually list all the ways people can say ‘no’ and the signs to stop. The kids Yaz and Jess are teaching about fifteen to sixteen, so they can fill the pieces of paper easily by now. At the end of that task Jess gives Yaz the humiliating ordeal of reading out everything they’ve written down. She tries not to laugh when she sees people have started writing random two digit numbers after seeing 69 written and not understanding it and composes herself to explain. There’s one that she doesn’t understand and neither does Jess, with Jess making the mistake of asking what it is and getting a group littered with teenage boys to answer it.

They explain everything else to the best of their ability and add to the list of phrases that mean ‘no’ as a class. Jess sends Yaz to go and make a photocopy of that sheet for everyone so they can keep it to remember the phrases and memorize them. She comes back to see Jess showing the powerpoint of putting photos and explaining how you can end up with genitalia like that. Omar wasn’t kidding when he said ‘crusty’. Thankfully they move on swiftly with Jess taking the lead and explains how oral sex can be just as risky as penetrative intercourse. Yaz feels like a hypocrite talking to her group of girls about using dental dams for oral when her and Jess have never touched the things once. Jess moves on to talking about the science of condoms and dental dams and Yaz wonders how she’s so okay talking like this. Maybe she’s taught this class before. Maybe she’s separating herself from the stuff she has to say- that’s how Yaz would do it if she had to do this part. 

“Human mouths are some of the most toxic out there so these are not just for penetrative sex, okay? Vaginal or anal. That’s the main takeaway, they can and should be used for oral sex on both penises and vaginas.” 

“She’s a bit forward isn’t she.” Yaz whispers to her group of girls. They giggle quietly in agreement and Yaz is glad she’s not the only one thinking it. 

“No talking at the back, Miss Khan.” Doctor Smith calls her out. Yaz pulls a face within the safety of her group. “Anyway I’m going to give you one carrot between pairs. One of you will hold it and the other will put on the condom like Miss Khan is going to demonstrate to you with the one and only dildo the school has for this class.”

“I’m sorry what?” Yaz asks, only partially in shock. Partially, because she doesn’t quite believe it. “Why don’t I get a carrot?”

“Because you’re being a right dick.” Doctor Smith smiles- smug and irresponsible. With resentment, Yaz plays along with the seemingly innocent banter and gets to the front of the class while Jess hands out the carrots. 

“You’ll notice no two carrots are the same shape. You won’t need extra large condoms because you’ll be amazed at how face a medium can stretch.” Jess says. The teens giggle at her shade. “Same with peaches, none are the same, spread them and they’re all different.”

“Jess…” Yaz groans holding her head in her hands. 

“Embarrassed, Miss Khan?” Jess asks. Something tells Yaz she’s enjoying this. “You shouldn’t be, it’s all natural. Also! Never expect a vagina to smell fresh or taste like pineapple or peaches or mangos okay? Human bodies don’t work like that. If you really like the vagina owner you will like their natural smell!”

Yaz continues to hold her face in her own hands, hopefully hiding the fact that she’s just realised why Jess begs so often to eat her out and taste her. 

“What about dick cheese Doctor?” A boy asks. “Should your bird care if you’ve got a cheesy dick?” 

“Your lovely female partner should, Tommy. It means you’re a slob that doesn’t know how to use soap and keep up basic hygiene.” Doctor Smith answers. Yaz tries not to laugh while the rest of the year elevens wet themselves laughing at their mate being schooled for trying to be funny.

“Everyone got a carrot and a condom?” Doctor Smith asks. They all nod. “You’re hating this aren’t you Miss Khan?” Jess holds a condom packet between two fingers. Yaz takes it and forces herself to shake her head. 

“Like you said, it’s all natural.” Yaz says. “Right, first things first if the packet has any damage to it, do not use it…”

Yaz does her best to explain how to put on a condom without cringing at herself. She sounds so stiff and horrible and to be fair it’s been a while since she’s had to apply one herself. After she’s fully explained she sets the students off and Jess lightly rubs Yaz’s back to say two things; ‘I was only teasing’, and ‘you did great’. There’s a lot of noise and grimacing and as planned Yaz passes around tissues ready for the opened bits of latex to be wrapped up and disposed of at the end. She’ll also use the roll of paper to wipe down the desks (not for the first time).

“What we’re forgetting here though is most of the bumping uglies happens…” Jess flicks off the lights. “... in the dark!” 

The teens scream and cry out for a second but once they realise the whiteboard projector is still on they calm down and the usual level of chatter resumes. Jess continues the lesson from there, checking to make sure people do it right. When the lights come back on, Yaz passes around the roll of tissue and the one bottle of anti-bac spray and Jess presses on to get the last final push out of the lesson.

“Does anyone have any questions now? There’s the anonymous box if you like but if you’re confident to ask now myself and Miss Khan will try our best to answer. Yes?”

“How old were you when you first had sex, Doctor?” The girl she chooses asks. Yaz is surprised that Jess is even going to offer up an answer. She wouldn’t.

“I was nineteen. At university- which isn’t as much of a sex fest as you think, by the way.” Doctor Smith answers honestly. 

“Nineteen isn’t late either. Everyone’s ready when they’re ready.” Yaz adds. “I rushed and I regret it.”

“Actually that’s a good point Miss Khan. It’s okay to wait. Some of you might not be interested in sex ever which is fine but for the majority of you in here you have so many hormones raging you’re going to want to try and do anything and everything with whoever you can find which is when it gets unsafe and dangerous. Truth is it’s not like it is in the movies where your partner lays you down and the cheesy music starts up, you both forget to put on protection but that’s fine and it’s all smooth sailing with beautiful jump cuts and close up shots. You make mistakes and you bash heads and there are moments where you have to pause and say ‘actually love I don’t think I like that, can you try something else’ but that doesn’t mean you’re having shit sex, it’s just normal.”

Yaz tries not to draw too much attention to how much that example makes every hair on her body stand up with familiarity. _She’s talking about me._

“Intimacy with every new person will be different but it should never be a chore, you know, exercise your right to say no, all of you- guys included. And if you’re lucky one day you might meet this person that just completely redefines what sexual intercourse is for you and you can’t imagine it with anyone else because both physically and emotionally you’re invested every single time, even if the heat of the moment makes it seem like it’s only about the physical.” Doctor Smith pauses with a kind smile and reaches behind her to get out a tray full of silver squares. “But even if you’re still madly in love with them you should still protect yourselves so take some. I do not want to see any of these blown up and on your heads during school hours, thank you, but make sure to test their strength in your own time if you like.” 

Jess walks around handing out condoms, making sure each and every student goes away with at least one. That boy, Tommy, who thinks he’s the class clown, tries to take a full handful but Jess limits him to four so everyone can have their fair share. 

“Miss Khan?” Yaz offers up the now near empty tray for her to take one of the final rubbers.

“I’m good thanks.” Yaz says. 

“Not taking one goes against everything you’ve just taught us Miss.” 

“Don’t be silly, protect the willy.” Doctor Smith shakes the tray in her face. “Don’t be a fool wrap up the tool-”

“Fine.” Yaz gives in. She doesn’t ask Jess if she’ll take one because she’ll only be using it on her. “It’ll stay in my car.” 

The bell rings. 

“Right everyone make sure your rubbish is in the bin bag or weird Scottish janitor Jon will come and make you clean my entire room after school. Next lesson we’re still doing sex ed so prepare any questions you didn’t get to ask today.!” Doctor Smith shouts. 

Yaz hangs around. In theory she should be rushing to the PE office to use up her second free period with work but she wants to speak to Jess quickly alone. They got through what they were dreading and they did it without any students asking about their personal lives- barring the question about Jess’ virginity, which Yaz still doesn’t understand why she answered so honestly. It could possibly be a trust thing.

“A very rousing speech you made there about sleeping with who you love.” Yaz says.

“I wanted my message to get through to everyone.”

“Including me?” Yaz asks. 

“Especially you.” Jess smiles, shy and cute.

“Did you feel like a fraud talking about using protection when we never have? Because I did.” Yaz confesses.

“Maybe a little bit.” Jess shrugs. “Do as I say, not as I do and all that jazz.”

Jess finishes tying up the bin bag and they both end up standing in front of each other with the black bag between them. She’s such a brilliant teacher, Jess is. So welcoming and will answer any question that’s thrown at her with full honesty and trust that the answers will never leave the room. She has all this brain power, the knowledge and smarts to have a doctorate in her art and yet she chooses to stay at this school and teach these kids life lessons. It’s admirable. 

“I want to kiss you.” Yaz whispers honestly.

“We can’t.” Jess whispers back.

“Then why is your face getting closer?” 

Yaz can only watch while Jess chews her lip trying to decide what she wants to do. Jess holds her face, Yaz holds her waist. Yaz smiles, happy that she’s getting what she wants. Her smile dissolves when Mr Smith bursts in and she doesn’t even get a whisper of Jess’ lips on hers.

“John you arsehole!” Jess jumps.

“Aww were you about to have a quick mid morning smooch? That’s cute. Don’t let me stop you.” He scrunches his nose the same way Jess does and pushes his hands into his suit pocket.

“How’d your lesson go?” Jess asks her brother. 

“Not too bad. It’s a bit harder to get teens excited about drugs policies rather than sex. I mean we’re trying to make them not excited for drugs at all but… you know what I mean. How’d yours go?”

“Good. All of them are terrified of getting chlamydia now.” Jess grins. 

“Not HIV?” 

“That’s next session.” Jess turns to Yaz. “That’s the more serious one.”

“You’re saying you doing a whole speech on how sex isn’t meant to be perfect wasn’t serious?” Yaz asks. 

“You’re such a sap Jess, are you sure you weren't born to teach literature?” John laughs. “You think those teens are yearning for love making?”

“I was just saying.” Jess says innocently.

“Anyway, tomorrow, lunch in the park? Double date, you two, me and Rose?” John offers. Yaz assumes it’s the main topic he’s come here to ask about. 

“I don’t see why not.” Jess shrugs.

“Hello.” Bill smiles as she appears in the lab, dressed up in her work clothes, hairnet and all.

“What are you doing here?” Yaz asks. It’s so out of place to see Bill outside of the canteen.

“Here you go.” Jess hands Bill the bucket full of used carrots.

“Jess why did you just give her the condom carrots?” Yaz asks, her voice fearful that she already knows the answer.

“Don’t eat the carrot cake.” Jess warns.

“Or anything with carrots in for the next week.” Bill adds.

“I thought that was just a rumour that the carrots get used after.” Yaz laughs hesitantly. 

“Nope!” John, Jess and Bill say at the same time. Yaz feels a little bit sick.

"Budget cuts mate." Bill pats her shoulder symathetically.

* * *

Yaz went to this park last summer to partake in a fun run when she first moved in in an attempt to meet new people. She remembers it being a lot busier, a lot smaller since there were so many more people. It’s a beautiful early April day with the sun high in the sky making the colours of everything around them much brighter. Jess almost had a heart attack when she came to pick Yaz up and even now as they walk towards where John and Rose have already set down a blanket under a tree she can feel Jess’ eyes on her. All she’s wearing is a nice orange t-shirt and short denim dungarees.

“I can feel you looking at me Jess.” Yaz says. 

“Because you’re so stunning.” Jess gently takes her hand. “You look cute. You are...” Jess looks around for something to compare Yaz to. “...hotter than that metal slide in the midday sun.” She points over to the playground in the far distance. 

“So are you.” Yaz walks into her side withe a stupid grin on her face to match the ridiculousness of her comparison. 

“I’m wearing the exact same thing I usually wear just without a coat.” Jess smiles, not because of what she's wearing but simply because Yaz is paying attention to her. 

“I still like it because it’s you.”

“You know you don’t have to compliment each other every two seconds to make up for months of hating each other right?” Rose shouts at them from a couple of meters away. Maybe they were talking louder to each other than the thought they were.

“Leave them alone They’re in love!” John says, getting up from the ground to greet them. “Hiya Yaz, how ya doing?” He kisses each of her cheeks in turn. 

“Good thanks.” She smiles. 

“Hey.” Rose hugs her as John moves on to Jess. “I made sure there was some healthy food for you.” 

“You’re a star.” Yaz sighs in relief. 

The first thing they do is eat and do small talk. Jess was hungry to begin with so Yaz knew that would be the order of events. Yaz eats casually and enjoys sitting in the sun, letting it warm her skin and get her a comfortable level of warm. Jess sits crossed legged next to her, always silently asking through gestures if Yaz wants some of the food she’s eating but Yaz always denies the offer. She’ll stick to the selection of carrots (that she hopes are stolen from the excess in the school canteen after yesterday), celery, cucumber and dips. The conversation flows nicely and Yaz gets a new vibe off of John. She thinks he likes her. She has his approval.

“Yaz I’ve seen you deal with the shitheads before.” 

“John don’t talk about the kids like that.” Jess scowls at him. 

“Wait, wait I’m just saying. You were dealing with it better than I’ve ever seen someone else do it. How?” John asks. 

“I got bullied really bad in school so I try my best to spot it and stop it when I can.” Yaz shrugs. “Stop other people having to go through it and focus on their grades instead.” 

“What- how? Why?” Jess frowns deeply at her, resting her hand on Yaz’s knee. 

“I just try to remind people they’re not the big shots they think they are-”

“No, I mean why did you get bullied?” Jess asks. John and Rose shuffle awkwardly knowing it’s none of their business. 

“I’d rather not talk about it Jess.” Yaz says. She doesn’t want to bring the mood down when they’re having such a good time together. 

“Was it bad? Did they hurt you?” 

“Jess leave it.” Yaz rubs her shoulder to stop her from getting close and smothering her with kindness. “It’s not like you can do anything about it and I’m fine now. I promise.” 

“You probably said some things on the same level Jess.” John says. 

“And I regret it every day.” Jess says, not taking her eyes off Yaz. “You know that Yaz, don’t you?” 

“I know. I forgive you.” Yaz smiles and holds the back of Jess’ neck. “Why are you so upset about something that happened to me in the past?” 

“Hm.” Jess grumbles, using her hand that's already on her knee to pull Yaz in close. 

“Ugh, christ she really is in love.” John grimaces. 

“Shut up you weasel.” 

“Eat a sausage and calm down Jess.” 

Yaz reaches for a cocktail sausage and feeds it to Jess who begrudgingly chews it all while giving her brother a death stare. Yaz kisses her still bruised cheekbone and intertwines their fingers together just to soothe her rough edges. It works, of course. Yaz knew it would work. Rose announces she’s getting up to use the toilets about a five minute walk away and asks if anyone wants to come with her. She ends up going alone and Jess gets more comfortable with her arm around Yaz’s waist. Yaz basically ends up sittin in Jess’ lap and she’s in such a good mood she doesn’t mind at all. Jess feeds her carrot and hummus and acts extra immune to PDA just to piss off her brother but Yaz doesn’t feel used. She likes being treated like a person of royalty. 

“Head’s up!” 

A young voice shouts out. Yaz, John and Jess all don’t realise the warning is aimed at them until a battered old football lands in the middle of the blanket and throws their empty food packets around. 

“Sorry Mr Smith.” A young boy, probably only eleven or twelve apologises to Mr Smith. He doesn’t seem to note the two other women opposite. 

“It’s alright lads, no worries. Be careful of other people though, okay?” John says. 

“Okay.” He nods in agreement. 

“See you in class on Monday.” 

“See you Mr Smith. Doctor Smith, Miss Kh- whoa, Miss Khan.” He freezes. 

“Hi.” Yaz says, not knowing how else to address the fact she’s there. If she could she would make herself invisible or just a figment of the young boy’s imagination. 

He stares at the two of them- Yaz sat in Jess’ lap with Jess’ arms around her waist and her chin on her shoulder- and it feels like forever.

“Hurry up!” His friends call after him, wanting to continue their game. 

“I’m coming!” He runs away.

Yaz watches him closely as he runs back. She sees him wave his hand in a way that says ‘come over here’ and they do. The cluster of boys talk and the second they all look over at them Yaz feels her heart stop.

“Oops.” She hears Jess mumble. 

Yaz has a strong feeling in her gut that ‘oops’ is an understatement.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> shout out to whoever wrote 71 in my sex ed class because they didn't understand what a 69 was
> 
> also deep memory but thank you to my history teacher who told me once that her old drama teacher told her never to keep having sex with someone they look at their phone while having sex with you???? girl why were you telling me that skdfhksjhdk


	17. Chapter 17

Two months. The students have known about Yaz and Jess for two months and it’s nowhere near as bad as Yaz thought it would be. For some reason they’re respectful. Perhaps it’s because Jess is so trustworthy as a teacher they don’t want to betray her or perhaps they’re scared of them both. The group of girls that have bravely brought up the subject in the changing rooms once just think they’re cute and want to ask about their romance. Turns out Doctor Smith has a bit of a reputation as a woman who only cares about teaching and science and nothing else so to hear about her romantic side is all they need in terms of gossip.

With a lot of Jess- free time on her hands Yaz has been hanging around with Ryan more, mainly at the gym like they are now. Yaz’s workout routine has slacked a bit, most of her exercise happening at work and in the bedroom? Now with more time spent at work but less time spent in bed with Jess, plus the fact she keeps stealing Jess’ sweets that she leaves all over the place, Yaz can feel her body getting out of shape, and spending time with Ryan is always fun anyway. 

“Come on then.” Ryan bites the bullet at the end of their session together. “Why are you working out so much?” He asks, intrigue getting the better of him. 

“I want to spend time with my old school buddy.” Yaz grins playfully. She hasn’t let Ryan know he’s actually her second choice of who she wants to be hanging out with.

“You sure it has nothing to do with Jess?” He asks.

“Why would it have anything to do with Jess?” Yaz tries to act casual and takes a sip of her water. 

“You’re frustrated you haven’t seen her properly in ages so you’re working out every day instead with me.” Ryan reads her actions and mannerisms like a book. 

Yaz hesitates for a moment. “I do see her it’s just-”

“I knew it.” Ryan laughs. 

“Exams are coming up so she’s holding after school sessions almost every day- staying as late as the students want so I never know when she’s going to turn up at my door. Then I’m having to help plan sports day and on top of that we’re having to do bonding sessions with other staff members that are going on the French trip. When she does come over and we get some time alone we just-”

“I don’t want details!”

“No, not that. I mean we still… you know just not as much and we’re both so tired. We just talk most of the time about work and boring stuff.”

“So like… are you working out to make yourself more attractive or something? Because I’m pretty sure she doesn’t care what you look like.” Ryan throws her a friendly smile. 

“I’m just using it as a distraction.” Yaz admits. 

“It’s a solid distraction.” Ryan playfully punches Yaz’s stomach. Yaz doesn’t flinch at all. In fact it kind of just tickles a bit.

“I even bought her one of those fidgety toy things but with the amount she’s working I guess she doesn’t need it.” Yaz mumbles. She’s been wanting to give it to her for ages.

“You’ll spend some time with her soon dude.” Ryan tries to reassure her. Despite his kindness, Yaz scoffs.

“You can’t be sure of that.”

Yaz was right and Ryan was wrong. Yaz ends up spending time after work with Bill sooner than her girlfriend which, again, it’s nice to see her friends but she feels like she’s at that stage in her relationship with Jess where spending time together is a make or break factor. 

“Why are you cooking, you cook all day?” Yaz finally asks when Bill shoves her concoction in the oven. When she said she was coming for dinner Yaz didn’t expect her to actually make it.

“Yaz I cook bacon and sausages and heat up pre made croissants in the morning and then I put full fat cheeses and poor quality pepperoni in a stale baguette for lunch most days.”

“That’s because you work at the quick food counter.” Yaz reasons with her negativity about her job. 

“And I swap with Rose every other week so I can serve heated up potatoes and beans and fry chips instead. Trust me, I don’t mind cooking.” 

“But why are you cooking for me?” Yaz asks, still not getting it.

“When was the last time we hung out? Properly.” Bill folds her arms across her front while she tests Yaz. Yaz can’t really recall, which makes her feel bad. “Exactly. I consider you my friend Yaz, I like hanging out with you.” 

Yaz can’t argue with that and the two friends chat aimlessly for another five minutes until Yaz hears an unexpected intrusion coming from her front door.

“Yaz!” The voice shouts. It’s Jess’ voice but it sounds funny. Sort of worried and scared, but for what reason? Jess enters the living room and upon seeing Yaz just standing there she appears to relax. “Yaz, thank god you’re alright.”

Jess wraps her arms around her tight and it’s like she can feel Jess’ heart beating in her own chest the pulse is so strong. 

“Why wouldn’t I be alright? I’m fine.” Yaz asks, too shocked to hug her back properly. 

“But Ryan said-”

Jess stops and pushes Yaz back by her shoulders like she’s a ragdoll. Yaz looks over at Ryan who’s standing with a smug smile on his face. She looks around to Bill, who has a similarly smug look on her gob and it clicks. That meal isn’t for Yaz and Bill, it was never intended for Yaz and Bill, it’s for Yaz and Jess. 

“Food comes out in half an hour, let it stand for a couple of minutes, there’s ice cream in your freezer and absolutely no work talk.” Bill instructs, grabbing her jacket from the back of the sofa. 

“You set us up.” Yaz says. 

“Ryan you made me think she was bleeding out or something.” Jess sighs a mix of annoyance and relief.

“All I said was that you needed to get here quickly.” Ryan shrugs innocently knowing that Bill is now at his side to back him up. 

“Enjoy your date.” Bill winks and the troublesome pair turn to leave. 

“I hate you both.” Jess calls after them. 

Yaz softly strokes Jess’ cheeks with her thumbs to get her to focus on her, not the two idiots leaving her house. They’re idiots, but well intentioned idiots at the same time. Yaz lets Jess give her the once over to make sure she really is okay and not injured or ill and then Yaz feels overwhelmingly guilty that her complaining about not spending time with Jess has led to  _ her friends _ dragging Jess away from her work. 

“Listen if you need to work-” 

“No, I’ll stay.” Jess nods, her arms snaking around Yaz’s waist and pulling her in close. It makes Yaz smile uncontrollably with Jess following suit. “I never realise how much I miss you until you’re standing right in front of me.” 

“They’re little shits for scaring you into getting you over here.” Yaz pushes their foreheads together, just to breathe in Jess’ essence and believe she’s truly here to properly spend time together. 

“I’m alright now I know you’re not dead or severely injured.” Jess chuckles to herself which in turn makes Yaz feel so content that she dips her head to smile into her neck- Jess just hugging her tighter. 

“They’re so cute.”

“Sssh!” 

Ryan’s comment and Bill’s desperate attempt to shut him up is muffled thanks to the brick walls and glass in the windows but it doesn’t stop Yaz and Jess hearing and whipping their heads around just in time to see two foreheads and two pairs of eyes peering through the window.

“Piss off.” Yaz mouths at the window. The next thing they see is Bill and Ryan standing up straight and walking away like they didn’t just get caught snooping at all. 

“They’re good friends.” Jess says. “Good people.” 

“So what do you want to do tonight?” Yaz asks, suddenly with a plethora of opportunities in front of her. 

“Eat whatever’s in the oven first because it smells good.” Jess smiles. 

Bill made them a delicious dinner, the ice cream was skipped by Yaz but Jess says it was nice because it was the fancy kind. From the food Yaz ate though she reckons Bill’s probably the only one in that school kitchen that could leave and actually get a decent job in a restaurant kitchen. They break the no work talk rule a little, discussing some funny things some kids have said to them in the past few weeks. If it makes Jess smile Yaz will say it. Still feels a bit weird trying to make her smile rather than pushing her buttons to make her hate her. 

After they eat they decide not to just sit in front of the television and mindlessly waste braincells on a program they can’t really get into. Instead they end up upstairs in bed with Yaz shirtless and laying in between Jess’ legs, pressing their bodies together trying to make an imprint as they kiss and physically show each other how much they miss and appreciate each other. Jess’ hands are warm but hot against every part of her. Her lips soft and delicate, breast against breast. Jess makes little noises that make Yaz smile every now and then.

“Anything exciting happening tomorrow?” Yaz asks when she rests her head against Jess’ shoulder. If they didn’t stop for a break now their lips would be chapped soon enough forcing them to stop.

“It’s my birthday.” Jess mumbles, her fingertips stroking up and down Yaz’s spine. The feeling is so relaxing it takes Yaz a moment to realise what she says.

“Jess why didn’t you say anything?” Yaz flings her head up. 

Jess shrugs, unbothered. “Not that big of a deal, is it?”

“Do you want anything? Do you want to do anything special?” Yaz asks. She can’t believe she never thought to ask when Jess’ birthday is before and now it’s less than three hours away. 

“...Lap-”

“Don’t you fucking say lapdance, I will choke you if you say lapdance.” Yaz laughs knowing she should have seen that coming, jokingly or not. 

“That doesn’t sound too bad.” Jess says and then goes quiet waiting to see how Yaz reacts. 

“You don’t really want that.” Yaz says in disbelief. 

Jess shuffles under her. “Well…”

“Oh my god you want me to choke you?” Yaz whispers in surprise. 

“No! No not necessarily that but… maybe…”

“What do you want Jess?” Jess’ inability to give a straight answer prompts Yaz to ask.

“Never mind.” Jess shakes her head. 

“Tell me.” Yaz encourages her to go on. 

“I don’t want to now.”

“You know you can ask me for anything. Talk to me about anything.” Yaz strokes Jess’ hair as somewhat of a comfort for herself. 

“I thought… I like the thought of you being, you know, a little bit rougher with me.”

“Rougher how?” Yaz asks with a sly smile. She must admit sometimes she misses the rough and tumble of their early days filled with hate and rage. 

“Pull my hair.” Jess looks up at her inquisitively, seeing if she should keep going. Yaz nods a little, and she continues. “Control me. Use me. Hit me-”

“I don’t want to hit you!” Yaz protests at the very thought.

“I mea- I meant spank me.” Jess blushes. 

“You’ve thought about this?” Yaz asks, pushing their foreheads together as she smiles. “I’m open to trying that tomorrow.”

“Thing is Yaz, I dunno if I’ll want to try it tomorrow.” Jess’ palm moves down to lightly grab the curve of her bum. “Kind of want it now.” 

“Now?” Yaz raises an eyebrow.

“Yeah.” Jess nods, brushing their noses together. 

“Like an early birthday present?” 

“Kind of.” Jess shrugs. 

“I might need some guidance.” Yaz says.

“That’s okay.” Jess strokes her hands up and down Yaz’s arms, making Yaz freeze slightly. What if she does something wrong or she does it in a way Jess doesn’t like? How is she meant to control her if she’s asking for advice every five seconds? “So… are we going t-”

“Just give me a bit to think through what I’m going to do.”

“Okay.” Jess grins with untamed excitement.

Yaz kisses her to get herself to think. This isn’t what she was expecting to be doing this evening at all and it’s clear that Jess has thought about varying scenarios of how this can play out. Yaz feels very under pressure to give her something great- a memory that will last but she feels so unprepared. Jess’ hands begin to trace Yaz’s outline like it’s a work of art and Yaz knows she won’t be able to hold her off for much longer. Testing the waters, Yaz lets her own hand crawl up Jess’ body until her fingers rest in her hair. With an experimental tug Yaz tips Jess’ head back and the shaking gasp of hot breath against her lips is enough.

Yeah. She can work with this.

* * *

“Alright ladies let's hurry up and clear out, I want to get home! Let’s go! Get a wiggle on!” Yaz shouts into the still half filled changing room.

Most of her students have already disappeared off into the afternoon to make the remainder of it their own but some of the troublesome kids are hanging around. It’s the end of the day and Yaz knows Jess is waiting for her somewhere in the school so they can go home together but today is the day that everyone seems to want to chill out in the changing rooms which is incredibly inconvenient for Yaz. The more Yaz tries to hurry them along the longer they’re taking to move.

“For Doctor Smith’s birthday, Miss?” A few of them tease.

“Maybe, maybe not.” Yaz smiles, unable to control herself. It’s not like they have anything big planned for Jess- they’re both still a bit tired after last night- but still time spent together is precious at the moment. 

“Totally is.” 

Yaz sighs. “Yes, I want to go and spend time with my lovely girlfriend so please let’s get a shuffle on.”

“Awwwwwwwwwww!” The group left coo over Yaz’s inability to hide her affections. “What have you got her Miss?” 

“She actually only told me yesterday when her birthday is, so I’m just going to cook dinner for her.” Yaz folds her arms. She’s not going to let slip at all that she’s already given Jess an intimate gift.

“How did you not know about her birthday, you’ve worked here for nine months with her?” The ringleader of the girls left asks. 

“Too busy fighting to ask I guess.” Yaz shrugs. She’s still a little ashamed that she never thought to ask before. 

“Is that what they call it now?”

“Oi! Cheeky- and also no spray on deodorant, some people have asthma. How many times do we have to tell you?”

The girls roll their eyes and switch from spray deodorant to spraying bottles of cheap body spray that makes Yaz’s nostrils sting. She doesn’t even know why they’re spraying it since they don’t look like they’ve actually done any exercise at all. 

“Hello.” Jess smiles, adding to the amount of people just hanging about. 

“What are you doing here?” Yaz can’t hide her smile as Jess enters the changing room. 

“You were taking too long.” Jess shrugs her shoulders up to her ears and sips at her drink.

“I have tried telling them.” Yaz huffs at her remaining students that are taking far too long to shift it but out of the corner of her eye she notices something with the way Jess is drinking. “Jess why are you drinking three capri suns at a time?”

“It’s my birthday, why not?” Jess shrugs and slurps on the three straws in her mouth. The way she’s holding them to the front of her chest makes Yaz suspicious, and as she tries to sneak a look those suspicions are confirmed when Jess tries to push the packets closer to her chest but Yaz sees.

“Are they three different flavours!?” Yaz exclaims in disgust. How can that taste nice?

“Maybe.” Jess mumbles, looking at Yaz with a face that screams ‘yes’.

“Let me see.” Yaz insists. 

“No.” Jess leans her body away. 

“Let me see your-”

“Stop it!” Jess clings onto the three pouches for dear life. 

“Can you at least share one with me?” Yaz huffs.

Reluctantly Jess gives up the pouch closest to Yaz and begrudgingly sips on her last two.

“Do you always do what she says, Doctor Smith?”

“She gets in trouble if she doesn’t.” Yaz teases the students.

“She makes me clean out her hamsters cage.” Jess nods in confirmation. Yaz doesn’t- in reality Yaz doesn’t make her do anything.

“Is that a euphemism?” 

“Uh, girls! Come on, let’s not push the boundary.” Yaz puts her foot down. She’s all for harmlessly making a few jokes about how much they like each other but they’ll be in big trouble if they don’t keep control of what’s being said. At least to their faces. 

The slightly awkward air of Doctor Smith standing around waiting for Miss Khan to be free does the trick with the lingering girls and as they follow the final two out, Jess presses herself up against Yaz’s back. 

“I like that tone on you Miss Khan.” Jess whispers. 

“Stop it.” Yaz has to elbow her in the side to get her to behave. 

Yaz locks up the changing rooms and leads Jess to the supermarket under the guise of needing to buy some washing powder and face wipes before they go home. Instead with Jess trailing along like an excitable puppy Yaz goes straight for the confectionery aisle. 

“Choose.” Yaz says. Jess frowns at her, confused. 

“What, anything?” The older woman asks. 

“You can choose any sweet or artificial food and bring it into my house and I won’t secretly throw it out when your back is turned.” 

“That’s where my gummy worms went!” Jess takes offence to the revelation. 

“Sorry.” Yaz apologises. “I’m buying you more now though.”

“You’re buying me sweets for my birthday?” Jess looks unimpressed. 

“Your budget is twenty quid.” 

“Thank you.” Jess kisses her cheek and swiftly starts to make her way up and down the aisle placing brightly coloured packets into the hand basket. 

Yaz hangs back and lets her do her thing until Jess comes back with a whole stash of sugar that should keep her going for a while. As promised Yaz pays for it and adds a special tub of ice cream and a meal deal for herself tomorrow to her purchases and finally,  _ finally _ , the two of them head back to Yaz’s to chill out on the sofa together all evening. 

She knows it’s Jess’ birthday, but Yaz is enjoying it just as much too. They order pizza, but from the fancy place in town to make it special, and once it gets dark Jess is intent on trying to teach Gaz some tricks (although he always comes crawling back to Yaz’s shoulder). Yaz is happy to watch and just chat and spend time with Jess when she’s not stressed or working. When she first moved here she never thought she would end up in a serious relationship so soon, let alone with another member of staff from the same place of work. Doctor Jessica Smith. Just sitting on Yaz’s living room floor playing with her pet hamster like the world outside doesn’t exist, it’s just the two of them (technically three).She feels so lucky. So loved and worthy of it for once.

When Jess hints at having to leave soon Yaz tries her best to convince her to stay in her bed tonight, but work still looms over Jess’ head and she intends to wake up early to do some last minute marking. Then, when Yaz is attached around Jess' waist as Jess struggles to make it to the front door, Yaz remembers the tiny cardboard box wrapped in bright green tissue paper hidden under her bed. 

“Wait here.” Yaz tells her. 

“If you come back down in lingerie I’m calling the police and saying you’ve kidnapped me because I won’t be able to just leave.” 

“You wish.” Yaz calls over her shoulder as she speeds upstairs. 

The box that holds the fidget cube has been waiting to be given to Jess for weeks now and now is the perfect time to do so. Not so that it looks like Yaz hasn’t just bought her sweets for her birthday but according to John it’s a nice gesture and Jess will really appreciate it. Yaz grabs the box and rushes back to Jess to make sure she’s not already halfway out the door, thinking Yaz is just tricking her into staying. 

“For you.” Yaz hands over the box.

“What’s this?” Jess takes it and shakes it full of curiosity. 

“I was told you might like it.” Yaz shrugs. “Open it.” 

Jess does, and once she’s figured out exactly what it is she smiles. 

“You’ve been talking to my brother.” Jess says. 

“Did I get the right one?” Yaz asks, needing confirmation that she’s done the right thing. 

“Anything you get me is the right one.” Jess hugs her tight as a thanks, making Yaz’s bones warm. “This is a gift to us both because I’ll concentrate better and we’ll get to spend more time together because I get work done.”

“If I had known that I would have given it to you when I first got it weeks ago.” Yaz laughs but secretly groans at the fact she could’ve helped both their situations before now. 

Jess breaks their hug with Yaz disappointed that it can’t go on forever, but she gets a quick kiss before the scientist disappears from her grip completely. 

“Goodnight.”

“Night.” 

* * *

The PE department is making the most of using all the indoor space before their sports hall gets taken over with exam desks for a few weeks. The school hall and the gym are going to be used up too but every now and then the desks will be stacked up at the sides to hold assemblies and meetings. Yaz throws down the last mat onto the dirty sports hall floor ready for the participants of the boxing club tonight. She’s been trusted to run it herself today since the summer clubs are well underway and the rest of the staff are outside holding rounders and athletic clubs instead. The couple of older boys rock up first, then some year sevens and eights that do the club voluntarily and lastly the few students that agree to come here rather than be put in detention.

“How are we all feeling today?” Yaz asks and is greeted with a round of unenthusiastic mumbles. “Wow! Sounds fun guys. Let me take note of who’s here.”

Yaz calls out the names of the club members and ticks them off, looking up a few times to put faces to names that she hasn’t seen around here before. Once that job is done she puts the paper list on top of the speaker and pulls out her phone.

“What song do we want to warm up to today?”

“Whatevers first on yours and Doctor Smith’s sex playlist.”

“And suddenly you’re in proper detention!” Yaz cheers at one of the boys that’s there not by choice. “Detention room now or tomorrow?” She offers. 

“I was only joking.” He backtracks realising he’s in big trouble.

“Not funny. I’ll email Mr Retsam, he’ll be expecting you up there. You can pick up your bag from the office at the end.”

“I’m sorry Miss!” He tries to wriggle out of it.

“Go.” Yaz dismisses him. Knowing he can’t get out of the hellish hole he’s dug himself, he slouches out of the sports hall. “Right, sorry about that, let’s get going.” Yaz changes her demeanor to the fun loving teacher she always is while teaching this after school class. 

The group throw around jokes and the mood lightens once they’re all warmed up. Yaz divvies out the kit to each different sized hand and explains how today they’ll be working on their offence techniques rather than defence- however since they’re all young with hormones still raging she has to lecture them first about how they should only ever use the skills they learn if they need to physically defend themselves,  _ not  _ to pick fights and hurt people. Once she’s done teaching she chooses one of the more enthusiastic kids to be her dummy while she demonstrates the moves they’ll be practicing on each other. Once they’ve all got the idea Yaz tells them to partner up and they do so accordingly, however the eldest boy, big and muscly, stands alone thanks to the odd number of participants. 

“Partner with me.” Yaz offers. The lad is clearly too big to be paired up with one of the kids from the younger years. 

“I don’t want to hurt you Miss.” He seems hesitant and afraid of his own strength. He usually partners up with Danny if there’s no one else. 

“You won’t hurt me. Trust me, I’m a big girl and I can handle it.” Yaz smiles brightly to reassure him.

Trusting Yaz, the teen assumes a stance but quite frankly it’s all wrong and considering Yaz gets the impression that he’s already lacking confidence in himself today, she goes to gently correct him.

“Your legs are a bit too far apart, look if I just tap you...” Yaz pushes his shoulder and he wobbles and has to reposition his feet so he doesn’t fall. “Okay so that stance you just naturally fell into? Use that because now…” Yaz softly punches his shoulder but this time he stays as solid as a rock. “See?” 

“Yes Miss Khan.”

“Trust your body, you’ve been doing this long enough for this to come naturally. Let’s go.” Yaz smiles. He jabs at her but barely touches her with any kind of force. “Come on man, it’s exam season. Let all that stress out on me, I know you have it in you.” He punches harder, Yaz can tell from how hard she has to work to defend herself. “Good.” Yaz nods. “Good keep going.” 

Yaz is unashamed to say she ends up working up a sweat eventually letting all her students go up against her. Turns out throwing punches at a teacher can be very therapeutic even if only a few land and there’s no significant force behind them. Yaz congratulates them all on how far they’ve come in their ability and with all of them helping pack away the mats the session ends on time. 

All the other after school clubs pack into the changing rooms to collect their bags and Yaz has to wait outside the boys changing room for it to empty and collect the mischief makers (and all the leftover lost property) and take it to the office. Danny asks her how the session went with her running it by herself and Yaz has to explain the distasteful incident at the start but other than that it was quite good. A successful report back she reckons. Maybe she’ll be given her own after school club to run next year. Anyway, Yaz logs into the computer and registers who she had with her this afternoon.

“Hi.” Jess smiles, entering the office having come to pick up Yaz.

“Hey.” Yaz gives her girlfriend just a quick peck on the lips to greet her; seemingly invisible gesture due to the lack of reaction. “Give me a second I need to log a behaviour point.” 

“What happened?” Jess asks. 

“I’ll explain later.” 

“Do you have chocolate hobnobs in here?” Jess says, her ears pricking up at Mr Pink opening up the department biscuit tin. 

“No science teachers allowed.” Danny denies her. 

“Just half of one?” 

“No.” 

“A quarter?” 

“No!”

“Just a nibble?” 

“She can have my share.” Yaz says to stop the bickering. 

“Traitor.” Mr Thompson gasps and lights bonks her on the head with the broken rounders bat he brought back to the office. 

Yaz registers the group of students who attended her class and goes ahead and places the behaviour point onto the little shits file along with her explanation for it. Jess could have read it over her shoulder to save her explaining later but she’s too taken with her biscuit break. There’s a knock at the door and Yaz shouts for them to come in. 

“Miss, can I have my bag?” 

“Yes, you may. Never make comments like that again or you’ll end up with a worse punishment.” Yaz hands it to him from where she sits. 

“Sitting in silence with Mr Retsam is bad enough.” He grumbles, throwing his backpack onto his shoulder and leaving the moment he can. 

“You sent him to Omar?” Jess kinks an eyebrow now wondering what could have been so bad to hand out that punishment. Instead of answering her straight away Yaz simply gets up out of her chair and grabs her belongings.

“Home.” Yaz says to Jess, nodding at the door. Of course Jess follows her instantly- she’s only here for Yaz- and her exit is narrated with whistles and whip sound effects. “Shut up you dicks.” Yaz turns and laughs at her colleagues.

“See you later Yaz.” They wave at her. “Remember we’re recruiting sports day participants as of tomorrow!” Danny shouts as a reminder. Yaz makes a mental note of it. 

Now alone with Jess walking through the eerily empty school corridors to get to the staff car park, Yaz fills her in on the slight incident. 

“But we don’t have a sex playlist?” Jess frowns as she finishes off her stolen biscuit. 

“That’s what you’re taking away from this?” 

“Alright, yeah, it’s bad, but it’s just a kid thrashing out at authority isn’t it? He was in there as part of the detention alternative program...” Jess doesn't continue since a student is walking down the corridor towards the two of them. “Georgia!”

“Yes Doctor?” She tugs an earbud out of her ear. 

“What unit do you measure acceleration in?” Jess quizzes her student.

“Meters per second squared.” She answers with a smile.

“Good. Well done. Keep it up.” Jess grins at her as they cross paths. 

“You do that all the time?” Yaz asks.

“On the spot testing keeps them on their toes. She couldn’t remember a month ago so it’s proof it works and I do it whenever I see them. Last year I was on duty in the canteen so I’d stop the queue when it got to one of my students and I wouldn’t let them in until they answered.” Jess chuckles. 

“That’s evil.” Yaz says. 

“But it works.” Jess shrugs. 

Yaz walks a little closer to Jess’ side after that, just enough for their knuckles to brush together with each stride. She wants to hold her hand or at least link their arms but they can’t get too comfortable while still in school grounds. There could be year elevens doing some late revision or parents might be coming in for a meeting.

“What’s going on in there?” Yaz stops to look and wonders out loud.

“Oh, the school hall gets hired out sometimes for local clubs and stuff.” Jess says, stopping by her side. 

“Yeah I know that but what is it exactly that they’re doing?” Yaz asks, not being able to figure out whether it’s yoga or meditation or something else. 

“Looks like a dance class.” Jess says although the latter half of her sentence is drowned out by music blasting through the speakers with a catchy tempo. Yaz flinches out of instinct- the glass doors of the school hall barely muffling it- but Jess takes the surprise in her stride and soon starts to (not very smoothly) wiggle her hips. “Dance with me.” Jess grins.

“Jess.” Yaz giggles her name as she watches her try and move her hips like she can dance salsa and as if she’s a professional. 

“Dance with me.”Jess reaches out for her. 

“Jess, I want to go home, I’m sweaty and tired.” Yaz grumbles.

“Alright, spoil sport.” Jess gives up.

“You can do a different kind of private dance with me later if you like.” Yaz says as they leave the building and enter the car park. 

“What dance?” The skin on Jess’ forehead crinkles showing Yaz she doesn’t understand the hint.

“The kind that happens in bed, Jess.” Yaz keeps her voice quiet.

“Ah.” Jess huffs and leans against the door of Yaz’s car. “I need to do lesson plans and I’ve got some exam questions to mark.” 

Yaz tries her best not to groan. “I don’t want to start not seeing you properly for weeks again.”

Jess presses her lips together in a sad straight line and reaches out to take Yaz’s hand. She squeezes her fingers and drags her in close. 

“I’ll make sure that doesn’t happen, I promise.” Jess says. 

“You swear to me?” Yaz asks. She feels like she’s only just got her back from the depths of their piles of work. 

“I swear to you.” Jess briskly kisses her in confidence that she’s so fast no one will see. “I love you.” 

Yaz feels all the air in her lungs pause their circulation. It’s been a while since Jess has said those three words to her face and she’s forgotten how it feels in her gut and her head and her chest. Like she’s sinking. Falling for her still. 

“I love you too.” Yaz whispers, aimlessly and unknowingly drawing patterns on Jess’ palm with her fingertips. Jess kisses her again, this time evidently not caring about any possible spectators and giving Yaz time to kiss her back properly. But it doesn’t last as long as they both would like, knowing they should both really be getting home. “See you tomorrow.”

* * *

Even though exam weeks for students that aren’t taking exams go on relatively as normal, life is turned upside down for staff. The stress is on to fight for students time for last minute revision whether it be at lunch or break or after school. PE department has a whole other type of stress with all of their indoor spaces gone, god forbid that it rains, and the fact that the changing rooms are so near the sports hall that they need to keep the kids almost silent while they change. Having an exam invigilator come out and have a stern word with you is a right of passage for any physical education teacher but Yaz has had enough of those and she doesn’t want to test the new ones here she hasn’t met yet. She doesn’t really want to meet them at all. On top of all that other year groups get left behind; marking comes in late, lesson plans go all over the place, most teachers just put on an educational video to teach for them but the problem with PE is that it’s  _ physical _ and Yaz can’t just stick a video on to teach for her. 

On the day of the written PE exam is to be taken (Yaz having had no part to play in the practical exam since she’s new and wasn’t given an exam class for this year) Yaz arrives outside the sports hall early to help Bill and Martha hand out bottles of water, bananas and fruit to make sure some of the students have at least had something to eat before going in. She watches her colleagues hand out pep talks and help take labels off bottles. There’s also a load of design technology kids going in at the same time which Yaz recognises a few as her own students and just quickly before the bell rings and she has to run off to her form group, she makes an effort to go over to the students she knows like her to give a bit of a self confidence boost. 

She does the same again the next day, although this time the swarm of panicking teenagers are waiting to go into their physics exam- the final one of the three science exams- and pretty much all of the physics teachers are here. Including Doctor Smith. Just looking at her work reminds Yaz how much she misses simply spending time with her. 

“Concentrate on pulling the bananas out of the bunch rather than your girlfriend otherwise you’ll end up giving one an accidental hand job.” Bill whispers to her. 

“I-” Yaz pauses momentarily as a student comes over with their see-through pencil case to collect a piece of fruit from the bowl. “I will not.” 

"You sure about that?" Bill judgingly glances down at the death grip Yaz has on the banana in her hand. Realising, Yaz puts it down so hard to get it away from her that she thinks she might have bruised it. “Just go and talk to her.”

“She’s talking to her students before they take a difficult exam, I’m not going to take that away from them.” Yaz says, recognising that physics is  _ hard  _ and a lot of kids are going to need encouragement. 

“Come up with a lie. Say you’ve left your lab key at home or something and you need to borrow hers.” Bill suggests. 

Yaz considers it for the remaining five minutes until the bell rings through the school and she knows she needs to get to her tutor group. She decides she’s not going to try and get Doctor Smith’s key since within the last couple of minutes she’s started wandering around and has ended up near the door Yaz has to go through anyway. She’s still got a little group of kids around her while they wait to be called in row by row. 

“You’re brilliant, you’re fantastic, you’re amazing, you’ll be fine, I believe in you all. Okay? Try your best, I know you will.”

Yaz lets her palm rest against the small of the scientists back as she squeezes through listening to the affirmations she’s giving the kids. Some of them look like they’re about to shit themselves and Yaz doesn’t blame them. She remembers being just as nervous. After her maths exam she had to go home and have a nap since the adrenaline leaving her body drained her. 

Back in the lab Yaz notices that her form group is significantly quieter with the year eleven kids absent. Much calmer. Far less hormones and body odor flying about. She has time to sort through all her emails and hand out little green booklets to all the year sevens that are going on the French trip in a week and a half. Other year group trips and activities have already been handed out but at the last staff team building session one of the maths teachers had to drop out because their dad has been taken ill, so all the booklets had to be reprinted.

“Looking forward to it?” Yaz asks as she hands them out to the three boys and four girls all sitting on desks next to each other. 

“Everyone’s told us the food is shit.” One of the girls raises her concern. 

“Language.” Yaz reminds her. “And they’re probably only trying to scare you. You’ll be so hungry from doing stuff in the day you’ll eat it anyway.” 

“Seriously Miss, last year some people survived on a big packet of sweets they brought with them and that was it. It’s all French food.”

“French food is nice.” Yaz says. “Look, forget about the food for the moment, are you excited for the trip overall?” 

“I’m in Mr Retsam’s group.” 

“Me too.” A couple of the boys grumble. 

“He’s not that bad, guys. He’ll look after you.” Yaz lies. She’d be the same if she knew she had to report to him every day. 

“Everyone wants to be in yours and Doctor Smith’s group.” They say and the rest nod in unison as the heavy fire door slams shut and Yaz can guess who it is by her footsteps.

“Hear that Doctor Smith?” Yaz asks. 

“Huh?” Jess looks up from her phone. 

“They all want to be in our group when we go to France.” Yaz says. 

“We do make an entertaining double act.” Doctor Smith lightly flicks Yaz’s earlobe as she passes just to annoy her.

“Arsehole.” Yaz smiles. 

“Language Miss.” 

“Oi!” Yaz squints and threateningly points at the young girl, who knows she’s got away with that bit of backchat because Yaz is being a hypocrite regarding the rules. 

“Why aren’t you coming on the water sports trip Miss?” One of her year nines asks. A fair question, since she knows much more about sports than she does about speaking French.

“Miss Noble wanted me to go to France. Trust me I’d rather be doing a week of sport and I probably will go next year.” Yaz says honestly.

“But then you wouldn’t be with me.” Jess appears at her side, playfully grinning at her. 

“Can I help you?” Yaz asks, suddenly very aware of all the eyes on them.

The bell rings dismissing everyone so they can head to their first lesson, saving Jess from having to come up with a passable excuse. Jess disappears from Yaz’s side and continues on like she normally does, getting her classroom ready for her lesson. Yaz shouts above the rumble of students moving, reminding them to work hard and behave around exam venues around the school but not one of them acknowledges her so she doesn’t know for sure that her messages get through. 

“What d’you want Jess?” Yaz asks, holding onto the hand that magically appears around her waist when the room empties completely. 

“I’m very stressed about this exam.” 

“What happened to ‘I believe in you all’?” Yaz quotes back one of the affirmations she heard her say.

“Come on Yaz we all have students that we know are going to fail despite how hard we try with them but we’ll never say it to their faces. We’d be horrible teachers if we told them but you just know they don’t put in the work.” Jess explains. 

“Then that’s their own problem.” Yaz shrugs. She has little sympathy for those who don’t at least try.

“Not when their grades reflect my teaching.” Jess sighs out her stress.

“You’ll be fine.” Yaz reassures her.

“I’d be better if I could get a kiss.” Jess pouts and leans forward leaving Yaz no choice but to press her hand against her incoming lips.

“You can kiss me all you like after school.” Yaz says. 

“Trip meeting with parents after school.” Jess reminds her. 

“We could sneak off.” Yaz suggests, silently wishing that Jess will agree.

“We could but we really shouldn’t.”

Yaz sighs knowing there’s no way she can convince Jess to bunk off and leaves an imprint of her lips on Jess’ cheekbone since it’s the most affection she’s most comfortable showing- despite no one else being in the room. 

“Go teach.” Jess says, pushing her away. “I’ll see you later when we’re trying to convince parents that the food isn’t completely inedible.” 

“Is it actually that bad?” Yaz asks, noticing a pattern.

“We usually take turns to sneak out and buy some food from the shop down the road.” Jess says.

“That’s not good.” Yaz mumbles as she leaves to go and force some kids to sign up for the 800 meter run that no one ever wants to sign up voluntarily for. The whole time she’s walking over to the office she’s trying to figure out how to smuggle a week's worth of food over to France in her suitcase.


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> all events that happened on this trip happened irl (but like obviously less gay teachers) so if you recognise anything no you didn't you don't know me don't mention it please leave
> 
> (This work has nothing to do with the actresses that portray these characters on screen, this is based off of descriptions of the characters alone. The actresses are real people with real lives and families that are just doing their jobs, please remember to stay respectful)

“Jess.”

“Hnng.” Jess grumbles refusing to wake up. 

“Jess we need to get going.” Yaz insists, shaking her arm and pushing her the best she can to try and get her up. It’s only an hour earlier than they usually should get up, but for Jess it’s still a struggle.

“Five more minutes.” Jess folds the pillow over her face. 

“Do you want breakfast?” Yaz asks. Maybe food will help motivate her. 

“Toast.” The muffled voice says.

“M’kay.” 

It doesn’t take long for Yaz to make some toast for Jess and some cereal for herself. Everything is still so quiet outside with only businessmen getting ready for their commute and night shift workers coming back home. Even Gaz is still awake and running on his wheel, creating a squeaky soundtrack to Yaz’s journey back upstairs.

“Thank you.” Jess yawns, taking the food. 

Yaz scrolls through her phone as she eats with Jess still too tired to multi-task. If she tried talking to her now she’d never finish eating and they’ll be late so Yaz catches up on the news and scrolls through the limited social media she has while she has the time. She notes that it takes a bit longer for her to eat since she poured herself extra, knowing it’s going to be a busy day. That means she should hurry if she wants to get everything done that she wants to do this morning. 

“I’m gonna shower-”

“Wait.” Jess reaches out and pulls her back to bed by her elbow with just enough time for Yaz to put her bowl down before she spills leftover milk on her sheets. 

Out of the blue, Yaz realises she’s being kissed. Not the usual ‘good morning’ peck on the lips but a proper kiss where she can taste the jam on Jess’ lips. 

“What’s that for?” Yaz asks with her lips slowly curling into a smile. 

“Not going to get to do it for a while are we?” Jess shrugs.

Yaz tilts her head, taking pity on her. “We’re sharing a room, you can still kiss me.” She reminds the still half asleep woman next to her. 

“I know but… it’s different, isn’t it.” Jess’ hands crawl up under Yaz’s shirt to tickle her spine. Yaz doesn’t fall for Jess’ attempts to try and get her back under the covers for five more minutes of sleep together but she does give in to leaning into her side. “You know what I am looking forward to though?” 

“What?” Yaz smiles with a sneaking suspicion that it involves her. 

“Seeing you in everyday clothes.” Jess smiles against Yaz’s temple.

“Seriously?” Yaz laughs.

“Yeah seriously. I only ever see you in a sports kit and then at home you’re in sweats most of the time.”

“You dissing my sweats?”

“No, I’m not, but they do usually disappear after a couple of hours.”Jess says. Yaz lifts her head at her cheekiness- her daring attitude so early in the morning. “My point is I’m looking forward to seeing more variations of Yasmin Khan.” 

“Are you going to wear the same outfit every day like normal?” Yaz asks. 

“Wait and see.” Jess winks.

“Does that mean yes?” Yaz tries to call her out and without realising that Jess is extra temperamental this morning Jess frowns at her, looking totally, unironically offended. 

“Aren’t you meant to be showering?”

“Get your tea?” Yaz whispers as Jess appears in the sports hall just in time for Donna’s speech to them all.

“I think there’s a fly in it.” Jess grimaces, poking her finger around, trying to fish it out. 

“Hello everyone.” Donna starts casually now that everyone’s here. “Good luck with the trip, you’re going to help make it great. Try to pretend the food is nice, don’t get too pissed at the hostel bar on the last night and no bedtime shenanigans.” 

All the eyes follow Donna in looking over at Yaz and Jess. Only Yaz notices and she has to nudge Jess in her side to get her to look up from her cup of tea. 

“What?” Jess asks innocently.

“Never mind Doctor Smith.” Donna chuckles. “Remember that this is a vital year group bonding trip. Any quiet kids that stick to your side, encourage them to buddy up with other people like them. You’re also going to have to deal with fights within already established friend groups so good luck trying to diffuse those. You’re all brilliant and I’ll see you in a week. Mr Retsam… ”

Donna turns away to have a private word with her deputy head that’s leading this trip. Yaz isn’t exactly thrilled to be directly under the charge of Omar but she can’t complain now, not when they’re about half an hour away from setting off for a day of travelling. Yaz and Jess keep to themselves, going over the itinerary for today since they’ve been split onto two separate coaches just to have an even split of staff across the three. When the bell rings they drop off their bags and stand apart as Mr Retsam addresses the over excited kids. They’re apart when they guide their group to the buses and before they know it they’re on different coaches taking count of how many kids they have on board. But it’s no bother, since Yaz has to deliver a carbon copy of the piece of paper to Mr Retsam on the other coach. 

“Right, we want to be the best behaved bus so I can rub it in Miss Khan’s face later for my own smug satisfaction. Can you help me in my fight against her?” Jess says, not anticipating that Yaz is coming up towards her. 

“You were saying?” Yaz asks, handing Omar her completed register. The kids seem to love the entertainment of the science teacher getting caught making evil plans by the woman she’s conspiring against, and they all quietly giggle at her. Yaz squints her eyes as she backs back out onto the pavement. “I’m onto you Doctor.” 

“I’m counting on it.” Doctor Smith playfully retorts. 

Yaz returns to her designated coach and waits for the first in line to move off- starting their week long adventure. 

It feels like a week-long adventure just to get to the eurotunnel. Luckily once the initial excitement of going on a trip without parents around wears off most of the students decide to sleep. Yaz does however note one your girl who she hasn’t taught before keeping herself entertained by reading a book and doodling on the blank pages and her hands while the girl next to her sleeps. Yaz gets the impression this is exactly the sort of kid they’re meant to be encouraging to make friends and come out of their shell. 

As they wait for their train, having arrived an hour early which Yaz guesses is better than being an hour behind schedule, Mr Retsam gives everyone a half hour break to get food, use the toilet, etcetera. Yaz manipulates them all to come back dead on time to win points against Doctor Smith and it works with their coach boarding the train first. 

Yaz doesn’t get to see Jess at all until they’re picking up the keys to their own room. There’s four buildings on the site and when you look at it on the left there’s the 18 plus recreation room and bar, dead ahead is a block of rooms, to the right is the canteen they’ll be eating in and just behind that is a second block of rooms. Yaz and Jess are on the top floor of the building behind the canteen. They’ve both had their hands full helping unload the coach and getting the kids into their own rooms, and even now they’ve only had time to drop their bags off inside their door since after a day of travelling all staff are having to oversee the onsite playground slash gym to let off some energy before dinner time. About a hundred preteens running around is a trip hazard in itself but the fact that Jess is joining in doesn’t help make the staff look like the calming force they’re meant to be. Yaz helps a group of boys use the gym equipment properly so they don’t strain a muscle or break a bone not even twenty four hours into the trip. If she’s not too tired Yaz might even get a chance for an early morning workout.

After what seems like forever Omar calls for everyone to line up against the dining hall, which basically looks like the canteen at school but with the kitchen hidden away and some servers. Servers that actually just look like a few local teenagers and some older locals that look very over excited to be hosting. 

“Food isn't bad.” Is the first thing Yaz gets to say to Jess as they sit at the teachers table. 

“That’s because they order pizza on the first night.” Jess raises her eyebrows at her in surprise that Yaz hasn’t been able to guess that. 

“I take it back then.” Yaz says. “How many times have you been on this trip?” 

“Past four years.” Jess says, taking a bite of her crust. “It’s a good one to go on.”

“Thank you.” Omar overhears and butts in. 

“Nothing to do with you.” Jess says and throws him a bitter smile that Yaz can’t tell whether it’s sarcastic or honest. To get her to behave Yaz rests her hand on Jess’ knee under the table, and the two don’t clash again so long as it’s there. They behave like adults, not constant bickering children. 

Ice cream for pudding. Jess shares with Yaz since Yaz doesn’t want all of hers but reserves the right to the fancy wafer sticking out the top. Omar mutters under his breath about hoping there are no sugar rushes after this. He even goes as far to let there be another hour of running around and exploring. Except, Yaz notices the same girl from her coach sitting on one of the upper floor rooms balcony doodling in her notepad with the setting sun as her lamp.

“Do you know who she is?” Yaz asks Jess under her breath with a slight nod of her head in the direction Jess needs to look to understand.

“She’s not in any of the classes I teach.” Jess shrugs. “Why?”

“Very quiet.” Yaz moves her eyes away from her just in case she gets seen talking about her right under her nose. That’s not a way to build trust at all. 

As day turns to dusk everyone is sent to their rooms. The travel tiredness is setting in for everyone now and Yaz and Jess finally get to inspect the place they’ll be staying. 

“Nice bathroom.” Yaz nods with approval. It’s a habit she’s picked up from her mother- to check the bathroom wherever you’re staying first before anything else.

“Yaz.” Jess’ voice pricks Yaz’s ears up. 

“Yeah.”

Yaz stops at where Jess is standing, staring at the two single beds with half a meter between them.

“Twin beds.” Jess states the obvious, her voice a little disappointed. 

“That’s okay. We’re still together.” Yaz smiles, unbothered. She kisses Jess to prove to her that two separate beds isn’t a bad thing but she doesn’t expect Jess’ hand to start probing at the button of her jeans. “Jess- what are you doing?” Yaz stops her dead in her tracks.

“I thought… I missed you and today was stressful so I thought we could… that you’d want to...”

“No, Jess.” Yaz gently declines her offer by cupping her cheek and stroking the bone under her eye with her thumb. “Not really feeling it.”

“Fair enough.” Jess respects her wishes gracefully and sets to unpacking. 

When Jess and Yaz have to go around and enforce lights out at half eight, everyone they see is already in night clothes and ready to sleep. Someone else gets to do the later walk round to check that the students have laid down and stayed down so the second Yaz and Jess get back they go to bed. Yaz is exhausted as she showers and the second her head hits the pillow she can just about mumble a ‘goodnight’ to Jess laying reading in her own single bed before her eyes fall shut. 

Her first couple of hours of sleep go undisturbed but a sudden weight on her chest wakes her up in a panic, thinking she’s falling in her dream but once awake she realises it’s just Jess. Jess, who has quietly pushed her own bed the half meter distance towards Yaz to join the two, just to rest her head on her chest and her arm across her stomach. Yaz melts at the fact Jess couldn’t be in the same room and leave her alone and as she readjusts herself to stroke her fingers through Jess’ hair Yaz almost forgets they’re not in her house. 

There’s a fleeting moment where Yaz gets the urge to tell Jess how much she loves her, however there’s something holding her back. Maybe it’s the fact that Jess is asleep, maybe it’s the fact she doesn’t want to wake her but she just can’t say it out loud. Instead she does it with small physical gestures, drawing patterns on her spine under her shirt, leaving soft kisses wherever her lips can reach without disturbing the position they’re sleeping in. She smells nice. She feels nice. But Jess will always be more than just nice now. Perhaps forever.

The next day it’s rise and shine early for breakfast then swiftly off to their first activity of the trip. They're visiting the Second World War museum and when the coaches arrive the sole history teacher does a speech about respect and how important it is to stay quiet during the silent areas of the museum. The kids split off into their groups and Yaz helps Jess register everyone they have. It feels good to be working together. They do kind of make a nice duo at work when it’s outside of their own subjects and they’re not fighting. 

Once they’re inside the groups all sort of merge together to wander around and read the information plaques that they want to read. Altogether they have two hours to explore and learn and while Yaz keeps an eye out for strays there doesn’t seem to be any. So, she gets to spend time with Jess looking at model aircraft and information videos. 

The two hours come and go. For lunch, the hostel packs lunches for them. Baguettes- cheese and ham, cheese and tomato, cheese and pickle- a packet of crisps, an apple, a bottle of water and a packaged waffle. All a bit stale, but cheap and enough to keep everyone going. They eat in a public park a few streets over and thankfully the sun is shining down on all of them making it a lovely place to rest for an hour. 

Then Yaz spots her. The same girl from yesterday quietly sitting and eating on her own, the sun making her dark brown hair shine like she’s in some kind of shampoo advert and with her sketchbook in her lap. Jess takes the packet of crisps out of Yaz’s hands and swaps it. 

“You don’t like salt and vinegar.” Jess explains why she swapped. 

“I’m gonna go and eat with that kid.” Yaz says. 

“What kid, there’s a lot here?” Jess frowns as she looks around at the sea of students.

“The one sitting on her own. Again.” 

“Okay. Can I come with you?” Jess asks.

“Maybe not. Don’t want to swarm the shy kid with teachers, you know?” 

Jess looks a little disappointed at that. Yaz knows she wants her attention, for the two of them to just sit under one of these trees together and have a quiet moment alone- just for a little bit. But Yaz also knows that she’s a grown woman and doesn’t need to have Yaz by her side twenty- four seven. So, she heads off, leaving Jess behind her. 

“You alright?” Yaz asks as she approaches, not wanting to startle the young girl. 

“Yeah.” She says, taking a bite of her food and not looking up from her sketchpad. 

“Can I sit with you?” Yaz asks.

The girl questioningly lifts her head to look at Yaz smiling, awaiting an answer. “Don’t you want to sit with Doctor Smith?” 

“Nah! She talks your ears off sometimes. Nice to have a break.” Yaz takes it as an invitation to sit down on the cool grass next to her. 

“My mum says I’m too quiet.” She gently scoffs. 

“Maybe your mum just wants what’s best for you. All in good time.” Yaz smiles at her again, unwrapping her cheese and pickle lunch. “What’s your name?”

“Bonnie.”

“Hey, that’s a cool name. Nice to meet you Bonnie.” Yaz smiles. 

“Why are you sitting with me?” The young girl asks not in a mean way but in more of a ‘you can see me?’ way; so used to being overlooked. 

“I want to know what you thought of the museum.” Yaz lies. 

“Cool.” Bonnie nods. “Well, not cool, you know, because war is horrible on all fronts but it’s interesting to see stuff up close.” 

“I know what you mean.” Yaz agrees. “Turns it from being a story you’re taught in class to a real thing.” 

“Exactly.”

“What do your friends think?” Yaz asks to keep the conversation moving. She sees her sitting with certain people at meal times and she must be sharing a room with at least one other person. 

“They’re not really my friends.” Bonnie shrugs. 

“Really?” Yaz doesn’t believe it. They look like nice kids you wouldn’t mind your child bringing home for tea time.

“I sit with them for breakfast and dinner and I have to share a room with them but they’re a bit too geeky for me.”

“What does a bit too geeky mean?” Yaz giggles. 

“They’re not really into the stuff I’m into.” Bonnie stiffens up.

“Doctor Smith isn’t into some of the things I’m into but we’re still-” Yaz cuts herself off. What’s the most appropriate thing to say? “Well we’re still…”

“Girlfriends.” Bonnie gives Yaz the answer. 

“Yeah.” Yaz blushes. “But the same thing counts for friends too. Opposites attract.”

“Do you really like her Miss?” 

Yaz smiles and nods. “I’d be a bit of a crap girlfriend if I didn’t like her.” 

Yaz has pleasant conversations with this girl, who is more like a young woman with how she speaks all the way to the second stop of their trip; the World War One gravesite for those who died on the western front. The kids get some time to walk around and read all the names. A cheery first day of activities, isn’t it? Thankfully when they get back from the big trip out everyone is given some time for a shower- Doctor Smith gets just enough free time to give Yaz a hug and Yaz gets a quick minute to check her emails- before dinner. 

Soup to start and chicken and pesto pasta for main. No ice cream tonight, which Doctor Smith is mad about. Yaz promises to get her a chocolate bar from the vending machine later, but not before each group heads to the recreation hall for under eighteens hidden on the ground floor of the first building and outside play areas to do some bonding activities. 

Yaz lets Jess lead since she’s done it before and technically she’s group leader, Yaz is just there to help out. Jess pulls a tennis ball out of her coat pocket and explains that when it gets thrown at you, you have to say one thing you learnt today, one thing you like about the person who threw it to you and one kind thing about the person you're throwing it to next.

“I’ll start.” Doctor Smith says right as her eyes land on Yaz. “Today I learnt I don’t like cheese and ham sandwiches but I do like how Miss Khan has done her hair today.” 

Jess throws the ball at her. Yaz catches it flawlessly all while their group is whispering under their breath about how Doctor Smith winked as she lobbed it. 

“I learnt what a spitfire looked like today. I like the smell of Doctor Smith’s body wash so much I’ve been secretly using it for weeks-”

“I knew it, you thief!” Jess shouts. Everyone else laughs which shatters the awkward ‘ _we’re-being-made-to-do-this-dumb-activity_ ’ vibe. 

“-and I think Paddy has a great taste in TV shows.” Yaz says, throwing the ball to the boy wearing a Scooby Doo tshirt on. 

And so it goes on until everyone in the group has been thrown the ball and subsequently learnt everyone else's names. Jess lets them go back to their rooms, having held them hostage for long enough, but Yaz still can’t help but think it’s because Jess wants some time alone to watch some TV together or something. But if she was counting on any, the opportunity soon gets swiped away when a soft knock at their door delivers one of the boys from Yaz’s tutor group. Usually bold and brassy, he stands there with tears in his eyes clutching his stomach and his friend standing by his side claiming the issue is homesickness. For the sake of privacy and not being listened in on, Yaz lets them come in to have a chat.

“What’s up mate?” Jess asks.

“They’ll make fun of me if I say.” Jamie blubs wiping his eyes with the back of his hands.

“I won’t!” His friend who brought him here insists. 

Yaz gets down on one knee to get a better height on him. “Jamie it’s okay to cry and it’s okay to be missing home.” 

“It makes my stomach hurt Miss.” He says with a level of vulnerability Yaz has never seen before. It’s strange how much of a false personality kids can uphold and perform day in day out 

“That’s just the anxiety that comes with it, okay. Breathe in, hold it for a few seconds then breathe out again, let's get that pain to go away.” 

Yaz guides the young boy through some breathing exercises until he calms down. She knew there would be at least one homesickness case that she would have to deal with but she never guessed Jamie. But then in all her teaching experience Yaz has learnt to never judge a book by it’s cover and you never _ever_ really know what’s going on under the surface with anyone. This kid standing in front of her trusts her enough to cry in front of her and show emotion that would get made fun of by other boys despite it being normal. Once he’s calmer Yaz gives a general spiel about the normality of homesickness and how they’re going to be so busy that they won’t even notice by the end of the week. She feels like she’s sugarcoating it a bit because she felt the same way when she was on school trips

“Sweet?” Jess offers up an open share bag between the two boys. Jamie thanks her and takes one, his friend stays hesitant. “You can have one too for being a good friend.” 

“Do I get one?” Yaz asks. 

“You already owe me a chocolate bar.” Jess snatches away the packet denying her a small burst of sugar. Yaz smiles and shakes it off.

“Feel better?” She asks her tutee. 

“I still want to be in your group rather than Mr Retsam’s.” He manages to chuckle. 

“We’re going ice skating tomorrow.” Jess pushes herself into the conversation. “Trust me, watching him try to not fall over every three seconds is hilarious and you’ll have that against him for life.” She tips them off. 

“You should get back to your room before lights out.” Yaz tells the two of them. “And don’t let anyone know Doctor Smith gave you sweets otherwise it’ll be like halloween night when we’re trying to sleep.” 

Yaz shoos the two boys away knowing she’s done all she can.

“Can I have one now?” Yaz approaches the blonde with her arm outstretched and her palm upright ready to receive a square chew sweet. 

“You got me my chocolate bar?” Jess asks, popping a purple one into her mouth. 

“Jess, c’mon it’s a share bag.” 

“No.” Jess continues to childishly refuse. 

“Alright then can I get something else?” Yaz asks, stopping in front of her. 

“Depends.” Jess’ eyebrows get pulled up to her hairline with intrigue. 

Without giving Jess a chance to think Yaz kisses her, prying her mouth open by brushing her thumb under Jess’ bottom lip, and with her tongue Yaz manages to scoop out the sweet from Jess’ cheek where she tucked it away.

“Erugh!” Jess gets grossed out as she realises Yaz has stolen her half chewed sweet from her mouth. “You’re fucking disgusting.”

“You know I’ve done worse.” Yaz says matter of factly, reminding her where else her tongue has been. Jess’ hands appear on Yaz’s hips the second she realises the filth Yaz is referring to and Yaz realises she’s made a mistake. “That wasn’t an invitation.” She has to push Jess back. 

Jess flops face first onto her bed, groaning into her pillow. 

The next day is spent taking the students ice skating and watching from the sidelines hoping to whatever gods there are out there that no one is going to fall and break anything. Jess is right; Omar skates around showing the more playful side of his personality, making them trust him more but he’s not really skating he’s just flapping about like a possessed mad man in a purple shirt. At the end of the session everyone has survived, perhaps with a few bruises but at least it shows that they tried. Yaz, Jess and one of the French teachers help the kids take their skates off since some are quite stiff and tight. Yaz is busy helping out someone else when she notices Bonnie, again on her own trying her best to take off the bulky plastic shoes. She nudges Jess and mouths her name so she can go and help.

“Hi Bonnie.” Doctor Smith goes to help her out. 

“How do you know my name?” Bonnie frowns at her. 

“Ya- Miss Khan told me. She was telling me about your art.” Jess says. Yaz wonders where she’s going with this since she’s only ever told Jess that she’s seen her around with a sketchbook and that she’s quiet.

“No, she was probably telling you about how I have no friends.” She laughs nervously. 

“Of course not! I know she’s a bitch but she’s not that bitchy.”

“Oi!” Yaz pushes Jess’ shoulder. 

“I’m only joking. She said you like to read and draw.”

“I do.” Bonnie confirms, clearly not knowing what else to say. 

“Can I see some of your drawings sometime? Maybe at games night tonight I could have a look?” Jess asks.

“You don’t really want to look at a twelve year olds art.” 

“Stop being so hard on yourself.” Yaz says. “Instead of game night we could also have a little art club. You can’t be the only one here that likes art.” 

Yaz’s suggestion sits well with the young girl although the both of them know it’s probably not going to happen. However, what Yaz does know is that Doctor Smith is loyal to the students that trust her so at some point she will put some time aside to look at and praise her art.

On the way back they stop off at a local market to let the kids see some of the local delicacies and culture. Jess gets drawn to the food stands, specifically the local patisseries, and when she returns to Yaz’s side she holds a bag carrying a pot of olives and tomatoes, a selection of cheeses and meats and a stick of fresh french bread. Yaz doesn’t understand why she got such a selection until they’re sitting down in the hostel dining hall being served French onion soup that any proper French chef would be ashamed to serve in their restaurant, followed by a portion of steak and chips that you could break your teeth on. 

Yaz sets up a game of dodgeball which a lot of the students take interest in and after a couple of games of boys versus girls and a ball ending up on the roof she calls it a day and heads back to her room. She’s not entirely sure what fiasco she’s going to walk into, but she’s certainly not expecting Jess to have prepared and laid out a spread on napkins on top of the small bedside tables. 

“You’re trying to be romantic.” Yaz grins as she feels her teacher skin strip off for perhaps the first time this trip. 

“Is that such a bad thing?” Jess tilts her head and shoves her hands in her pockets. Yaz keeps walking towards her until her arms can slip around Jess’ waist and hold her close. “You look great today.” 

“You don’t have to tell me I look good in every new outfit you see me in.” Yaz says. 

“I want to and I’m going to.” Jess kisses the tip of Yaz’s nose which makes Yaz completely and utterly lose all of the muscle and bone in her body; having to rest her head on Jess’ shoulder to keep herself standing. “You hungry?” Jess mumbles. 

Yaz nods and swiftly gets seated on the pushed together beds and handed a selection of all sorts. The bread is beautifully light and the cheese tastes fresh and so do the tomatoes and olives and grapes. Completely different to the almost brick like baguettes they get given for day trips. It’s not a posh restaurant, but with Jess next to her she feels like she might as well be. Her phone pings and she checks it to see a photo of Ryan with a beaming grin because he’s managed to teach Gaz to sit on his shoulder too. 

“Look Jess.” Yaz hands her phone over for her to see. 

“Sweet.” Jess grins, sharing Ryan’s happiness. 

“What would we do if it was just us on holiday here?” Yaz asks as she puts her phone back away, not wanting anymore interruptions. 

“I dunno. I kind of wanna go to a brie factory.” Jess says.

“You’d take me to a cheese factory?” Yaz stares at her, unimpressed. 

“No. I’d take you to the Eiffel tower and then _you_ would take _me_ to the cheese place.” Jess corrects her. 

Yaz giggles and decides to focus on the part that doesn’t involve food. “The Eiffel tower eh?” 

“Yeah, at night time with all the lights. Maybe the Louvre too. French kiss you in front of Notre Dame.” 

“How romantic.” Yaz over dramatically swoons.

“Anything for you.” Jess plays along however Yaz notices that after she finishes laughing Jess still holds her gaze. Holds her in a silent death grip she can’t escape from easily. At least not without asking. 

“You’re looking at me funny.” Yaz notes out loud. 

“Thinking.” Jess says.

“About what?” Yaz shuffles closer, moving away the napkins covered in breadcrumbs. 

“You.”

“Me?”

“Sitting on my face.”

Yaz pauses at the blunt nature of the words. It feels illegal. Out of the blue. But that doesn’t make her stop Jess from moving in to kiss her. What does ring alarm bells for her though is how her hands move under her chest. How she frantically tries to undress her while her lips distract her up top. 

“Jess we can’t.” Yaz sighs. Of course it feels good having Jess be so needy for her, but her teacher's brain is taking over again and making her remember that this is inappropriate. 

“I’ll be quiet.”

“Jess…” Yaz tries to push her away and manages it, only for Jess to move her attention to Yaz’s neck. “Jess stop.” 

She stops at the word being said loud and clear. Yaz assumes she’s slightly embarrassed at getting so carried away since she keeps her face hidden in the crook of her neck.

“Please.” Jess whispers. 

“I said stop.” Yaz sits up. “Think about where we are Jess, we can’t. I had to tell you the other day as well.” She gets snappy, mood ruined in a matter of moments. 

“I’m sorry, I just-”

“There is no ‘I just’ Jess, it’s not happening.” Yaz snaps again, this time with a little more force. She’s said no and although she trusts and knows that Jess would never try anything without consent it still pisses her off that she’s trying to give her a reason as to why they should.

Jess is verbally silent but Yaz can see her physically contemplating what she wants to do. 

“I’m going for a walk.” Jess announces. 

“What just because I say no to sex you go off in a huff?” Yaz snaps again for a third time but this time it’s an accident. She didn’t mean for it to come out like that at all and she should have thought before she let the words come out.

“No because you’re not giving me a chance to talk to you about what I want to talk about!” Jess raises her voice then calms herself as to not draw attention to their argument. 

“So you can try and change my mind?” Yaz asks, trying to make sense of what they’re actually talking about. She has a strong feeling she’s got the wrong end of the stick. 

“No! Jesus Christ- Yaz how don’t you understand yet that I… you know what you don’t want to talk about it so I won’t.” 

“I do Jess.” Yaz says, starting to regret the way she’s gone around this. 

“You don’t because you’re too busy thinking I just want to have my way with you.” Jess scowls at her. 

Yaz hopelessly watches as Jess gets up and storms towards the door. 

“Jess come back, don’t be stupid- Jess!”

The door slams sending shock waves through the very core of her body. The vibrations push her up and follow in Jess’ footsteps but by the time she pokes her head out of the door Jess is gone and she’s left looking at the trip leader frozen in his step to watch what’s going on. 

“That sounds fun.” Omar snides. “Don’t let the kids see.”

“I know, I know.” Yaz mutters as she hides herself away again. 

Jess comes back after Yaz has gone to bed. Yaz knows, because she hears the scrape of her bed being moved away and she can’t feel or hear Jess breathing next to her. It’s petty, but then when have they ever been smart around their arguments. Yaz swears to herself that she’s going to fix it. She has to. She’s not going to lose Jess over some stupid misunderstanding. 

However the next day- despite them leading a group together- Yaz and Jess are all work mode no personal life. They’re on a trip to the aquarium which will include a 4D interactive experience that will hopefully teach them about climate change and the effects it has on the ocean. The class are wearing headsets that are narrating in English but Yaz can’t pay attention with her girlfriend sitting next to her pretending she doesn’t exist. 

“Jess.” Yaz taps her shoulder, spotting a chance to have a private word while everyone else is learning. 

“I’m listening to the video.” Jess whispers. 

“Jess please.” Yaz begs of her with her hand resting on her thigh. Sighing, Jess removes the headset to let it rest around her neck, allowing Yaz to say her piece. “Just for today can we pretend last night didn’t happen. I’m ready to talk whenever but… just for the trip today. I can’t stand it.”

Jess turns back to the massive cinema screen. Yaz thinks she’s lost her, until she feels the hand on her thigh getting held. 

“Okay.” Jess mutters. Then her hand disappears so as to not show too much affection. 

They get along better after that. Not back to complete normal, but normal enough for their behaviours to not seem out of place. It’s sort of like a shoddy first date between the two of them and Yaz doesn’t know exactly how to go around it. A little bit of banter here, a comment to each other there, making sure no student is left behind. It helps that Bonnie sticks by Yaz’s side since it gives Yaz and Jess something mutual to talk about. When they reach the end of the attraction they see a group of girls surrounding the glass of the penguin section. The glass is low and you can almost reach over and touch them, which Yaz wouldn’t doubt Doctor Smith might do. 

“They’re cute aren’t they.” Yaz says. The group of girls all nod. 

“You distract the CCTV with Miss Khan, I’ll grab one, we’ll be good to go.” Jess dramatically does a sweeping motion with her jacket and laughs. Everyone looks at her like she’s strange. “I’m joking. Petty theft is not good.”

“Petty theft!” Yaz laughs outright at her.

“Alright, maybe more like kidnapping, but look at their little bellies!” Jess points.

“I think one from the gift shop will have to suffice.” Yaz gives a friendly wink and she knows she’s got the girls on her side. 

Jess does in fact buy a tiny little penguin keyring and when they get back she sits it on her pillow. Yaz makes an attempt to talk to Jess about the trip out but all Yaz receives back silence. She shouldn’t be surprised. Jess only agreed to act as normal while they were out and now that they’re back she has no obligation to talk about minor things that are distracting from the bigger picture. 

Tonight for tea time the hostel has organised a disco and barbecue at their sort of recreation hall across the road. A bit of a weird location to have a school hall like building in the middle of a carpark. It is a bit random to have a party in the middle of the week but alas if it keeps the energy levels up the staff are happy to go along with it. And also- it’s almost impossible to mess up cooking a couple of burgers and sausages while also having a spread of snacks so at least everyone will be able to eat something. 

Yaz gets dressed up for the occasion while Jess is in the shower. The kids are all dressed up too, either in onesies as a joke or dressed far older than they are for the sake of feeling grown up. Those are the ones that’ll probably pretend their fizzy drink is actually a vodka and coke and start acting silly. Why do kids feel the need to grow up so fast? She watches them now, pretending to be so grown up when they should be excited about the new series of their favourite show on CBBC or the new edition of their favourite computer game coming out. They’re so desperate to come across as older than they are it saddens Yaz to think they’re wasting their childhood without even knowing it. 

A few kids compliment Yaz’s blue jumpsuit as they pass her. It’s her favourite one, the one with the white flowers and long sleeves. As she stands and observes all these hungry kids she’s getting to know starting to get hungry she spots Jess appearing out of their building. She’s got her boots and her blue trousers that don’t quite reach, but where her outfit differs she wears a navy coloured shirt covered in planets; the bottom part tucked into her trousers. Yaz gets a wave of pure euphoria crashing over her body at the fact that that woman is hers. But there’s a second hidden wave that creeps up on her reminding her they still have a tough conversation to have, and she might lose her if she’s not careful. 

Jess comes to a halt in front of Yaz and the two of them shamelessly look each other up and down. Jess is so attractive Yaz sometimes wonders how such a specimen of humanity managed to fall right into her lap. She also wonders why she never realised she was so attracted to her in the first place.

“You’re wearing what you wore on our first date.” Jess mutters with a little smile. 

“Oh.” Yaz looks down at her clothes and realises. She hadn’t meant to do that. “Yeah, I guess I am.” 

“You look amazing.” Jess reiterates. 

“Is Miss Khan your date, Doctor?” A group of boys in skinny jeans and white tshirts looking like they’re from Grease say, spotting the two of them together. Jess spins around too fast for it to not seem like she was snapping out of some kind of trance.

“This is for you guys, not for us.” Jess deflects. “We’re just here to make sure you lot don't get into trouble.”

“Yeah, no murder on the dancefloor.” Yaz smiles. Jess chuckles at the reference. The students stare blankly at her. “Please tell me you get that or I’ll feel so old.”

The boys shake their head and grimace at her before walking away, getting distracted by something more interesting.

“Yaz can we talk about it?” Jess asks. 

“Now?” Yaz asks, insecure about the amount of people around them. 

“Yeah.” Jess nods her head in the direction away from the crowd of students and starts to walk that way. 

Once a suitable distance out of earshot of everyone else, Yaz waits for Jess to say her piece first. She feels like that has to be done, that Jess gets a chance to speak first and set Yaz right about what she believes the problem is. Despite the shadow of the canteen wall protecting her from the sun Yaz still feels like she’s burning under the pressure.

“You’re not just a shag to me anymore.” Jess says quietly. 

“ _Anymore?”_ Is Yaz’s gut reaction. She has just enough willpower to keep her shock to a minimum volume.

“You know what I mean. That came out different to what I meant.” Jess scratches her head. “Both of us being on this trip was a mistake.”

“Why’d you think that?” Yaz asks to get an insight of her mind.

“Because at the end of a normal day I can come over to your house and have you all to myself. Now we have to be teachers twenty-four seven and… I just want a couple of minutes alone with you before we go to bed but it upsets me that you think I just want your body. If that makes sense?”

“It’s like you miss me even though you’re right next to me.” Yaz says. 

“Pretty much.”

Jess stands open and vulnerable in front of her; heart on her sleeve with puppy dog eyes waiting for Yaz to have her turn to say something.

“Jess I really like you. As a person you’re a little bit out of the ordinary sometimes but that’s just you. And I like _you_ so… I want to make this work but when we’re _at_ _work_ it’s just a bit harder. At least we know now rather than further down the line.” 

“I want to kiss you.” Jess whispers so quietly it’s practically just mouthed words. 

“You can’t.” Yaz says with a chest heavy with regret. Too many people. Too many eyes. “You understand why in that moment I went straight to thinking you were being persistent about… you know?” Yaz doesn’t say the word, still aware that they’re not totally in private. 

Jess nods. “I got my emotions muddled up. Just wanted you, maybe a little too much. I still don’t really think I know how to just be with you.”

“We’ll work on it.” Yaz gently smiles. 

“Everyone! Everyone we’re going to cross over the road in a minute. Please get registered with your group leader then you’ll go over to the party!” Mr Retsam’s voice booms and bounces off the walls like he’s trying to make the windows break. Yaz makes a note to herself never to get on the wrong side of him, just in case she gets so scared she ends up shitting herself. 

Yaz wasn’t sure exactly what was going to happen this evening but personally, she hates it. She manages to get herself standing in front of the door outside to make sure no one escapes. It’s started to lightly rain and being a regular European summer it’s made the air thick and muggy, especially inside with preteens dancing around to loud music. All the quiet kids are wanting to go outside and take a moment to just breathe air that is slightly cooler but in order to save the night from being… well just a bit shit, Omar wants only three people outside at a time and only for a couple of minutes. Finding that entirely unfair Yaz lets about six out at a time and lets them stay for as long as she can without it becoming suspicious. Finally, _finally,_ about half an hour after darkness everyone goes back across the road to their rooms. Yaz is thankful for it to be over. 

“I had to break up a couple of them kissing!” Jess rants as she gets into bed (the two beds pushed together again, meeting in the middle) about how her night went in the midst of all the action. “I didn’t know kids that age knew how to do that- I mean I know the hormones _start_ to kick in around now but bloody hell. Bit young.”

“You’d be amazed.” Yaz rolls her eyes. Teenage relationships were raging at the last school she taught at. 

Yaz lets her clothes pool at her ankles and steps out of them. Picking up the outfit and putting it back into her suitcase rather than the rickety wardrobe knowing she’s not going to wear it again. 

“God you really are so beautiful.” Jess mutters. Yaz turns to look over her shoulder to get a better understanding of what she means by that, although the moment she makes eye contact with her Jess begins to panic. “Not, like, sexy, even though you are sexy, I just meant-”

“You didn’t say anything wrong. I understood.” Yaz reassures her with a smile. 

“Can you put some clothes on though and maybe not bend over like that otherwise I will end up saying the wrong thing.”

“You’re so weak.” Yaz chuckles to herself.

“Is that a challenge? Because I’m pretty sure I’m strong enough to hold you down long enough to make you come a few times over.” Jess slaps her hand over her mouth with wide eyes realising what she’s saying. Yaz’s eyes go wide too at the cheek of her to say such a thing so boldly. “Told you I’d say something inappropriate.” 

Yaz smirks and launches herself on top of Jess- straddling her and holding her down by the shoulders. 

“Flip me over.” 

“Yaz-”

“Try and flip me over. I dare you.” Yaz lays down the gauntlet waiting for Jess to pick it up and accept the challenge. 

“You’re such a brat.” Jess huffs at her. 

“I’m the brat?” Yaz raises an eyebrow. “If you’re so strong, don’t kiss me.” She whispers, pushing their faces closer together.

“Like I said- brat.” 

Yaz teasingly- just to make it harder- lets her eyes drop down to Jess’ lips and back up again, lightly biting down on her own as a devilish invitation. Jess goes into a deadlock stare with Yaz’s lips and feeling thoroughly entertained Yaz pushes it so far to tilt her head to the side. The tiny movement forces the woman below her to shift her gaze to her chest. Unable to look there due to... a couple of reasons Jess moves further down to look at her abs. Deciding she can’t deal with that either Jess doesn’t know where to look to stop herself from drooling. Yaz lets go of Jess’ shoulders to unclasp her bra, letting the garment slide down toned arms and making the blonde screw her eyes shut with stress. 

Jess lets out a quiet groan from the back of her throat. “God, this is so mean of you.”

“Night Jess.” Yaz leaves with a quick peck on her lips. 

“Don’t I get a proper one?” Jess complains. 

“Will you be able to stop?” Yaz asks, shoving her head through the hole in her oversized shirt to cover herself.

“Good point.” 

“I thought so.” Yaz comes over all smug but is humbled by Jess’ struggle to turn onto her side- her back to Yaz. “Jess.” She says her name softly, changing her tone. 

“Hm.” Jess makes a noise to show she’s listening. 

“I’m glad we talked.” Yaz admits, making the feel of the room become far more serious and less playful. Yaz genuinely means it. 

“Me too.”Jess rolls back onto her back. “You really should have said that before you said I can’t kiss you tonight.” 

“I never said you couldn’t kiss me- you agreed that you wouldn’t be able to stop.” 

Jess rolls her eyes at the loophole and kisses Yaz’s cheek instead as an alternative. Then she turns and rests her entire body on top of Yaz, needing to be held and cuddled and touched comfortingly until the pair of them fall asleep in each other's arms.

Next day there’s nothing planned until the afternoon and Yaz and Jess make the most of it by getting an extra half hour in bed, lazing around together when they would usually be getting dressed and revising the itinerary for the day. They’re still dressed and ready to take everyone down to breakfast- a special breakfast today consisting of French toast and a selection of pastries. The two teachers patrol their corridor and check in with students who are choosing to stay inside this morning, asking them how they’re enjoying the trip so far, if they’re sad that it’s almost over in a couple of days and they even join in a few card games. Lunch time they get to eat in the canteen and if anyone wants to try them, there are plates of snails and frogs legs to try. The students attempt to get Yaz and Jess into an impromptu second eating contest but quite frankly getting tired of their constant energy, Jess refuses and to the students her word is final. What Doctor Smith says goes, even if Mr Retsam wants to see it. 

It’s a bit of a drive to the indoor water park but once they’re there all the teachers had to try and calm down all of the excitement. It’s massive. Slides all over the place, crossing over each other suspended in the air and underneath them a selection of pools. Wave pool, regular pool, lazy river and a few hot tubs around the sides as well. They have two hours here all together, fifteen minutes at the start and the end to get changed. 

“Alright?” Yaz asks as she meets with Jess at the side of the pool. 

“I can’t look at you.” Jess averts her eyes. 

“Oh, Come on Jess, it’s literally a one piece.”

“Yeah but…” Jess hesitantly turns to check her out. “You’re the one wearing it.” She mumbles. 

Yaz smiles and pokes under Jess’ chin to get her to look up. She mouths the word ‘quickly’, inviting Jess to have a brief bit of lips to lips contact. 

“Whoa!” Omar's hand appears in between their faces creating a barrier. “Preteens around. Let’s not give them anything to daydream about.” 

“Just a kiss.” Jess grumbles. 

“Come on.” Yaz takes her hand as an alternative. “Let’s get in a hot tub.”

Jess does not get in a hot tub. Well she does, but not for long enough for it to actually relax her. The yellow and purple striped slide calls for her attention and drags her away from Yaz. Yaz in turn ends up in a heated match of water volleyball with what she would describe as ‘the popular’ girls for a good fifteen minutes and then spend another ten playing with the not-so-’popular’ kids who were watching on the sidelines clearly itching for a go but feeling like they weren’t allowed. After that Yaz actually starts to enjoy herself and takes to the other slides and attractions, bumping into Jess a few times with just a few seconds spare to splash her.

By the time the two hours are up Yaz is feeling the burn on her muscles and her ears. Why do swimming pools echo so much? Beats her, but she enjoys being able to jump into a hot shower and be greeted by Jess with a bag full of food. Dinner tonight was abysmal; chicken goujons and rice but the chicken wasn’t cooked in the middle and the veggie option Yaz went for was basically just bread rice and salad. 

“I got you soup and bread.”

“Thank you.” Yaz kisses her cheek to make the meaning of her thanks double. 

“We’ve not got anywhere to warm it up though.” Jess frowns.

“Cold is fine, I’ll take anything. What did you get?” Yaz asks, not wanting Jess to go hungry either. 

“Just a sandwich and some crisps.” Jess shrugs, taking her wrapped goodies out of the bag. 

“Is that all you wanted?” Yaz asks, frowning at her lack of appetite. 

“I’m fine. But we should really eat after the meeting.”

“Shit!” Yaz jumps up, having forgotten that Omar has asked for all staff to meet at the bar tonight to discuss any issues they have.

“We’ve got time to walk over. It's okay.” Jess snickers at her. “I know you’re tired because you’re getting jumpy. Do you want me to lie and say you’ve got a stomachache or something.”

“I’m coming, I’m coming.” Yaz mutters as she catches up to her. 

“Don’t say those words around me right now, I’ll combust.” Jess mumbles under her breath.

Yaz gently pushes Jess’ shoulder. “Behave Doctor Smith.” 

The meeting bores Yaz to her core and she’s overly thankful that she doesn’t have to say anything. Jess reports back about all of their group and Yaz just has to sit there and nod when Jess asks her to back her up about certain students. Other teachers comment on how they can see clear cliques have been formed but all in all they’re made up of kids from different schools which is what they want. Yaz personally doesn’t like the idea of cliques at all and would rather everyone to just be friends but kids that age are fickle and she knows how it goes. 

Having noted that Jess has mentioned about already walking to the shop and buying some food, the rest of the staff now know that Yaz and Jess have no reason to leave the site and therefore can hold down the fort while they all go off and buy themselves a decent meal. After making several comments about Yaz and Jess having to behave themselves while everyone else is gone- comments that are actually losing their humor the more Yaz hears them- all their colleagues disappear leaving two of them to look after over one hundred people. 

“It’s quiet.” Yaz notes; slightly suspicious but not enough to think anything more about it. 

“They’re all probably completely out of it.” Jess places her hand on top of Yaz’s, who is trying to unlock their door but now can’t. “And since they’re all out...” Yaz freezes as Jess’ face gets closer and closer. 

“You sure you’ll be okay? Be able to stop again?” Yaz checks.

“Will you?” Jess asks. 

Those two words create a shift in how Yaz feels. This whole trip so far Yaz has felt weird at the idea of being intimate with Jess while they’re technically at work but the way she says it… the way she calls her out like that so simply. Reminding her that this isn’t just one sided and she knows what she can do to her in return. Jess smirks as her face approaches.

“Doctor Smith!” 

Yaz gasps at almost getting caught. Jess tilts her head back like she’s pushing tears back into her eyes.

“Please, lord, I just want to kiss my- hey! What’s up?” 

Yaz watches as Jess manages to switch back to her regular high energy level- not like she just got completely blue balled. 

“I really don’t want to be a snitch but there’s a party going on in the other building and I’m really tired and I just want to sleep and I couldn’t find any other teachers and...” 

“Hey, hey it’s okay.” Yaz crouches down immediately taking the role of caregiver. “They shouldn’t be doing that. You have every right to be able to sleep peacefully.”

“Where’s your room and where’s the noise coming from?” Jess asks, sounding very defensive. 

“In the other building, I’m on the first floor, they’re on the second.” She wipes away her tears of stress.

“It’s alright sweetheart, we’ll sort it. Come with us.” Yaz straightens up and sticks by the young girl's side while Jess leads all the way into the other building.

Once inside the walls of the building and up the first flight of stairs Yaz can clearly hear voices and unnecessary noise coming from the floor above. 

“Ooh, no absolutely not.” Jess mutters and heads straight up while Yaz makes sure the young girl is reassured and sent back to her room.

Yaz runs to catch up and somehow the two teachers stand at the entrance of the hallway watching what must be almost the entire group mill around in front of one open door. Anyone with a brain can guess that that room belongs to the mastermind of this operation. 

“Come on, out of the corridor and to your rooms, everyone!” Yaz shouts. Realising there are now teachers present, they all pause in shock. The chatter stops. The music is the only thing that’s keeping the place from being silent. 

“Out! Now! Before I give you all detention for the final week of school!” Doctor Smith shouts louder and if Yaz is honest, it scares her a little. This is such a different kind of shout compared to what she’s used to. Angry. Fueled by fire and rage.

Everyone else notices it too. Doctor Smith is mad, so is Miss Khan, and it’s best that they do as she says or they’re going to be in really deep shit. They start to head out, moving as fast as they can once they’ve got past the party police whispering to each other about how scandalous it is that they’ve been caught out. Yaz and Jess make their way through the hallway, shooing away kids with sharp stares and hostile body language until they reach the open door. Yaz thought they would have all skedaddled by now, too fearful of what’s going to happen next but it seems the party in here is still going, oblivious to their arrival. 

“Everyone that doesn’t sleep in this room, shift it! Now!” Doctor Smith shouts. 

Yaz tries not to laugh at how a fair few of them jump in surprise, nor how a couple of them slip out of the bathroom. She pretends not to see the latter at all but still stares every one of them down as they leave and the room falls silent. Yaz takes the liberty to flick on the lightswitch so they can see who’s left.

Three boys stand with their heads hung low and Yaz sighs as she sees a no longer homesick Jamie standing furthest away. 

“I take it you’re the ones that organised this?” Yaz asks. 

“Yes Miss.” The boys hang their heads low. They look just like that: boys. Scared little boys that know they’re in trouble.

“Why’d you think this was appropriate?” Yaz asks. 

“You were all in a meeting.” One of them speaks timidly.

“That’s not a reason as to why it was appropriate, that’s the reason you thought you could get away with it.” Yaz says. 

“Mr Retsam will be hearing about this and there will be a consequence for you three.” Doctor Smith pulls out the big guns. 

“No- Doctor Smith please.” 

“No. A situation like this is so frustrating.” Yaz knows that there’s a second meaning to ‘frustrating’. “We trust you as young almost teenagers to have more sense and respect than this. I expect you not to leave this room again until tomorrow morning and I expect you to be prepared to come up with a better explanation before Mr Retsam gets here.” She turns to Yaz. “Miss Khan could you get him up here please.” 

“‘Course Doctor Smith.” Yaz agrees.

Thankfully as Yaz steps out of the building into the evening air Omar is arriving back with a little smirk on his feral face and a bag of goodies in his hand. 

“Thought you’d be a bit busy by now.” He grins. Yaz wants to punch him in the face. Blow him up along with the planet they stand on. 

“Might’ve been if they hadn’t all decided to host their own party.” Yaz says. 

“What?” Omar gets serious.

“Doctor Smith needs your assistance.” She gestures to the building behind her.

“Fucking kids.” He mumbles. Yaz agrees with him. 

It’s very awkward having to stand there next to Jess while Omar gives his speech. Yaz thought they would be able to just walk away and let him deal with the punishment but he wanted them there as witnesses like what has happened is a crime like no other. She guesses it’s a blessing that this is the youngest group of students they could have taken on a trip and not one that is old enough to know what sex is or the darker side of house parties. Although this isn’t exactly a house and they’re not their parents. By the time Mr Retsam is done Yaz feels like she’s been told off too and so exhausted by it, both Yaz and Jess fall asleep the second they get into bed. 

The start of the final full day in France almost comes as a blessing to Yaz. She can feel herself getting more and more tired, drained. She wants to sleep in her own bed again, see her pet, go back to her regular diet and exercise routine and she knows Jess is feeling it too. She knows Jess wants to go back to her clothes smelling of her lab, doing wacky experiments, teaching her regular students, eating with Yaz, eating out Yaz, the list goes on. Just another 48 hours and they can have a rest. Be normal humans not Miss Khan and Doctor Smith. 

Today they take the students bowling at a local youth center and then to the beach. Thanks to health and safety reasons though, they can’t let any of the kids go more than an ankle deep in water. Jess buys Yaz an ice lolly that secretly they share without anyone seeing that they’re sharing while they watch a freshly developed group of young people

“Jess.” Yaz says her name as the pair of them stand in the sand and watch over a group of friends organizing a sand sculpture competition. 

“Yes Miss Khan?” 

“Are you okay?” Yaz asks.

“Fine and dandy, why?” Jess asks.

Yaz chews the inside of her cheek feeling unsure whether she can mention “It’s just I saw the way you picked up those bowling balls.”

Jess chokes on the icelolly, almost dropping it in the sand. “Are you saying you were looking at my fingers?”

Yaz feels her face go hot and she’s suddenly very glad that she’s wearing sunglasses. “Wha-no- I never- I just- I wasn’t- the same way you keep looking at me wearing these shorts?”

“Am not!” Jess jumps to defend herself but Yaz can see it in her pinking cheeks. 

“Jesus we’re such a mess.” Yaz mutters. 

“Do you think we’ll still be like this even when we’re old?” Jess asks, evidently not really thinking clearly about what’s coming out of her mouth.

Yaz’s ears prick up at the mention of the future. “How old?” She asks. 

Jess’ mouth opens and closes a few times like a fish, unable to come up with the right response and Yaz is happy to wait for an answer. Totally fine to wait and see if she’s going to try and wriggle out of the implication or if she’s elaborate. The longer the pause goes on the more Jess fidgets.

“Hey! Don’t go that far guys!” 

Jess runs away with her cheeks a dark red colour, using a responsibility as a teacher as an excuse. Yaz doesn’t know whether to feel scared or happy about how Jess has started to refer to the two of them together in the future. But the way her lips curl into a smile and her heart skips a beat at the idea of Jess imaging sharing her life with her. 

“Want another drink?”

Jess asks Yaz with such care Yaz shuffles her chair closer to her. They’re sitting away from everyone else who are drinking and playing card games together around a table a few meters away, seemingly not missing their presence at all. Yaz doesn’t mind. 

“Nah, I’m good thanks.” Yaz puts her arm possessively around the back of Jess’ chair. “You sure you don’t want to go over and spend time with them?” She has to ask to be sure. Jess is better friends with all of them and she doesn’t want her choosing her over them.

“You’re the only person I want to spend time with right now. I must admit I thought this week might make me want to live in my own house for a week to balance it out but it’s actually gone a lot better than I thought it would. I really do like you and I still just want to be with only you.” Jess smiles and picks up the glass that holds the final drop of her drink. “And that was a very long winded way to say yes I’m sure.”

“Jess.” Yaz places her hand on her girlfriend's thigh.

“Hm?” 

“Kiss me.” Yaz asks of her, overwhelmed with her sudden burst of love for the woman with too many words. 

“What here?” Jess hesitantly looks around. “In front of-”

“Kiss me.”

“Okay.” Jess stutters as Yaz encroaches in on her space. 

Yaz feels like she explodes once their lips meet. Once she has her, she doesn’t let Jess go. Doesn’t want to let her go. Hasn’t wanted to let her go since they first did it. She wants her to kiss her deep and lovingly and so in tune with her Jess moves her hand to the back of Yaz’s neck and helps that want become reality. Yaz feels physically sick at the thought of having put this off for so long and it doesn’t help that she refuses to move away until she seriously needs to breathe. She pulls back with a million words to say to Jess herself- everything she didn’t realise she wanted to say at the beach but yet again she’s rendered speechless by how much she can see Jess wants her plastered all over her face. 

“When we get back...” Jess’ breath shakes. Yaz can feel it.

“I’m all yours.” Yaz drags the tip of her nose along Jess’ jaw all the way to the corner. “Anything you want.” She tilts her head down and presses a kiss against her neck with the tip of her tongue flicking against her pulse point. 

“Fliping hell Yaz.” Jess mumbles through gritted teeth. 

“Forgotten how to swear?” Yaz whispers with a sly smile. “Don’t worry, I can help you remember.” 

Yaz smiles as she tilts her head round to kiss her again. Jess isn’t hesitant and Yaz doesn’t care if they’re pushing their time and any second now their colleagues are going to notice what they’re doing hidden away in this corner. Yaz even gets a short-lived moment where she considers taking Jess back to their room now but can’t think of a way to keep Jess quiet so abandons the idea. Best to wait. Just one more day. They’ll be fine. Maybe. Maybe not. Yaz can’t think about that now, all she can think about is how Jess keeps trying to get their bodies closer to each other as they kiss. 

Someone wolf whistles loud enough to grab Yaz’s attention and make them stop. Or at least Yaz stops and turns; Jess hides herself in Yaz’s shoulder. 

“Someone’s going to need a cold shower.” Omar projects his voice. Annoyingly, all of their colleagues laugh in agreement. 

“More like freezing.” Jess whispers. “I can’t do this.” She gets up, unsteady in her boots without having to touch a single drop of alcohol. 

“Where are you going?” Yaz asks.

“If we can’t do anything together I’ll have to do something on my own.” Jess blushes. 

“Wait.” Yaz grabs her hand and gets her to sit down again. “Can’t you wait until tomorrow?”

“Yaz I swear at this point Cardi B wrote that song about me. If something doesn’t happen I’ll be uncomfortable the whole way-”

“Let’s go then.” Yaz decides, not giving herself time to go against her gut instinct. 

“What?” Jess freezes. 

“For the sake of sorting each other out let’s go.” She gets up out of her seat, every step building her confidence in her decision. She hadn’t realised how uncomfortable her underwear was getting until she’s standing. 

“You have a go at me for even suggesting it at the start and now you’re-”

“Do you want to or not?” Yaz says to stop Jess from arguing her point- even if it is valid and she is right to be bringing it up. 

“Yes- but Yaz wait.”

“What now?” Yaz asks, quickly becoming impatient.

“They’re going to notice we’re gone at the same time.”

Yaz looks over at them all, drinking and chatting without them without a care in the world. 

“They’re too drunk to notice.” She decides.

“Are we really gonna do this?” Jess asks. Yaz doesn’t have to say anything. Only smiles. 

Back in their room Yaz doesn’t waste time. Jess is right. If they don’t now, then Yaz’ll be trying to control a coach full of of tired preteens while in the back of her mind she’s imagining slamming Jess up against her bedroom door which would just be downright inappropriate. And yes, she knows she’s protested this entire situation for days and she still has a little gut feeling that she shouldn’t be doing this but the moment she rests on her stomach between Jess’ legs, facing boxers with a notable dark damp patch, she knows she’s doing the right thing. Peeling them away and pushing Jess apart by her knees she uses her mouth to tease at her labia, spreading her with her tongue, wanting to taste the state she’s got her in before setting to work. She tastes warm, silky and everything Yaz wants for the rest of her life and more. Yaz could play with her forever like this. 

“Yaz, please.” Jess whimpers trying to keep her voice low and undetectable to anyone outside these walls. 

Yaz drags her tongue away from the pool of arousal she could drink from all night and pushes it flat against Jess’ bundle of nerves, sending Jess’ hand flying up to her mouth to stop desperate noises escaping. The level of restraint she’s exhibiting sets every nerve under Yaz’s skin on fire- making her heart beat and her skin sweat and her pupils blow and Jess hasn’t even undressed her yet. Yaz places one hand on Jess’ stomach to get her arched back back down to the mattress while two fingers on the other hand nestle under her chin and swipe through Jess’ arousal until her fingers are wet enough to push inside her. She feels just as good as she tastes, warm and wet around her fingers leaving Yaz with her own dilemma; keep teasing or fuck her senseless to fulfill her own desire.

Yaz keeps her movement steady and paced since Jess is reacting like every touch is sending electric currents through her. Yaz knew she’s been needing attention for a couple of days now but she didn’t quite expect her to be like this, begging for her with every buck of her hips. With a slight increase in speed from both her hands and her mouth Yaz feels Jess hold onto her head with both hands, keeping her in place. However Yaz pushes past her hands and places her spare one over Jess’ mouth when the blonde makes a noise so grotesque Yaz feels dirty. A kind of dirty that makes her nipples press against the fabric of her bra and her heart pound that little bit faster inside her ribcage.

“Shut up! Shut up seriously Jess shut up.” Yaz whispers as loud as she can, fearful that that slip up is what’s going to get them found and fired or at least names and shamed to their superior.

“I can’t.” Jess whines at her when Yaz takes her hand away. Yaz feels a wave of liquid put the final nail in her underwear's coffin. “I can’t, you’re too good.”

“You really don’t need to try and flatter me when my fingers are already- oh shit.” 

Jess bites down on Yaz’s collarbone to stop herself from moaning. Less than a second later Yaz feels her tense and pulse around her fingers while low vibrations from Jess’ mouth travel through her bones. The combination of sensations makes Yaz’s eyes roll and she can feel her ability to control herself beginning to fizzle away. There’s no other feeling like this, making the woman under you unravel- even if they are reduced to do it quietly. 

Right on time when she needs it Jess kisses her to give Yaz at least something while her hands fumble with her jeans that feel like they’re stuck to her skin. Throwing the fabric away Yaz shuffles up Jess’ body until she’s kneeling above her face. Just the feeling of Jess’ lips pressing, nipping and sucking at the flesh of her thighs and the whispers of breath as she switches from left to right distracts Yaz from removing her top; it’s only when Jess’ hands wander up her sides does she remember. Even so, now completely bare to the room Jess is still taking her time working her way up and Yaz can’t take it. She needs her. 

With a stroke of genius Yaz curls her fingers into Jess’ hair, tilting her head away from her thighs and silently hinting to her that this is the moment she needs more- she needs her to do something drastic to her before she combusts. Jess takes the hint with a smirk and a raised eyebrow and dives in head first and in a beautiful dance like motion Yaz’s body jolts forward while Jess lays her head back down on the pillow. Yaz uses one hand to grip onto the headboard and the other, still slightly salty from Jess, covers her mouth to stop her from cursing. Her tongue feels so good dipping inside and around her, soothing the ache and the burn that’s built up. Jess’ hands squeeze and grope at her bum keeping Yaz sat firmly on top of her. Yaz worries in the back of her mind that she’s chasing after her mouth so much she’s going to end up suffocating her or breaking her neck but upon remembering how much Jess has wanted this specific position to happen Yaz trusts that Jess will tap out if she needs to.

She wants to moan. She wants to whisper praises to her girlfriend and beg her to make her come but not trusting her mouth or the thin walls Yaz takes to grinding on her face to the rhythm of her tongue instead. In addition to more attention being paid to her clit Jess’ hand comes up and cups her breast and without thinking Yaz places her hand on top of hers, keeping her there as her mouth drops open. She must be a sight. Especially from the angle Jess is at. 

Yaz feels like she might end up puncturing her lip with her teeth when she feels herself about to peak. The more she rocks her hips the harder it becomes to not make the bed rock and keep her mouth shut. When Jess finally makes her come Yaz can only feel herself shake and try not to smother and suffocate Jess with her most intimate parts but still, Jess keeps her on her mouth and makes the most of her lips and her tongue to draw out and clean up every drip of Yaz’s pleasure. 

Tired, Yaz gets laid on her back and being the ball of energy Jess is, Yaz can only lay there while the other woman clambers on top, hooking Yaz’s leg over her hip and kissing all over her neck and chest. 

“I love you Miss Khan.” Jess mumbles against Yaz’s jaw. Yaz smiles and lazily drapes her arm around her back to hold her. 

“I can’t wait to do that at home.” Yaz sighs breathlessly with her eyes still half closed. 

“I wanna take you out on a date. I want to have you all to myself. I want- I want to not worry about being quiet and-”

“Calm down Jess.” Yaz takes to stroking her hair to get Jess down from her high.

“You don’t think they heard do you?” Jess asks, referring to the students in the rooms around them.

“Nah, they should all be asleep.” Yaz says positively. 

“I kind of feel bad about it.” 

“Jess which is worse, using toys on a student's desk in the school loudly or in our own room at night almost silently?” Yaz asks to try and make her see sense. Yaz herself still feels a little odd but she wouldn’t go back and change anything given the chance. 

“Just as bad as each other if I’m honest.” Jess mumbles, laying herself on her side next to Yaz.

“Don’t tell me you regret it.” 

“God, of course not. Course not I’ve never regretted anything with you. Other than, you know, the fighting.” 

“I love you.” Yaz says, letting her eyes drift closed so that every touch of aftercare Jess is giving her feels like double. 

“Yaz.”

“Yeah.” Yaz responds to the sound of her name, so delicate being said by Jess. 

“I’m falling.” Jess says, tightening the grip her hand has on Yaz’s waist.

“For me?” Yaz smiles. 

“No, I'm falling through the crack in the beds, help.” 

The next morning Yaz and Jess appear from their room with a secret on their shoulders. Yaz _literally_ has a secret marked on her shoulder as well as the couple in between her thighs. No one has a clue. As they go around making sure every room on their floor is up and ready to go to breakfast a couple of bright eyed kids note how upbeat Yaz is, which she just passes off as excitement over going home and seeing her hamster. 

At breakfast everyone is sticking to the cereal and toast as usual. As Yaz eats, Omar appears at her side and utters the word she’s been expecting to hear. 

“You and your lover disappeared quite quickly last night.” He says under his breath so Jess doesn’t hear.

“We were tired.” Yaz says simply. “Thought it best to have an early night. Also since neither of us were drinking we were getting a bit bored.” 

Omar stares at her, trying to sniff out a lie. Yaz stands her ground not letting her demeanor change, 

“Fair enough.” He says. Yaz tries to hide her smug ‘I got away with it’ smile and Mr Retsam turns his attention to the students. “Oi! Listen up!” He claps his hands together.

The room settles. 

“I’m going to explain what’s happening today and Doctor Smith is going to do a dramatic visual demonstration to help you memorize it.”

“Jess?”

Yaz questions as the woman next to her stands up on the table. Jess winks down at her, giving her a thumbs up too. It’s clear she knows what she’s doing.

“Film this.” Jess instructs. Yaz gets out her phone without a second thought. 

“Once breakfast is done AKA when I’m done speaking with you…” Everyone laughs at Jess miming someone nagging in her ear with her hand. Yaz imagines how many times she must have played this role in the past with the two of them on the trip considering Omar looks genuinely annoyed at her. “we’re going to all go outside and have a group picture taken. After that you’ll have an hour to make sure you’re completely packed. You’ll need to strip your beds,” Jess breaks out into a dance like reconstruction of what it’s like stripping fitted sheets. That draws a little giggle out of Yaz. “make sure you’ve got all your belongings with you.” Some over-exaggerated looking around from Jess, like she’s on a pirate ship. “Then us teachers will come and double check the rooms to make sure they’re all okay and you’ve not broken anything. Then we’ll get on the coaches and catch the train back at home where we’ll time travel back an hour.”

“OOOO WEEEE OOOOOOOOO!” Doctor Smith spins around and makes a noise like she’s on a spaceship. That earns her another eruption of laughter for looking so stupid.

“So don’t forget to reset your watches. Once we’re back on home soil we’re going to stay at a service station and have a quick travel break because it’s a four hour drive back to School. Then finally we can all go home and have a nice meal with our families and a good night sleep. Sound good?” Omar asks. Pumped up by the performance the two teachers have given them, an enthusiastic cheer of ‘yes sir’ rattles through the canteen. “Give Doctor Smith a hand everyone.” 

Omar helps Jess down from on top of the table as everyone claps and cheers and Yaz notices her wiping her hands against her top as she takes her seat again. 

“Retsam cooties.” 

The trip back involves a lot of sleeping but it’s a bit different this time. Coming here, the students were tired from waking up early and when they were awake they were excited for the trip that was laid out in front of them. Leaving the country they’re all tired and irritable, wanting to make the most of their final few hours without parents and with their friends. Yaz looks out of the window for most of the remainder in France, reminding herself to get Jess to bring her on holiday here again on their own time. 

The students wake up to run around the service station on the other side of the channel. The teaching staff have a handful of trouble trying to keep the kids they’re in charge of caring for out of it. However Yaz manages to sneak a ten minute lunch break in with Jess in the midst of all the craziness. That makes it worth it. 

Once back on the busses arguments and football chants take center stage and with each one it gets harder and harder to control. During one of the quiet breaks Yaz gets a well timed call from her mum, asking if she’s home yet. Knowing Najia Khan is the ultimate sport, Yaz uses her own mother as an opportunity to keep a coach full of students entertained and tells them all to say hi. All Yaz can do after that is help the more rehearsed teachers keep the peace. As the roads become more and more familiar Yaz has to try and not let herself relax too much. The second they’re back there’s only one bus lane they can go into since the other is full of parents cars. Yaz and the other teachers she’s with have to wait for Mr Retsam to step on to the coach and give a speech about how he’s proud about how they presented themselves as a school and he and the rest of the staff have loved going away with them, blah blah blah. 

Even then once they’re released from the confines of the coaches Yaz’s job is not done- helping the driver unload the bags isn’t exactly part of her job description but it’s the best she can do to thank him. Yaz hopes he gets paid enough for driving around a load of twelve year olds. He shakes her hand when all the bags are unloaded. She gets approached by a few kids thanking her for being cool all trip and wishing her a good weekend. Yaz almost forgets that Jess is coming home with her until the bus lanes are empty and she sees her leaning against the railing that splits them. 

“Nice work Miss Khan.” Jess says like she’s proud of her.

“Same to you Doctor Smith.” Yaz gets drawn in towards her like Jess is the center of gravity to her universe. 

“Can I have Yaz now?” Jess asks, opening her arms. 

“Only if I can have Jess.”

Yaz tucks herself into the hug like Jess is a warm blanket. It’s nice to finally be able to show affection in the open air, outside of the enclosed hostel room with the curtains closed. They don’t have to worry about their sighs of contentment being overheard because everyone’s gone home. It’s finally only them left.

“We did it.” Jess’ voice is muffled against her neck. 

“Survived.” Yaz can’t help but smile.

“I need to just check my lab quickly. Come with me?” 

Turns out Yaz has no choice but to go with her since Jess’ keys are locked inside of Yaz’s car- a car of which it’s keys have been kept in the safe in the PE department safe. Yaz finds Jon the janitor and he lets them in. She unlocks the safe, takes her personal belongings and hands Jess her car key so that she can grab her keys. Yaz should have just stayed in her car and waited for Jess to retrieve whatever it is she needs but her gut instinct tells her that if she doesn’t go Jess will take forever and they’ll never get home and have a decent meal. So she follows her through the near empty school making sure she doesn’t doordle. 

“Hello lab! Hello gas taps! Hello tables with graffiti I’ve been trying to get rid of! Hello emergency eye wash, I’ve missed you all so much.” Jess throws her arms out wide as if to hug the room the second she unlocks the door and flings it open. 

“Hurry up Jess I want to get home.” Yaz pleads, scared that Jess is going to greet every single item she comes across. 

“Alright!” Jess attempts to sass her. “Wait- it’s not here.”

“What’s not here?” Yaz asks, not seeing anything missing or different. 

“John usually leaves a drawing on the whiteboard for when I get back.” Jess’ face scrunches up into a frown.

“And you couldn’t have waited until Monday to find this out?” Yaz yawns to emphasize her point.

“It’s suspicious.” She squints staring at the empty board at the front of the room. 

“Home.” 

Yaz manages to drag her away and successfully get her into the car while Jess rambles to herself the possibilities as to why her brother could have forgotten. Yaz doesn’t get the point. Really she doesn’t get anything at the moment because she wants to just get home. She wants a fresh pair of pajamas on her body, her bum on the sofa and the delivery guy at her door. She even lets out a groan of pure relief when she steps back inside of her house. Her home where everything smells nice and everything is still in the same place it was left. 

“Ryan is here please don’t start doing stuff in front of me again and please say you’re both fully clothed!” Ryan says. Yaz peers into the living room to see Ryan with both his hands over his eyes. 

“You can look mate, it’s okay.” Yaz laughs. 

“Alright. Good.” Ryan removes his hands and looks them both up and down, just to be sure. “I thought you’d be back later?”

“Motorway wasn’t too bad.” Yaz shrugs. “Still felt like an eternity though.” 

“Your grandad’s at the bus stop chatting to the coach drivers. You might want to go and drag him away.” Jess says. Yaz doesn’t remember seeing him there but she was too focused on getting home to notice. 

“Is that you trying to get me to leave?” Ryan asks. 

“No, don’t be stupid.” Jess waves her hand at him 

“She looks grumpy.” Ryan explains the thought behind his question. 

“I’m not grumpy!” Jess whines, her accent popping out. “Hungry, yes, grumpy, no.” 

“Oh my god Ryan the food was only just bearable.” Yaz rushes into telling dramatic stories from the past week.

“I know dude, everyone says that.” Ryan laughs at her like she should be over the shock of it by now. Jess pokes her in the back.

“Can we get a takeaway? Please please please please please.” Jess begs her. 

“What d’you want?” Yaz asks for her preference. 

“Chicken that isn’t bloody raw in the middle. I’m going to shower and get changed.” 

Jess kisses Yaz’s cheek briefly as she leaves, narrated by her footsteps marching upstairs. Yaz, still under the thought that she needs to keep all kinds of affections under her hat, unseen and unheard, feels her cheeks go hot.

“Is she helping you pay the bills now?” Ryan asks. 

“What?” Yaz doesn’t get what he’s going on about. 

“She basically lives here.” Her friend lightly gestures at the fact Jess’ suitcase sits in her hallway alongside hers. 

“And?” Yaz shrugs, not seeing a problem.

“I’ll leave you both to it.” Ryan pushes his hands into his jacket pockets and politely smiles.

“Hey-” Yaz places a friendly hand on his shoulder. “-thank you. For looking after him.”

“No problem.” Ryan grins and looks back at the glass cage. “I like the little dude.” 

“Yaz?” Jess calls for her. 

“I’m off.” Ryan waves goodbye, knowing when he’s outstayed a welcome (although Yaz doesn’t mind him being there literally any other time). 

Yaz makes her way upstairs not expecting much- maybe the water’s gone a funny colour from not being used for a week- only to be met by Jess standing nude in the middle of her bathroom. 

“Whoa- you are… very naked.” Yaz has to do a double take and keep herself from blatantly staring. 

“Soon you will be too.” Jess says, taking her hand. 

“Jess, not yet, I want to eat first. I’m hungry.” Yaz’s words are her only resistance as Jess drags her inside. 

“I meant shower with me.” Jess smiles gently. How can Yaz ever say no to that smile. “Maybe kiss me a bit too since we’re finally properly alone.” 

“And that has to happen in the shower?” Yaz raises an eyebrow.

“Since you like my body wash so much we might as well.” Jess grumbles as Yaz lets her remove whatever item of clothing she chooses. There’s no point in fighting. 

“You’re really hung up on that body wash thing aren’t you?” Yaz smirks at how something so small has gotten under her skin. 

“Absolutely, haven’t stopped thinking about it.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> we're 18 chapters in and I still can't decide which one of them is the top


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> uuuuh yeah half of this I wrote on painkillers after having my wisdom teeth removed so good luck I guess?

“He’s got something up his sleeve for me, I’m telling you.” 

Jess rather aggressively puts down two plates of spaghetti bolognese down on the table, one for her and one for Yaz. The first day back Jess had been so insistent that John has something planned to surprise her with so when nothing turned up this morning she’s been on edge ever since.

“Well whatever it is it can’t be that bad.” Yaz sits down and hands out the cutlery. 

“You don’t know what my brother is capable of.” Jess tears the garlic bread in half for them to share. Yaz would have preferred her to use, you know, a bread knife but hand tearing is fine too.

Yaz just twirls the pasta around and plays with her food as she watches Jess slurp hers up like a child. Why does she love her so much? Why does this woman, this educated, well spoken, literate, dignified, intense woman with sauce already staining the corners for her mouth set off such a reaction inside her? A reaction so strong she didn’t even know how to interpret it at first.

“Jess can I speak to you about something?” Yaz asks. 

“You can speak to me about anything Yaz, go ahead.” Jess sits forward formally in her chair.

“You’re using your teacher's voice.” Yaz alerts her. She hates it when work comes home with her, etched into her body and being. 

“Sorry. Busy day.” Jess makes herself shake it off. “What’s up?”

“I’ve been thinking… and you don’t have to say yes, I just thought because you’re here all the time anyway but… wanna move in with me?” Yaz asks. It makes her so nervous to ask. 

Jess sets down her cutlery and uses a bit of kitchen towel to wipe her mouth. It’s an action that doesn’t take long but to Yaz it feels like forever. 

“Move in with you?” Jess repeats. 

“Yeah.”

“Here?”

“Yes.”

Jess raises an eyebrow. “What, so you can have my body on tap?” 

“I already have that.” Yaz replies with the same level of quick wit. 

“Yaz…” Jess sighs and shuffles, all traces of playful teasing leaving her.

“Forget I said anything.” Yaz is quick to brush it off. She shouldn’t have suggested it, it’s too soon anyway and Jess probably still wants her own place to go back and relax in. 

“No wait. Wait wait wait wait wait.” Jess scoots and scrapes her chair around the table so that she ends up right next to Yaz, able to take her hand. “You know I like it here but we haven’t actually been together that long. Are you sure me moving in wouldn’t be rushing?” Jess asks. 

“You’re here all the time anyway.” Yaz shrugs timidly. 

“You’d have all my shit in your house and I own a lot of shit. I’d be here in your hair all the time day in day out, no escape from me.” 

“Why are you trying to put me off the idea?” Yaz scowls at her for talking about herself like she’s the issue. 

“I’m not, I’m just saying it’s a serious thing you’re suggesting.”

“I am serious about you.” Yaz squeezes her hand. “Move in with me.” She repeats. 

“You sure it will make you happy?” Jess asks. 

“Yeah.” Yaz nods. 

She doesn’t know what Jess is going to say until she says it and it’s setting her on edge. 

“Okay then.” Jess removes her hand and smiles. 

“Really?” Yaz has to stop herself from grinning in case she’s celebrating too soon. 

“Yeah really. I’ll move in with you.” Jess kisses her cheek then shuffles herself back around to her food. “Can start with the box of certain toys that are under my bed.” 

“You have a box of sex toys?” Yaz’s smile turns sly. 

“You don’t?” Jess asks like she’s insane.

“I mean you haven’t told me about it before.”

“You’ve never slept over at my flat.” Jess winks. 

The next day Yaz teaches as normal but secretly inside her head she’s thinking about where to put Jess’ stuff. Not the purple sofa though, that can go, but everything else; her lab door turned coffee table, her pictures of her receiving her doctorate, her pictures of her family, her clothes, her trinkets, Yaz has enough room for it all. She realises she will always have room for Jess. 

“Are you staying late?” Yaz asks striding into the lab like she owns the place at the end of the day.

“No, give me a second, I’ll be with you. I’m just ordering something.”

Jess continues to type away at the teacher's desk. Intrigued as to what she’s so busy doing, Yaz sneaks up behind her and strokes her spine, trying to get her to sit up straighter before she becomes a hunchback.

“Anything interesting?”

“Moving boxes.” Jess says, clicking through the different size options.

“I thought we were waiting for the summer holidays for you to move in?” Yaz asks.

“We are but I want to get a head start on packing now or I’ll end up getting distracted and then I’ll never get around to it. You know how I am.”

“I like to think I do.” Yaz quietly smiles letting her arms fall over Doctor Smith’s shoulders.

“Trust me you do. Probably better than even I know myself by now.”

Yaz happily plants her face in Jess’ hair ready to patiently wait until she’s done so they can go home and probably just do the exact same thing with an added level of laziness. It’s been a busy second day back and Yaz is pretty sure the two of them are ready for the school year to end tomorrow if it could. 

“Your back is full of knots again.” Yaz tells her as she notices. Jess is always hunched over, tensed while she’s working day in day out, in school and out of school. She’s surprised Jess doesn’t complain about it more but perhaps it’s so normal for her than Yaz thinks and she’s never given it a second thought until now. 

“Are you offering to sort me out?” Jess asks. 

“Does it hurt?” Yaz asks, starting to probe more with her finger. 

“Sometimes. Usually right after I wake up.”

Without being asked to Yaz massages Jess’ shoulders and the base of her neck trying to untie all the knots under her skin. It’s amazing that so much must go through her head on a daily basis that it physically affects her to the point where she’s so stiff. Yaz loves how her mind works and her ethics but blimey she needs to give herself a break every now and then. When she comes across a particularly tight patch Jess bends away from her and moans.

“Christ I need to ask you to do this to me more oft-”

“Ah!”

“Ah!” 

Both Jess and Yaz replicate the shocked exclamation with Yaz only briefly stepping away from Jess before realising it’s just Jon the janitor.

“Oh no, wait sorry. I thought I was witnessing something I didn’t want to see. Again.” The old man recovers. 

“You said you didn’t see any of it.” Yaz says.

“I saw enough.” Jon raises his bushy eyebrows, which is a little bit scary since Yaz always thought they never traveled more than halfway up his forehead. 

“How was last week for you?” Jess changes subject. 

Jon scoffs. “Take the students out of their school uniforms and they run wild. Fire bell went off a fair few times and Miss Jones had to deal with a kid that snorted salt off this desk.” He taps the tip of his broom against the leg of the table he’s next to. 

“Idiots.” Jess mutters like it’s a common occurrence. 

“Doctor Smith?” 

The door opens again and two young lads come in with a camera labeled ‘media department’ on it. 

“Hello! What can I help you with?” Jess welcomes them gracefully. Yaz fiddles with some papers pretending to pack up. Her desk is such a mess Yaz is confused as to how Jess can find anything.

“Do you want to take part in the staff video for the end of year? We’ve already done the department shots but you were on the French trip.” The taller one explains. 

“Absolutely. Never said no! When d’you want me?” Jess immediately agrees. 

“Actually…” They timidly turn towards Yaz. “Miss Khan, we hoped you would do a bit with Doctor Smith? Like a skit.” 

Yaz folds her arms over her stomach and looks to Doctor Smith. Clearly she’s had experience in this but does she know the nature of the skits they make? Doctor Smith looks back at Yaz and everything about her suggests that Yaz should be trusting.

“What kind of skit are we talking about?” Yaz asks. 

“Nothing bad like…” 

“I’ll be happy to do it but you’ll need to run exactly what we’re going to do past us first.” Yaz says. 

“We weren’t going to mention your relationship or anything! Just kind of play on how you… hated each other.” The shorter, more quieter teen reassures her. 

“In hindsight it is quite funny.” Jess smiles at Yaz from where she twists side to side in her seat. 

“Do I get to whack her around the head with a hockey stick?” Yaz asks. 

“I mean you could film it so that it’s implied.” The boys smile at the idea of Yaz warming up to the idea. 

“I’m definitely in then.” Yaz grins. “Are we doing it now?”

“We were hoping to film late after school tomorrow.” They explain. 

“So half four? I’ve still got one more session of boxing club left.” Yaz says. 

“In the lab if you can and there’s also an idea for the sports hall but… all will be explained tomorrow.” 

“Cool beans. See you then.” Jess says with an enthusiastic thumbs up which consequently dismisses them.

“You’re in a good mood today.” Yaz observes as the two teenagers leave and she resumes trying to tackle the state of Jess’ upper back. 

“Yeah, because for once I’ve finished all my work at work and I can have you all to myself all afternoon and evening.” Jess logs off of the computer and reaches behind her to hold onto and stroke Yaz’s wrists, tilting her head back like a puppy waiting to be pet. 

“God- come on guys I’m still here!” Jon complains, throwing his mop into the bucket to make a purposeful clatter. 

“I have to write up tutor reports.” Yaz bursts Jess’ bubble, but somehow that gets her to hurry up and gather her stuff so they can get home. 

Jess patiently entertains herself around the house while Yaz types up her rough handwritten notes at the kitchen table onto each relevant document. It’s basically just an A4 piece of paper for each kid with a couple of sentences from their form tutor, their head of year, their head of house and a reflective sentence from themselves about their school year that they can take home to their parents. Just a little something to praise them and boost confidence for next year.

“Yaz.” 

“Uh oh.” Yaz mumbles and saves the document she’s on, expecting a deep conversation incoming. “Yes, Jess.” 

“Wanna go out tonight? Go to a bar or something?” Jess asks, sitting down in the chair next to her. Something about the way she’s sitting weirds Yaz out. She’s being too casual, trying too hard to look normal. 

“Neither of us drink.” Yaz reminds her with a smile, trying to turn the energy of this conversation around. 

Her attention quickly shifts to Jess’ hand curling under her leg and behind her knee. It’s pulling her to the edge of her chair giving Yaz a very strong sneaking suspicion that she wants her to get closer. So, Yaz moves out of her chair to sit on Jess’ lap. She guessed right and as she shuffles up to rest her arms on her shoulders, her hands on the back of her neck, Jess holds onto her waist to try and get her as close as possible. Yaz likes it like this, when Jess gets needy and touchy, making her feel so wanted.

“Yaz.” Jess repeats her name. 

“What’s this about?” Yaz feels her brow crinkle as she frowns with concern. 

“I’ve been thinking.” Jess says. This whole time since Yaz has come into her space she hasn’t looked her in the eye once- only at her body. 

“About what?” Yaz can’t resist pushing Jess’ hair behind her ears.

“Look…” Jess sighs like she’s having to physically push the words out.

“Jess you’re worrying me.” Yaz cups her cheek giving her no other choice but to look at her. 

Yaz can’t get over how she can actually Jess’ the stress in her face. There’s something strong on her mind and seeing her like this reminds Yaz of how Jess was when they first met. Too much in her head that she just didn’t tell Yaz and it made life much more difficult for the both of them. Has she been hiding something from her? 

“In a couple of years I’m going to be in my forties while you’re still going to be early, mid thirties. Don’t you want to go out and have fun with Bill and Ryan and Rose and the rest of your friends while you’re young- not stuck having dates in front of the TV with me?” 

“I really don’t get what you’re going on about.” Yaz says. It’s better and more empathetic than saying ‘you’re talking a load of shit’. 

“I don’t want you to miss out on being young with your friends.” 

“You’re acting like life stops are fourty.” Yaz presses their foreheads together and smiles. Why would this cause such worry? “Jess, we've already talked about six years between us not being a big deal. Fifteen would be a big deal for me, not six.” 

“But-”

“And you don’t act your age at all so it doesn’t matter. You’re not an old fart yet and believe it or not I  _ like _ staying home with you. I’m really not that fussed about going out.” 

“Can we go out to eat tonight then instead?” Jess asks with her confidence growing and her hands starting to wander mindlessly all over her back and her thighs. 

“Why are you so persistent to take me out, what have you done?” Yaz suspiciously tries to figure her out through her eyes alone. 

“Nothin’. Just want to treat you.” Jess finally cracks a smile.

“You’re so sweet.” Yaz quickly kisses her, leaving Jess hazy and about two beats behind in the rhythm of reality. 

“Believe me, sometimes I think of things that aren’t so sweet.” Jess scoffs and starts to leave small imprints of her lips against Yaz’s collarbone.

“I can tell.” Yaz rolls her eyes recalling how painfully obvious it is whenever Jess catches her working out or sees her drop her towel after she’s showered. “You haven’t booked a table already have you?”

“No. Why?” Jess asks, lifting her head. Yaz simply lets Jess follow her eyes down into their joined laps, looking at Jess’ hands that have ended up in the crease of her thighs as they were talking, then flicking her eyes over to the stairs. “ _ Oh. _ ” Jess realises, quickly catching up with her train of thought and preparing to carry Yaz away. 

“Mn- hang on I’ve still got a couple more reports to write up.” Yaz stops her from dragging her upstairs to bed instantaneously.

“Why’d you have to tease me like this?” Jess holds onto Yaz’s body to stop her slipping away, keeping her attached to her because to Jess that’s better than losing her completely.

“Is it really teasing if I’m going to follow through in like… five minutes?” Yaz asks the now sulking Jess. Her mood constantly switching is giving Yaz whiplash.

“Yes!” Jess raises her voice at her. 

“Just wait five minutes Jess.” Yaz giggles at the state she’s got Jess in from only a wordless suggestion. 

“No, I don’t want to, I’ve waited all afternoon for your attention.”

Jess hides her face in the crook of Yaz’s neck and pushes Yaz’s body towards her, gluing the two of them together chest to chest. Yaz is glad about it since Jess now can’t see how stupidly wide she’s smiling over the feeling of being wanted so much; having Jess reduced to acting like a proper melt just because she wants Yaz’s time, attention and adoration. It’s like she has a completely different version of Jess sitting underneath her to what she’s used to.

Yaz doesn’t finish her reports until two minutes before they have to leave for dinner. 

Jess takes her to a Mexican restaurant that Yaz sees is very busy with a whole range of different people and is most likely to be appropriating at least something inside but Jess insists it serves good food so they go in and sit down together tucked away in a corner with a fake cactus that Jess pokes to make sure it’s safe. Yaz never knew this place was here. Every day she’s realising that she hasn’t really explored this town she’s been living in.

“I can’t believe I’ve almost been living here a year and I still haven’t eaten out in town in the evening.” Yaz says. 

“Too busy eating something else.” Jess sarcastically grumbles.

“Jess!” Yaz lightly kicks her feet under the table. 

“You know it’s true.” Jess smirks.

“But you didn’t have to say it.” Yaz whispers as the waiter hands them menus. “Were you the class clown in school?”

“Course I was. Still am.” She grins like it’s her greatest achievement.

“You didn’t seem like it when I first met you. You were so serious.” Yaz says, thinking back to the intensity in her eyes when she first told her how to unlock the lab door properly. 

“Let’s maybe not talk about that time.” Jess says. “We’ve moved on now.” 

“Did it secretly turn you on every time I called you Doctor?” Yaz asks with the devil guiding her on her shoulder. 

“Everyone calls me Doctor.”

Jess pours herself some water from the jug placed in the middle of the table: a clear sign to Yaz that she’s made a point and hit a nerve. She decides to continue to push for an answer, to see how much fun she can get from this.

“But when I call you it…” The corner of Yaz’s mouth curls up as Jess pretends to be too busy drinking to answer. “Doctor Jessica Smith.” 

“John said they do really great tostadas here.” Jess mumbles, keeping her eyes on the menu in front of her.

Yaz leaves it there, thoroughly pleased with herself in managing to figure out something new about her girlfriend. The atmosphere of the place and the conversation with Jess makes Yaz feel light and easy. Food is great when it comes. Jess is great full stop but insists on using her hands to eat. Yaz takes a moment while Jess goes to the toilet to wash sticky fingers to think about how she feels. Ever since France she’s been forcing herself to make her feelings clear. Has she finally found everything she wants in a partner with Jess? She must be thinking about it hard because Jess comes back and asks her if her stomach is taking a turn because of the look on her face. Yaz brushes it off and just says she’s thinking. Everything goes swimmingly with them even deciding to stay on for some desert, but Yaz can’t shake the feeling of being watched and she knows exactly who by. The couple sitting a few tables away look over every time either of them make a joke, every time Jess compliments Yaz or Yaz compliments Jess, and every time the couple have run out of their own things to say Yaz feels their eyes turn to them. 

“That couple keeps looking over.” Yaz says once she’s had enough. They’re making it blatantly obvious that they’re more interested in her evening than their own. 

“I know. I recognise them from a parents evening a few years ago.” Jess says.

To give them a taste of their own medicine both Yaz and Jess look over at them and typically catch them staring. They go back to their own business but the husband seems to be infatuated by Jess and not in a good way. 

“Did you fail their kid or something? They don’t exactly look too happy to see you.” Yaz says. 

“Us, more like. Specifically us together.” Jess says. Yaz turns back to focus solely on the woman in front of her. “Bit traditional if you get what I mean.” 

“Ah.” Yaz nods, suddenly feeling very awkward and out of place. 

“It’s okay. We’re not doing anything wrong. In fact it could be so much worse, I once heard of a gay teacher who couldn’t even hold his husbands hand within like fifty miles of the school he taught at.” Jess tells her. Yaz is sure it was meant to reassure her but instead the information leaves a bad taste in her mouth.

“Cheerful. I love a sprinkle of homophobia on my churros.” Yaz says. 

Jess’ face drops in the low light of the restaurant as she realises what she’s said is a bit of a mood killer. “I’m sorry, that was a shitty thing to say.” 

“Can we just talk about something else now instead?” Yaz asks of her. 

“Let’s start with a list of everything I love about you. Number one out of the top one hundred, I-” Yaz dips a churro into the salted caramel dip and places it in Jess’ open mouth for her to bite off and eat. “Mmm. That’s good, you should have some of that.” 

“You freak me out when you’re extra nice to me.” Yaz mutters, turning rather shy. 

“Why? How?” Jess asks, genuinely intrigued. 

“I’m so used to you just being the ultimate level of casual with me. You know? You barely say you love me so when you start to list-”

“I always say I love you.” Jess’ brow forms a deep frown. “Admittedly, yeah, I do it in my head most of the time but to me I’m still saying it. Should I say it out loud more?”

Yaz shakes her head. “I guess I just assumed you’re always this closed off most of the time.”

“I want to give you everything.” Jess blurts out. “I want to make you happy. All the time.” 

“You do.” Yaz smiles at her to make sure she knows she hasn’t got anything to worry about. “I’m just being stupid.” 

“You’re not stupid for telling me how you feel.” 

Jess takes her hand under the table and there’s a moment where goosebumps rise all over Yaz’s skin. She thinks that with the way Jess is staring so intently at her, unable to say anything, that she might drop down on one knee and ask her to marry her and in some ways she kind of wants her to just so she can find out what she’d say. Yaz has never thought about what she might say- yes, no or maybe. But, Jess doesn’t say anything in regards to that and Yaz has to accept that she imagined the whole feeling. 

Jess perfectly manages to get Yaz laughing again by the time she asks for the bill. Yaz is prepared to split it but once again Jess is faster to get out her wallet and ask for the card machine. Yaz tries to ask the waiter to split it so she can at least contribute something but yet again Jess puts her foot down. 

“Do you get paid more than me?” Yaz asks. “Because you have a doctorate, do you get paid more?” 

“No. I do the exact same thing as you so why should I get paid more. In fact you technically have more responsibilities as a form tutor and you help with an after school club. Plus next year you’ll be driving the minibuses to sports events so basically you should be getting paid more than me if anything.” Jess explains as she chivalrously helps Yaz into her jacket. 

“Then why do you pay for everything?” Yaz asks, flattening her collar for herself.

“Because you’re smart. Amazing. Beautiful. Sexy.”

“Alright, I get it. Don’t start listing things again.” Yaz feels her cheeks start to burn.

“And my mum left a lot of money when she died.” Jess says. “Me and John got the same but I saved my lot for something worthwhile.”

“I’m that something?” Yaz asks. She doesn’t have the heart to outright tell her that she shouldn’t be spending her inheritance on taking her out to dinner. 

“Exactly.” Jess smiles. 

“You think you need to pay for my love?” Yaz quizzes her with another question. 

Jess chuckles quietly to herself. “I don’t need to pay for your love when you let me do that thing with my-”

“Good evening, Doctor Smith.” 

“Ah! Good evening sir, good to see you.” Jess enthusiastically shakes the spy’s hand to keep up appearances while Yaz hides how she blushes over what Jess was referring to.

“You work at the school too, don’t you?” He turns to Yaz. She doesn’t like the way he’s looking at her, like a piece of dirt stuck under his fingernail. 

“Yaz Khan, Physical Education. Pleased to meet you.” Yaz holds out her hand offering it up for either of them to shake but she gets left with an empty palm and a glare from the two adults staring at her hand like it’s plagued.

“We hope you enjoyed your meal.” He smiles but only at Jess; his wife placidly standing next to him in silence, letting him talk. 

“You too.” Jess smiles pleasantly but holds onto Yaz’s hand that’s still frozen in the air like touching her will bring her into their vision. 

“ _ Sir? _ ” Yaz mocks her when the couple are a safe distance away from them. 

“Wish I hadn’t given him the respect now I know he wouldn’t shake your hand.” Jess whispers, leaning into her side. 

“Do you think it’s a skin colour thing, a P.E teacher thing or do you think he knows where my hand was a couple of hours ago?” Yaz smirks, brushing off the blatant prejudice which will probably come back and upset her when she gets into bed to sleep tonight.

Jess snorts loud enough to make the couple they’re following out turn around and give them the side eye. When they turn back around Jess starts to quietly giggle over their ridiculousness and it makes Yaz feel better. Jess has her back, Jess will never leave her out to have to fend for herself or defend both of them by herself. Although, it still doesn’t settle the uneasiness she feels following these foul people into the car park and only being a couple of spaces away from them. Yaz goes straight for the passenger door but instead of unlocking the car Jess lets her hand settle on top of Yaz’s, making her turn around. 

“Let me finish this like a proper date.” Jess smiles at her, cheeky and suggestive. 

“Um…”

Yaz peers over Jess’s shoulder to look at the other couple faffing around putting their leftovers in the boot of their car. She can feel them looking and watching out the corners of their eyes and Yaz hates it. She feels like she’s in school again, a teenager sick and tired at benign laughed at by people different to her. 

“Fuck ‘em. What are they going to do?” Jess shrugs.

Yaz wants to explain to her how she admires her bravery but she doesn’t feel safe however her daring side goes along with it. She can tell by the way she kisses her in pure slow motion that Jess is trying to look after her feelings and not push Yaz any further out of her comfort zone. She wishes this could be the normal for them. Even if they were straight public displays of affection would still have to be limited due to their careers. But for now, while it’s happening, Yaz indulges and prolongs it for as long as she can. 

They complained to Donna. Of course they complained to Donna but once again, their boss has their back and defends them on the point that it’s their time and they can go and eat at a restaurant together just like any couple in the universe has the right to. It pisses Yaz off more than Jess but still she moves on with her life and doesn’t let her mood affect how she teaches. In fact, these next few days and the four last days next week are the best in reality, because no one is really teaching any worthwhile material (perhaps excluding Maths, the spoil sports), exams are over and teachers can have fun with the material. Everyone is starting to realise how tired they are and it’s hard enough for Yaz to get her students excited to play even a game of rounders on the field properly let alone get them excited for sports day at the end of the week. 

At least there’s some enthusiasm for boxing club- the final session of the school year. Once again Yaz is left running it on her own and as promised she basically just holds matches for the whole hour. It’s a bit surreal to her that she’s got this kind of respect and responsibility after just one year. Maybe she could run her own club next year if she asks nicely. At the end, Yaz secretly hands out packets of sweets she bought at lunch time to every one of them, along with a lecture about eating healthy but that goes over their heads. 

She then makes her way to L13 ready to put herself through whatever these students have got planned for her. 

They explain their concept for the ‘scenes’ inside the lab, which basically include one of them sitting at the desk blankly looking at the computer screen while the other tries to come in with a sneak attack. It starts with Yaz pretending to do work while Jess lights a bunsen burner dangerously close to her face which results in them having to do another take because Yaz is so shocked by it almost setting her face alight. Then Jess creeps up behind her with a science textbook like she’s going to whack her around the head with it. They switch places with Yaz now trying to hook a hockey stick around Jess’ neck and sneaking up on her with a cricket bat. 

Yaz thinks that’s it and they’re done but the young boys take them to the changing rooms and ask Yaz to unlock the adjacent doors which rightfully makes her realise they’re doing a comedy esque ‘hero chases monster, monster chases hero kind of thing. Yaz chases Jess first into the boys changing room, which stinks of dry mud and sweat and Yaz is thankful she barely ever has to come in here. When Jess chases her she fucking sprints forcing Yaz to go the same pace so that she doesn’t clip her heels which means there’s a very abrupt stop with Yaz slamming into the tiled wall and Jess consequently bashing into her. Yaz spins around and instantly gets thrown back in time. Same room, same bit of wall, same people just a lot less kissing. 

“This is uh… hello.” Jess blushes unable to move herself away. 

“Hello.” Yaz whispers and smiles brightly. Oh how far they’ve come since that day- since that incident that Yaz insisted was a mistake. 

“We got the take!” One of the boys shouts.

Snapping out of the flashback trance Jess and Yaz move out without another thought about it. 

That should have been it but Jess asks if Yaz left any of the boxing equipment out and a new idea forms. She hadn’t left any out, but after laying down a few gym matts the pair of teachers are ready to try and tackle each other down. Jess asks if they’re ready to shoot and the media students nod telling Yaz to stand in the middle of the matts ready to be taken down. Jess runs at her, Yaz trips her up and sets her down on her back with a thud. 

“You good, Doctor?” Yaz asks. 

“I thought you would at least let me have a go.” Jess grumbles as Yaz helps her up. 

“My go.” 

Yaz walks backwards to be able to take a run up. Jess is a little taller than her but as she’s seen it’s not hard to get her onto the floor. Again she checks with the boys to see if the camera is running, then runs at Jess with all her might. She bends so that her arms wrap around her legs just above her knees and her shoulder hits her stomach, making her fall like a sack of spuds. 

“Ah!” Jess grunts like she’s really hurt.

“Are you okay?” The colour drains out of Yaz’s face as she sees Jess screw her face up in pain along with how she’s writhing under her grip. Jess manages to sit herself upright holding onto her shoulder. The two boys filming have rushed over to check too but they needn’t have. Jess’ shoulder magically heals enough to flip Yaz over onto her back and have her groaning. “You dick!”

“I don’t mean any of it.” Jess jumps up and holds out her hand to help Yaz up too. 

Knowing Doctor Smith is okay the two boys go to attend the camera giving Jess the opportunity to scoop Yaz up into a forgiving hug. 

“I thought I’d properly hurt you.” Yaz laughs, suddenly realising her relief that she hasn’t caused any proper damage.

“Gonna take a bit more than that.” Jess mumbles into Yaz’s hair and for a precious second Yaz forgets they’re at work like they’re dancing in the living room. But then she spots an opportunity.

“What, like this?” 

Yaz uses her foot to kick the back of Jess’ ankle and have her falling onto her back again in no time. She shouts out in shock more than pain and Yaz is fully prepared to gloat about how she stays winning. She laughs at Jess looking up at her with blatant surprise and betrayal and turns to the filmmakers to take a dramatic bow like she had that planned the whole time. 

“Got everything you need?” Yaz asks to stop them laughing. 

“Yeah. Thanks Miss.” They say as they pack up the tripod. 

“Pleasure doing business with you gentlemen.” Jess says, sounding like the wind has been taken out of her as she gets onto her hands and knees to push herself back up to her feet.

“Do you need help clearing up?”

“No, don’t worry, we’ve got this.” Jess dismisses them. Yaz doesn’t know why since it would have been nice to have two testosterone filled boys do the heavy lifting for them. 

When her and Jess slip the last mat onto the piled up stack and a sly hand rests on her buttcheek, Yaz figures it out. 

“Stop it.” Yaz cautions her, knowing that that’s all she has to say.

“You had my back on those mats three times, can’t I have you down on one once?” Jess speaks directly into her ear in an attempt to get her going, but her hand moves up to her lower back out of respect.

“In the middle of the sports hall?” Yaz judgingly glares at her with wide eyes. 

“Why not?”

“The echo for a start.” Yaz scoffs like it should be obvious to her.

Full of an arrogance that kind of does something to Yaz, Jess cups her hands around her mouth and playfully moans into the empty hall. Yaz pries her hands away from her mouth to get her to stop and hopes that there’s absolutely no one near enough to hear since even though Jess is joking, she sounds pretty realistic.

“No. I admire your audacity but this really can’t happen here.” Yaz laughs to cover how Jess’ noise has had an effect on her. 

“Here?” Jess picks up on the word.

“Maybe if we hurry up and get home-” Yaz starts. Jess starts running out of the hall before Yaz can finish. “-I’ll teach you how to tackle properly no take backs.” Yaz sighs.

* * *

Over the weekend Jess slowly brings some of her belongings into Yaz’s house. It isn’t exactly part of their moving in plan but on Sunday evening as Jess places the pictures of her receiving her PhD next to Yaz’s graduation picture that she fished out from under her bed everything feels like it’s falling into place. It feels right. Good. Grown up. Proper.

Monday Yaz struggles to keep students under control. All of her classes are preparations for the events students have signed up for for sports day tomorrow. She’s been so blind sighted by Jess treating her like she’s royalty that she’s overlooked the amount of stress the rest of her department has been under trying to keep things organised. Yaz, feeling guilty, offers to stay behind after school to set up the different sections on the field and inside. 

Each house has a tent of their colour that staff can stand under and in front of it are benches and a patch of grass in front of the painted field track for everyone to sit on tomorrow. In the middle will be a tent with Mr Smith and Miss Oswald writing up Bronze, Silver and Gold certificates alongside a set of speakers for Danny to address the school through and a box with three levels for the pictures of students to be taken on. At the bottom of the field will be long jump and shot put. At the top of the field there will be javelin and discus. On the astroturf, strangely, there will be a rounders tournament, which Yaz is expected to look over and count scores for. On the courts there will be a netball, which Mrs Duncan will be umpiring. Indoors Mr Thompson will be holding a basketball tournament. All of this for the first four periods of the day while different year groups rotate around with athletics on the track (100 meters, 400 meters, 800 meters, relay races) and finally for periods five and six everyone gathers around the track to watch the house relay race where the head of houses compete for some points while the scores are added up. Before the house that has one the day revealed PE will go against Science one last time to see which is the ultimate department. 

Yaz tries her best to get her head around the logistics of it all as she helps lug equipment back and forth from the sheds. 

“Yaz, do you know why there’s blood on this ball pump?” Danny asks her, holding up the bottom for her to see. 

“Not a clue.” Yaz shrugs, knowing fully well that that’s Jess’ blood and they never thought to have checked. To be fair, Yaz was more concerned with Jess’ face. 

Yaz ignores her co-workers trying to figure out the mystery and keeps going. She sets out the rounders pitches on the astro turf, which is allowed because the gates to it will be locked overnight. She’s just about to go and fetch the bats when she spots Jess speeding towards her. 

“Miss Khan.” She says, sounding way too serious. “Have you seen this?”

“I’m still working, Doctor Smith.” Yaz locks up the gate and turns back towards the sheds to keep going and emphasize that she’s busy. 

“No, Yaz look, just for a second.” Jess follows at her side. 

“Jess the sooner I lay this all out the sooner we can go-”

“ _ As of next academic year, tutor group YKN will no longer be situated in lab thirteen _ .” Jess reads. 

Yaz stops walking to look at Jess’ screen. “What?”

“ _ This decision comes after reassessment of the group sizes. Miss Khan’s tutor group will be moved out to make room for a bigger group that will utilize the space better _ . That’s all I read so far, then I came straight to find you.” Jess finishes. “Do you want to argue against it?” She asks. 

“Why have they done that?” Yaz asks, not understanding at all.

“I don’t know.”

“Did someone complain? Because we’re both in there in the mornings, is that why? Was it that couple from the other night?” 

“I really don’t know Yaz.”

“I don’t want to leave your lab, I like that lab. It’s bigger on the inside. Roomie.”

“I think that’s the point.” Jess shrugs hopelessly.

“Why don’t they just give me more kids in my group? That seems like a really dodgy excuse in my opinion.” Yaz smells a rat.

The conspiracy that this has something to do with their relationship grows stronger and stronger in Yaz’s mind with every second that passes. Why didn’t someone speak to her about this before? Why wasn’t it mentioned to Jess? Why wasn’t it discussed? Have the higher ups been discussing them behind their backs? She’s so convinced that there’s just something not right and Yaz is always one to trust her intuition. 

“How could this have happened?” Yaz wonders out loud. “What happened to make this happen?”  _ Come on Yaz, think, think! _

“Oh…!” Jess sighs and is lightning fast to put her phone back in her trouser pocket.

“What?” Yaz notes her change in demeanor and confronts it.

“Nothing!” Jess lies.

“Jess.” 

“I um… well it could have something to do with the fact that um… I put in an application to have you moved out of my room when you first started here.” 

“Seriously?” Yaz scoffs, rolls her eyes at her girlfriend's past idiocy and continues to make her way back to the sheds, now in an annoyed huff. 

“I was being a twat, I didn’t think and I didn’t know we would end up-”

“Go away Jess.” Yaz grumbles in an attempt to shake her off.

“I’m sorry.” Jess starts to jog to keep up.

“If you’re really sorry, fix it. Say it was a mistake and fix it. Do you not realise how hard it was for me to start here and get comfortable with you being critical and judgmental of everything I did and now it’s like I have to do it all over again? Why couldn’t you just look past your selfishness and deal with the fact you had to share like an adult?” Yaz says. She knows she’s talking to her like she’s her student but it’s the only way she can talk to her without totally flipping out.

“It doesn’t matter what I did then I swear to God Yaz I admit I made a mistake! Just a mistake and I’ve said I’m going to try and fix it!”

“You made it personal!” Yaz ends up matching shouting with shouting, attracting the attention of Mr Pink and Mr Thompson observing from inside one of the sheds. “You started dating me and still didn’t think ‘hm maybe I should retract that request to boot Miss Khan out’!” 

“And you made my lab personal! I fell in love with you seeing you there every day, I watch you be the best teacher and tutor you possibly can with those kids in that room, I  _ fucked you _ bent over and on top of one of those desks in that room, everywhere I turn- I can’t kick you out because you’re in there forever!”

Jess’ final words echo through the air, bouncing off of the surrounding buildings and sending a shockwave of embarrassment through Yaz’s entire body. Did she really have to shout that? Did she really have to say all that stuff? She stares coldly at Jess who is now retreating into herself not knowing what to do with her hands but also not daring to take her eyes off of Yaz. Yaz can feel Danny watching, edging forward getting ready to step in and mediate if needed. 

“Go home Jess.” Yaz says, calming her voice and not wanting to continue this conversation further, here, in front of everyone.

“Yaz-”

“Just... I’ll speak to you when I get home.” 

Yaz holds out her hand in front of her like a stop sign pushing Jess away. The scientist stands there and Yaz knows she’s contemplating staying, she just knows it. She almost wants to dare her to just to see how she would retaliate. 

“Fuck it.” Jess mumbles and turns.

In a burst of something, whether it be anger or frustration, Jess kicks the metal fencing of the outdoor netball court. The fencing reverberates and Jess groans loudly, refraining from reaching down to attend to her foot and hobbling away instead. Yaz folds her arms across her chest, totally unimpressed at the childish outburst.

“Did that hurt?” Yaz asks with a little bit of a patronizing tone. 

“I’m fine.” Jess says just loud enough for Yaz to hear and continues to waddle away. 

“Thought you weren’t allowed to eat anything in the labs.” Danny mutters to Mr Thompson and they giggle to lighten the mood. 

“That’s Doctor Smith’s blood.” Yaz points to the rusty colour on the ball pump. If Jess can expose them both then she can have her fair share of a turn too. It takes two to tango.

“How did it get on there?” Danny asks. 

“Fell off the shelf onto her face.” Yaz mumbles, walking far far away from the embarrassment.

“Why was she even in-  _ oh.” _

Yaz lets them carry on with their realisation alone without her presence. She needs a moment, or several, to gather herself. It’s been ages since they’ve argued properly and now there are so many more emotions involved and a lot more power behind their words that get thrown around. They have weight now- a terrible weight that makes Yaz’s chest feel so heavy. The fact that this is all because of something Jess said and did months ago makes Yaz think about what else may be hiding being the thin veil of the past that could break through unannounced and cause havoc. Yaz can’t think of anything she’s done specifically but who knows what Jess said behind her back to who knows who and to what extent. 

She looks up and sees she’s brought herself to the staff car park. Yaz can’t bring herself to go home yet, Jess will have only just got there and she still needs a bit of space. She doesn’t even know if Jess interpreted ‘home’ as Yaz’s house or her flat. She guesses she’ll find out when she eventually gets back.

Yaz opens the boot of her car and rummages around in her sports bag for some stale crackers she knows are in there but with no luck she zips up the bag, throws her lanyard and keys on top of it and closes the boot with a level of force she didn’t know she had in her. Her body’s letting her know she’s mad more than her heart is.

Not wanting to go into any kind of office or go back to an equipment shed Yaz plonks herself in the driver's seat and takes a deep breath. Another argument with Jess she’s going to have to deal with. Great. She lets as much time pass as she needs to calm herself down and let her emotions settle. They’ll be fine, they just have to talk it through but no matter how many times they do it the process never gets easier. 

Something possesses her to call her mum. Mum’s always make things better, don’t they? Even if they are a bit annoying and most of the time say the wrong thing, sometimes they say exactly what you need to hear. Yaz’s phone is by her ear before she can convince herself not to do it. 

“Mum.” 

_ “Hold on sweetheart, I’m just putting the washing on.”  _ Najia says. Yaz listens to the clothes being thrown into the metal drum and the familiar sequence of buttons being pressed. It’s funny how Yaz has lived on her own for so long yet still she misses the hints of home.  _ “Right. That’s that done. Everything alright?” _

“Not really.” Yaz rubs her forehead. 

_ “What happened? Is it something to do with work?” _

“Jess.” Yaz keeps her answer short. 

_ “Hm.”  _ Najia makes a disapproving acknowledgement of what she said. 

“We had an argument over something really stupid.” Yaz explains.

_ “Stupid like your father’s conspiracy theories or a stupid thing that can actually be solved.”  _ Najia asks. 

“She fucked up something and it affects my work and she’s the only one that can fix it but I don’t know if she will.”

_ “Why wouldn’t she?” _

“Because we just fought mum. Airing out all our dirty laundry in front of my department isn’t exactly a dignifying experience for either of us.” Yaz groans at the humiliation of it all. What’s her head of department going to be thinking of her now? What intrusive thoughts are they going to have to suppress every time they look at her or Jess?

_ “Sounds messy.” _

“You’re not really helping.” 

_ “If I’m honest Yasmin you're both grown adults and it’s your relationship. What am I supposed to do?” _

“Make me feel better because you’re my mum.” Yaz says. 

_ “I say go home, have a nice shower, take some time to gather yourself, then go and visit Jess to talk about it.”  _

“She’ll already be there.” Yaz rests her head on the steering wheel. 

_ “That keen to fix it already?” _

“She’s in the middle of moving in with me.” Yaz admits.

_ “Ah.”  _ Najia sounds shocked. It’s something Yaz knows she should have informed her family about before or at least hinted at but in the whirlwind of things she just forgot. _ “Well then that automatically cuts out a few steps.”  _

Najia makes a couple of feeble attempts to make Yaz feel better but in the end Yaz knows she just has to go home. That’s all she can do, go home and talk to Jess.

“Yaz please don’t be grumpy at me.” Is what Jess jumps up to say the second Yaz finds her in the living room, staring at Gaz who has burrowed down in his shavings near the glass to sleep.

“I’m not grumpy at you, I’m mad at the fact this has happened.” Yaz grumbles, dropping her valuables onto the table. “You’re right there’s nothing we can do about it now. And I’m mad that you revealed we banged on a desk.”

“I’m sorry.” Jess seems to shrivel up and lose confidence with every step Yaz takes towards her. 

“I know.” Yaz invites her into a hug, kissing her forehead for good measure too. “I’m sorry as well, for what I said.” 

“If it makes you feel any better I sorted it.” 

“Hold on- what? Seriously?” Yaz pulls back. She takes Jess’ hand and sits the two of them down on her sofa, getting a bit dizzy from how quickly the situation has changed.

“They were a bit pissed off since that email got sent out to parents as well but I said I’d write a corrections email for them and they said it’s okay.” Jess rests her cheek on her fist and her elbow on the back of the sofa just so she can give Yaz the proper attention she deserves. 

“I love you Jess.” Yaz lets her finger brush over Jess’ knuckles and the veins in her hands.

“Even after I shouted at you and we had a very public argument?” 

“That might take a bit more effort to fix because I really didn’t like it.” Yaz punctuates her sentence with a heavy hearted sigh. 

“Me neither. What do you want me to do to fix that?” Jess asks, wanting to do whatever's best to get back into Yaz’s good books.

“What are you thinking?” Yaz asks, daring to see how far Jess will go to make her feel better.

“Keep you awake all night… if you get what I mean.” Jess dares to smirk.

“Hm, no. That sounds more like a treat for you, not paying penance.” Yaz throws the suggestion back in her face. 

“What are you thinking then?” Jess asks her.

“Saturday morning you have to take me to the ice cream place.” Yaz says without needing to think. 

“That’s still not-”

“You have to have the single most boring item off the menu and watch me eat a sprinkle filled E-number central calorific combination.”

“Not the three scoop mega loaded pancake waffle mix. Yaz you can’t do that to me!” Jess sits up apparently knowing what Yaz is referring to, despite Yaz having no flying clue as to what that monstrosity is.

“Oh, absolutely, whatever that is I’m going to eat it when you’re stuck with vanilla ice cream and a plain pancake.” 

“Fine.” Jess grumbles her agreement. 

“And Gaz’ cage needs cleaning out.” Yaz remembers the menial task that can be twisted into an apology.

“Alright, I agree to both.” Jess huffs, accepting her fate. 

“Actually just clean out his cage and take me on a breakfast date and we’re good.” Yaz amends her terms and willingly moves her body into Jess’ to be held. Arguing with Jess isn’t as entertaining as it used to be. “There’s nothing else that you did or said that could creep up later is there?”

“Don’t think so. I never want to lose you over something so stupid.” Jess mumbles. 

“What, you gonna ask me to marry you to make sure?” Yaz chuckles, then realises what she’s said.

Her stomach flips in all sorts of directions as Jess sits up with a look of surprise on her face. She stays quiet and just watches Jess- watches how her face processes the fact that Yaz brought up the word ‘marry’ without so much as a warning or a hint to her having thought about it before. There’s a second where Yaz feels like she may start to panic, thinking that she’s really put her foot in this and this could end them. Jess could freak out and leave, spooked like a horse. She could have just ended everything with a sentence she didn’t ever mean to leave her mouth so casually. 

“Show me how good you keep saying you are with a strap on first and I’ll consider it.” Jess says. Yaz finally lets out her breath that she didn’t realise she was holding and allows herself to give Jess a disapproving look. “I’m only joking.”

“Are you though?” Yaz raises a questioning eyebrow. Last time Jess jokingly suggested doing something they ended up doing it. Jess makes a little noise that comes across to Yaz as a maybe. “You really like to push your luck don’t you?” 

“Don’t ask, don’t get.” Jess shrugs her arm over Yaz’s shoulders. 

“Like you asked for me to be gone.” 

“I said I’m sorry!” Jess groans and her head falls into Yaz’s shoulder, hiding from her own humiliation of walking straight into that one. 

Yaz gets up early the next day leaving Jess to sleep in bed alone. She doesn’t notice at first but Yaz sees her just before she’s about to leave stretching out under the sheets, reaching for a body that isn’t there until her eyes blink open with a dazed level of confusion. 

“Why are you up so early?” Jess asks when her eyes finally identify Yaz is up and ready for the day.

“Sports day, Doctor Smith.” Yaz reminds her, already in work mode.

“You set up yesterday.”

“There’s still always more to do.” Yaz leans down to leave a kiss on Jess’ sleepy pink cheek. “See you at work.” 

“I’m gonna beat you in the relay.” Jess calls after her, still too half asleep to make any effort to drag Yaz back into bed. 

“Don’t sleep in!” Yaz tells her without looking back, knowing that she probably will end up doing so anyway. 

Yaz is alone on the school grounds for a good twenty minutes before she sees anyone. She’s ready for Danny to either completely ignore what he witnessed yesterday or present to her a list of different questions. That’s why when she sees Bill making her way to the canteen she’s happier than ever to see her. Someone she can have a regular conversation with who doesn’t know of the blow up. 

“So you shagged her on a desk and didn’t tell me?” Bill smirks with her arms opened wide as if they’re coaxing in an acceptable answer.

“How did you-”

“Yaz- look at where the sports equipment sheds are and then look at how close the canteen is.”

Yaz does. The building is awfully near.

“You could hear it from the canteen?” Yaz cringes but she has to ask.

“Doctor Smith has a decent set of lungs on her.” Bill nods and laughs at Yaz’s expense. 

“Was there anyone else?” Yaz asks. She can feel her heartbeat in her temples.

“No, just me. I was prepping the salad bowls for today. They want us serving healthy shit.” Bill smiles but it fades when she gets back to the original topic at hand. “Bad argument?” 

“It’s sorted now.” Yaz says, not wanting to go into it.

“Are you actually happy with her Yaz? I still can’t really wrap my head around you two being a proper couple.” Bill asks. Yaz finds it a little suspicious for her to ask but it certainly isn’t out of character. She’s always been wary of Jess. 

“I wouldn’t trade her for anything.” Yaz smiles and nods. There’s an unexpected lump of emotion in her throat like an un-exploded firework packed with every single little detail of Jess that she loves. “Anything.” She feels the need to repeat for emphasis.

Bill tutts and rolls her eyes. “Smitten as shit, makes me sick.” 

“Oh, shut up.” Yaz can’t help but grin.

“I’ll be teasing you about this twist in events for years now come on, fancy a bacon butty?” 

“I have work to get on with.” Yaz turns down the offer to hide in the canteen for a bit.

“Sausage bap?” 

“Nope.”

“Come on, I’ll throw in a hash brown.”

“No, Bill.” Yaz shakes her head and continues her walk to the gym to fetch some benches. 

“I’ll see you later.” She hears Bill chuckle. 

Jess covers Yaz’s tutor group in the morning, just to register them and then lead them onto the field. The morning sun is showing signs that today is going to get pleasantly warm. Therefore Mr Pink reminds everyone to be continuously drinking water in his grand introduction as to how the day is going to run. After his speech, year groups get split off into their activities for the first two periods of the day. Yaz has two of the support staff helping her umpire the rounders games while Yaz does the same and keeps count of how many points get given to each house. Five minutes before break the first session gets wrapped up and Yaz lets the groups go early so she can hand one of the Maths teachers her score sheet to be added to the overall total. She does the same again, periods three and four but ends up having to deal with some rather difficult students who choose the game as a group to get away with not participating. Yaz finds it lazy and is perhaps a little hard on them as punishment and makes them clear up the cones and bats and posts at the end. 

Bill, who had apparently been spectating from the canteen, sneaks Yaz some food and a refreshing drink before all the students rush in just to make sure she’s fed. Yaz hadn’t even realised she hadn't been drinking. At the end of lunch the entire school (that have bothered to not pull a sickie today) gather around, sitting in their designated house area ready to spectate the final events of the day. Now she’s in the thick of it Yaz realises how well put together the whole event is. There are Media students taking video and pictures, English students going around interviewing students and staff for the school newsletter, Music students keeping control of the speakers and the music that all the teachers gathering in the middle of the circle track are bopping around to. Donna gets given access to the microphone to say which house is in the lead at the moment with the points only halfway totalled and then takes over the narration as headteacher.

“How’s it going?” Yaz asks, approaching Mr Smith and Miss Oswald who are bulk writing names on certificates. 

“My sister's been talking smack about you.” John says without having to look up.

“What kind of smack, dare I ask?” Yaz asks. 

“Just that she’s going to beat you.” Clara informs her. “She’s made it so that you and her are both the final sprinters.”

“Of course she has.” Yaz sighs and shakes her head, although she’s still smiling of her competitiveness. 

Donna makes the head of houses take their places for the 400m run. It’s a bit concerning that Yaz still can’t really identify who is who, especially considering she’s been part of one of these houses for an entire year now and has been reporting the progression of members of her tutor group to one of them. But it doesn’t matter, she’ll learn them all by next term. The students all shout and scream in support for their head of house the second Donna blasts the air horn. Yaz must admit that the community spirit here is like no other school she’s been in and she’s said it before now too. Donna just has this way of getting everyone to come together, to be proud of this little community they’re safely growing as people in.

But nothing could prepare her for the school chanting for their chosen department they want to see win. It’s a roaring sound that can probably be heard from the next town over with addition of the music departments samba band drumming away and adding to the noise. Yaz takes her place on the final stretch of the track and can barely hear Jess leaving her lane to come and whisper in her ear. 

“Lighten up a bit.” Jess says. 

“Are you trying to put me off?” Yaz asks.

“You look like you’re about to murder someone when you’re concentrating.” 

“Gonna be strangling you in a minute.” Yaz jokes (only partially).

“I look forward to it Miss Khan.” Jess winks.

Yaz can’t tell if it’s the sun on her face that’s making her cheeks go hot but she can feel them changing in temperature as Jess gets back in her lane. Yaz looks around at the cheering and whooping crowd who are strangely also getting sprayed in the face with water by Mr Retsam to keep them cool. Donna’s voice commands silence and the school falls silent in a matter of seconds, almost as silent as it is in the library. Yaz’s heart rate increases just at the anticipation of a race about to start. She likes running, she likes sport and more than anything she likes a competition. Especially if when she wins she gets a chance to shove it in Doctor Smith’s face. Donna counts down from five and blows the air horn again and Yaz watches Danny take the lead against one of Jess’ colleagues. Yaz keeps an eye on where the baton is, keeping her body in a stance that’s ready to run the second she can. In the back of her mind she knows that Jess is doing the same but Yaz has the advantage of her department being in the lead. She hears Jess grumble when the guy before her stumbles over his own feet while Mr Thompson gives Yaz the nod to start running with her arm outstretched behind her. The sweaty metal tube lands in her hand and she grips onto it like it's a life line. She runs with the finish line being the only thing in sight, her body only a little aware of Jess running beside her until she comes up to the front of her vision. She’s forgotten how fast Jess can run and the shock of her catching up and almost overtaking her pushes Yaz further to the point where she can no longer hear the crowd. 

She doesn’t know who won, because as it’s announced all she can feel is the grass on her face and Jess falling on her back. The weight of the other human scrambles off of her so Yaz can roll her body to face the blindingly bright sky. Jess gives her a hand up, her chest heaving from how hard she’s breathing however before Yaz can ask who won her department are lifting her body off the ground. She ends up on Mr Pink’s shoulders and looks out at the school to see the science department looking far less enthusiastic. 

“Best thing I ever did was hire you Miss Khan!” 

The win means that PE department are the overall victors of the year's competition. After everyone else is gone and all the equipment is packed up they go to the pub, still in their sweaty work clothes but Danny calls it the stench of victory. Yaz gets swept away with it all, eating foods she would never even look at regularly, chatting to colleagues she barely gets the chance to on normal days and she even has a couple of alcoholic beverages which she hasn’t done since she was a rebelling teenager. The party goes on until it’s dark and thankfully, despite not knowing she would end up drinking, Yaz got Jess to drop her at the pub. It’s not a long walk home, only about half an hour and Yaz is entertained by her own thoughts with each step. She’s come so far this year, settled into her new job, got herself a new relationship, had ups and downs but got through them all. She got her own pet for god's sake, she’s always wanted a pet of her own (and at this point she doesn’t know if she’s referring to Gaz the hamster of Jess). 

Jess is sleeping when she gets back and Yaz gently touches her side to let her know she’s home and there isn’t a murderous intruder about to take a shower. It feels good to wash the day off her body but it feels even better to get back to her bedroom and see Jess wide awake and waiting for her. 

“Are you drunk?” Jess asks. 

“Tipsy. Got carried away with the social drinking but honestly think I’ll be fine.” Yaz says. She doesn’t feel too pissed considering she hasn’t drunk in a long time and the walk home in the summer nights air has made her feel good and refreshed. 

“Too busy slandering my department to notice.” Jess’ lips curl into a toothy smile.

“Fuck the science department.” Yaz sticks her middle finger up at her laying in bed. “I spit on the science department.” 

“I know you do.” Jess mumbles and suggestively kinks an eyebrow. Yaz automatically gives her a disappointed look. “Please just get in bed.”

“Give me a chance to put some clothes on.” Yaz grumbles, reaching under her pillow to fetch the items she needs to get herself decent. 

“It’s hot, you don’t need clothes.”

“Thank you.” Yaz says, pulling a big old tshirt over her head to cover her body anyway.

“I said  _ it’s _ hot, not  _ you’re _ hot.” Jess corrects her

“I am pretty hot though.” Yaz smirks, truly feeling herself with the burn still in her legs from her walk home and standing up all day.

“Yeah, can’t deny that.” Jess giggles and flipps the duvet over creating a space Yaz can wriggle into. “Did you have a good time?” She yawns. 

“I did.” Yaz shuffles up to get into Jess’ arms. Is this what it’s going to feel like now? Coming home to Jess and feeling safe with her? Falling asleep next to someone she loves and trusts?

“I let you win.” Jess grumbles. 

“No you didn’t.” 

“Hmm think I did, actually.”Jess sings. 

“You’re such a sore loser Jess.” Yaz wraps her arms around Jess’ middle just to squeeze her tight.

“Am I really a loser when you’re my prize in life overall?”

“Now that-” Yaz swiftly props her body up.“-that is the most disgustingly romantic thing you’ve ever said to me. It’s gross.” 

“I  _ am _ a romantic.” Jess grins proudly however after a couple of seconds of Yaz only giving her a timid and cautious smile back, she pauses. “You’re not used to being treated properly in a relationship, are you?” 

Not knowing how to answer that, Yaz lets her body fall back down onto the mattress. Jess doesn’t push for an answer, only lets Yaz move in for a cuddle instead. Maybe she’s right, maybe she never has had such a love in her life before. 

“I love you.” Yaz mumbles. 

“I love you too.” Jess starts to draw patterns on Yaz’s arm making Yaz really start to get sleepy. “Even if you are a PE teacher.”

The next day passes like a blur. Yaz lets the kids in her classes choose what they want to do, so she mainly plays dodgeball and rounders all day which is good enough for her. Luckily she’s not hung over at all, unlike the rest of the department who look a little worse for wear. At the end of the day Danny holds her back to give her a review of how her first year has gone but quite frankly he’s so hungover he tells Yaz she’s done a great job then sends her home. 

The final day of school. She’s done it. She’s made it a whole year in a new place of work and not killed anyone. Almost. But that doesn’t mean today won’t come without challenges and Yaz can tell her tutor group are being shady from the off. 

“Miss.” One of her year sevens, Jamie, says. 

“Yes?” Yaz raises her eyebrows suspiciously and turns towards him. There’s something strange about how the room has gone quiet, all the other students are staring at her, the way Jamie’s standing with his hands behind his back, Doctor Smith is at the back clearly doing nothing but pretending to do something. 

“We got something for you.” He brings his hands to his front holding a large white envelope with ‘Miss Khan’ written on the front. 

“For me?” Yaz takes it and examines it like it might explode or combust. “This isn’t a prank is it, I’m not going to open it and something’s going to jump at me?” 

“Open it.” He nods. 

Yaz carefully looks around the room trying to see if anyone has any tells or hints as to what’s happening. They all keep decent poker faces and the only difference now is that Doctor Smith is watching now, slowly creeping to the front of the room. She opens it and pulls out a card that has ‘thank you’ written in big bubble letters across the front surrounded by rainbow colours. Opening up the card Yaz sees a load of one sentence messages from every single member of her tutor group, thanking her for helping them, thanking her for helping with homework in the morning, Jamie thanking her for curing his homesickness, Doctor Smith thanking her for ever being placed in her lab. It touches Yaz’ heart. She’s never ever received a gift from her students before. 

“We mean it Miss. You’ve been the best this year.” One of her year tens says from the back. 

“Guys.” Yaz’s voice cracks and she can feel her eyes start to water. 

“Oh- don’t start crying now you sap.” Jess moans at her. The class laughs in relief that Doctor Smith is there to make it not awkward. 

“It’s been a weird year.” Yaz uses her thumb to wipe away the tears. Jess comes behind the teachers desk and fetches some tissues for her. “How did you plan this?” Yaz asks.

“Doctor Smith helped yesterday.”

“I leave you alone for one day!” Yaz sniffles. Jess places her arm over her shoulder and gently places her lips against her cheekbone. “Thanks guys. If it means anything you’re the best tutor group I’ve ever had so…” 

“We’re the only tutor group you’ve ever had.” 

“Still counts!” Yaz insists.

She barely teaches all morning- just one class very first thing in the morning. It’s a half day, so the first two periods are the same then halfway through period three the school and staff body pack into the sports hall for an extra long end of year assembly. Jess and Yaz go together and squish up side by side along with the rest of the staff to be able to see. Yaz shouldn’t complain, since the kids actually have to sit squashed together on the floor and there will sure be multiple cases of dead legs by the end.

Donna starts the assembly thanking everyone for a good school year. She lists off some of the high points, talks about the amount of achievement points given versus the amount of behaviour points given, trying to motivate these kids to be better next year. Yaz notices Ryan scurrying around behind everyone up front trying not to trip over wires while also trying to fix one of the projectors without drawing too much attention to himself. Yaz loves that man for many reasons- telling her about the job opening her for the most part. Then, when Ryan’s fixed the dodgy link to the projector there’s a montage of pictures from the school trips that happened a couple of weeks ago. All the other trips look just as good as the French one and although Yaz enjoyed going to France, she would like to go on some other ones too in the future, if the school will let her. 

After that Donna puts up a list of the teachers that are sadly leaving. She reads them out one by one but the teacher that’s mentioned last, a History teacher, gets the biggest clap and cheers with some of the students even standing up to applaud him. Jess whispers to Yaz why he’s so great. Yaz whispers back that Jess will probably get the same reaction if she ever leaves. The student band perform next, showing off the musical talent hidden in the school. Yaz recons she might end up with a headache after all this. Once they’ve settled back down again Mr Retsam gets up and does a raffle draw for the lucky student with one hundred percent attendance- drawing a name and making them weave through a sea of unimpressed students to get to the front and receive an online shopping voucher. Yaz’s legs start to get tired by this point and she resists the urge to rest herself against Jess in front of the whole school but it is tempting with their bodies already half mashing together. 

Donna announces the house that’s won the sports cup which Yaz claps enthusiastically for. The house cup winner gets revealed and that section of the hall lets out a deafening roar. It’s not the house Yaz’s tutor group belongs to but it still makes her smile at how into it and happy they are about it. Of course it’s all a ploy to get the school to behave, like telling young children you have to be good otherwise Santa won’t come, but Yaz still thinks it’s sweet. 

Finally,  _ finally _ it’s time for the staff end of year video. Yaz is amazed at the production quality. The first two minutes are set to Joan Jett’s Bad Reputation, which includes all of the bits Yaz remembers filming with Jess but also clips off departments together dressed in rock and roll costumes and wigs that look like they’ve been stuffed in a drawer in the drama department for years. Students find it hilarious seeing their teachers who are usually stuck up, stressed and formal acting stupid an reminding them that actually, they’re people who can have fun too. Even Omar looks like he’s letting his hair down, dancing on his desk with a poorly inflated bright pink guitar and clown sized glasses. It’s something Yaz has never seen a school do before and she’s loving it. The second half was obviously filmed during trip week with the staff in school dressed in more casual clothes and is set to a clean upbeat song that must be in the charts at the moment. It brings a smile to Yaz’s face and she’s prepared to applaud the filmmakers until Jess gently places her hand on top of hers to stop her. She looks back at the two massive projector screens to see a static screen switch back to footage with blooper music playing over it. Staff falling on their faces, Doctor Smith almost setting Yaz’s face on fire, jazz hands whacking into interactive whiteboard screens, swear words bleeped out with an angry picture of Donna’s face, Doctor Smith hugging Mi- Doctor Smith hugging Miss Khan. Yaz tenses as Jess starts to shuffle uncomfortably beside her as some students and several members of staff turn their eyes towards them. Yaz didn’t realise the camera was still running when they did that, she thought it had been cut off by then.

_ “I thought I’d properly hurt you.”  _

_ “Gonna take a bit more than that.”  _

_ “What, like this?” _

Seeing herself completely take Jess down with just a simple touch gives Yaz an incredible sense of pride since she’s never watched herself do it before. For the students, seeing one of their most favourite science teachers get thrown to the floor by a newbie teacher has them howling and clapping like it’s the funniest thing in the world. They’ve also kept in Yaz’s dramatic bow at the end and the video ends with Jess splayed out on the mats. 

“Well…” Donna steps back behind the podium. “If anyone wants to see Doctor Smith get thrown to the floor on repeat, it’ll be on the school website by tomorrow morning.” 

“God’s sake.” Yaz hears Jess mutter under her breath. She gives her a sympathetic pat on the shoulder. 

And just like that the assembly is over. That’s it. The school year is done for these kids and they’re stepping out of the artificially lit sports hall into the sun of a summer afternoon. There’s that familiar feeling that carries through every school on the last day of term and there isn’t really a correct word for it. Relief. Calmness but also excitement. Sadness at perhaps not seeing friends for a while. Happiness because their parents are allowing an end of school/start of summer takeaway of choice. 

Yaz leaves Jess’ side and wanders back to the PE office. The rest of the staff have gone to the bus lanes to wave off everyone there but Yaz already knows that her department, situated at the front of the school rather than the back, is on the main path out of the school. Yaz is the first member of staff to get there and consequently there’s a huddle of students waiting at the gate who thought cutting through would be quicker than just going through the front doors. 

“Go. Be free.” Yaz says as she punches in the code and pins it open for them all to get through. 

“Thanks Miss Khan.”

“Have a good summer Miss.”

“Thank you.”

“Bye Miss.”

“Thank you Miss.” 

“You’re welcome. Have a good time, be safe.” Yaz says in answer to all her thanks. 

She feels like a proper teacher. She knows she’s a teacher but she feels like a proper teacher  _ here _ , finally integrated and part of the team. It didn’t hit at the start of the week when they had their final staff meeting, she didn’t feel it when she got given her keys and her lanyard, she didn’t even really feel it when her tutor group gave her her card but now as she watches these groups of kids that will come back in a matter of weeks different and more grown up alongside a fresh batch of students, she feels it. 

All the PE staff cram into their little office to make sure all personal effects are gathered and there’s no food in there that can rot over the summer and infest their space. They eat lunch together, reflecting on the little shits from the past year who ‘forgot’ their kit a suspicious amount of times and the kids that actually show a bit of talent that they can help nature and encourage. Yaz offers to help with the stock take of the sheds when she’s done with her lunch but Danny corrects her in telling her that they do it over Christmas instead and therefore they’re the one department that actually gets to leave early for the summer. 

Despite having a free pass to go home, Yaz heads for L13.

“Hello.” Yaz says, spotting Jess kneeling down in front of a cabinet counting textbooks. 

Jess turns, looking surprised to see her, thinking she was alone with her music playing out of the speakers. “I thought you’d be gone by now.”

“And leave you here alone?”

“You want to help me?” Jess smiles at the idea of company.

“Go on then.” 

Yaz agrees and Jess hands her the list of things that need to be counted inside the lab. Menial things, like 30cm rulers, meter rulers, lab coats, heat tiles, tongs, beakers, test tubes, test tube holders, bunsen burner, safer goggles, the lot. She hadn’t realised before how much goes into science lessons and now it gives her a better understanding of why Jess is so busy half the time. She’s still busy now, doing the exact same thing as Yaz all while singing, humming, counting out loud to purposefully put Yaz off of her task and just in general talking to each other. When they’re done counting, checking every tray and cupboard they can pry open (Jess tries to convince her all the colouring pencils need to be counted too, and Yaz almost falls for it), they help each other flip tables over to start scraping off gum. Jess says it’s unfair for the cleaners to do the task when she’s the one that’s meant to stop the students chewing gum in the first place. Yaz doesn’t mind. She’s quite enjoying spending time with her like this. Once they have a collection of gum that gives the bin a healthy weight the last thing to do is tidy up the mess Jess has made of the teachers desk. Jess chooses to sit cross legged on the floor to sort all the loose pieces of paper by date while Yaz gets rid of the crumbs and makes a mini rubber band ball and a little chain of paper clips. The final thing to do is to shut the windows and blinds while Jess sticks the classroom stockist to the side of the tray cabinet.

As Yaz closes the final window and is ready to start closing the blinds Jess turns off the music and Yaz realises how quiet the school is. All she can hear is the tick of the clock and the silence of the corridors. Although she can hear the clock she doesn’t look at it- she hasn’t looked at it all afternoon but she knows they’re entering the evening by the way the sun is golden and making the lab look like it’s on fire. Yaz turns to joke with Jess about the countless times she’s almost set fire to herself this year but her breath gets caught in her lungs when she sees her. She’s doing the simplest of tasks, taping a couple of pieces of paper to the side of a cabinet with the tip of her tongue poking out of her lips and her frown line fairly deep from her concentrating so hard, trying to get the paper straight, but the sun highlights her. It makes her skin glow and her features smooth like she’s made of the most delicate fabric in the universe. She’s stunning. She’s perfect. Yaz loves her and she fell right into her lap once they got over a few hurdles. Jess catches her staring and gives her a smile that says ‘nearly finished’, swiftly turning back to her own task. Yaz grabs hold of the string to pull the blinds, closing up shop until September.

Yaz smiles to herself. They may be nearly finished with an academic year, pulling the blinds down on everything that’s happened and ready to start anew, but she’s going home with Doctor Smith and their own journey has only just begun. 


	20. Two Years and Five Months Later

It’s probably going to snow tonight. Yaz can feel it in the air as she opens the back door to check on a pan of burnt chicken Jess made earlier in the evening. It’s stopped smoking now at least so she brings it inside and rests it in the sink. She pads through the quiet of the living room listening to the rustle of Gizmo burrowing in her cage. Her name isn’t actually Gizmo, Yaz just nicknamed her that. Her real name is Ada, after Ada Lovelace, because she’s technically Jess’ pet and thank whoever’s in the big house upstairs that Jess settled on that and not Beta like she first wanted, since she came after Gaz. Yaz can’t just walk past Gizmo and takes a detour to quickly give her a little stroke before going up to bed.

“Yaz I need to tell you something.” Jess says, just loud enough for Yaz to hear over the ruffle of Yaz getting into bed and Jess unclipping her braces.

“What’s up?” Yaz sits up. The fact that Jess is fiddling with how she’s getting undressed hints at this being a big issue. 

“I’ve been offered the position of head of department.”

“Jess that’s great news!” 

“At a different school.” Jess says. She continues to get changed without looking at Yaz. 

“Okay. That’s still great news.” Yaz says, pushing aside that the idea of not having Jess within a two minute walk every day makes her feel funny inside. Jess slides into bed with a heavy sigh, flopping her body around too. “Why do you look so worried about it?”

“I don’t know if I want it but it pays more. I don’t know… I just don’t know what to do.” Jess crosses her arms across her chest like she’s angry with herself. So, to ease her up Yaz shuffles closer to her and rests her hand on her arms, drawing soothing patterns with her fingertips that bring out landscapes of goosebumps. 

“When was it offered to you?” Yaz asks, trying to bring some rationality.

“Today.”

“You don’t have to make your mind up on the same day Jess, you can have time to think about it.” Yaz smiles realising that this isn’t as big of a problem as Jess is making it out to be- even if Jess is still huffing and puffing as she lays there. “I’m glad you told me.” She kisses her cheek.

“Would you be mad if I left?” Jess asks, face crinkled and concerned. Tired.

“I’d miss going to work with you but I’ll support whatever you choose.” Yaz puts on a brave face. She’s trying her best to not let her initial anxiety riddled thoughts rise to the surface; the thought of going every day at work without Jess who has been there with her since the start. It would be like starting all over again but Yaz can’t use her as a crutch forever. It’s unfair. 

“What do you think I should choose?”

“I don’t know the detail-”

Jess takes out a folded sheet of paper out from her bedside table and hands it to her. Yaz takes it, opens it and begins to read. She thought Jess was just invited to an interview but no, this letter seems to be offering her the job straight up. A significant pay rise- and it is  _ very  _ significant, making Yaz wonder if this is some kind of private school-, a lab of her own like she has now but with some extra equipment that Yaz has never heard of before but sounds fancy, she won’t be asked to go on any school trips, she’ll have access to the topics on the curriculum each term and she’ll get full reign over the lab technicians. Financially, Jess would be an idiot not to take the job, and she’ll have a lot of freedom but she’s already got most of that after twelve and a bit years where she is now. 

“Honest truth?” Yaz asks her.

“Please.” Jess says with full focus on her answer. 

“I think you’d be an idiot not to go for it.” Yaz hands back the paper. 

Jess sighs and tucks the paper away, out of sight out of mind. 

“I’ll think about it.” Jess says. Yaz cuddles further into her to try and make her feel better and less conflicted. 

“I’ll stick by you whatever you decide.” Yaz yawns. 

“Yaz this school is a fair 45 minute drive away, I’m gonna be leaving earlier and coming back later.” 

“And? If you really want to do it I don’t mind.” Yaz repeats that Jess has her support behind her. 

“But I mind. I want to see you at least once in a day.”

Jess pulls her hand out from under the covers to stroke Yaz’s face like it’s a delicate feather she wants to rest her head on. 

“You can make up for it on the weekends.”

Yaz repositions herself to kiss Jess like it’s a long drag of a cigarette brand she just can’t quit. The little noise Jess makes from her throat makes her warm without the need for heating and her strong arms holding her make Yaz want to keep going until she gets to the point where she knows she’ll have to stop before it becomes too much. 

“I’m lucky to have you.” Jess mutters. 

“Yeah, you are.” 

“Yaz...”

“Hm?”

“Don’t stop kissin’ me.” She pulls on her waist to keep her close. 

“What do you think I’m doing?” Yaz smiles but swiftly notes that although Jess is making it clear that she wants her, something else is playing on her mind. “What were you really going to say?” 

Jess chews her lip, preparing herself to lie. 

“I’m sorry I burnt your frying pan.” She says. 

Yaz rolls her eyes at such a terrible liar she is. “Goodnight Jess.” 

“Hoodie off, blazer on! Alec- now, don’t walk past me.” Yaz calls out to the boy who’s made no effort to hide that he’s breaking the uniform rules this morning.

Wave upon wave of students come through the gates with staff scattered within them. The last day at school before Christmas means Jess and Yaz’s morning duty is harder since no one can really take them seriously with elf hats on. They stand fairly close together rather than each side of the gate, dissipating the idea that their feud later on today will be real but Jess’ coat is thinner than hers despite the scarf hanging around her neck she looks cold. Plus, the cold is always a fair excuse for them to be more than two meters apart at work not to bring attention to themselves as a couple. 

“Morning ladies. Feisty as ever.” 

“Morning Mr Harkness.” Doctor Smith nods at him as the new teacher winks. “I like him.” 

“Very dramatic for an IT teacher.” Yaz chuckles. 

“Yes but- is that nail varnish I see Ally?” She interrupts herself to catch a student who swiftly shoves her hand into her blazer pockets. “Last day of school and they’re already acting like they’re on holiday.” Doctor Smith tuts. 

They stay in the chilly morning air picking up uniform corrections, joking with students about almost falling over on the ice and reminding them it’s time to put their phones away until the bell rings.

“You’ve got thirty seconds to get through these gates ladies and gents or I write you up for being late, pick up your feet please! Let’s end the year on a high note shall we?” Yaz shouts at the big group of students that turn around the corner that have clearly waited for the bell to ring before making their way onto the grounds.

“I’ll see you later.” Doctor Smith smiles at her then disappears into the school. 

Yaz counts down from twenty five out loud, starting to close the gate slowly behind her when she gets to ten and slams it shut when she hits zero. She spends about four minutes taking down the names of the last three students that didn’t make it in time and another one wrestling a pack of cigarettes off of a year eleven who made a terrible job of hiding them. By the time she gets to L13 her tutor group is the only group of students left out in the cold.

“Sorry guys. Did Doctor Smith not let you in?” Yaz apologies, scrambling to get the key off of her weighted lanyard and slot it in the keyhole. 

“She’s not here yet.” Jamie says, his voice wavering having only just broken last week. 

“Hm. Must be held up with something.” Yaz mutters as she turns the key. It’s the only reason she can think for her absence since she should have made it here well on time. 

“Planning to sabotage you.”

Yaz snorts and pushes the door open. “She’s dead if she does and she knows it. Come on, in you lot.” 

The day flies by with Yaz teaching for the first two periods and finishing up paperwork for the next two. She was wrong about the weather last night but the snow starts to fall just before lunch. Lunchtime she’s on duty in the canteen controlling the queue, making sure everyone picks up their litter, preventing over excited silliness because of the weather and making fun of Bill and Rose having to wear antlers and red noses. 

After lunch Yaz registers her tutor group again then escorts them to the sports hall. Whether it be an increased intake of students this year or more staff getting packed in it feels like much more of a pinch for space. The usual procession of stuff happens, Mr Retsam talking about the behaviour this year, which house is in the lead with points, then Yaz prepares herself for whatever disgusting thing she’s going to be putting in her mouth this year. 

“Ooooo we all know what time it is now, what’s going to happen this year ladies and germs?” Mr Retsam makes an attempt to hype up the crowd of squished teenagers but there’s no need. Over time Yaz and Jess going against each other has become the focal point of this assembly. “Well it’s the same two teachers as it has been the last few times so please welcome Doctor Smith and Miss Khan to the front!” 

Yaz watches Doctor Smith step up on one side when Yaz does on the other, each of them making exaggerated attempts to get the crowd to cheer for them as loud as they can. Doctor Smith even does a little dance move which gets a few laughs and Yaz stops herself from smiling at it to keep up fake appearances. There’s no reason other than dramatics to be doing it, the whole school knows they’re a couple and there’s no need for them to act hostile. 

“Miss Khan.” Omar drapes his arm on her shoulder. He seems to be enjoying this more than usual today. “What’s the worst thing you think could be under that dish?”

“Bugs.” Yaz says. Every year she’s terrified that this event is going to turn into a bush tucker trial from I’m A Celeb, and every year without them Yaz is convinced the next will be it. As Omar moves to do the same to Doctor Smith, Yaz realises this might actually be the last time they get to do this if Jess takes the other job. It makes her a bit sad but she doesn’t let it show on her face. 

“Right- when I say go, lift up the dishes and eat. The same rules apply, spit out or throw up and you’re disqualified. First one to clear their plate wins. Ready?”

“More than ever.” Doctor Smith grins. Yaz is suspicious of it since she only ever smiles like that when she knows she has the upper hand. 

Omar gets the school to count down to five but in the end it’s his shout of ‘go’ that sets Yaz’s reflexes off. She lifts the silver dish up to find… nothing. There’s nothing there, nothing edible. Just a piece of paper. A piece of paper with words. Yaz squints, tuning out the ‘ooo’s of the audience to be able to read the short sentences. 

_ “I love you. Let me be your wife.” _

Yaz jumps back just in time to see Jess swiping a small box off of her own plate. In some ways the hall shrinks on her- closing in closer and closer and closer to the point where it’s just her and Jess. She understands the words she’s read but it’s not properly hitting her. The room spins as Jess opens the box up with shaking fingers to reveal a ring. An engagement ring.  _ Oh my god it’s an engagement ring. _

“Yasmin Khan.” Jess drops to her knee.

“Is this a joke?” Yaz laughs. In the distance she hears some of the staff laughing too. 

Jess takes her hand. “Yaz-” 

“You’re pranking me.” Yaz refuses to believe this is happening. 

“I’m not pranking y- would you let me finish what I’m saying for god sake woman!” Jess laughs but Yaz knows it’s out of nerves. Yaz squeezes her hand to prove to herself that she’s real and she’s not collapsed into a dream on stage. “I can stop if you like.” Jess whispers. 

“No, keep going.” Yaz says. There’s no way she’s going to let her stop now and neither is the school with the way they’re laughing behind her. She should never have expected a proposal from Jess to be normal. 

“Yaz Khan, will you marry me?” Jess asks with wide, begging eyes.

The school goes quiet. Yaz drags her eyes away from Jess who is waiting patiently for an answer just to check everyone else is still there. She makes eye contact with some older kids who were in school when her and Jess started and they mouth ‘say yes’ at her, she looks up and sees Bill and Ryan standing against the back wall sticking up with thumbs, and just a few meters to the right of them stands John looking as proud as anything of his sister and nods and smiles at Yaz. Jon the caretaker stands in the corner at the front by the door with a similar smile and standing at the front Donna checks her watch, reminding Yaz that she’s going too long without saying anything.

“Well?” Jess sighs hopefully, just loud enough for Yaz to hear.

“Of course I will. Yeah- yes.” 

Yaz answers. Jess’ face lights up and the entire school erupts with clapping and cheering louder than she’s ever heard before. She’s so taken away with everything she barely notices Jess placing the ring on her finger and getting up from the floor to hug her. Yaz squeezes her body back with a terrific amount of force. She can feel Jess’ heart in her own chest and she reckons her face could never tire of smiling this much despite how much she is equally blushing. It’s the perfect mix of romance and ridiculousness and Yaz doesn’t want anything less.

“I want to kiss you.” Jess mumbles. 

Yaz takes her face in her hands. “You can, you idiot.” 

Although she gives her permission Jess keeps their lip to lip contact minimal and restricted. 

“Proper one later, I didn’t think this through.” Jess whispers, going to hug her again but not neglecting to pick up the slip of paper from Yaz’s table for a keepsake. 

“Congratulations Doctor Smith and Miss Khan! Speaking of romance, we now have the staff choir singing…” 

Donna introduces the staff choir but Yaz doesn’t think about it. She just makes her way with Jess to stand along the wall and gets a few congratulatory pats on her shoulder while Jess shakes the hand of the head of her department. Their hands stay entwined together, unable to properly look at each other or say what they want to say thanks to all the eyes that keep looking over at them. As everyone starts to get dismissed Jess quickly nuzzles her face behind Yaz’s ear sending shivers down her spine not from the cold of the open doors but from how she whispers ‘I love you’. Yaz says it back, not bothering with secrecy.

She thinks Jess might keep her back in the empty sports hall but no, they both head out to the bus lanes with the rest of the staff. The second they get there with everyone else the two of them are swarmed with staff, snow and students alike. Some young materialistic girls come over just to check out Yaz’s ring and along with them Yaz inspects the design for the first time. Just looking at it she knows Jess knows her so well because it’s simple- a silver band with her birthstone dotted around it. The girls she’s talking to don’t look too impressed with Doctor Smith’s choice but quite frankly Yaz couldn’t give two shits. More students pass them passing on their well wishes and wishing them a happy Christmas break as they head to their bus. When the bell rings Yaz is itching just to get Jess alone and properly talk to her but they’re visited by the warm hugs of Ryan, Bill, Donna, John and Rose. 

“Welcome to the family.” John winks. 

“God, don’t say that, that makes it feel so strange.” Yaz chuckles giving Jess a look. 

She’s still got to tell her own family yet- her parents and her sister. How are they going to ask? Did Jess tell them? Were they watching live on the school website? Did it get _ broadcast  _ on the _ school website? _

“Mum would’ve loved you.” Jess smiles. Yaz comfortingly leans into Jess’ side with her newly ringed hand resting on her back. 

“Right, come on team, let’s leave them alone.” Donna says, pushing her staff away. She’s always had a good sense as to when her and Jess need time to themselves. 

“How long did that take you to plan?” Yaz asks when there are no more people around. No staff. Perhaps a scattering of students and just the patter of the snow settling on the ground to accompany them. 

“About a month give or take.” Jess smirks at how well she’s pulled off her achievement. “You’re not mad about how I asked?” She checks, a little too late.

“I thought it was very apt.” Yaz grins back. 

“I um…” Jess comes over all somber, taking both of Yaz’s hands, sharing heat and love. “I obviously wanted to say how much you mean to me- physically, emotionally, everything. How you make me a better person every day and I want to be there for you just as much for the rest of our lives, but I didn’t think you wanted that in front of the kids. Plus, you don’t like it when I list things about you.”

Filled with love by her words Yaz gets distracted by how Jess’ pinking nose brings out the green in her eyes. They should go inside and get home before they freeze but Yaz is comfortable enough just standing there… and she has one small request left. 

“Can you kiss me properly now?” Yaz asks. 

Jess twists on her own heels and grins like she can’t believe her luck so Yaz takes the initiative and brings them together. So soft. So malleable under her touch. Everything Yaz could ever ask for and she has it. She has her for life. They rest their noses together, lost in each other's touch. 

“I think I’m going to take a trial teaching day at that school. See how it goes.” Jess announces to her. 

“Oh so this is why you proposed.” Yaz smiles as a snowflake lands on one of Jess’ eyelashes. “You wanted to make sure I stay faithful while you're gallivanting around some-”

“Oh, shut up I planned this before I even got the offer.” Jess shuts her down. “Come on Miss Khan. I wanna go home with you.” 

“Mn- wait.” Yaz tugs her back before she can walk away. “Don’t you want to know why I said yes?” 

Jess plays with Yaz’s fingers while this time Yaz waits for an answer. A simple yes or no will do. However when Jess looks up with a twinkle in her eyes and her lips slowly curling up with contentment Yaz already knows she’s not going to get a yes or no answer. Just like how they always make everything more elaborate. 

“We have years for you to tell me.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> twitter- helenasmells  
> tumblr- kiras-monkey-bum-face
> 
> thanks for coming along for another mediocre ride into the shit that comes out of my brain with a predictable ending, I enjoyed it but at the same time BOY did traumatic memories from school come to the surface


End file.
